Title: Disarmed

Genre: Humour

Paring/s: -

Author's Notes: There is so little of the Devil's Nest crew on this site! Shame on you, fufu. I've always had a little soft spot for Dorchet and I'd like to write about him more. Expect characters to be oc and expect it to end quickly was a tad lazy near the end

No owns FMA

A tabby cat streaked out of the way, it's tail narrowly missing a sever squashing as the boot descended down to earth. It's fur stood on end, and it hissed huffily at the sparring pair. "Wait a minute! Stop!" the man cried out indignantly, startled by the feline, didn't look behind himself, and fell over a low brick wall with a 'woof!'

Martel whooped in delight, and jumped over the wall, landing ontop of Dorchet, knife extended. The chimera flicked his hips up, slightly dislodging the girl hands, and pushed up with all four limbs. Martel flew off, looking shocked. She managed to stop her self using the palms of her hands, and span on the dirt, coughing.

"I said, hold it!" Dorchet repeated him self, fingers fumbling for his katana on the ground.

Martel squatted down, looking at him curiously. "What? An enemy won't stop for you, Dorchet."

"I know that!" he snapped, annoyed she thought him stupid. "They also don't have freakishly long limbs."

"You have a sword," she reasoned.

"Yeah well, it's still not-" Dorchet grumbled, stopping short with a frown.

"Oh, stop looking like your master just kicked you in the tail," Martel grinned, making him frown even more. "Tell you what," the chimera got to her feet, patting down her jeans. "I stop with my 'freakishly long limbs' trick, and you drop the sword."

"What? Then how am I supposed to fight?" Dorchet barked, staring up at Martel. She shrugged. He smirked. "You are one tricky little cow."

Dorchet shot up, brandishing the lethal blade. Martel stopped it with a casual flick of her knife. Dorchet pressed down, and Martel was made to jump out of the way or the blade would have cut her arm wide open.

The dog chimera moved in closer, stopping her from using her longer limbs. This didn't seem to faze Martel. She extended her arm, any normal human would have dislocated every bone in their bone at this point, and twisted her arms around Dorchet's small body. He growled, his hands pinned in a praying action in front of his chest, katana clasped tightly between his palms.

"What 'cha gonna do now?" Martel asked, enjoying his noises of annoyance.

Dorchet pulled his fits down, then up, letting go of his sword. It flew over his head. Martel followed it curiously with her intense eyes. With her distracted, he put all his weight to his right side, and they both fell over. Instinctively, Martel withdrew her hands to try to dampen the fall.

Expecting the fall, Dorchet was ready, and rolled quickly away when he hit the ground, reaching for his sword. He got up out of a half combat roll, and thrust the sword at Martel's throat.

"Hm. That wasn't very nice," the snake girl huffed, looking up at him from the ground.

"All's fair," Dorchet justified himself. Martel furled herself up, and took a swipe at him. Dorchet brought his sword up to block it. Again, she took quick, snake like jabs at him, each time getting deflected. "Geez, Martel," Dorchet panted, playing offensive took the energy right out of him. "Never knew you were such a sore loser."

"I'm a sore loser?" she cried in outrage, her attacks getting clumsy in her anger. Dorchet flicked his blade to the soft edge, and prized Martel's shorter blade out of her fingers. It landed point down in the ground.

Instead of giving up gracfully, Martel extended her arms, wrapping her fingers tightly around her comrade's neck, pressing into the main windpipe ever so gently.

"Bad call," he gasped, wriggling his head left and right.

"Always play your last card, even if it's not on the table."

So Dorchet did the only thing he could do. He bit Martel's arm. She yelped, and instantly let him go. "That was low," she grumbled, rubbing the sore spot on her arm.

"Of course it was low, I'm a dog."

"Hmpf," Martel put her nose up. "If you think you're so great, why don't you try fighting- Greed!" the sudden change in her voice volume made Dorchet jump about a foot, as being so close to her and having highly sensitive ears magnified the sounds about ten times.

The homunculus was sitting cross legged on one of the many piles of broken bricks. He'd probably come out to see what all the shouting had been about. Dorchet was surprised he had sense someone watching them earlier, being fused with an animal had all sorts of advantages.

Martel waved at Greed in a 'come here' gesture. An alarm bell went off in Dorchet's head. "Eh, what? I can't fight Greed, he'd kill me!"

"What? Don't be silly!" Martel laughed. "You two used to spar all the time when you were a pu-"

"It wasn't that long ago!" Dorchet angrily cut across before she could use yet another dog joke. "Tell her, Greed."

"It has been a while since we sparred together," Greed said cheerfully, completely ignoring Dorchet's whines of frustration that quickly turned to outrage.

"Ugh, your not even listening," Dorchet gave up.

"I won't hurt you if that's what you're worried about."

"I'm not worried about that-"

"Come on, Dorchet! You can even stab 'em in the heart and he'll stay alive. You don't get to do that with me," Martel wheedled, putting a compassionate hand on his shoulder. Dorchet slumped even further. "Woo!" Martel punched the air gleefully. Now Dorchet would get his just desserts, and she didn't have to do anything.

"Just.. watch the sword," Dorchet nodded at the blade. Greed rolled his eyes, sending a 'yeah yeah' message. His hands glowed briefly, and his radius down was covered in the thick scale like material that ended in rather nasty looking claws. Dorchet couldn't help but take a small step backwards, definitely having seconds thoughts.

Dorchet didn't even see Greed move. Moments before he was three feet away, now one clawed hand was rushing up, impossibly close. Dorchet hurriedly jerked his head backwards, feeling air 'whoosh' passed his unprotected nose. He slashed down, coming to meet his thick scales. His sword grated over his skin like he was trying to cut metal. Sparks flew everywhere.

He whined unconsciously, dog instinct acting up against the bright lights.

The claws came back round, and he managed to parry, his whole arm shaking like he'd hit a brick wall. Christ, he didn't remember Greed being this solid before. Greed stepped back, then struck again. Dorchet hadn't made a single attempt of an attack, though he doubted he'd be lucky to even land a hit on the homunculus. He was insanely fast.

Then a huge weight lifted from his hands. Eyes widening, Dorchet saw half his katana go flying away. "Ack!" Dorchet crashed head long into Greed, his balance completely off with the abrupt change in mass. His sword was made of very heavy metal; so he was constantly leaning forward to support his own body and reduce strain. Now with all the weight practically gone, nothing was supporting him.

Greed fell back, all his body mass had been shifted so he could attack the blade which was higher than himself, so he had to lean back and with the combined weight of Dorchet, he didn't have time to change everything back.

So both men slammed into the ground with surprising force.

Both Dorchet's hands had come up to try to stop the fall, a natural human reaction, and had accidentally stabbed Greed through the arm with what was left of his blade. Greed himself had used his hands to stop him falling flat on his back; this resulted in both men cracking their heads together as Greed staid upright, and Dorchet was still going down.

"Ouch!" Dorchet yelped, quickly rolling off Greed to keep at least some of his dignity intact. Most of it had pretty much been shredded at this point. He tugged the hilt out of Greed's arm, which came out with a sickly squelch and a whole lot of blood spray.

His head was throbbing painfully. His sword was broken. He was pissed.

And Martel was hooting with laughter.

"You idiot!" By this point, Dorchet had found his feet and was looking like someone had trodden on his tail. He threw the hilt at Greed's head. Taken completely off guard Greed didn't have time to put up a shield, and it bounced off his forehead with a satisfying clunck.

"Gah! Ugh- ow, excuse me?!"

But Dorchet had already stormed off, smoke literally steaming out of his ears. Martel just shrugged when Greed gave her a questioning look.

Greed flopped down, exhausted and it wasn't even passed noon. "Oh, hey Loa, didn't see you there."

"Sure you didn't," the huge man chuckled. He was using the steeling irons, which was probably one of the most loudest things ever invented. Each time he slammed the jackhammer down, the entire room rang with it's vibrations. "Dorchet just came by. He looked pretty pissed about something."

"Oh, un- yeah?" Greed murmured, obviously troubled by his subordinates odd behaviour.

"So you do know something about it," Loa guessed. "I was going to leave it, but the Nest gets pretty intense if people are squabbling over something. Did you do something, Greed?"

"Of course I didn't," Greed's relaxed posture, arms over the back of the couch and head tilted so far back his neck was exposed, became rather unrelaxed. "… or at least I broke his sword clean in half. But so what?"

"You of all people should get this, Greed," Loa stopped in his work, squinting across the room to look at him.

"Get what?"

"Do you know what a sword is to a warrior?"

"A weapon?" Greed took a stab, pulling his head up to find Loa sighing.

"Apart from that. A sword is specially made for each person," carefully, Loa picked up the armour he'd been slamming away at, and peered closely to see if he'd missed any dents. "So it becomes another part of their body, like a third arm or leg. The person can't survive without it I guess, or they'd become defenceless."

"So… you're saying what?" Greed asked, sounding as clueless as ever. Loa grunted in annoyance, deciding for a more blunter approach.

"Greed, think of it like this. You just destroyed the only thing Dorchet owns around here. How do you think he feels? It likes if someone broke something of yours," Greed seemed to see the light at this.

Greed stood up, and jerked the jackhammer out of Loa's grip. "What are you doing?"

"What does it look like?" Greed demanded, throwing down the hilt he'd kept in his pocket, and headed for the door. "Cripes, if it'll stop the stupid mutt from moping, I'll do it all ready."

Dorchet took a long drag on the pipe clenched between his teeth, and exhaled, sending out cloud of white. His hand unconsciously went to grope for his sword hilt, he'd never noticed how routine it'd gotten, when he found his chest still bear of anything sword like, he spat the pipe out, and stamped down on it.

He sat down with woof of breath.

Earlier that evening he'd gone back outside, once he thought he was calm enough to not start throwing the nearest inanimate object at the wall again. He'd had a good sniff around, trying to find his broken sword pieces.

Dorchet had picked up the unusual scent of Greed, the guy didn't really smell of anything particular thanks to the philosophers stone screwing up his body, but not his sword. He drew to the conclusion that Greed had taken off with it. Stupid git. Now he couldn't even try to mend what was left of it.

"Here," suddenly, something gleaming blinded him as it was shoved under his nose. "Now stop your God damn sulking."

Dorchet blinked in surprise. His sword leered up at him, looking a little beaten, but other wise okay. When he took it out of Greed hands, he knew who is was from the ornate tattoo, it felt much lighter, probably because-

"I had to melt the whole thing down, then reform the whole thing. Took me about fifty bloody times to get it right," Greed finished his train of thought grumpily.

"Um…" Dorchet had a hard time looking Greed in the face, somewhat sobered by the kind gesture.

"Well, geez, no need to shower me with thanks!" Greed hinted obviously, throwing his arms up in exasperation.

"No! It's just- never really expected you to do this."

"I'm still human, you know," Greed grinned, making Dorchet's blush of embarrassment quickly turned to anger.

"Your such an idiot!"

"Well then next time don't challenge me."

"I'm not the one who challenged you!"

"Then don't use your sword."

"What am I supposed to use then!!"

END

-Ixi