"Certain it is, that there is no kind of affection so purely angelic as of a father to a daughter.

In love to our wife, there is desire, to our sons, ambition. But to our daughters, there is something where there are no words to express." ~ Joseph Addison

0-0-0

There comes a time in every man's life when he must face a huge and horrible crisis...

It's not when you come home to see your wife with your destroyed laptop in hand.

It's not even when your quarterback son says "Dad, I'm at the hospital...broke my arm. "

It's when it's past 12 and you hear strange noises coming from your daughter's room. Moans, to be more exact.

As if your daughter's dating isn't stressful enough.

Youichi grabs his rifle and heads for the door.

Backtrack. Rewind to a few days back.

It was a normal Sunday afternoon, a day that would pass by unnoticed, unmarked.

But as always, even the most mundane situations in life became extraordinary, when it involves the Hiruma household.

"WHAT?!" Youichi barked. "You say you want to what?!"

"I...uh...i"

"SPEAK BOY! I don't have all day!"

"I wanted to..."

"WANTED?! Not want? Then what the fuck are you still here for?"

"I..."

"I-uhhh-I---uhhh, is that all you can say?! SPEAK UP GODDAMN IT!"

"I-want-to-date-your-daughter........................sir."

"..." Youichi's ears twitched.

"Crazy." Kano said as he calmly walked through the living room and into the kitchen.

He was of course, referring to the nervous-looking boy who seemed to place little value on his life.

On the other hand, Youichi continued to give the boy an infuriated look.

The boy could only stare back - unable to move, think or even breathe.

For this man, who interrogated him with a rifle in hand and a murderous look in his eyes, was the very same person Kaneko-chan fondly calls "Daddy."

Youichi casts one look at the kitchen, perhaps the wife wasn't home, and immediately mutters...

"Where the fuck did I put that bomb grenade."

"DAD!"

"What?!"

"It's not funny!" Kaneko was standing at the entrance of their home, fuming.

He turns. It's February, the season when buying condoms and pills is a global phenomenon.

It's f*cking February and his ONLY BELOVED DAUGHTER has entered 'puberty.'

To Youichi, that was not funny.

"Come on daddy, be nice."

He stared at his daughter, sometimes he'd marvel at what he helped create - a little blackmailing demon.

Youichi knew. "Be nice" usually meant "I'm telling mom." And there were plenty of things she could tell.

Now was really not a good time to have a fight with the wife. She was pregnant, edgy and had a more powerful whack with the broom these days.

After what seemed like an eternity, Youichi sat back down and propped his legs on the table.

"Sit!" he barked at the boy. Satisfied with the scene, Kaneko smiled and went upstairs.

Seconds later, "Kekekekekeke."

"So...You want to date my little girl?" Do I? the boy wildly thought, he was unsure himself. "Y-yes.....sir."

"Hnnnngg. Boy, if you still don't know who I am and what I do, then you're stupid."

The boy gulped.

"If you do know and yet you still came here, then you're even more f*cking stupid. And boy let me tell you..."

Sweat trickled down his forehead.

"I know no remedy for stupidity" The quarterback flashed him that deadly toothy grin.

"Welcome to hell."

And he knew, this man meant it in every sense of those words.

0-0-0

Fast-forward to present.

Looking back, Youichi realized he should have shot the boy right then and there.

You see, he thought he had her protected when he mobilized his army of slaves.

Apparently, that's not the case.

His mind was blank with rage as he reached the handle of Kaneko's door.

He burst it open, ready to shoot the foreign object.

And then on the bed he saw...

.....

...

..

a note and a playing tape recorder.

How very anti-climactic.

There were just a few scribbles.

"Heart attack? Revenge for being a hawk on my date! -- "

"What is that sound?!" a sleepy boy stumbled from the other side of the hall. Apparently, his son Kano had woken up as well.

The heavily pleasured moans got louder.

Kano looks from his army-clothed father to the note and finally to the tape recorder. A sense of understanding slowly creeps into the boy's face.

"Is that MOM?!"

Youichi paused as he listened to the tape.

"Faster! Oh! --- Ahh! Youichi! Ahhh"

Extremely proud to be the cause of such moans, Youichi grinned maniacally and smugly said "Of course! Who else?"

"EWwww!"

"GO BACK TO BED! You've got practice at 5 am brat, why the f*ck are you still awake?!"" Youichi barked.

"Jesus!" Satisfied when his son left, he continued with the last line on his daughter's note.

"And I want a new room, preferably somewhere way down the hall... for obvious reasons."

Youichi could only laugh. "Kekekekekekeke!" Nothing, in all his years of manipulation and blackmail, prepared him for this night.

Relieved and pissed at the same time, he marches back to where Mamori lay sleeping after blasting the tape recorder to the neighbor's background.

"Hu--what? What's happening?"

Youichi places light kisses on Mamori's neck. "I want another brat."

Mamori blinked at her husband.

"You woke me up for that?!"

"Fuckin' twerps do interesting things. I wonder how the next one will turn out. Kekekekekekeke."

"...Honey, it's great that you're excited about fatherhood, but can you at least wait until this one comes out before we make another one?!"

0-0-0

The next morning...

"Good morning daddy!!!" Kaneko beamed and placed a light peck on her father's cheek.

"Nngg." he grunted, barely moving his eyes away from Amefuto Monthly magazine.

"Kaneko-chan, someone's here to see you" called Mamori from the living room.

In a swift motion, Youichi gobbles his steaming coffee and immediately heads for the door, bazooka in hand, of course.

With a menacing aura he asked "And what the f*ck is this one called?!"

"His name daddy is Rei. He's..."

Kabooooom!!!

"......"

"DAD!" Kaneko said.

"What?!"

"He was supposed to be the team's running back!"

"So?!"

"He was also gay."

"..." His elf ears twitched.

"Youichi..." came the dead voice of her threatening (but lovely) wife.

You all know what comes next.

...

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A/N:

GAH! Yes, I died a very very long time. And for those who were not satisfied with my humble piece of junk... I'm sorry... I lost my mojo. O_O

For those who did enjoy, THANK YOU! *sniff* THANK YOU.

I'm actually thinking of writing a final fic revolving around the whole family itself, not just about one kid... but... that all depends on the reviews. O.o Till then!