A/N: This is a little story about the part in Seasons of love that says "In funerals" I'll probably have a series of these about the lines in that song, but here goes, Each character gets two chapters. This one is Collins POV.
I sat there with Angel, wondering what she ever did to deserve this. What I ever did to deserve her. The answer to both these questions was nothing. We had come to the hospital yesterday. I hated seeing her like this. So sad. Just then she interrupted my thoughts by tapping me lightly on the arm. She could talk, but it hurt her to, so we used these little signals.
"Yeah, baby?"I said.
Angel just pointed at the little table next to the hospital bed.
Confused, I looked at it. All there was there was a piece of paper, a pen and a glass of water. I picked the glass up and looked down at her. She just shook her head "no." Then I picked up the paper and pen. She took them and started writing as best she could. Every time I looked to see what she was writing, she covered it up and shook her head. I couldn't imagine what she could possibly be writing.
Finally, after a while she signed her name and showed me the paper. "Read it." she said, her voice weaker and raspier than I had ever heard it. So I began reading:
Dear Collins,
I wish you didn't have to be reading this. I tried not to get sick, really I did. You're probably just as mad at me as I am at myself for putting you through this. I'm sorry. Anyway, here's what I wanted to write.
First off, tell Mimi that I love her like a sister and that she's the best friend a girl could ever have. Tell her that I'm gonna miss her, but also tell her that a personal message from me is to get her ass in gear and get Roger back. She can pretend she doesn't need him all she wants, but if she doesn't admit she needs him, she's gonna regret it.
Tell Mark that he is the most adorable little geek anyone could ever meet. Tell him that I'll miss him too. Tell him to stop hiding behind his camera and start living life. No day but today.
Tell Roger that I wish I could just give im a big hug and tell him to stop angsting. Tell him that he needs to, and I feel really bad for saying this, stop acting like a brat and just forgive Mimi. She loves him and he can't hide from something that could happen tomorrow, or could happen in 10 years.
Tell Maureen and Joanne that they both need to get back together. They love each other and that's all that matters. If they keep this up, sooner or later, they'll lose themselves. Please tell them that.
Finally, the best for last. You. Collins, sweetie, I love you more than anything, more than I have loved anything. You know that. But, honey, please, don't let me dying crush you. God, that sounds really self-centered. But, seriously, baby, please,please, don't be afraid to move on. Don't be afraid to let yourself live. When I'm gone, you have to keep living. If not for yourself, for me. No day but today. PLEASE.
Collins, I'm scared. I don't want to die. Now I sound like I'm whining. You probably think I'm pathetic, But, baby, this is the part I really have to write. You can give anything of mine to anyone. I'm sure Mimi'll want to look at my outfits,etc. My other stuff…You can do what you want with it. But keep my drumsticks. Don't give those away. They're important to me, and they can be a reminder when I'm gone. Please, don't forget about me, but don't live your life dwelling on the fact I'm not there. Please Baby…For me.
I love you. So much.
Love,
Angel
Collins realized as he finished her later that he was crying. Angel looked up at him worriedly. He just looked and kissed her lightly on the head.
"Sleep, baby girl, you must be tired," he said. She followed his directions and fell into sleep. And Collins found himself watching her heart monitor, making sure she didn't slip away without him knowing.
LINELINELINE
October 30
Days had passed. Weeks. And Angel had gotten worse as the time passed by. Collins had refused to leave the room. Until that fateful day when Mimi called him into the hallway.
"Stop looking back! It's not like she's just gonna drop dead!" Mimi scolded Collins.
"It could happen." Collins muttered.
"Collins, look I called you out here for something important. You….oh god…..you have to let her know it's okay to go."Mimi said, failing at her attempts to hold back tears.
"But Mimi…"Collins said, beginning to sob too,"I…I can't."
"She's holding on for you,"she said,"She doesn't want to hurt you. She's in PAIN Collins. Please, just let her go."
"I'll try," Collins sniffed.
As Collins walked the short distance to the room, he felt horrified. This was the end. Angel was going to die today. He shook that thought out of his mind, tried to numb himself.
"Ang?"Collins called out.
"Yeah,honey,"Angel rasped.
"Shh, Angel, shhh."he said. "Angel,You can't go on like this. You,It's okay to go. You don't have to hold on. I guess what I'm saying is….It's ok. You can leave now. You can die."
With that, he watched Angel. Instead of passing, she whispered, "I love you."
"I love you, Angel, my Angel." Collins said between sobs and gasps.
And Angel slipped away, letting the warm white light overcome her.