Disclaimer: Olivia and Elliot and all the rest are, unfortunately, not mine. -tears-

A/N: I just got so frustrated with the ending of the latest episode "Undercover" (which means massive SPOILERS! for all of S9 really) that this just kind of came about on it's own. Cause I mean, seriously, our poor Liv has had a bunch of pretty significant lifechanging experiences this season but they're not showing us how well (or not well) she's dealing with things. Especially since she hasn't talked to El about like, ANYTHING. (Cooper anyone? Hello!) even that little adoption bit was nothing more than a quip. So, yes, it's true. I have finally succumbed: here's my first E/O shipper story! Not planning on going too overboard with it at the moment, but who knows where it will head. These characters do tend to be rather strong-willed if you will remember. -wink- Oh, also, these are the first random scraplings that came into my head (in fact the very first paragraph optimally should be placed somewhere else... only where? idk yet. lol. sorry about that!) but I want to know what everyone's thinking. Should I continue or is it not worth it? xoxo

TangoSVU

"Who's the bitch now?" The anger comes suddenly, unexpectedly, seemingly not from her mouth. It's a reaction whose origin she can't place. It occurs because Fin arrived, because she caught a glimpse of her former life, an image of the person she used to be. She's already lost whoever that was; it was stolen, ripped away. For all the things she thought she knew, the things she says every single day, they were a lie. As strong as she thought she was, she's crumbled. She's cried, is crying, can't stop crying.

The sheets tangle around her feet even though her arms are wrapped around her knees. She can't breathe, she can't breathe. She has brought every single light inside of her apartment into this one room and turned them all on, but nothing stops the fear. Nothing stops the visions behind her lids every time she closes her eyes. What happened in the basement, Liv? Nothing. Nothing. If she thinks it hard enough, long enough, it will be true. It has to be. But she's not just thinking it; she's speaking it, screaming it really. What happened in the basement, Liv? Elliot! Elliot don't ask! Elliot just save me, please! Help me, El! Her hands are stretched before her, reaching as far as she can as she tries to shout everything out but it won't come. She's alone. Always alone. This is exactly why she hasn't been to her apartment in days, but people at work were starting to question. What happened in the basement, Liv? What happened in the basement, what happened in the basement, what happened in the basement…

Nothing. Nothing happened in the basement.

Tears fall. The lies haunt. She doesn't sleep.

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Elliot sees her sitting at her desk. She's staring at that bastard's photo again. The exact same look in her eyes as the last time. He wants to go over to her but he doesn't. She's closed him out. He doesn't know what happened, but he's ready to listen. She's got no one; no one except him. So why does she shut herself off? He asked her, he asked! As gently as he possibly could, he asked her the question no one else was brave enough to confront. "What happened in the basement, Liv?" He watched her, restricted the urge to wrap her inside his arms so they could forget the severity of it all. He waited through her hesitation. He waited for her.

But she lied. He knew she would before she even took a breath to speak. "Nothin'." She couldn't even finish the word. She knew she was lying too. He was about to say her name, already shifting to allow contact between them, but Olivia interrupted. "Nothin' happened." A sigh, the illusion of a breath but Elliot could tell that she was, is, dying by degrees, her beautiful soul withering. "I'm fine, El."

It's the shortening of his name that stopped him. It's their thing. Only Liv calls him that. She's still there, somewhere – his Olivia – so maybe she's okay, for now, because eventually she'll let him in. She always comes around. They always find each other. So he let her go and holds onto that. But he watches her.

Just like he watched her behind the glass as she interrogated the perp. The familiar surroundings bolstered her confidence. They were in the victim's territory now and everyone knew it. Victim. It threw Elliot for a loop. No, no, it's not true. Elliot thought. Fin rescued her before anything could happen. (Fin, not me. The pounding in his head reminds him. He should've been the one. It was his job to protect her. His job to save her but he didn't. He failed and look at what's happened. He's lost her. She's lost herself.) Olivia was not, and never would be, a victim. Inside that room she was strong, she was in control and there was no denying it. But still, it was a false bravado, a shimmer of her normal presence.

She talked the same as always, same movements, same intuition for which words would press the right buttons. Elliot saw her confront him – the man who bruised her – steel in her gaze. He got into her face and Elliot was about to run in there to protect her because he screwed it up the last two times and he still can't understand why he wasn't allowed in there to begin with but she wanted to go in alone. She wanted to handle it without him.

But he saw her flinch. He saw the fear in her eyes as Harris yelled at her, tried to touch her face. He saw as she struggled to retain her composure, had to divert her pupils from his eyes to the wound on his cheek, just one of the many marks from their last encounter. She needed to see that she'd damaged him, needed to be reminded that he couldn't affect her here. But he had, and Elliot knew it. But all he could do was watch. Watch and wait for his Olivia to come back to him.

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"What are we doing down here?" It's her voice, but different. Set on edge, wavering over the unknown. His voice is there too, without the muffling affect like her own. No, his is crystal clear. Just as clear as her nerve-endings sending electric shocks directly to her brain for every point of contact from him. It is so painful on her skin that Olivia jerks awake, throwing the covers on the floor and gasping for air. Immediately she leaps up and pads barefoot into the kitchen to fill herself a glass of water but once there she stumbles, has to place her left hand across her heart in an attempt to still it and wipe the tears away with her right. She can't keep doing this. She can't keep going like this. She's coming apart at the seams and no one seems to notice. Even Elliot accepted her lie but she can't do it. She can't. do. it."I lied," She croaks dryly, her voice still scratchy from the screams in her dreams. Only there's no one there to hear her, so she pushes the back of her hand across her lips as if that could hold back the sound, and then – mournfully, piercingly – she wails.

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a/n: well? review please and let me know! oh and seriously, who else is distraught over Diane Neal leaving? -tears-