THE AARP AFFAIR

"Napoleon," groused Illya Kuryakin, "help me find my glasses."

"They're parked on your head. Again. " Solo replied. "And, Mr. Cranky-akin, you've wandered into my office. Again."

"Sorry, sorry, " the rusty Russian rumbled, slowly heaving himself from the comfort of his partner's chair. He headed toward the door with his rocky gait. "Damn knee, " he paused to rub it. "It's going to rain. Again."

A soft knock and a sweet young thing entered. "The file you requested, Mr. Solo."

"Eh, Angela, my dear, would you be free for a long lunch at Denny's? I've got a senior coupon for the early-bird special..." he tempted.

"I'm Andrea, Sir," she corrected him gently. "Angela's my mother." She scooted out, deftly dodging his legendary pinch.

"Ouch..." Illya groaned. "And 'Sir,' yet." He clucked his tongue in sympathy.

"So, as long as you're here, how about a cup of coffee?"

Kuryakin regretfully waved the offer away. "My blood pressure-" he began.

"Nonsense. Of course it's decaf."

"Then certainly," Kuryakin raised the World's Greatest Grandpa mug to salute his partner. "After all, it's a special day."

Solo searched his memory. "Bingo night?"

"The 33rd anniversary of your 40th birthday."

"Oh, yes, of course." His mind wandered off in a thousand different directions and probably qualified for frequent flyer miles. "Hey!" he snapped his fingers, suddenly remembering to warn his partner. "If you go up to Human Resources, go armed. We are the only Section 2 agents that ever lived long enough to collect on all those cushy benefits they promised us in the recruitment speech."

"Human Resources!" The blond spat. "As if I didn't already have a feud going with Medical. Do you know, they refuse to honor my AARP card? I cannot even qualify for an appointment unless it's in the line of duty. " He had an inspiration. "Napoleon, shoot me in the foot so I can get carried in on a stretcher. Maybe then I can get a cortisone shot for this knee--it's killing me."

"Wellllll..." Solo hesitated. "You do realize my aim isn't what it used to be."

"Forget your vanity and put on your blasted bifocals!"

Napoleon pawed through his desk drawer for the despised spectacles. "Yknow, at Denny's the waitresses will bring me a cupcake with a candle and sing to me..."

"Then let's go. I have to take my 4 o'clock pills with food."

"OK, but I need to stop at the drug store on the way; I'm almost out of Helsinki Formula."

finis