Chapter 1: Anger

Edward's P.O.V.

"You did what!"

Bella was angry, no Bella was murderous. Her beautiful brown eyes were crystal clear, and the flame of her anger acted like a light through a prism. I could see each colour and reason for her anger. All were perfectly reasonable, and anyone else—myself included—would be angry if it had been myself in her place.

"Bella, please listen to me—" Sympathy for her anger wasn't enough to stop the throbbing pain that accompanied her anger. She would always deserve better then me, and if I could not give her better, then I should at least be able to give her happiness.

"No! You listen to me! What the hell were you thinking?"

"Please Bella," I tried to sooth, my eyes anxiously watching the moisture building furiously in her eyes."If I had any idea this would happen I would never have sent him the invitation. I just thought that if I were in his shoes and him in mine, I would have wanted to know—to have had the choice."

"Edward," she whispered, the fury in her eyes was just slightly less terrifying then before. "Jacob is sixteen. He is a sixteen year old boy who doesn't understand self sacrifice! He hasn't been around for 107 years to understand what you do! You don't understand." She enunciated the last sentence, trying to make me see her side as I was trying to make mine clear.

My own anger sparked, "What do you mean 'I don't understand'? I can see inside his head Bella, I can see every thought that passes through his mind! I do understand." I was yelling now, and Bella had tears or fury streaming down her face.

"Jacob is gone. He's gone Edward! He ran away, we don't even know if he'll come back. So obviously you don't understand because if you did Jacob would still be here. Charlie kicked me out because of this."

Charlie kicked her out? I struggled with my guilt at this new information and in my battle to think through a hundred things at once to fix all the things I had broken, an empty frustration boiled through my lips directed unfairly at the only innocent one here.

"You know what Bella? Your right, he's a 16 year old boy, so why would you delude him into thinking he had a future with you?" I hissed at her.

The moment the words left my mouth, I regretted them.

'Edward, what the hell are you doing?' Emmett's thoughts bombarded me.

'How could you say that to her?' Alice screamed in her head, the words bouncing around in mine.

The wet angry tears that had been evaporating into the air from the heat on her cheeks turned into a single choked sob. I watched the muscled tensing in her jaw as she clenched her teeth against the sound. She turned and left.

I scrambled frantically to pick up the words now that they had shattered the air between us. Between Bella and I was supposed to be a place where no one judged or ridiculed or intentionally hurt the other. I had violated all of those with just one improperly thought out sentence.

"Bella? I'm sorry, that wasn't fair. I had no right to say what I did." She wasn't stopping, she continued out my door and started to disappear into the hall. I followed her, still pleading. "Please Bella, where are you going?"

"I don't know, I'll get a hotel room, or sleep in my truck or something." She didn't even look back at me as she continued, and her threat was not empty. She would leave; she would sleep in her truck until she was ready to come back if that was the only place she had to go while she figured everything out.

"Bella, this is ridiculous! Come back, you can stay with us." She was half way down the stairs, shaking her head.

"Bella, please! I really didn't mean it. You can stay in my bedroom. You don't have to talk to me, or even look at me unless you want to. I'll go hunting and you can speak to anyone with out my intrusions."

She was only ten 20 feet away from the door. Once she left she was gone until she decided to come back or I dragged her back. She couldn't live like that. I couldn't live like that.

The pain mixed with the guilt, and the left over anger was blurring my thoughts. I would stop her by force if I needed to.

I grabbed her wrist, frustrated with her stubbornness, angry for my mistake—for not listening to her—absolutely enraged that nothing when right with us, just when things would start to look up, to be normal and good something always had to turn and shake us so we were scrambling to regain our small fragile balance.

"Dammit Bella, come—"there was a sickening snap.

She instantly stopped struggling against my hold.

In the time it took my quick mind to decipher the sound—matching it to what I had heard hundreds and thousands of times at my hands—and match it to the petite brunette in front of my who was still in shock and confused as to what had changed so quickly, I dropped my hand from her fair, delicate skin.

In the next moment, the pain finally registered. She crumpled to the floor, cradling her arm in her lap. Tears of too many kinds of pain trickled down her cheeks, infusing in the air.

It was completely silent except for her heart beat, her broken breathing, and the sound of her silent tears falling to the soft white carpet.

Alice was suddenly bending over her mangled arm.

"Carlisle!" she screamed, panicking.

Emmett, Carlisle, and Esme were running into the room. I stood completely motionless, not having moved, spoke, or even breath since I let go of her.

The thoughts in my head weren't making any sense; everyone's mixing together in a panicked frenzy.

'Bella. Edward. Arm. Happened. Shattered.'

"Edward!" I finally found my self, Emmett was shaking me, "I said, what happed?"

"I- I grabbed her arm…" I whispered.

"Edward, maybe you should go out side and calm down a bit." Carlisle said gently, his face held none of the panic though I could hear it in the tenor of this thoughts. Bella wasn't just another human patient, she was almost like another daughter to him.

Esme had carried Bella to the guest room, she murmured quiet soothing things to Bella as she continued to watch the mayhem around her in slow, but clearing eyes. Alice was running around gathering the necessary supplies to help Bella. I caught one of the thoughts that she threw my way.

She'll be okay Edward, just calm down outside. I'll get you when her arm had been braced.

Bella… my Bella I hurt her.

The night in my room with Bella flashed across my mind

'Bella I could kill you'

'I don't think you could'

The truth of what I did was coming onto me in a sick strange slow way that saturated every dead cell of my body until it felt like I was rotting. The horrifying reality of it all was killing me where the Spanish flu, vampires, and werewolves couldn't do the job.

'Obviously not that your not physically able to hurt me, if you wanted to…More that, you don't want to hurt me…so much so that I don't think that you ever could.'

What have I done to her? What if Carlisle couldn't fix her arm? What if she could never use her arm again?

I left.

I ran into the forest, pushing my self. Wanting to feel exertion, wanting to feel my muscles ache, wanted to feel my lungs burn. But none of those things ever came. I finally just collapsed, folding in on my self, sobbing tearless sobs, and screaming to a God who had already dammed me.

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When I finally came back I headed straight for my room, not being able to face Bella, or any of my family. Alice hadn't fetched me yet, and I took that to mean Bella didn't want to see me.

I closed the door, leaning on it. I closed my eyes and hoped that the horrible pain that had woven itself into the very fibber of my being would cease, yet knowing if I was given the chance would decline the offer. I hoped that this agony was painlessly taken from Bella and placed onto me. I hoped to the highest beings that Bella didn't hurt.

I deserved this ache. This anguish and so much more. What I didn't deserve was Bella. Is that what fate was trying to tell me? That I shouldn't have the radiant brown eyed angel? That she was perfection that I was never meant to taint?

I sighed, opening my eyes and stepped away from the door. I changed out of my old clothes that were covered in dirt, pulling on some clean jeans and a cream shirt.

I didn't own any dark clothing. One of Carlisle's rules. They made our skin look even paler then what it already was. The only dark clothing I owned was a couple of tuxes. I ran my hand over the tux that I had worn when taking Bella to prom last year.

Her leg had been broken then. And that too was my fault. But this seemed so much worse. Maybe because I had hurt her, with the same two hands that caressed her blushing skin, that touched her hair, and traced her smile. The same two hands that held her when I kissed her perfectly, warm and fragile lips. The same two hands that tucked her in at night.

I turned heading for the bed that I had watched Bella sleep in.

And then the moon light glinted off something that caught my attention. It wasn't dark in my room, not to my eyes. I looked quickly to see what it was. The sight knocked the air out of my chest. It intensified the pain that had surely laced itself with my DNA by now, and made me fall to my knees.

There, on the centre of the golden comforter held my mother's ring—Bella's ring.

Of course I had been expecting this, I deserved no less, but to actually see it there hurt almost as much as all the times I had seen Jacob touch her in ways I never could.

Though that pain was absolutely unbearable, at least then there had still been the knowledge, a small sliver of hope that she still loved me. That wasn't absolute anymore. Maybe this had been the last straw to break the camels back. Everything my world had put her through was too much for any human, but this, this attack from a place where she should be safe was too much for even Bella.

Slowly I went over to the ring, and put it back in its box. Hiding it from view, I couldn't stand to see it any longer. Not unless it was on her finger.