Sorry for taking so long with this chapter. This is the last one and I was really struggling with it. I wanted to go through the whole recovery period, yet finally figured, it would be too drawn out and probably boring. So I struggled to make this sound not too rushed and I'm not sure it quite came out the way I wanted it to. Judge for yourselves!
It wasn't until four weeks after Pastor Jim left that Sam was finally ready to be discharged. All of the physician's involved were surprised on how fast he was recovering, although especially Dr. Gonzales was very upset, when she found out that John and Dean were planning to take her patient all the way up to Minnesota. She hated to loose track of his recovery and did everything possible to convince them to stay in town. Only after she realized it was fruitless and Sam argued his father and brother needed to get back to work and he would be in good hands with his "uncle" did she give in. Reluctantly she faxed Sam's records to the Orthopedic and Sports Injury Center in Mankato, located about 35 miles from Blue Grass.
Her next concern was for his safe transport and here she proofed to be equally stubborn as any of the Winchester men. She insisted that her patient needed to be able to lie down comfortably, which in no way would be possible in either the Impala or John's truck. So John finally made arrangements with another hunter to take his truck, which he and Dean had picked up a few weeks ago, to Minnesota, while leaving his full sized Chevy van for the Winchesters.
It took John and Dean several hours to organize a mattress, bedding and other amenities the Hispanic physician required before allowing her patient to be released. In the end she made it her personal mission to test and inspect everything herself. Both older Winchesters grinned secretly at the scrutiny she put everything under.
"Doc, I can promise you we will take good care of Sammy!" Dean assured her.
The physician looked at him, her face wearing an almost guilty expression, "I'm sorry, I never meant to imply you wouldn't. It's just, Sam has been somewhat special to me and I hate to see him have a set back because of the long journey."
"You don't have to apologize, I'm glad you take such an interest in my son's well being." John assured her.
She hesitated for a moment then she said, "Would you do me a favor?"
"Sure, just name it." The older Winchester answered.
"Would you keep me updated on Sam's progress? I know I can call the clinic up there any time, but I'm not really interested in the medical information, I much rather hear from you how he is really doing, emotionally and physically."
Dean gave her a worried look, "Are you expecting any problems?"
"No, not really, although complications can always arise, but I think with your support, Sam is going to be just fine." She smiled then added, "Now, if you excuse me, I have to see a few more patients before I get Sam's discharge papers ready. I know you want to take off first thing in the morning tomorrow."
SN SN SN SN SN
Sam Winchester was sitting in the oversized recliner the nurses organized for him, when he was first allowed out of bed. The standard hospital recliner turned out way too short for the tall kid and made sitting more of a torture than the relief it was supposed to be after spending all this time in bed. So the next morning it was taken out and replaced with the much larger one. Now the youngest Winchester spent much of his day in it. It felt great to be out of bed, even if the chair only gave him a slightly different position than the bed.
Twice daily one of the physical therapists came up and performed passive exercises with him. Although the therapy was fairly limited, Sam was still grateful for it. His shattered knee remained immobilized and exercises to that leg involved only doing range of motion to the ankle and hip. His other leg was much better and he was allowed to put partial weight on it by now. Due to his inability to stand up, the therapist showed Dean and John how to help Sam do strengthening exercises while he was sitting or lying down. The one thing the young hunter was able to do for himself, were the exercises for his upper body. His arm, although still in a cast, was no real hindrance in doing the exercises to strengthen the assessory muscles, which helped with breathing. Even though they were painful, there was nothing that would prevent him from doing as many repetitions as possible; after all, it was something he could do independently. The constant dependence on others was getting old fast and at times Sam caught himself snapping at everyone around him.
This was the last day before his discharge, yet it also was another one of these days, when the youngest Winchester just didn't seem to be able to find any balance. After spilling his coffee on himself, he endured having his hospital gown changed by his brother, just to make a wrong move with his arm and have the aide drop the new cup on him. The words of frustration coming out of his mouth after that, made the young girl blush and John ask himself, if this really was his youngest, while Dean had to bite his tongue to keep a "That's my Sammy!" from slipping out.
Sitting in the recliner with no one else in the room, the young hunter thought about the seemingly small progress he made and the long journey that was still ahead of him. Even if everything went as planned, it would be at least two more months before he would be able to walk without assist. Two month and that only if the 'Winchester' luck gave him a break. For someone as fiercely independent as Sam, it might as well be a life time. Unable to hold the tears of discouragement back any longer, he was glad that for once he was alone and no one would see them.
SN SN SN SN SN
Dean was heading back to his brother's room after leaving John behind downstairs to make some phone calls. He was looking forward to getting out of this place. Being tied down in one place for any amount of time was tough enough, but being cooped up in a hospital with hundreds of sick people made him paranoid. Sam was the only reason he was able to tolerate this confinement.
Enthusiastically he opened the door and stepped into the room.
"Hey dude, ready to…"
The words got stuck in his throat, when he saw the distress in his kid brother's face, noted the tears running down his face and heard the sobs shaking his still frail looking body.
Hurrying to his side, he crouched down in front of him and asked with concern in his voice, "Sammy, what's wrong? What happened?"
Only now realizing his brother's presence, Sam wiped his face with his sleeve and made a poor attempt of a smile.
"M'okay!" He muttered.
"Right, because you always cry like a baby when you are okay!"
"Really, I'm fine." Although he tried his best, the younger man couldn't hide the shakiness in his voice.
"Well, I guess, then I can leave. I just came up to tell you that Caleb called. He wants my help on a hunt. I'm going to leave right now." Dean stood up and took a few steps toward the door, "So I'll see you in a few weeks up at Pastor Jim's."
Without turning, he continued to walk away. By the time he reached the exit, he was sure his plan wasn't working and hard pressed to turn back. Only determination made him take the last step and open the door.
"Please don't go!" The whispered response was followed up with a slightly louder confession, "I'm not okay!"
"I know you are not, Sammy."
It took the older brother only a fraction of a second to be back at the younger's side. Taking his once again sobbing sibling into his embrace, he used his hand to draw soothing circles on his back.
For a while they just sat there, Dean holding his baby brother, more or less patiently waiting for him to calm down enough to talk about his problems and Sam, feeling the comforting closeness of the elder finally letting all his pain out.
After several minutes Sam's body stilled and without letting go of his brother he said, "I just can't do this any more."
Dean moved him slightly away so he was able to look into Sam's eyes, yet continued to hold on to his shoulders, "What can you do anymore?"
"This! Look at me; I can't do anything on my own. I'm dependent like a baby and will be for several more months and that is only if luck holds, which never happens for either of us." Disillusionment was clearly written in his expression.
Dean felt like slapping himself. He knew this would come, had almost waited for it. After all, he knew his brother well enough. Still he hadn't been prepared and this was inexcusable in his eyes.
"Sammy, look at me!" he encouraged the younger man, "You don't have to do this alone, I will be on your side every step of the way. So will dad. Sure, he might leave at times, you know how he get, he needs to keep hunting to keep his sanity intact, but he will be back. Belief it or not, he made a commitment to you!"
Although he knew it was the truth, he wasn't sure Sam would belief him. So he was even more surprised by his brother's answer.
"I know he did!"
Taking it at face value, Dean went on, "See, you are not alone and I might not be able to promise you won't have any set backs but I can promise you that we will be with you."
Sam looked down for a moment, then he lifted his eyes and looked at Dean, "Thanks, I'm sorry I lost it!"
"You have nothing to be sorry for, kiddo. It's only natural to have a bad day once in a while."
"Yeah, I guess," Sam mused, then he suddenly added, "but what about that hunt with Caleb?"
"Dude, I just made that up, I needed something to get you to talk!" Dean smirked, unable to duck the pillow, which until a second ago was supporting his brothers injured arm, was now hitting his face.
Seeing the satisfied grin on his kid brother's face, he knew that at least for now, he had gotten through and pulled Sam out of his depression. Dr. Gonzales had warned them that this was inevitable in a long recovery such as his sibling's; he just didn't expect it to come this soon.
SN SN SN SN SN
Dean spent the afternoon making sure he was prepared for anything that might happen during the long trip up to Blue Earth. For once he and John prepare for the trip like their life depended on it. But it was Sam's life or better is well being that depended on their planning. The whole journey was going to take at least five days, about three days longer than it would take any regular traveler and four days more it would take any of the Winchesters under normal circumstances. John had booked rooms in decent motels along their route, making sure to ask multiple questions to assure the comfort of his youngest. He had also a list of physicians and hospitals that could accommodate Sam's problems, just in case anything would go wrong. Only now, after feeling they did everything needed to make for a smooth ride, did they allow themselves to enjoy dinner with Sam.
During the long weeks on the trauma unit, the Winchester men had wiggled their way into every single one of the nurses and aides hearts. John's rugged good looks, his gruffness and short temper, which couldn't hide his concern and love for his sons, at least not to these trained observers earned him the respect and many hidden looks and that not just from the older nurses. Dean's charm and good looks made most of the women swoon, yet it was his devotion to his kid brother, which really won him the heart of every female around. And Sam, well, no one could resist his puppy dog eyes and innocent charm. The way he seemed so blessedly unaware of his looks, which in their imperfectness, were perfect in their own way and even now, pale and covered with bruises and scraps as he was, couldn't be disregarded and made him even more endearing to ladies of the unit.
To celebrate Sam's discharge from the hospital and at the same time show the Winchesters how much they would be missed, the staff brought in food and now instead of serving the usual dinner tray, set it up on a table in the young hunters room. John and Dean were just as surprised as their youngest by the gesture. It was the older son, who finally found his voice again.
"Wow, I don't know what to say, this looks awesome!" He said, looking at the variety of dishes including fried chicken, ham, meat balls, scalloped potatoes, baked beans, cole slaw, potato salad, green bean casserole, cheese cake, pumpkin and apple pie and some other things, that were wrapped up but by the scent of it were most likely hot rolls and bread. Dean couldn't help the smile that appeared on his face, as his mouth started to water.
"I ordered pizza for us half an hour ago." John looked disappointed, "It should be here any minute. I wish I would have known."
"Don't worry about it", Dr. Gonzales assured him, "Debbie overheard you ordering it and told me. I took the liberty and cancelled your order. I hope you don't mind."
"Mind?" Dean, whose face had become long at his father's words, "I love you for it, doc."
He hugged the Hispanic physician and made his way to the table. After all, Dean Winchester was a growing boy and needed all the food he could get.
John wanted to stop him, yet the doctor stopped him, "Don't, I'm glad he enjoys it. I know there was a time, while Sam was not doing well, when you were worried about him."
"Was I this obvious?" the oldest Winchester mused.
"That and the fact that Dean seemed to be only focused on his brother, which obviously still holds true now." She pointed in Sam's direction, who just now was the recipient of a heaping plate of food from his brother.
Looking more than a little overwhelmed by the amount of food his brother put in front of him, Sam let his eyes follow Dean back to the table, where the older brother was now busy with filling another plate for himself. After he was done with it, stalked back to Sam and put the plate down beside the younger man's plate, before pulling a chair up and sitting down. Picking up a chicken leg, he was just about to bite into it, when he noticed his brother didn't start eating yet and was just staring at him.
"Dude, what's the matter, something wrong with your food?"
Sam gave him his patented eye roll, "No, but I'm not an eating machine like you. Dude, half the food would have been more than enough."
"Ooh, I didn't hear this." Dean pretended to cover his ears, "You know you have to eat. Did you look in the mirror lately? A skeleton looks chubby beside you."
"Does not!"
"Does too!"
"Does not!"
"Bitch!"
"Jerk!"
John made an apologetic gesture toward the doctor, yet she just waved him off, smiling, "They sound just like my younger siblings. My father remarried after my mom left him and so my sister is 10 years and my brother 13 years younger than me. The two of them are close, but they are always arguing and bickering like this also. Only difference is they call each other idiot and retard. Your sons make me hope that one day it will have a more loving sound to it."
"Guess most kids are like this some time or the other. I feel lucky, that Dean and Sam always been close. With all the bad things that happened, my boys are the one thing that made everything bearable." The Winchester patriarch suddenly stopped, realizing how much of himself he just revealed to a stranger. Yet for some reason it felt right, made him feel a connection to the outside world that he didn't experience for way too many years. Still, at this point he was not willing to open up more, so he said, "Well, I should get some food before everything is gone."
He pointed to the table, which was now surrounded by several nurses filling their plates.
"Food never lasts very long around here, belief me. You want to get some, you have to be fast." The doctor laughed.
Together they made their way over to the table to get some plates of their own, before joining the two younger Winchesters, who by this time were heavily involved in a discussion with two of the younger nurses.
SN SN SN SN SN
Two hours later things had finally calmed down after Dr. Gonzales and John insisted it was time for everyone to leave because Sam needed get enough rest before they started their journey in the morning. This time it was actually the youngest Winchester, who complained about not being able to continue the little celebration. John and Dean both felt almost sorry to have to refuse his pleas, which reminded them so much of a time when five year old Sammy insisted he was old enough to stay up until midnight. But just like then, both of them knew it wasn't in his best interest to give in to his requests.
After helping Sam settle back into bed, both older men sat down beside him. Although tiredness was clearly written in his face, the younger hunter was still not willing to admit to it. Again a smile played around John's mouth, he remembered the times when both boys would play this game at night. What little time, he was able to spend with his kids suddenly meant so much more than it ever did before. Looking back at the last month, he realized how much he missed because of his hunts, yet how much he received just by being allowed to have two sons.
When Mary told him she was pregnant, he had wished for a girl, one that looked just like his beautiful wife. Yet Mary had never been shaken in her belief that their first child would be a boy. Throughout the whole time, he had prayed she would be wrong. When Dean was born there was no way he could have been disappointed. Especially not when the little guy grew into a toddler and his eyes turned the same green color as his mothers. And then Sammy came along, again not the girl he had hoped for. He had to take only one glance at the joy in his wife's eyes, when she looked first at the little baby in her arms and then at him, telling him Sam was a spitting image of him. It made him realize, that it didn't matter what sex the baby was. All that mattered was his family was healthy and happy.
Loosing Mary, finding out that she was killed by something he never even believed existed, immerging himself into a life filled with hunting and revenge, through all this his only reason to get up every day, to not put a bullet through his head had been his sons. They kept him sane and gave him the will to live. Only until know, he never consciously thought about it. It had taken a very real threat of loosing both his boys for him to come to this conclusion. And suddenly John didn't feel quite as haunted anymore. Maybe there was something to what Jim Murphy believed after all.
SN SN SN SN SN
While his father was in deep thought over something he didn't know Dean let his eyes move between his brother and dad. There were so many similarities between the two of them, like the dark, wavy hair, which in his father's case now was mixed with gray, their smile and most of all the stubbornness that even Dean couldn't top. The last being the reason for many arguments and in the end for his brother leaving after their dad all but threw him out. For the longest time the older brother thought they would never make up and it tore him up to be in the middle of this. It got so far, that for a few years he didn't have any contact with Sam either. The worst thing was, that Sam thought their father didn't love him, which Dean knew wasn't true. He couldn't count the times John drove them to Stanford, or at least had some other hunter, who happened to be in the area check on his youngest.
So now here they were all three of them and for the first time in years there was peace and even a wordless understanding between John and Sam. For the oldest son, this was like a miracle and felt like he just received the greatest gift ever. Too bad, it almost took Sam dying to get here, a price that seemed way too high. Yet that was behind them, now they just needed to focus on his little brother's recovery. Being a family again was already half that battle won.
SN SN SN SN SN
Sam felt tired, yet too wound up to sleep yet. His excitement over finally being able to leave the hospital was only slightly dampened by the fear of what the next few months might have in store for him. Yet it wasn't the same kind of fear he felt this morning, because when he looked around he knew, he wasn't alone. Granted, Dean had always been on his side and he was sure that no one and nothing could ever replace or top his relationship with his brother, but their team was now even stronger with their father being part of it.
For a moment the youngest Winchester had tears in his eyes and a sob escaped his lips as guilt overwhelmed him. He misunderstood his father's motives to the point of causing their family to be torn apart for years.
The two older men were torn out of their thoughts by the suppressed weeping sound coming from their youngest. Confused they exchanged a quick glance before their eyes focused on Sam. The bewilderment written on both their faces turned quickly into understanding in Dean's case, while John's seemed to increase even more, as they unscrambled the bits and pieces coming out of the younger man in between the sobbing.
"Please..., my fault…hurt you…because…too angry…I…destroyed…,….so sorry…!"
The oldest Winchester couldn't help but be reminded of incidences of what seemed the not to distant past, when little Sammy would apologize for breaking something or messing up. He wrapped his arms around his youngest, pressing his brother's tear stained face against his shoulder. At the same time he gave his oldest a questioning look.
"He said, please forgive me, it was entirely my fault. I hurt you both because I was too angry to understand. I almost destroyed our family, I'm so sorry for what I did!" Although he hurt for his brother, he couldn't help the grin, which appeared on his face. Even after all this time, he still spoke Sam, no matter if his brother was happy or all torn up like right now.
John held his not so little younger son until his tremors and sobs became less. When he finally felt Sam had calmed enough, his expression turned serious and he pulled away enough to make eye contact.
"I thought we had this settled son. We both made mistakes but that's in the past now."
The moisture in Sam's eyes threatened to overspill once again and only his will power held it back.
Taking a deep breath, he finally said, "I know, but I hurt both of you of you. Dean had no part in our arguments and he always was in the middle. That was my fault."
He lowered his head, unable to face his brother.
John opened his mouth, yet stopped when he saw his oldest take a step closer. Letting go of Sam, he moved to the side to give his boys the space they needed.
Dean sat down on the bed and put his hand underneath his brother's chin, lifting his head in the process.
"You know, kiddo, this is what your awesome big brother is here for, to act as a buffer between you and the world."
Sam finally looked at him and this time confusion was clearly visible in his features.
"Yeah, remember, I always fought your fights for you, at least until you got old enough to kick some ass of your own. Can't say I liked the bruises I got from that, but I would have never let you get beaten up by a bully, or like in one case my best friend at the time. I didn't have to do that, but I did, because I wanted too."
"Yeah, you always were there. Still are today." Sam agreed.
"See, same here, I never had to be in between you and dad. I did it because I wanted to, and I didn't always do it right either. Several times I was so mad at you that I let you take a punishment you didn't really deserve."
The younger hunter gave him a surprised look, "You did?"
"Sure did, in all my awesomeness, I still wasn't perfect. Not at that time anyway!" He smirked.
"But I hurt you!" Sam still wasn't ready to receive the absolution.
"Well, did you do it on purpose?"
"No, but…!"
"See, so you forgive me for hurting you on purpose, but you won't let me; us forgive you for doing something, which you thought was right at the time?" Dean smiled and nodded at John, whose face also showed a smile.
There was a short silence, then the youngest Winchester said, "Guess you are right! All I wanted was a normal life. I didn't understand that all you were doing was protecting me."
"Don't be so hart on yourself, you were just a kid." Dean tried to encourage him again.
"I recognize that now and that's why I accept your forgiveness." He looked at his brother and saw the intense green of his eyes light up, "Thanks for being my awesome big brother and father."
The silence that fell over the room for the next few moments was filled with quiet exchanges between the three men. Things, which words never could express adequately, yet that were conveyed without difficulty by the glances going back and forth between them.
Sam at last was the one to break the stillness, knowing that neither his father nor his brother were very emotional.
"Now Dean, we do have to talk about those unjustified punishments you let me take!" He said, purposely sounding stern and almost angry, at the same time having a difficult keeping a chuckle in.
John looked a little surprised at his youngest and opened his mouth to interfere, when he caught the smirk in his eyes. Dean on the other hand could read his baby brother like a book and responded immediately.
Yeah well, right after we talk about the time when you took dad's shot gun apart and I had to fix it because you had no idea how. Or what about the time when you decided to take the Impala for a spin when you were 14 and put a dent in the front fender. I took the blame for that too."
"How…?"
Dean interrupted him, "How did I know you took the car? I saw you sneak out that evening. Belief me Sammy, there is not a lot I don't know about you." He gave his brother a satisfied grin, "And just in case you wonder why I took the blame? Because I knew about the date you had with Kara Sims. Actually, I was kinda proud of you for having the guts to take the Impala. And having dad teach me how to take a dent out of the fender was really something that came in handy in the long run. So anything else you want to talk about?"
"Jerk!"
"Bitch!"
For a while the banter was going back and forth, pretty soon including John, who in no way was left behind by his sons. Pretty soon though Sam found himself more listening and smiling than participating, as tiredness overcame him. Yet this time he didn't feel frustrated, rather he was content and for the first time in years he felt like nothing could touch him, not even the evil that killed his mom and girlfriend. His family wasn't perfect, but they were on his side and he could trust them with his life. With this knowledge he closed his eyes and let sleep claim him, at least for tonight no longer afraid of what the future might bring.
The two older men tuned there voices down as both of them noticed their youngest had fallen asleep. Both reached out at the same time to push the hair out of Sam's hair, there hands meeting in the dark curls. For a moment they paused there, content in the physical contact between all three of them.
Life might have dealt the Winchesters its worst, yet as a family they could deal with whatever was thrown their way. It really didn't matter what the next few month might bring for Sam, together they would get through it, after all, they were Winchesters. One was strong, three were almost invincible.
FIN
So this is the end. Hope you are not too disappointed. I know it's kinda sappy, yet this is what came out of me. Let me know what you think. Thanks for the loyalty you showed me. Hugs, Vonnie