Kasek: Well…. My laptop with all my stories broke, and I'm having a bit of writer's block in respect to my current stories. I really wish I could complete one story for once.

Anyways, as a crossover author, I need to write my obligatory Harry Potter crossover. As per my custom, I'm deciding to take a rather different approach from the norm, in this case "Naruto goes to Hogwarts" or "Young Kakashi goes to Hogwarts"….

Anyways, this is pretty much for humor- don't be expecting a serious story.

Disclaimer: I own NOTHING. Especially not a working laptop.

Deidara looked horrified. "You want us to do WHAT?!"

Sasori cast his partner a venomous glance. "Have you forgotten who you're talking to?"

The holographic image of their leader, Pein, stood before them- not that the pair of artistic assassins knew his name, as the Akatsuki knew only to call him 'Leader-sama'. The image closed its eyes. "You are a mercenary. It is your job to do whatever you are paid to do, is it not?"

Deidara nodded in defeat. "Yeah, but… infiltrating a school? As students? What's that about, un?"

Pein opened his eyes, the concentric circles within creeping Deidara out. "A government known as the 'Ministry of Magic' has hired you to protect the students at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry."

Deidara nodded. "Yeah, could you explain that part, un? About the witchcraft and the wizardry?"

Pein would've rubbed his forehead if he hadn't known that it would show through the transmission. "Just as ninjutsu and genjutsu are one application of chakra, so is magic. It is performed differently than our jutsu, and thus has different properties. The people who use these spells are even more secretive than shinobi- they prefer to keep all those unable to use magic in the dark about the existence of magic."

Deidara nodded. "And… why do we need to pretend to be students, un? Couldn't we be just as effective as just ourselves?"

Pein's eyes looked the pair up and down, stopping on Deidara's hands for a moment. "I'm sure I don't have to be the one to mention the effects your physical appearance may have on those not used to the…. unnatural. As a bonus, this will give you the chance to learn how to use magic. You may just find a spell or two that would be useful to you in the future."

Deidara snorted. "My art is as useful to me as anything CAN be, un!"

There was a growl from Sasori. "Stop interrupting Leader-sama. The faster we get through this, the better."

Pein nodded. "You will be posing as Japanese who moved to England- you may disguise yourselves with whatever appearance you wish, but it would be best to retain a personality similar to the one you already carry. Also, you must appear to be of 14 years of age- that is the age of those regarded as your highest priority on this mission."

Deidara groaned. "Great… as if having to deal with snot-nosed brats wasn't bad enough, we have to pretend to be one of them, too, un…"

Sasori spoke up again. "Will we be acting alone on this mission, Leader-sama?"

Pein glanced at the hunch-backed figure. "Actually, no. The Ministry was willing to pay us quite a lot for this mission, so I've decided to send Itachi, Konan, and Tobi with you."

Deidara's look of horror resumed itself onto his face. "As if Itachi wasn't bad enough, Tobi too?! He isn't even a part of Akatsuki, un!"

Pein glared at Deidara. "Tobi is a loyal follower of our cause. Even if he is not a part of the core ten members, he is a part of Akatsuki, and you will consider him as such during this mission. Am I clear?"

Deidara gulped. "H-hai, Leader-sama…"

Pein resumed his speech. "You are to be touching the cloth behind me in one minute, so that the magic on it may transport you to Diagon Alley. There, you will meet Itachi, Tobi, and Konan, and you will also meet a giant named Hagrid, who will help you gather the materials you need. Make sure to disguise yourselves, first."

The image of Pein disappeared, revealing a piece of an Akatsuki cloak behind where it had 'stood'. Deidara immediately used a henge justsu to disguise himself as a fourteen year old version of himself, in jeans and a t-shirt, and lacking the mouths on his hands, as well as the device covering his left eye.

In the time that Deidara had been transforming, Sasori managed to seal away Hiruko, and henge his current body into that of a young boy, fast enough that Deidara could not see anything but the end result- a red-headed fourteen-year old with standard Suna clothing.

Deidara smirked at Sasori's appearance. "What? Is that form supposed to be cute or something? I'M the one who has the looks here!"

Sasori's face expressed no emotion, but there was a smugness in his voice. "You'd be cute if you were a girl. As a guy, you look hideous. You would be wise to switch your gender."

Deidara snorted. "Look who's talking, bishie-wannabe." He grabbed the cloth, and Sasori did likewise. A few moments later, Deidara had a tough time keeping his lunch in, while Sasori was using his strength preventing his body parts from flying everywhere, as it seemed like they were being pulled through a tear in the fabric of space-time. After what seemed an eternity to Deidara, they landed on a cold, hard street- and not with their feet, either.

Getting up, Deidara saw who he deemed to be Itachi, Konan, and Tobi standing there, looking over them. Surprisingly, they had not taken any real creative liberties with their appearances- Itachi and Konan seemed to be but younger versions of themselves, while Tobi was a boy with spiky black hair and one, black eye. His left eye was covered with an orange eyepatch, pirate-style.

Deidara then noticed the giant of a man standing with them. He was gigantic in height, girth, and beard- Deidara couldn't help but wonder how many kunai one could hide on one's self at that size. The man beamed. "And that's the last two, eh? So, then, that makes five of you, then- Itachi, Konan, Obito, and, uh… what're your names again?"

Sasori looked up at the large man, noting that he would make quite the addition to his puppet collection. He decided to go with the flow- if the others were not concealing their names, then they would not, either. "My name is Sasori, and this girl is Deidara."

Deidara growled. "I'm a boy!"

'Obito' snickered. "Suuuuure you are, Deidara-chaaaaaan!"

Deidara's eyebrow twitched. "'Obito'… say that again, and you will find that dying is NOT the worst fate that can befall a man…"

Obito cringed mockingly- but it was convincing enough for Deidara to believe that he was in control. "H-hai, Deidara-sempai."

Hagrid grinned behind his beard- these five were a lively lot. They would certainly spice things up at Hogwarts, that was for sure. However, he wondered why they had transferred schools when their families had moved- the schools were all boarding schools, and it wasn't like it was hard to travel from one place to another- there was always Floo powder, and Apparation. He also found it suspicious that five families- sorry, four, Itachi and Obito were cousins- would move like that. however, who was he to question it? It's not like they were Death Eaters or anything like that.

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Kasek: Let me know what you think of this. I plan on updating sporadically, as I REALLY need to work on my other stories, but this seems like a good way to get out of my writer's block. And reviews really help, even if they carry criticisms.

Oh, and for those new to me- NO YAOI/YURI. Probably not even going to have pairings- 'too troublesome'. You can make a good story without romance.