I feel it everyday it's all the same
It brings me down but I'm
the one to blame
I've tried everything to get away
So here I go
again
Chasing you down again
Why do I do this?
"20 out of 30 shots missed. That's not the Nathan Scott that I know."
Nathan stopped dribbling and looked to his left where he saw his older brother, by three months, looking at him. Nathan took a deep breath and looked to ground and then at the orange ball that he held in his hand. He then looked at the basket in front of him. He hadn't heard his brother come into the gym. It was silent and empty, especially after the game. Nathan had watched the game with Haley James, his best friend and the love of his life. She asked him to keep her company while she watched her new boyfriend and Nathan's friend, John. After the game finished, Nathan was forced to stay behind and help the janitorial staff. As a token of their appreciation, if he wanted to, they'd let him shoot around for an hour. He took the opportunity. The thought of having the court to himself for a bit was the best thing for him right now. He figured that his brother had stayed behind to make sure that he was okay. No, Lucas. I'm not okay. Nathan had become fed up with having the same conversation with Lucas over and over again. Nathan shook himself from his thoughts and released the ball and watched as it hit the mesh that hung from the hoop. Lucas ran to retrieve the ball.
"What's up Nate?"
"How many times are we gonna go through this Luke? We've been over this a million times."
Lucas looked at Nathan. He was full of sadness, hurt, love and above all he was the picture perfect version of heartache. Yes, heartache. The one thing that Nathan wanted, he couldn't have. Lucas looked at Nathan. He had lost weight and it was visible in his face. Lucas caught the sleeplessness in his little brother's eyes. I guess that's what happens when you fall in love. Lucas had tried for so long to make Nathan forget, but Nathan, stubborn as he is, refused to forget anything. "She'll come back to me." That was what Lucas always heard from his brother. That's all Lucas heard for the past 5 months that these two were apart. Who? Ah yea. The one who Nathan loves. She was mentioned before, Haley James. Lucas still had no idea as to why they split up in the first place. He believed the two of them to be completely and utterly in love. And it wasn't just any love. Hell no! Nathan and Haley had something that I'm still trying to find. Heck, my mother is still trying to find. Actually, he's there and she's just blind. But, anyways, Nathan and Haley were just inexplicable. Their love ran so deep. There was never a dull moment with them though. They fought and had hardly anything in common. But, they didn't care. They hated being away from each other and when they were together, they made every second count. Even if they fought, it would be resolved within minutes. They were together for two years. Then, out of the blue, they broke up. It was just before college started. Truth be told, it was the week after graduation. They spent the summer in tears and pain. They decided to become good friends and go to Stanford with me and with each other. No one knew why they broke up. I'm still trying to figure that much out. Lucas just kept on watching Nathan.
"You gotta give her up dude."
Nathan stopped and stared at Lucas with a look of hatred and disbelief on his face. Of all people who may say that to me Luke is certainly not one of them. He was there the whole time. He should know better.
"Don't ask me to do that Luke. You know that I can't."
"Nathan. It's been 5 months, almost 6."
"5 months, 24 days. I'd tell you the hours and minutes, but then you'd be freaked out."
"I'm already freaked out Nate. Look at yourself. You used to be Nathan Scott. You were the man in Tree Hill. You broke up with a girl; you had another eating out of the palm of your hand within a week. What happened to that guy?"
"That guy? Is gone! God, Luke, just leave it okay? So what I'm depressed. It doesn't concern you. And besides, we're not in Tree Hill anymore."
"It does concern me Nate. You're my brother and the last thing you need is all of this."
"This? Lucas, you don't get it. You can't possibly understand because you have no idea what it's like having something so great and valuable and let it slip through your fingers. And I know it's my fault okay? I KNOW THAT!"
Nathan dropped the ball that was in his hands by slamming it as hard as he could to the floor. Lucas caught it before the ball hit the floor again and watched Nathan as he began to walk away. He turned to his little brother who was walking away, back facing Lucas. Nathan was just outside the three-point line when Lucas called him.
"Hey Nate!"
Nathan turned his head and looked at Lucas who had passed him the ball. Nathan caught it in between his hands. Nathan looked confused. Lucas looked to the basket above him and pointed to it.
"Nathan Scott doesn't leave the court if his last basket doesn't go in."
Nathan scoffed and bit the side of his bottom lip. He kept his glare on Lucas and released the ball and it went straight through the hoop. Lucas raised his eyebrows in shock. He didn't even look at the net. Nathan turned around and walked out of the stadium.
23Always&Forever23
Nathan walked alone across campus. It was dark and there were parties in full bloom. The volume of the noise skyrocketed and all he wanted to do was go to his dorm and sleep. He knew that to be impossible, so he opted to just go to the party in his dorm. He looked at his watch and noted the time. 11:32. He whipped out his cell-phone as it vibrated in his pants pocket. He had been sent a notice. 3 missed calls. 1 new text message. He scrolled and looked at all of the notices. The missed calls: 1 from mom and 2 from Haley. Haley. He smiled when he saw her name. It was the only thing that could make him smile. He then went to the text message. Haley. He opened it, and read it.
Hey me & Jon looking 4 u. prty in ur dorm. Me & Jon w8ing 4 u :D.
He was happy just before he received that text message and then he saw that she was with John. Nathan and John were friends and that's what hurt Nathan the most. It wasn't John's fault though. Nathan and Haley had met him 3 months ago. The three of them had English Lit together and they had met him there. He was a good guy and that's why it made it hard for Nathan to hate John. John and Haley began to date about a month ago. John played basketball and if that weren't enough to tip the scales in his direction, he was also a musician, something that appealed to Haley. Nathan couldn't understand why he couldn't just get over her. He tried to so many times, but it was useless. He tried to avoid her completely at one point, but it was useless. He couldn't live without her. Without her in his life, he felt dead. He kept on walking in the direction of his dorm.
So many thoughts that I can't get out of my head
I try to live
without you, every time I do I feel dead
I know what's best for
me
But I want you instead
I'll keep on wasting all my time
He arrived at his dorm and the music blared throughout the halls in between the dorm rooms. He arrived at his room and unlocked the door. He saw her. She was alone. His heart began to beat quickly in his chest. He swallowed the lump in his throat and licked his lips to keep them from drying up. She looked at him and smiled.
"Hey!"
He smiled as she hopped off of his bed that sat against the wall, opposite of the door. He didn't have a roommate, which settled well with him. She threw her arms around his neck and his went directly around her waist. She had pulled him into a hug and his heart fluttered as soon as he held her in her arms. Anytime that he was near her, he fell in love with her all over again and it never stopped. She released herself from their hug and looked at him. He looked around the room.
"Where's John?"
Haley raised her eyebrows.
"Oh. He said he had to leave because he had killer exam on Monday."
"It's Saturday."
"I know. But, his family has high expectations of him and he's here on a scholarship, so he has to keep his grades up. How you been?"
Nathan shrugged. He kept his feelings for her under the hood when she was around. According to Haley, they were just friends with no mutual feelings of romance toward each other. That chapter of the book was great while it lasted. However, a part of her always felt awkward around him. Their history was complicated and she preferred to keep the past in the past. Not that the past wasn't hard to get over. They had gone rough time in the first month that they had broken up. They always had a need for each other and when all was said and done, in Haley's view, they parted on excellent terms. But, that's another story for later. Haley looked at Nathan, who now sat on his bed. She sat beside him and he smiled down at her. She was his best friend and he was hers. They had been through too much together to throw that away.
"So, you feel like watching a movie?"
Haley smirked and then looked to his door. She pointed to it.
"You realize that there's a party outside your door right?"
Nathan shrugged.
"So? I have my laptop and ear phones."
"Your laptop carries one port-hole for earphones, genius."
"I also happen to have that two-way thing that Lucas got me for my birthday last year."
Haley smiled and nodded, letting Nathan know that she'd watch a movie with him.
"Do I get to pick?"
Nathan gave her a smirk.
"Of course."
Haley hopped, excited, off of Nathan's bed and went over to his DVD collection. Nathan opened his laptop and started it up. He smiled at the wallpaper on his background. It was of him and Haley when they used to date. They just sat together, smiling at the camera. He looked over at her and noticed the small of her back was exposed to him. His heart began to race again and he noticed the small tattoo on her lower back. 23. His heart raced faster. She still has it? I thought she would've gotten it removed. Nathan's thoughts and questions consumed his mind. He didn't even notice Haley plop down beside him and giggle at the photo of them on his laptop. She then noticed that he was spaced out and she waved her hand in front of his face. He shook his head and turned his gaze towards her. She handed him the movie and he groaned.
"Are you serious?"
"Yes."
"Really? Love Actually?"
"What it's funny and there's female nudity for you. And besides you said that I could pick and I did."
Nathan sighed and looked at Haley. You did say that she could choose the film. He smiled at her.
"Okay."
Her smile returned to her face and he slipped the DVD into his laptop. He skipped to the main menu and pressed play. They sat, comfortably on his bed and watched the movie. He hardly paid attention to the screen. His gaze was on her the entire time and she concentrated on the film. About 40 minutes into the movie, she snuggled into his chest, unknowingly. Nathan could feel his heart to begin to beat faster and faster with each passing minute. He itched his nose to form some excuse in case that she asked about the drum that kept beating in his chest. Body movement increases the pumping of blood throughout the body. Yeah right. Like she'd believe that you idiot…Nathan's mind wandered back to the tattoo that she had on her lower back. There was a history behind that tattoo.
Nathan had always loved basketball. He would've been a great player if he was on the team in high school and might have had a shot at playing in college and, possibly, the NBA. Nathan used to play basketball as a kid, but when he got to high school, he hadn't tried out for the team because his father had shot his dreams to hell. Dan Scott had done quite a number on his son. He used to tell him how he would never be good enough to play professionally. Nathan, eventually, came to believe his father and when high school began, he didn't try out and lost all of his dreams. He began to focus on school. Then, by some twist of fate, he emancipated himself from his parents and quit listening to his father. However, his chance came and went. He missed his chance in playing. He remembered telling Haley about all of this and how when he was a kid, his jersey number playing basketball was 23. A few days later, she came to his apartment and he had seen it.
He turned his attention back to Haley and noticed that she was shaking beneath his arms. A look of concern flashed across his face.
"Hales. Are you okay? You're trembling."
"I'm fine."
She continued to shiver. He placed his hand on her forehead and made his way to her cheek.
"You're warm as hell."
"Funny I feel cold and clammy."
Nathan got up and grabbed the blanket from under his bed. He shook it open and covered her with it. He sat beside her again, holding her closely. She continued to watch the movie, but he could still feel her shiver underneath his grasp.
"Are you sure that you're okay?"
She shook her head.
"Maybe I should go."
Haley began to get up from her spot, tossing the blanket off of her body. Nathan stood and grabbed her wrist from going anywhere.
"I don't think so Hales. You're sick and there's absolutely no way that you're walking out there alone at this time of night."
Haley looked up at Nathan and saw the concern written in his expression.
"I can't stay here Nathan."
"Then let me give you a lift back."
Haley nodded and said "okay." Nathan grabbed his jacket and put it around her shoulders to keep her from shivering. They walked out of the dorm, passing drunken college kids and avoiding any interaction with those who had gone over the top. Nathan held Haley the entire time. They arrived at his car and he opened the door for her. She stepped in and he closed the door for her. He got into his car drove off in the direction of Haley's campus. He drove as quickly as he could, knowing that she needed to rest. He noticed her asleep next to him. She was cuddled into his jacket and he smiled when he saw her. Why can't we be the way that we used to be? I loved you. I still love you. You do this to me all the time. Everytime I see you, I fall for you. I know I shouldn't have done what I did, but it was what I was feeling. It's what I still feel. How could you move on so quickly? We were together for two years. Two. And it took you three months to get over me. It's been almost 6 months and I still can't get over you. Why can't I get over you? Do I want to get over you? Consumed by his thoughts, Nathan almost didn't notice that they arrived at Haley's dorm. He parked outside of her building and looked over at her. He caressed her face and she awoke at his touch.
Over and over, over and over
I fall for you
Over and over,
over and over
I try not to
Over and over, over and over
You
make me fall for you
Over and over, over and over
You don't
even try to
"We're here."
Nathan unbuckled his seat belt and got out of his car. He ran around to the other side to get to Haley. He opened the door for her and got her out of his car. She was half asleep. He scooped her into his arms and walked through the halls of her dorm. When he got to her door, he placed his hand carefully into her pocket and grabbed her keys. He found the correct one and unlocked her door. Her roommate had not returned to the room. Probably still partying. He entered the dorm room and closed the door behind them. He brought Haley to her bed and placed her down as gently as he could. He took off her shoes and undid her bed. He placed her underneath her comforter and sat beside her, careful not to wake her. He placed his hand on her head. She felt warm, but not as warm as before. Her temperature was going down, slowly. He ran his hand over her face. Her beautiful face. Nathan tried to leave, but he felt that he had to stay and look after her. It's not your job anymore. She has a boyfriend…who's your friend. Who she loves…does she? Nathan shook his head. The thought of Haley being in love with anyone other than him tore him to his very core. The thought alone made him feel sick, like someone was twisting a knife into him. And with that thought, a small tear fell from his eye. He leaned forward; rubbing his eyes with his hands and took a deep breath. He then felt something rub his back. He turned to see Haley, sitting up and looking at him.
"You okay?"
"Shouldn't I be asking you that?"
"I feel fine Nathan. It's probably just the flu or something."
"I can stay if you want."
Nathan could feel his heart pounding. She still had her hand on his back. He watched her as she smirked and let out a small laugh.
"I'll be fine. Besides, you look dead tired."
"I don't mind watching over you if you need me to."
"I don't need you to look after me. I've been sick before. I think I can handle it."
Nathan smirked and looked at her. He nodded, took a deep breath and forced himself to stand up. He turned around and tucked her back into bed.
"Sleep tight Hales." And with that, he was gone and heading back to his dorm.
23Always&Forever23
Nathan woke up. The sun shone through his window and her rubbed his eyes as he looked at the time. 8:39. It was Sunday. Nathan got up from his bed and walked over to the bathroom, wearing only his boxers. He turned his shower on and waited for the water to become the perfect temperature. When it did, he got in and began to lather himself. While he rinsed the shampoo out of his hair, his thoughts went to Haley. He closed his eyes and saw her face. He smiled at the thought of her. Someone entering his bathroom interrupted his thoughts. He popped his head through the shower curtain and saw no one. He shook his head and put his head back under the water. When he turned around, he saw the most beautiful thing before him.
"Haley."
She silenced him by placing her lips on his. Their bodies pressed together. Nathan's hands encompassed her waist, and she pushed him against the shower wall trying to keep both of them from falling. Nathan's arousal grew and she stopped kissing him when she felt it on her leg. She smiled up at him when she noticed him blushing. She plunged herself back into his mouth and let their lips battle one another.
"NATE!"
Lucas' voice boomed throughout the dorm room. Nathan had been brought out of his daydream. He turned himself around to face the knob and turned the water from warm to cold. He let the cold-water droplets fall on his body and when he was done, he ended his shower.
Nathan exited the bathroom wearing his black track pants and saw Luke sitting on his unmade bed. Luke looked at Nathan as Nathan began to pick up clothes off of the floor.
"Where'd you go last night?"
"I came back here, hung out with Haley."
"I thought that she was with John."
"She was. But, he had to go study. Apparently he has a killer exam tomorrow."
Lucas noticed the look on Nathan's face. It was full of sadness. Luke shook his head and looked at Nathan apologetically.
"Look, I'm sorry for asking you to let her go, but she's killing you slowly Nate. I love Haley; don't get me wrong. She 's like my little sister, but you can't hold on forever Nate."
"I know Luke. And I know that you're sorry, but I just can't seem to let her go. It just kills me inside when I see her."
"Maybe you need some time away from her."
"I can't do that. I tried it already. It didn't work."
Lucas stood from his spot and walked over to Nathan. He pulled his little brother into a hug.
"You'll be okay man."
Lucas released his grip on his brother and Nathan looked back at him
"I hope so."
"So what are you doing for the rest of the day?"
"Uh…I was gonna go visit Haley. See how she's doing. She wasn't feeling well last night. And if she's okay then I'll probably head down to the gym and work-out or something."
Lucas toned out the second part of Nathan's schedule. When he heard the first part, he couldn't believe what he was hearing. He wants to get over her, but he keeps setting himself up. She makes him fall for her all the time. Lucas nodded. He then turned around and left Nathan's dorm room. After his brother's departure, Nathan walked over to his desk where his laptop sat, still on from the previous night. He entered his iTunes and scrolled for a song to listen to. He wasn't in any type of mood to listen to rap or hip-hop. So he scrolled down his genre column and clicked on the rock section. He scrolled down and clicked down to Trading Yesterday. Haley had downloaded a bunch of their music when they were dating and he never deleted it. He clicked on one of their songs and it began to play throughout his room. He sighed and walked to the bathroom to finish washing.
If I could change the currents of our lives
To make the river
flow where it's run dry
To be a prodigal of father time
Then
I would see you tonight
If I could find the years that went away
Destroying all the
cruelty of fate
I must believe that love could find a way
Tonight
Nathan let the cold water run between his fingers, making sure it was cold enough so that he could brush his teeth. He filled his toothbrush with toothpaste and began to brush his teeth. He stood over the sink, listening to the lyrics of the song that filled his room.
Lonely finds me
One day you will come
But I'll wait for
love's sake
One day to me, love
Nathan finished brushing his teeth. He switched the cold water to warm water and waited for it to heat up. When it was at the temperature he wanted, he splashed his face with water, cleaning his skin. The water felt good over his skin and quite a bit went into his hair, making it wet once again.
If I could see beyond the here and now
If you could hear me
calling you somehow
If I could know that love is reaching out
To
find you with me tonight
Then hope could make these promises come true
Beyond what I
could say, what love can do
With every moment leading me to you
tonight
Nathan reached for a towel; his eyes were closed. He wiped his face and then he heard a knock at his door. He placed the towel where it was and walked out of the bathroom.
Lonely finds me
One day you will come
But I'll wait for
love's sake
One day to me, love
I will stay forever here to wait for your love
Nathan made his way to the door. His hair was still wet and it stuck up from drying it. He wore only his track pants and reached for the doorknob to open the door.
If I could change the currents of our lives
To make the river
flow where it's run dry
To be a prodigal of father time
Then I
would see you tonight
Nathan opened the door and his eyebrows rose in surprise and happiness when he saw who was on the other side of the door.
Lonely finds me
One day you will come
But I'll wait for
love's sake
One day to me, love
Haley noticed Nathan's appearance. His hair was wet and he wore only pants. Haley could feel herself become flustered. She did her best not to show it. She had to take a deep breath as her eyes glazed over his exposed skin. She unknowingly licked her lips and bit her bottom lip. Unknowingly to Haley as well, Nathan noticed her actions. He smirked and silently thanked the universe that he had some sort of effect on her still.
Lonely finds me
One day you will come
But I'll wait for
love's sake
One day to me, love
One day to me, love
One day
to me, love
I will stay forever here to wait for your love
Haley shook herself from gazing at Nathan. She focused her eyes on his face and she smiled. He smiled back at her and then he spoke.
"I was just coming to see you."
23Always&Forever23
A/N: PLEASE REVIEW! I hope you enjoyed the first chapter. Let me know if I should continue it! Songs used in Chapter 1:
Over
& Over – Three Days Grace
One Day – Trading Yesterday
ALSO: Who'd you prefer Lucas end up with in this fic…Brooke or Peyton??