Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.
Note: Alright, so I've decided to make another anthology of one-shot, SasuSaku e-mails. I'm going to make them all based on a movie and suggestions are extremely loved and all! You can request a movie and I'll so make it work in e-mail format!Side Pairings: NaruHina, ItaSaku (one-sided) ShinoSaku (old relationship), NejiSaku (old relationship), and NejiTen.
Inspiration: The Eccentric Files by Ren and Missa, the most amazing story those 'SasuSaku, AU, e-mail, fluffy' lovers shall, well, love! Read now! Oh, and 'cause I did this in my story "Sakura's Love from A to Z" in chapter six and found it fun!
Warning: This is really long, kind of random and weird, but very, very funny. Beware the wonders of Sasuke being in love and a tad OOC-ISH. ((IIyana, this is all e-mails, so caution in reading))
Please: Read and review this because it took me almost a month to write and I'm extremely proud of it and I love it so pass it along to all your little SasuSaku lovin' friends because it's a totally awesome story and I can't wait to write others!
Dedicated To: All SasuSaku lovers in the world, especially SMOKe13 because she absolutely loves The Wedding Singer! Even Meaghan (SoFunkyFresh), even though she said this was really corny and dorky, and i put her view of My Chemical Romance (which i love by the way).
About The Movie Thing: It's not actually the movie and Sasuke being a wedding singer and Sakura being a waitress. It has bazillions of mentions in it about the movie and some other things!

You've Got Mail

Chapter One:
The Wedding Singer

Written By xBrokenxDreamsx

To: Sakura Haruno
From: Ino Yamanka
Subject: Holy OMG!

Okay, dear, dear best friend! I need some serious explanations like, now. Hm, what shall these explanations include? Let's start with the fact that Sasuke Uchiha (the one and only!) was hugging and cuddling you outside of the school today?

Yeah, you're probably wondering how I found out about your little 'buddy-to-buddy' experience there! Well, I heard it from Choji, who heard it while he was in science from Kiba who heard it from Ami who heard it from Naruto who witnessed it first hand!

Now, I have extremely important matters to discuss right now. First of all, I'm jealous as hell, thankyouverymuch! Secondly, this happened eighth, and right now, its 4:30 (I just got back from cheerleading practice) and you didn't call me! I thought that we were best friends! Best friends forever! Remember, kindergarten, friendship rings? Ring any bells! Seriously, how could you not tell me about this!

Hm…well, I can kinda understand since the whole thing with Karin in lunch today. And Neji contributing in that didn't help either. (Seriously, why does that Tenten girl hang out with him anyway?) Well, if Naruto was there, I'm sure he would've stood up for you.

Cheer up kid and e-mail me back! I'm a bit saddened at the moment at your un-youthful spirit ('cause you can just guess who was asking about you all period after the whole lunch thing took place).

Love ya,
Ino

To: Ino Yamanka
From: Sakura Haruno
Subject: Who says that?

Yeah, I guess you kinda, sorta, maybe have the right to know what happened today. Well, you see, my kind, dear, most amazing best friend, today, what you heard really did happen, but I don't know if you could call it cuddling, exactly.

Anyways, after the whole Karin/Neji/Making-me-feel-like-crap lunch session, I ran out of the school since, HELLO, everyone was laughing at me and talking about me LIKE I WASN'T EVEN THERE! Seriously, how invisible can a girl with pink hair and green eyes be??

Wow, sorry about that rant there. But I was glad that the brother of the guy that I sorta/kinda/maybe have feelings for was there. People really listen to seniors, you know?

Going on with the story. Well, I ran outside and was standing there, crying my eyes out, when all of the sudden, the main reason of my tears just comes outside and stands there.

Spawn of Satan: I-I, um–
Me: Don't even worry about it Sasuke.
Spawn of Satan(ish): Well, I, I just wanted to–
Me: Seriously, you're just making it worse. Please just–

And this is when my angel sent from Kami-sama himself, puts his arms around my waist – awkwardly, might I add – and pushes my back against his chest. Then, he weaves his fingers together at my midsection and just nuzzles his head into my hair.

I blush frantically, but of course, being how I've only liked the guy since kindergarten. Yeah, remember, the laughs, chicken-butt hair, and him giving me his last tomato when I didn't have anything at snack-time. I tell ya, it was love at first fruit!

Okay, back to the 'snuggling'. So, I keep crying since I'm so upset and he just nuzzles his head in further while whispering in my ear "Don't cry. Please don't cry" Over and over and over again! It was so flippin' sweet too.

Right, so that's what occurred. And we stayed like that for fifteen minutes. Then, I stopped crying, it started raining, he gave me his jacket and then walked me to my next class.

And no Ino – cause I just know you're thinking it – he didn't kiss me goodbye. But – believe it or not – I kissed him on the cheek before I went inside and everything. I could have sworn I saw a blush too! Life was flippin' awesome!

Okay, that's everything. Sorry I didn't call you sooner, but I was in a bit of shock. And everyone in the school knew about it 'cause Naruto found out. I thought that you –being the gossip-hungry blonde you are – would have found out sooner.

My apologies!

All my love,
Saki-baby
OR
Sakura Uchiha (which you gotta admit sounds awfully pleasant)
:)

P.S. Yeah, that comment with Tenten was not cool! You know that I'm friends with her, you back-sassin' lint-licker! (I love that commercial!) But seriously, Tenten was just standing by the man she loves. Even though chicks come before dicks. Well, um yeah. But seriously, it's okay. I'm not mad! And I totally forgive her! I love her too! But not as much as you (so don't worry your little plastic-surgery-butt off! JK!)

To: Itachi Uchiha
From: Sakura Haruno
Subject: And I shall repay you how?

Hey Itachi! Jeez, I sincerely can't thank you enough for today. Seriously, I don't think I would have lived for the rest of the day (especially with the suicide rate as high as it is today!)

Well, for serious now, I can't thank you enough and I'm so glad that we met three years ago in that photography class! If not, we wouldn't be the good ol' pals we are now. Wow, I sound so nostalgic.

Anyway, I so didn't want anyone to know…well, that. But, obviously, things don't always work out as planned. Good thing that someone that was close to said shared secret, such as yourself, was there. I would have died. Well, I kinda did.

People just backed off so much since well, you're you; Itachi Uchiha, senior and captain of the football team, smart, funny, charms so many girls, lovely, and, let me not forget, incredibly good-looking!

Who could resist you Itachi-sama?

Sincerely,
Sakura

To: Sakura Haruno
From: Sasuke Uchiha
Subject: no subject

Don't hit on my brother.

-Sasuke

To: Sasuke Uchiha
From: Sakura Haruno
Subject: Alright…

Okay, um, what are you talking about?

Sincerely,
Sakura

To: Sakura Haruno
From: Sasuke Uchiha
Subject: no subject

I just so happened to be on the computer, and I checked my e-mails that was with Itachi's e-mails, and I read yours, because I thought it was mine. I read it and thoroughly disapprove of you calling my brother "Itachi-sama" and good-looking.

-Sasuke

To: Sasuke Uchiha
From: Sakura Haruno
Subject: – cough – stalker – cough –

So, do you always read your brothers e-mails? And I can do what I want, thankyouverymuch!

Sincere – wait, no, you don't get a stinkin' 'sincerely'! (That's saved for Itachi-sama anyways!)

-Sakura

To: Sakura Haruno
From: Sasuke Uchiha
Subject: Look who's talking…

Only if it's from important people. Do what you want, but don't think I won't interfere.

What's with all this neglecting I'm receiving? Why, just this afternoon, during lunch – wait, I better not get into that. You'll probably cry.

-Sasuke

To: Sasuke Uchiha
From: Sakura Haruno
Subject: Die…painfully…

I hate you. A lot. You're a conceited jerk.

-Sakura

To: Sasuke Uchiha
From: Naruto Uzumaki
Subject: Baka!!

So, I was just on the phone with Sakura-chan, and no she wasn't crying, but she was very upset. I heard what you said in the e-mail! Are you that romantically constipated that you can't even handle talking to the girl you like?

And don't deny that you like her! I know that you do! When you found out yesterday in the cafeteria, you didn't shun her like other girls that like you, you sought her out and comforted her! Sasuke and comforted don't belong in the same sentence!

Ever!

Fix this now you dumb ass!

Ramen-loving-ninja,
Naruto

To: Naruto Uzumaki
From: Sasuke Uchiha
Subject: no subject

You talk to her on the phone?

What I said in the e-mail is none of your business.

I didn't mean what I said.

I don't like her. She's to happy and cheery and so god damn annoying.

I can comfort whenever the hell I want to.

I don't need to fix something so unfixable such as herself.

You're not a freaking ninja,
Sasuke

To: Sasuke Uchiha
From: Naruto Uzumaki
Subject: Still a baka

Yeah, I talk to her on the phone. Normal people do that. You obviously wouldn't understand such a term.

It's my business! I'm her best friend and yours too!

Like hell you didn't!

You like her and you know you do! Oh, and she's at my house right now and reading this e-mail. I'll hope you know that she's on the verge of tears right now from your words. Great job.

Just like you comfort your tiger that you still snuggle with? Yeah, I told Sakura about that, just to cheer her up from your hurtful words. She thinks it's adorable. (Seriously, what's with all these girls still liking you after you hurt them so badly?)

Oh, she's crying again. She's fixable. She just needs the right tools. Like…hm…who could that be?

YOU!

And your not getting any from Sakura (who just bonked me on the head),
Naruto

To: Naruto Uzumaki
From: Sasuke Uchiha
Subject: Still a dobe

Normal is such a stereotype.

Best Friend? You Sure?

I didn't. You wouldn't understand.

I don't like her. And don't let her read my freaking e-mails! They're personal for goodness sake. Tell her I'm sorry, okay? Wait, no, don't do that. Just stay out of this.

I can't believe you told her that. You just said you were my best friend. Best friends don't do that sort of thing.

No tool could fix such a broken thing. She needs love to mend it.

I sound apathetic right now. Great.

How do you know,
Sasuke

To: Sasuke Uchiha
From: Naruto Uzumaki
Subject: Still in love with Sakura

Your face is a stereotype!

I'm positive! Remember in kindergarten when everyone rejected me and you became my friend! That's brotherhood man, and don't you deny it!

You're right. You don't like her. You LOVE her! And you read Itachi's e-mail. It's no difference if she reads these. Which she will. And I'll tell her you're sorry and that you love her and want to kiss her.

Desperate times called for desperate measures. Sorry man.

Love that you could supply!

Do you feel like tacos Sasuke? I know you want some tacos like right now! I bet Sakura would have some! Go find her!

Is that supposed to be hinting something,
Naruto

To: Naruto Uzumaki
From: Sasuke Uchiha
Subject: Um, no

You're such a loser.

I became your friend because – at the time – you weren't some crazy lunatic. You were some normal kid that wouldn't be annoying. I was wrong.

Hn.

I can read my brothers e-mails when needed. She doesn't have to read mine.

Tell her that and you're dead.

Hn. Again.

When I said apathetic, I wasn't referring to "I Must Be Emo" which isn't my theme song, okay? And no, I don't feel like tacos. I hate Mexican food. It gives me stomachaches. And keep your perverted thoughts about me, Sakura and tacos in that little brain of yours.

Maybe,
Sasuke

To: Sasuke Uchiha
From: Naruto Uzumaki
Subject: Um, yes

You HN-ed about the love thing! You love her! I knew it! But I won't tell her, I'll leave that to you. Okay?

I'm still breathing, and I told her. Odd.

Again with HN-ing love. Are you trying to signal something here?

You love that song! I was looking through your ipod the other day and it was on there and it had 52 listens! You love it and you know it! Although, the thing with the guys making out at the end, um, yeah, weird. You don't like me, right?

Sasuke has the hots for Sakura! Sasuke has the hots for Sakura,
Naruto (Your best man! And don't you deny it! Like hell you'd let your brother!)

To: Naruto Uzumaki
From: Sasuke Uchiha
Subject: no subject

I'd stab my eyes with a kitchen knife ten times before liking a guy and twenty times if you were said guy.

Die,
Sasuke

To: Sakura Haruno
From: Ino Yamanka
Subject: Me!!

Hey, so I just went to go and get some ice cream with Hime-chan and guess who I saw there? Yeah, Sasuke in all his emo glory eating strawberry ice cream (hm…) while looking extra depressing. Think you might have something to do with that?

I mean, when you sent him that e-mail yesterday, I bet he found it really sad to know that you don't like him anymore, even though you do.

Seriously, what's with you picking like the most horrible guys to like? You've always dug Sasuke, but sometimes you branch off when you got tired of the whole unrequited love thing. First was Sai, and well, let's not get into that. Then it was Shino. (WTF was with that, by the way?) And last but not least, Neji. Who didn't quite help you the other day in the cafeteria.

He's such a dick. Just because he found out that you liked Sasuke and had to go and tell the freakin' cafeteria. Sorry to remind you, but it just gets me so mad!

Wow, I just got off the whole subject of Sasuke and strawberry ice cream. Anyway, so I saw him and went to go buy ice cream. After I got some for Hime and myself, said adorable little sister of mine went off to go and play with this kid she knew from school. (I don't really care what she does). I went up to him and this was our conversation:

Me: Hey Sasuke.
Spawn of Satan: Hn.
Me: You know, maybe that's why Sakura hates you. All your one-word answers are getting to her.
Spawn of Satan: -turns to be abruptly- If you're here to annoy me, just go away.
Me: Well, of course I have to annoy you. You know, you're quite the multi-tasker. You break my best friend's heart and made me and her hate you in the accumulation of five hours. Happy?
Spawn of Satan: Hn. –begins walking away–
Me: You know, you might just want to say sorry.
Spawn of Satan: Aa.

And with that, he disappeared into the black abyss. Well, he is already there. But how can there be a black abyss at an ice cream place? Do you think they have like strawberry abysses, or even vanilla? How cool would an ice cream name be if it were "Blue Berry Abyss"?

Anyways, he was so totally upset about you and you know it! Go and make your move girl! You don't have much time!

Love,
Ino

P.S. What the French, toast? (We need lives) Seriously, I didn't mean what I said about Tenten. I was just so annoyed because of everything. My apologies!

To: Ino Yamanka
From: Sakura Haruno
Subject: Cause you're a loser!

That is so weird with the strawberry ice cream. Seriously, little emo boys such as himself just don't strawberry…or ice cream. They're more for tacos! (I'm an emo kid, nonconforming as can be, you'd be nonconforming too if you looked just like me!)

Don't go up to him and annoy him! Ugh, I still love him god damnit and I don't want you driving him away.

I went out with them in some desperate, lame kind of hope that Sasuke would get insanely jealous and proclaim his undying love for me. It didn't work.

How did Neji even find out? I know Tenten wouldn't tell him, heck, I don't think she even knew. But as Neji worded it, "It was so obviously that you've been ogling that Uchiha Sasuke for forever now." And just because I said his hair was rather curly today! Maybe he straightens it, or something. And worse than that, Sai just had to add, "More like love if you ask me." And hell began.

I hate high school.

We should join a convent together. Do they even have convents near us? It'd be kinda cool wearing a robe. Although, there would be no kissing.

Never mind.

Blue Berry Abyss would be cool, but there just can't be abysses at ice cream places. Sorry.

He was just upset that someone offended him or some crap like that. I can't make a move. Sorry.

Loser.

Love always,
Sakura

P.S. Yeah, we do kinda need lives, just a little. And I forgive you for the Tenten comment. You know what'd be cool? We should attack her one day and take her hair out of those buns. Then she'd really impress Neji!

To: Sakura Haruno
From: Ino Yamanka
Subject: And you love me!

He got the ice cream to symbolize how sorry he was!

I've got paint on my nails and make up on my face! I'm almost emo enough to start shaving my legs!

Wow, that's a good song. And so describes Sasuke by the way. I wonder if he shaves his legs. We should check at the next soccer game he's in.

What are you talking about? It so worked! He would always get so incredibly jealous around you and the guys and stalk you guys and everything! He's so freakin' in love with you and hated all those guys because they weren't him! I'm telling you!

That's just 'cause Neji's an ass. And it was a tad obvious, but not obvious enough for Uchiha, so yeah.

I could never join a convent! I'm so scarred of nuns after reading, "Nick And Norah's Infinite Playlist" because in it, Nick and Norah went to a strip club with nun strippers making out. Is that what you want us to become? That's sick!

Call him or something! Heck, two days from now is Monday, right? And everyone shall be in school and annoying the crap out of you for what happened on Friday, right? Well, Sasuke will be there and he'll probably do some kind of crap to make you feel better. So yeah, just go and kiss him when he does! Tada! Love!

I'm ingenious, I know.

Love you, you whore who gets the boy of her dreams,
Ino

P.S. Plan – Get Tenten To Take Out Her Hair, or GTTTOHH, shall occur Monday! Meet me in the morning at her locker!

To: Ino Yamanka
From: Sakura Haruno
Subject: And why again?

He got ice cream to show how sorry he was, and then ate me? Yeah, um, no.

He doesn't. I know from my, stalking-ish-kinda days. Yeah.

It didn't work. I'm telling you.

Ew! I so remember that! Do you know that they're making that a movie and the guy from Juno is going to be Nick? The one who played Paulie. I wanna see it, and we're going!

He won't come near me. And our school will still be hooked on it? Ew, that sucks.

I'll never randomly kiss a guy like that. Only whores do that.

Didn't you do that last year with Kiba?

Love you too slut,
Sakura

P.S. Excellent.

To: Sakura Haruno
From: Itachi Uchiha
Subject: A kiss?

I'm very sorry to hear that my darling brother replied to my e-mail and read it. And that he caused you such pain and heartbreak. He really is a jackass. Why don't you stop harboring feelings for him and go out with me? I'm the older and better version of Sasuke.

You know I'm joking right? I wouldn't try to make moves on my brother's love. And yes, LOVE! He freakin' loves you and everyone knows it. He wouldn't just randomly comfort you if he didn't feel the same way.

I got a new account so now he can't read them.

So, how many kids are you having?

Crap, your dear Sasuke-kun is here and he just read the e-mail! Sorry!

See ya lil' sis,
Itachi

To: Sakura Haruno
From: Sasuke Uchiha
Subject: no subject

My brother is an ass. Don't listen to a word he says. Stop e-mailing him. Stop flirting with him. Stop letting him flirt with you.

-Sasuke

To: Itachi Uchiha
From: Sakura Haruno
Subject: Hm…

I'm sorry, but nothing shall stop my love for him. I've loved him since kindergarten and it's just not happening. Plus, he's much better than you! But don't worry dear brother-in-law, I'll always hold you in a special place in my heart. Just not anywhere near Sasuke.

He doesn't love me, sadly.

However many he wants, duh.

Sincerely,
Sakura

To: Sakura Haruno
From: Sasuke Uchiha
Subject: no subject

I said stop e-mailing him.

You've loved me since kindergarten?

What if I want ten?

-Sasuke

To: Sasuke Uchiha
From: Sakura Haruno
Subject: no subject

I can e-mail whoever the hell I want!

Stop reading his e-mails. What I said was incredibly personal! God, now I'm blushing. I can't believe you know that now. Ugh.

Yeah, you gave me the freaking tomato when I had no snack. And it was your last one! And you looked so incredibly irresistible in your khaki shorts and your dorky navy polo.

Then you'll get your stinkin' ten!

You're an inexplicable jackass,
Sakura

To: Sakura Haruno
From: Sasuke Uchiha
Subject: no subject

I knew that you loved me anyway. And I heard before Neji announced it in the cafeteria. We are friends you know. It's not like he'd keep it.

Are you happy to know that you've been ogling me from a distance for one year now and me knowing about it?

I gave you my tomato? My last one? Must be another kid. It wasn't a dorky polo shirt. My mom said it was very becoming on me.

15?

Feel insecure,
Sasuke

To: Ino Yamanka
From: Sakura Haruno
Subject: Houston, we've got a problem!

Holy crap! Holy, holy, holy crap! The holiest crap that has ever been crapped. Yeah, Sasuke just e-mailed me. And guess what? Neji told him I liked him a year ago! And he knows that I've liked him since kindergarten! And he denies the tomato incident. That's the foundation of my love for him.

What if it really wasn't him and I've been living off of fake hope and little moments that mean nothing for 10-11 years now?

I'm pathetic.

Bring me ice cream and a romance movie right now!

Come now!

Love,
Sakura

To: Sasuke Uchiha
From: Ino Yamanka
Subject: Read! I know you'll delete it but read! It's about Sakura!

Yeah, so you better have opened this! If you didn't, I'll be peeved and Sakura shall start crying again. How does it feel to know that all her life, you've been the cause of her tears?

So, I read your e-mail, the one you sent her about insecurity and stuff. You're a real idiot. She's already is insecure and has low self-confidence. Now you're just emphasizing it.

I'm at her house right now and she's blubbering about you while watching "The Wedding Singer". He's on the part where he's singing his song about the girl who left him, and she's also joining along while replacing Linda's name with yours.

You need to fix this.

And it was you who gave her the tomato! I even asked Naruto, who's singing with Sakura right now, and he remembered it! Don't deny fruit incidents like that. Sakura has her whole love for you built off of that stupid food of yours and if you ruin that for her, well, she'll probably kill herself.

How would it feel to be the cause of the girl you loves death?

Feel not included and unloved for you are not here right now,
Ino

To: Ino Yamanka
From: Sasuke Uchiha
Subject: no subject

It doesn't feel too good.

Don't read the e-mails I send to Sakura.

She's insecure? She has no reason to be.

The Wedding Singer? Somebody Kill Me? About me?

I gave her the damn tomato. Yeah, I remember. I just didn't want to give her the satisfaction of my nice side. Sorry I ruined her fruit fantasies.

Why is the dobe there? Is he saying things against me? I hate you all.

She's too smart to kill herself and having the sole purpose of her death being something as trivial as this.

Feel bad for being a bad friend and conversing with 'the enemy',
Sasuke

To: Sasuke Uchiha
From: Ino Yamanka
Subject: no subject

When you say that she has no reason to feel insecure, is that because you believe that she's too beautiful and amazing to think so lowly of herself?

I love how you know all about The Wedding Singer. And you're favorite part is…?

Aw! You do care! And you can be nice!

Ask her out already. It's so obvious you like her! And she loves you!

Don't make her wait.

Feel guilty for not snogging with Sakura by now,
Ino

To: Ino Yamanka
From: Sasuke Uchiha
Subject: no subject

Maybe.

I don't like that movie. The dobe made me watch it once.

Would she wait forever?

Snogging?,
Sasuke

To: Sasuke Uchiha
From: Ino Yamanka
Subject: no subject

Yeah, she would.

But don't make her wait forever just because you know she will.

Kissing in England/Australia (watch Harry Potter??),
Ino

To: Sakura Haruno
From: Naruto Uzumaki
Subject: I wanna grow old with you!

That was really fun today Sakura-chan!

Oh, and guess what? I was talking to Sasuke on the phone when I got home from your house and Ino e-mailed him while she was there and he was telling me about them and it was so cute! He so digs you!

See ya tomorrow,
Naruto

To: Ino Yamanka
From: Sakura Haruno
Subject: How dare you!!

How could you talk to the enemy! At my house! On my freaking computer! Blasphemy I tell you! Blasphemy! You're a whore. Die. Burn in the fire pits of hell.

But seriously, what did he say?

Die,
Sakura

To: Sakura Haruno
From: Ino Yamanka
Subject: Sorry…?

I was just trying to help! Jeez!

And he said that he doesn't like making you cry and he asked if you'd wait for forever for him!

He is so freakin' in love with you that it's driving me crazy! Just ask him out already!

Love ya,
Ino

To: Sasuke Uchiha
From: Sakura Haruno
Subject: Stop!

Don't e-mail my best friend.

De Ja Vu much,
Sakura

To: Sasuke Uchiha
From: Naruto Uzumaki
Subject: Plans??

So, tomorrow is Monday. Do you have any plans that are going to be executed upon tomorrow? Like, I don't know, kissing Sakura? Asking her out? Proposing your undying love? Or are you going into jackass-mode again? I mean, Friday, you were so compassionate. Why can't you be like that everyday?

Sakura is pissed about you e-mailing Ino, just saying. And you so do love The Wedding Singer! When we were done watching it, you smirked! You even said that the main girl reminded you of Sakura because she was so naïve and innocent!

How long have you liked Sakura?

Did that tomato incident mean more than a childish, gentleman act? Like, was that fruit a promise that one day, you'll get together and wed and have little Uchiha's?

If so, you really need to work on your flirting skills.

Seriously.

-Naruto

To: Naruto Uzumaki
From: Sasuke Uchiha
Subject: No

I would never do such foolish things. Che, annoying.

I wasn't compassionate. I was just helping out a fellow classmate in her time of distress. That is all.

I hate that movie. I smirked because…well, I can't really tell you. 'Cause you're a jackass. And you'll find out soon enough. Maybe.

None of your business.

I gave her the tomato because she was hungry. It's not that important.

My flirting skills pwn yours.

Seriously.

-Sasuke

To: Sasuke Uchiha
From: Naruto Uzumaki
Subject: Yes!

A fellow classmate my ass! You were helping out the love of your life!

Why can't you tell me? I'm your best friend! Holy crap, you're annoying!

None of your business? None of your business? That means you like her! You didn't say that you didn't! Holy crap! Holy crap!

Holy. Crap.

But you love tomatoes. You don't just give them away freely. If some girl that I didn't know looked hungry and all I had was one bowl of ramen left, I wouldn't give it to her. You just did since you thought she was cute!

Pwn? Pwn? I'm frightened. Hold me.

-Naruto

To: Naruto Uzumaki
From: Sasuke Uchiha
Subject: No

I – unlike yourself – am a gentleman and do things proper for ladies when required.

-Sasuke

To: Sasuke Uchiha
From: Naruto Uzumaki
Subject: Yes!!

We were in freakin' kindergarten!

-Naruto

To: Sakura Haruno
From: Ino Yamanka
Subject: Tomorrow…

Are you talking to me again? I'm sorry I e-mailed him, okay! I was just mad since, well, no one talks to my best friend like that except me! I just wanted to set him straight! And set him straight I did! Well, kinda.

Am I forgiven?

If so, I do have some topics to discuss with you.

1) I think we need to question Sasuke's sexual preference. I mean, he apparently liked The Wedding Singer. And he and Naruto are awfully close. So what if he's going out with Hinata? Sasuke can still crush on him!
2) Are we attacking Tenten from behind tomorrow, or are we doing a full frontal attack?
3) I was on the phone with Tenten before and Neji was in the background and Tenten was yelling at him to apologize to you tomorrow, so that could be cool.
4) What are you going to do tomorrow with Sasuke? You two didn't exactly leave off on a good note. Are you going to e-mail him before tomorrow?

Well babes, I've gotta go help my darling Hime with her hair. She's got another boyfriend that needs some impressing for their movie date this afternoon!

Hugs And Kisses (And Hime sends love),
Ino

To: Ino Yamanka
From: Sakura Haruno
Subject: Love…

I forgive you dear Ino-chan! I love ya to much to hold a grudge over something so silly. Guys are so stupid anyways.

As for your topics:

1) I know he's straight. Sure, he never had a girlfriend and all, but last year (during some of my stalking days) I hear him talk to Naruto about how he hates gay people and stuff.
2) Behind, so we can get the buns out. And steal the scrunchies so she can't put it back up. Duh.
3) Hm, maybe. I don't really care what that jackass thinks or does. Seriously.
4) I think I'm going to e-mail him and get it out all in the open, you know? It'll be much better not in person, you know?

Love starts so young. Seriously, what is this, her fifth? She might out-beat you one day. Nah, never mind. You're too much of a whore.

Love you too Hime-chan!

Love ya,
Sakura

To: Sakura Haruno
From: Ino Yamanka
Subject: Hugs…

Love you too babes!

1) He's probably saying that so everyone thinks so! Seriously!
2) Oh, so this is why you're in some smart classes. Don't you think she'd have back-ups?
3) Good idea
4) Confess your love in an e-mail? Is that a good idea? Well, do what you think is right and I'll be there to support you babes!

No one shall ever beat out my slut-ness. Seriously, you should know that by now.

Love,
Ino

To: Sasuke Uchiha
From: Sakura Haruno
Subject: Some things that need to be said

Hi. Okay, um, this is weird, since like, we kinda hate each other and stuff right now, right? Well, I don't know if you do, but I kind of do, maybe. This is coming out wrong.

I just wanted to get this all out in the open right now, because, well, this would be so awkward in person and all. I'm not in the mood to have everyone laugh at me again. You can laugh at me in the e-mail and stuff, but don't tell me you laughed. My heart couldn't take another heart break.

Alright, here it is:

I love you in this totally weird, stalker-ish kind of way. Like, I would totally risk my life for you (heck, I'd risk my life for anyone). I mean, like, it's not just looks that attract me to you, although, you are rather handsome. Ugh, this isn't coming out right.

I love you in this way that I would be just fine and content knowing that you thought about me, noticed me, glanced at me, or even decided to hang out with me instead of your friends, even if we were just going to watch TV.

I love you in this way that when I listen to any song, I can relate it to you. Like, besides from "I Must Be Emo", there are so many. I can relate anything to you. Like an orange for example. It's a total neglected fruit. Just like you're a neglected person. Well, not really since of all your fangirls (who are total pears; apple wannabes). But your personality is neglected, you know?

I love you in this way that I wouldn't care if you totally went bald when we grow up, or if you have these really weird habits like picking your nose, or leaving the toilet seat open.

I love you in this way that I totally wouldn't mind giving you the last tomato, or making you tomato soup, or listening to My Chemical Romance, even though I hate that band so much. (Seriously, if you're that depressed, just kill yourself). I'd let you try to make me like the songs. (Disenchanted isn't that bad.)

I love you in this way that I would be okay with you being your emo self and not showing much affection, for I know that you'd still love me, even if you didn't show it.

I love you in this way that I wouldn't be that mad if you forgot important events like my birthday, or our anniversary. I know that you didn't mean to. I know that you care.

I love you in this way that even though it hurts so much, this unrequited love business, I still love you and stay devoted for I know that this is the only way I can be with you. With me hurting so much that I just want to stab myself for I know that it would be less painful that this. But I couldn't kill myself, because it would be like loosing my connection to you. It would be like loosing you.

I love you in this way that I'll probably never stop loving you and end up being some old lady living in Ino's basement, living on could-have-beens, praying that one day you'll come back to me. Wishing that I didn't send this stupid e-mail, for I sound crazy.

I love you in this way that I'm actually sending this. I'm risking utter humiliation for you could print this out for Neji and the rest of the school to see.

I love you in this way that I want you to know that I love you in this way.

I love you.

Love,
Sakura

To: Sakura Haruno
From: Sasuke Uchiha
Subject: no subject

Hn.

-Sasuke

To: Ino Yamanka
From: Sakura Haruno
Subject: Uh. Oh.
Attachment: LoveLetter.doc

Okay, you were right. I shouldn't have confessed my love to Sasuke in an e-mail. I sent this whole letter (included in this e-mail) about how I love him and everything, and he sent me this e-mail back that simply said:

Hn.

What the hell is that?

I'm bawling my eyes out here…again. This weekend has just been so terrible.

Mind coming over again? I still have The Wedding Singer in the DVD player.

Love,
Sakura

To: Sasuke Uchiha
From: Naruto Uzumaki
Subject: Hn? Hn?

Hn?

Hn?

HN?

That's the best you could freakin' come up with? She sent you a letter confessing her love and devotion, and you say 'Hn?'?? Are you mentally ill or something?

You've liked this girl for like, ever now, and that's what you say? You're such an idiot. You know that? I thought I was the baka in this friendship, but I was so wrong!

Sakura is crying now, you do know that, right?

Hn?

What does that even mean?

If it is to mean something good, it doesn't sound like it. Well, based on the sound of Sakura's muffled sobs.

Again…Hn?

Hn yourself,
Naruto

To: Naruto Uzumaki
From: Sasuke Uchiha
Subject: no subject

It's a long story.

She's crying?

You read the letter?

I don't really know what it means. I'm terrible with words. Why do you think I talk so little?

I didn't want it to sound bad.

I guess I was sorry for causing her heartbreak?

-Sasuke

P.S. What is with Sakura and fruit? She brings it up all the time.

To: Sasuke Uchiha
From: Naruto Uzumaki
Subject: no subject

Yeah, but it's kind of stopped. She's watching The Wedding Singer again and it's the part where Billy Idol is on the plane listen to Robbie's story; one of her favorite parts.

I read the letter. I thought that it was really sweet by the way. I'd want a girl to write that about me.

Hm, that makes sense.

That's awfully nice of you Sasuke.

Sakura's making you soft and gushy! Soon, you'll start writing love songs!

-Naruto

P.S. I don't really know, actually.

To: Naruto Uzumaki
From: Sasuke Uchiha
Subject: no subject

Not exactly writing.

-Sasuke

To: Sakura Haruno
From: Ino Yamanka
Subject: What is going on girlfriend??

So today, I was taking a lovely stroll after school since I had like, fifteen minutes to kill before cheerleading practice, when all of the sudden I hear these erotic moans. I go to the source of the noises and see a pink blob sitting atop a boy with rather spiky black hair (I was kinda far away 'cause I didn't want to disturb them). Oh, did I mention that they were heatedly making out?

Um, yeah, Sakura, who else has pink hair and who else has spiky black hair?

Care to answer why you where making out with Sasuke when just this morning you were telling him to fuck off and die? And what lead to such a gesture?

You know, as a best friend, its nice hearing these things.

Just saying.

Still Love Ya Mrs. Uchiha,
Ino

To: Sasuke Uchiha
From: Naruto Uzumaki
Subject: Homo I tell ya!

So, this afternoon when everything went down and I was right there and whatnot, I couldn't help but think 'I knew he was gay!' But apparently not because of all those hickeys I just saw you with.

Have fun?

You are the master of all things corny in the world. I've just dubbed you that.

Be proud.

So being your best man,
Naruto

To: Ino Yamanka
From: Sakura Haruno
Subject: Um, everything…?

Yeah, sorry I didn't fill you in. I just, well, got home. I spent the whole afternoon with Sasuke. And yes, I know that it is five now and everything, but I have a rather interesting tale to tell.

Well, this morning, as you know, I kind of told off Sasuke because I was so mad at his stupid little 'Hn' e-mail. He didn't really do anything, so it got me so much madder. I stormed off.

So, later today, I was walking out of school in the courtyard and stuff, when all of the sudden I hear:

"I wanna make you smile whenever you're sad"

I quickly turn to see what's going on since I absolutely love The Wedding Singer and that part especially (seriously, who doesn't cry at it?) I see Sasuke with a GUITAR! Fangirls were rather pleased.

Well, not until they realized he was singing to me. Yeah, me! He was looking straightly at me.

And he was singing 'I Want To Grow Old With You'! In front of everyone! On a guitar! That's like, every girls dream!

Once he was done, he put the guitar down and came over to me, smirking.

Angel of All: I'm sorry.
Me: -crying- Sasuke-kun, that was so beautiful! –hugs–
Angel of All: -whispers in ear all huskily- I love you.
Me: -crying even harder- I-I love you too.

And the, he leans in and kisses me! And I swear, it was the most amazing kiss, like, ever! It was so full of passion, all in those 10 seconds of the touching of our lips!

Many aw-s are heard all around, but I don't notice since I'm kissing the guy I've liked since Kindergarten!

Anyways, after the whole scene, Sasuke takes my hand and brings me over to a tree near the school and sits down under it. I sit on his lap with my back against his chest.

We get onto confessing all this stuff and everything. He's verifies the tomato incident and he gave it to me because he thought I was cute and Itachi told him that if a girl makes him blush (because apparently I did), that means that you have to be extra nice to them!

He's officially liked me since sixth grade! How crazy is that? And he never told me because he thought it would be all weird and stuff. And he didn't tell me after Neji told him because he didn't want to sound like a jerk!

Oh, and he said 'Hn' because he was planning on telling me after school and everything!

After this, he claimed that I'm his girlfriend and that I'm not aloud to talk, go anywhere near, glance, or even breath the same air as another guy, unless he is there. And he got all protective and admitted that he really was jealous all those times I went out with guys.

About twenty minutes into the conversation, I feel something cold touch my neck and I look down to see a necklace with a tomato on it (kudos for him finding a necklace with such an odd fruit). I turn around in his lap and smile daintily at him, asking if he planned this all. He answered with a simple maybe, since he's got to uphold his reputation of mystery.

This is how we get into a heated make-out session that you viewed. Sorry I didn't see you; I was just a little busy.

He walked me home after about two hours of our conversation and making-out and stuff. And yes, he did kiss me goodbye!

Wow, I'm so freakin' happy right now, it's like, unbelievable!

Sorry that you were filled in lately. Why didn't Naruto tell you? He was there!

Love you forever and ever my dearest best friend who helped me get the man of my dreams,
Sakura Uchiha

P.S. Did you see Neji and Tenten making out during lunch in the stairwell today? I was heading to lunch and I pass by them making all these sounds and everything. That hair job we did really helped!

To: Sakura Haruno
From: Sasuke Uchiha
Subject: no subject

Hey beautiful.

No problem today for me being a total stud muffin and making you fall even more in love with me. And the kissing, yeah, that was rather wonderful. I prefer porno tongue much more than church tongue…just saying.

I miss you.

Love,
Sasuke

To: Sasuke Uchiha
From: Sakura Haruno
Subject: I wanna grow old with you too!

Hi Sasuke-kun!

Well aren't you the cocky one.

So, I just wanted to say again that what you did with the singing and everything was incredibly sweet and thoughtful and all kinds of wonderful. And so was the kissing. Although, it was the farthest thing from 'church tongue' – which I secretly preferred. (You so do love The Wedding Singer and don't you deny it!)

Oh, and I've decided that if – when – we get married, that's going to be our wedding song. Just so you know!

I'm so glad that we're together and I hope that we never fight again for it is really stupid too and we just love each other way to much too!

And as good ol' Sammy says:

If you find somebody that you can love, don't let that get away.

Love,
Sakura

Kudos and some cake from Robbie and Julia's wedding for all who figured out the ending (I Wanna Grow Old With You) before I said so. I congratulate you on your success of gathering little clues and figuring out things.