Better Off

For xidiomaticlogic. Beta'd in part by weaselmagnum. I kind of went off of that 'subconsciously thinking he can have him' part of your list of prompt thingys. xD I hope you like it! I warn you again - I do not like my first person Harry voice. The boy's belong to Shane Black and not me. I'm just playing with them. Enjoy!

Well, this was certainly an unexpected turn of events.

Oh, sorry, you want to know what I'm talking about? You really wanna know? Fine.

It was just a standard stakeout, the two of us sitting at some unadorned coffee shop at an unholy hour of morning. "Perry, our target isn't a guy about your age dressed in corporate wear, is he?" I asked, eyeing the man who'd fixed his gaze on Perry the second he'd entered the café.

"Damn, Harry, did you even -read- the profile? And you wonder why I never let you work solo." He glared, sipping his expensive 10 mocha latte. "No, it's an older guy seen in here just about every morning usually dressed in jeans and dress shirts. Who is also apparently not gracing us with his presence today." He said as he checked his watch. "Come on, we've got another case to handle in a few hours."

"We might have been made." I warned him, as I looked over my shoulder at the man who had stood up and followed us out. "That guy's been staring at you since he came in." I nodded towards the man, and Perry's eyebrows shot into his hairline.

The guy, obviously realizing he'd been caught, approached us. "Perry Von Shrike, right?" He asked, totally ignoring me and smiling at Perry like he was the best thing he'd seen in weeks. "Hey, ugh, Bobby Mills, remember me?"

I shot Perry a look, recognizing the name myself. Harmony had been to me what this guy was to Perry. For those of you unaware of who Harmony is, go look up the DVD, cause I'm not explaining it now.

Perry shook the man's hand, a smile on his face as well. "Of course I do." He replied, which was suspiciously absent of any witty repertoire.

"Been a while, hasn't it?" Bobby asked.

Small talk, well, polite small talk, was not usually Perry's forte. "Since high school. You lived out here all this time?"

He shook his head. "No, just moved. I lived in Florida until a few months ago."

I stepped in before this could get any more awkward for me. "Ugh, Perry, I thought you said we had another case?"

"Case?" Bobby asked, having finally noticed my presence.

"Yeah, we're Private Detectives. I-" That was as far as I got, though. Perry had obviously realized he'd gone a full minute without berating me.

He rolled his eyes. "No. -I- am a Private Detective. You handle simple, menial tasks I'm sure you will not mess up. Like having my car washed and picking up dry-cleaning and in return you have a place to live." His attention refocused on Bobby and I wondered if I was this annoying and obsessive during the whole Christmas Affair. "You'll have to forgive Harry; he's a bit delusional sometimes."

Bobby laughed. "Yeah, no problem. You know, if this case of yours can wait, I'd like to catch up with you. Lunch, maybe?" About now I was wondering exactly how close they'd been in high school.

And then Perry did something totally unexpected. "You." He said, turning to me. "Are going to go back to the office, pick up the next case file, and go to the park. You are to survey the target stealthily. Do not get made. Do not do anything stupid. And, do not get yourself killed."

"You… you're letting me work a case? Solo?" As much as I had been pestering him to do that, I did not want to leave him alone with Bobby. Don't ask me why, it just wasn't feeling right.

Then, in an even more shocking move, he handed me the keys to his beloved car. "Yes, now leave before I change my mind. Now. Vanish."

And then they were walking away.

"Perry…" I whined, sitting on a bench with my phone to my ear in MacArthur Park - with less evil conspiring goons around than the last time I'd been near there. Our client's husband was supposedly going to meet up with his mistress here. "Are you sure he's not involved in something fishy here?"

"Why are you so convinced he's up to something?" He questioned, my own eyes following our target across the paths. Perry had spent nearly four hours talking to Bobby, and was only just now returning to the office. "You're not jealous, are you, Harry?" He teased.

I scoffed, as our guy walked up to two other guys and I snapped a few shots off with Perry's camera. "No, of course I'm not." I may or may not have said that a little to fast to be convincing. "I just think it's odd that he just randomly showed up like he did. This feels like another Jo-"

"Do NOT say it." He warned me and for once, I listened.

"Okay, fine. Maybe he's not in on some very-familiar-to-us mystery novel like plot, but I still think you should- FUCK!" I realized the guys I'd been watching were quickly approaching. "Hold on, Perry."

"Harry? What's going on?"

I slid the still connected phone into my jacket pocket and moved to stealthily sneak away. But, I ended up trapped between the two men our target had been meeting with.

"Ugh, is there some sort of problem here, gentlemen?" I asked, decidedly not liking this scenario.

"Care to tell us what you've been snapping pictures of?" One asked, reaching for the camera. I took a step backward, only to run into the target.

"Oh, ugh, nothing. Just trying out my new camera." And, yes, Perry was going to kill me choosing to take the brand new one he'd purchased just days ago over the old one he usually had me use. I could practically hear the raving coming from my pocket already. It might have just been my imagination, though.

The one in front of me looked hardly appeased, though. "Really? Well, then how about showing us?"

The photos on the camera followed our target from his house to his car to the park, it would have been somewhat difficult to just call that a coincidence and be done with it. "I don't think so. I have to get going, though. I'm expected home soon. If you don't mind."

I sidestepped one of them, which cleared a bit of a path and I had my cell phone out of my pocket a second later. "You still there?" I asked, my eyes still on the three men.

"Yeah, what was all that? You didn't go and blow it, did you?" Perry asked.

"No. Well, maybe a little. Can you come get me, though? I'm not sure I wanna be walking around with those guys in the park." He was going to make fun of me for it, but I didn't want to end up cornered somewhere between here and home. "I left the car with you. Which I'm sure you noticed."

"I only had to walk past your shitty parking job to get in the door, Harry." He replied, and I could hear him scoop of the keys from his desk. "I'll be there soon. Stay out of trouble."

While I waited for Perry to show up, I moved away from the bench I'd been seen on, only to see something out of the ordinary by one of the bridges. "No way." I said, raising the camera to zoom in on the view.

The two guys who'd confronted me were talking with someone else. Not the target this time, but Bobby. And, okay, it was more like he was yelling at the others. I snapped off a few shots, already planning how to say 'I told you so' when I showed Perry the evidence.

But, as my bad luck continued, one of the two guys raised a hand and pointed at me, and Bobby turned to look, too. They said a few more words and then suddenly the two men were running in my direction.

"Damn it!" I took off toward where I thought Perry would end up, but they were faster and I might've tripped on an uneven piece of sidewalk.

The next thing I knew I was in the hospital, feeling like I'd been hit by a truck. I hadn't; of course, I'd just been beaten by two bodyguard-esque goons. But, hey, who's splitting hairs here? Perry was sitting beside me, sporting a black eye, but looking otherwise unscathed.

"Idiot." Yeah, that was the first thing out of his mouth. Sentimental guy, isn't he?

"What happened?" I asked, ignoring the comment.

"Found those two guys beating the snot out of you. I chased them off and showed them exactly how much I enjoyed the fact that they destroyed my brand new camera. . Care to tell me why they were so interested in doing so?" Perry wondered. He didn't have to say it, but we all know he beat them up because they beat me up. It was a well-established cycle.

I put my hand to my head, though, as the bass drum that had been building there increased a few decibels. "I have no idea. My head is pounding."

He rolled his eyes. "Concussions tend to have that effect, moron."

"Oh, you don't say? I thought it was the concussion making you sound so bitchy when you actually care. But, right, that's you all the time." I retorted. It probably made like no sense, but the Vicodin coursing through my system was slightly distracting me from forming witty comebacks. "What happened with Bobby?"

"What?" He asked, looking quite confused. "I didn't fuck him if that's what you're asking me."

I shook my head. "Ugh… no. He…he was in the park. Yelling at the guys who beat me up. There were pictures, I swear."

"No camera, remember, genius? Are you sure this isn't just some figment of your concussed imagination tied to your totally obvious and deep-seated jealousy?"

"I am -not- jealous." I said, again, too fast to be convincing. "And I swear I saw him! He met with the two guys who met with our target! They're connected."

"Not all cases are connected, you know. This is not a book; this is real life, okay?" I shot him a skeptical look, what, did he totally forget about the adventure that got us here in the first place? "I know, I said that last time and we both ended up in the hospital. Like I said, 'not all cases'."

I grumbled in defeat just as a doctor came in. "I'm afraid I have to ask you to leave." The man said to Perry. "We need to take Mr. Lockhart for some tests."

"Alright," Perry stood to leave. "I'll be back later, Harry."

"Will you -please- check him out when you go back to the office? This doesn't feel right." I asked, as he walked out the door. And, being the thorough and secretly caring guy he was I knew Perry would check Bobby Mills past history.

"Oh, fuck me." I could practically see Perry glaring at the computer screen. "You were right." He always hates it when I'm right.

"Bobby really is bad news?" I asked, honestly kind of surprised myself.

"He has more petty theft violations than you do, for one. A few for drugs and illegal firearms, too." I could hear him 'hmm' in thought. "And approximately 18 outstanding traffic violations for illegally parking out by a shipping dock."

Thinking clearer now that they'd lowered the amount of opiates in my system, I was able to connect these pieces of information. "Sounds like he's dealing out at that pier then. How does our target guy tie in? Client? Supplier?"

"I don't know. I'm gonna go out to the docks and see if anyone's up to no good. If you get released, call me. I don't want you wandering around tripped out on Vicodin. You were bad enough with the Demerol." Also known as - in Perry speak - 'I don't want those guys coming after you again.'

I rolled my eyes, not that he could see. "Yeah, yeah. Fine."

I was released two hours later, with orders to stay out of work and take it easy for a while.

"You still out at the docks?" I asked, once he picked up his phone. I could hear the ocean in the background, which made my question kind of pointless.

"Ugh… yes." All right, no witty comment about the obviousness of that question. Something was up. "Against my will, but yes."

I heard Perry gasp in what I could only assume was pain. "Perry, I'm gonna call the cops."

"Call the cops and you won't see him again." That was Bobby's voice, undoubtedly. "Don't show up here, either." And then he ended the call.

"Fuck." I growled at the phone, flagging down a taxi, glad I still had my wallet. I told the cabbie the address to the office and we were there a few moments later, asking the man to wait for me.

You see, one of the things that annoys Perry about me - of the several thousand items I'm sure he could list - is the fact that I tend to ignore his warnings. This goes for other people's warnings, too. Oh, I was going to be careful and stealthy and -not- get Perry killed, but I was definitely not going to not go to the docks.

I found the guns and ammunition Perry kept in the safe in the back of his office and took the cab to a few blocks from the pier listed on the parking tickets on Perry's computer files.

"You moron." I'd just stepped onto the pier in question when I heard Perry's voice. He looked decidedly annoyed to see me there. The two guys from the park stepped off of one of the boats docked there, Perry between them. His hands were tied behind his back and his face was beginning to closely resemble the damage mine had sustained. "You weren't supposed to come."

The sound of a gun cocking drew my attention. Bobby was standing behind me now, I guessed.

"Walk." He said, unfortunately not going for the whole gun-to-back approach I'd been hoping for. "Now." I did, and then Perry and I were being led back onto the boat. "Does anyone else know?" Bobby asked, and I was silently glad no electricity was going to be used this time. We both shook our heads.

"Good. You two have gone and stuck your nose where you don't belong." He started.

"Honestly, if you wanted to be all criminal and stuff, talking to a private detective was not the smartest thing to do then, was it?" I remarked.

Perry glared at me. "Harry, shut up."

"No! I knew he was bad news and if you had just listened to me…" The butt of a gun connected with my skull and that throbbing bass drum was back.

"And you wonder why we always end up getting hurt." Perry let out an exasperated sigh. "Stop hitting him. He doesn't know anything."

"He knew the location, that's too much." One of Bobby's goons answered.

I was still busy clutching my head, but I could see Perry trying to keep their attention on him. We were close enough that I could probably get to the Derringer in his pants; somehow, I doubted they would have checked there if they'd padded him down. No one ever checks there.

"I guess I can tell him the rest then, if you're going to kill us anyway. Bobby's a small time drug dealer. Our client, the one from the park, is his biggest client. These guys," he gestured to the two enforcer types. "Are his bodyguards. And they set us up for the meet with Bobby once they figured out we were supposed to tail the client." Perry was slowly angling himself in my direction, after figuring out what I was planning. He gave a slight nod and kept talking and I made my move.

In retrospect, shoving my hand down Perry's pants could have occurred in better circumstances. But, first, we had to get to better circumstances. The enforcers jumped back in surprise at my sudden movements, raising their weapons to fire, but I had the gun out quickly enough to take out one before they could shoot and the other down just after the got his first shot off. That left just Bobby standing.

"That was not a terribly smart thing to do." Perry's high school crush stated, drawing his own weapon again.

Because the Derringer was not meant for continuous fire I tossed it aside, grabbing for one of the guards guns and fired just as I felt the hot sting of a bullet in my other arm. Bobby fell and I writhed in pain.

"Fuck, Harry, untie me and we can get out of here. There might be more, and they'll probably come running with all the gunfire." He instructed me.

I managed to free him and much like he had after the whole previous torturing incident, he helped me hobble along to his car.

By the time we made it to the nearest hospital, he'd called the police and explained to them what had happened. I was admitted, for the second time in less than 24 hours and the doctors set to work extracting the bullet from my arm. Perry was treated as well, he had a cut on his face that needed a few stitched but he came out of it all relatively uninjured.

"You are never, ever working solo again." He told me, once they'd let him go. They were still stitching my arm and up until that statement, he'd been sitting silently beside me. The police had already finished with us, too. "You're like a walking magnet for injury and it is a wonder you survived living in New York."

I scoffed. "You're not exactly a billboard for work safety either, you know." I could still taste the blood from when I'd tried to save him during the Christmas Incident. "I think we're both equally bad examples for that."

We didn't talk much as he drove us home, both still processing the events. Only when we'd walked into the flat we shared did he say anything else. "So, did you enjoy shoving your hand down my pants?"

I threw a sofa cushion at him. "Not like I had a choice. I knew there'd be a gun there. You have them in more obvious places, too, but I figured they woulda checked you."

"Sure. May I once again point out your jealous nature? And don't tell me you had some Gossamer related feeling of dread. You were jealous." He retorted, looking far too smug for someone just coming from the hospital.

"Maybe. A little." I admitted, catching the returned pillow cushion.

"Stop throwing things." He warned, noting the fact that I was indeed planning to launch it at him again. "Why were you so jealous then, Mr. every-shade-of-wrong?"

"You're not still holding that against me, are you?" I asked. "I hardly knew you."

"So, what then? You'd let me kiss you now?" Okay, may I just point out here that Perry is like the king of getting his way in a conversation?

I hesitated. "Ugh… maybe."

He laughed. "Wow, for once you're not talking a mile a minute. I should use this approach more often." He crossed the room to stand in front of me. "Do you want me to kiss you, Harry?"

See, it's really very hard to say no to Perry sometimes. He gets this look and you kind of have to give in to anything he asks. It's a gift of his. Really, kind of a curse to me, though. I only nodded in response to his question.

He was hovering over me, then. "Then say so."

"Kiss me." I finally managed after several failed attempts.

And then he was. Not like behind the hotel. And most definitely not like I had to do on the street after he was shot. But, you know, like a real kiss. And, damn, does he know how to kiss. Without even realizing it, my uninjured hand was tangled in his shirt - the other one would have been, too, but it was trapped in a sling. One of his hands was on the back of my neck, keeping me from moving away, which I did not intend to do anyway.

"I think we're better off." He said, finally, when air became necessary.

I blinked, dazed from the kiss. "Huh?"

"Without Harmony and Bobby."

"Oh, yeah, totally."

And then we were kissing again.