By Lady Kasha

All of my Smoker Ace Fictions weave together...well the ones I have up so far...

One Piece is not mine. It is the great and powerful Eiichiro Oda.

Awkward Conversations

The alarms had been sounded drawing Smoker out of his latest report to the World Government

The alarms had been sounded drawing Smoker out of his latest report to the World Government. It was ridiculous, it really was. What did they really think they could accomplish? Smoker lit up another cigar, trading it out with the dying one in his mouth. He then made his way to the upper deck, pushing open the doors crossing into the harsh sunlight. Tashigi's worried face greeted him.

"Sir…um…" Tashigi was fidgeting. This was never a good sign. Probably some government bastards come to do some prancing on his ship. He would take care of them though and send them off in a hurry.

"Why was the alarm sounded, Ensign?" Smoker made sure to use her title, even though he hated it. The girl always seemed to straighten up at that. He saw it her back tense. Smoker smirked to himself around the cigars.

"Sir, we have been boarded by a pirate!" She said snapping to attention. Smoker just blinked to her. They had been boarded by a pirate. That certainly was a change. Usually the filthy bastards ran from Marine ships. They ran even faster when the realized it was Smoker's ship.

"What's the hold up?" Smoker asked marching up to his men who had already formed a circle around the intruder. He had to say it was an excellent show of protocol.

"Taisa!" The voice from the center cried out.

It was that pirate. Smoker growled breaking through the circle and marching up to the pirate that had dared to board his ship. He growled looking down to the orange hat which seemed to mock him even now.

"What the Hell do you want Portgas!" Smoker barked out looking down to the pirate. Said pirate, who was perfectly content sitting with his legs crossed in the middle of Smoker's main deck. The marine let out another low growl at the sight.

"You see, I have to call my grandfather, and well he does not take outside calls…" Ace scratched his head and smiled being his normal charming self. Smoker's crew watched their captain waiting for him to explode at the pirate. They were ready to stand their ground and flinch away from the angry marine.

"So why are you here?" Smoker asked. The rest was left open, but it Ace knew what he was asking. You could easily break into any marine base or any ship. Why are you here?

"Well our match basically ended in a draw, even though that jitte thing gives you an unfair advantage. So, he might not yell as much or hang up on me if I call from here." Ace said with a smile. Tashigi could tell Ace was trying to win her captain over and Smoker just looked bored.

"Basically, you think he would not be angry because you are holding an entire crew hostage. Good strategy, Portgas." Smoker says blowing out smoke at the pirate. Smoker's men shifted in shock. All eyes were on the marine commander each face looking shaken by his words.

"I am not." Ace began to object leaning towards the marine. Ace seemed surprised as well as upset. Obviously a fight had not been on the pirate's mind.

"Fire on a ship at sea you nitwit." Smoker did not even blink as he pulled out a Mini Den Den Mushi. Ace opened his mouth to speak, but Smoker had enough of that. He just hit the button and tossed it to the pirate who fumbled to catch it.

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT SMOKER! YOU USULESS BRAT!"

"Grandpa?" Ace just stared. Then turned to look at the smoking Smoker. He groaned at his own mental processes. Why the hell did Smoker have a direct line to Vice-Admiral Garp?

"Ace?"

"Yep! How have you been Gramps?" Ace smiled at the little guy in his hands. The snail like thing stayed still, it almost seemed upset. The line continued to be silent for quite a while.

"Smoker, what the hell? I know he did not kill you."

"He claims to miss you." Smoker said smirking and blowing out a puff of smoke at the poor little snail.

"Where the hell did you get that?" Ace asked anger in his voice, not even thinking as the words left his mouth. He probably should have.

"Smoker…"

"Yes, sir?" Smoker replied looking even more bored than earlier. As the voice of the Vice-Admiral dropped to a lower tone, the marine seemed to smile, only his lips did not move.

"Knock some sense in to my grandson."

Smoker's fist connected with Ace's head with a crack that made even the near by marines flinch.

"That hurt you bastard! Why are you listening to him?" Ace complained grabbing his head, dropping the Mini Den Den Mushi in the process. The marines tried not to laugh too hard at the pirate. They did not want to be the next one in line. Plus they were all a little frightened that this was Vice-Admiral Garp's grandson. Some had started to whisper that this meant Straw Hat was Garp's grandson too.

"Because he listens to his elders unlike some ungrateful children I know. You left your brother alone. You took off and joined Whitebeard's crew. Now your brother is a pirate too! Do not get me started about that. How could both of you turn against me? The two of you could have been great marines. Also you do not even write me! What type of Grandfather does not get a card from his grandsons?"

The entire conversation went down hill from there. Ace had never been so embarrassed in his life, but of course he spoke too soon. In Garp's ranting somehow the topic of family was brought up and well Garp decided to state his views…

"My family is going to die out pretty soon, Smoker."

"Luffy will have kids." Smoker stated smiling to the little snail. Ace just blinked did grandpa know he was…

"I do not want to see his kids."

Smoker nearly dropped the cigars from his mouth and Ace literally fell over from his perched position. The two of them tried to suppress their laughter. The rest of the marines did a little poorer job than the two of them. Garp's laughter came ringing through the little thing. Ace snickered a little at his brother from his place sprawled out on Smoker's deck and the marine, he just smirked.

Ace had heard lots of stories about devil fruit users having children. In reality it was pretty impossible. If they some how managed to have kids the child barely lives past birth. Luffy would have kids though. It was just something Ace knew. His brother would have children…Ace just hoped not too many.

"I know there is no chance with Ace."

"Hey!" Ace yelled looking to the small machine. His grandfather had not just said that about him in front of an entire ship full of marines.

"You would set the poor girl on fire."

Ace's jaw drops and the marines laugh at the poor pirate. It is not every day you are accused of burning your lovers in the act.

"Plus you are too much of a fairy to fuck a girl anyway."

The entire deck comes to a roaring halt. Everyone is dead silent. Nothing moves until Ace's anger bursts through the roof and his fist turns to flame from pure rage.

"WHAT THE FUCK OLD MAN! I GET PLENTY OF SEX! HOW DARE YOU FUCKING IMPLY I AM A FAIRY YOU OLD HORN BAG! DO NOT PRETEND THAT YOU KNOW WHAT IS GOING ON IN MY SEX LIFE!" Smoker's fist connects with the ranting boys head. This act effectively silenced the second commander of Whitebeard's fleet and quelled the flames that had shot loose.

"He did not mean it." Smoker stated looking to the pirate who had a very red face. Garp's laughter could be heard from the other side. The pirate seemed to turn redder now seeing that he had played into his grandfather's hand.

"Glad to hear you aren't putting out for your captain boy or else I might have to put a request into head quarters."

Ace feels his face drain of all color at his grandfathers words. Garp probably had enough favors to make such a thing happen. Ace never wanted to see that battle though either way he would lose.

"Those orders sound a little personal, sir." Smoker said with a smirk. Ace slowly turned to him. There was a distinctive snort from the other side of the line.

"You know you would kick his ass as well."

Smoker snorts, but does not deny it.

"Having one tied to you is bad enough…" Smoker stated the other line went silent for a while. Then a sigh was heard over the line.

"I know…" The line went dead. Garp had hung up.

The deck is silent for a while then it clicks.

"Wait I did not even ask him what I came here for!" Ace yelled flopping back on the deck. Smoker smirked and the crew laughed returning to their duties.

"Get the hell of my ship Portgas." Smoker stated lighting up a new cigar. The marine went and sat down in his chair. Ace whinnied, but shot up to his feet regardless.

"Smokey's so mean!"

"Stuff it fairy…"

Thank Danyellaskyler for me getting this chapter out. They may not know it, but I saw their kind words on another site and decided to upload this chapter for them