1. Dirty Little Secret

—

A/N: A friendly warning before starting this story: it deals with subjects like abuse, depression, self-loathing, and general unhappy stuff that might make some people uncomfortable. It's rated M for these themes, but also certain relatively graphic scenes.

—

"Hey, you're pretty. Do you mind if we talk a bit?"

The guy next to me was rather good-looking. He had an easy smile, straight teeth, a bit of a crooked nose, black hair, blue eyes. But if you looked closer, his gaze went just slightly past my shoulder, and the muscles in his jaw were tensed. I was one of many targets.

"Yes."

"Yes what?"

"Yes, I mind."

"Why? You got a boyfriend?"

I shrugged, focusing back on my cellphone. "Why do I need to have a boyfriend not to talk to you?"

He grunted, and got to his feet, muttering, "bitch" under his breath. I still heard him. I pretended I didn't.

Aerith was late. Which, really, wasn't something I would have minded if it weren't Aerith. The most punctual person to have ever lived. It was one of the only things we agreed on, punctuality.

I had been waiting for a good twenty minutes when she finally showed up, panting, her face all red and blotchy. It would disappear in a minute or two—the girl had perfect skin and never wore makeup, not even on special occasions. Lucky.

"Sorry, Teef. I missed my bus."

I found myself smiling despite my annoyance. She mock-gasped as she did every time I cracked a smile, no matter how big or small. I didn't smile much.

"It's alright. I just got here."

"Liar."

"Yeah, okay." At least I could admit it.

She linked her arm with mine, and began walking in direction of her favourite store, dragging me along. Shopping on Saturday afternoons was a ritual—if you could call it shopping, especially on my part. I never bought anything unless I absolutely needed it.

Aerith was telling me about her Chemistry lab partner and how the girl had screwed up the experiment, but I wasn't listening. Something else had captured my attention. Or should I say, someone.

My gaze was rooted on his back of his head. Silently, I wish for him to turn around. One of his friend caught my eyes, and with the most annoying smirk ever, pointed in my direction. I instinctively lowered my head, hoping my hair would hide my features. Not that it would really change a thing. He would know it had been me.

I felt a tug at my arm. Aerith was staring at the guys standing on the other side of the food court. Please don't notice, please don't say anything, please, please, please.

"Why is Cloud Strife looking at us?"

Why, indeed, I thought. The asshole.

Aerith's question was reasonable. Cloud Strife didn't look at girls often. The most popular of the rumours was that he had a girlfriend that went to Nibelheim High School, and he was too ashamed to admit it. If only they knew.

I wanted to turn around and glare at him. I didn't. So I shrugged as if that explained everything.

It didn't.

—

I hesitated before letting myself in Cloud's house that afternoon. His mother's car was parked in front, which meant that I would have to play the friend. I snorted at the thought. Instead, I rang the doorbell. To my relief, it was Cloud who answered. He didn't seem to be a good mood. I could tell from the way he close the door behind me with a little too much force.

"Is your mom there?"

"Yeah, in her office. She just went in."

Great news. Once she started working, Camilla Strife didn't stop for hours.

Cloud headed for the kitchen, and I followed him, taking off my jacket at the same time. He grabbed a bottle of water, offered me something to drink, and sat down at the table. I did the same, making sure to keep some distance between us. He had the nerve to look amused for a second.

"Do you think she'll mind?"

"Why? She's used to seeing you around." To my dismay. I wasn't here to play the dutiful girlfriend or the happy friend, and I had the feeling his mother was starting to notice.

"You know what I mean."

He leaned back in his chair, took a large gulp of water, his eyes never leaving me. "Yeah. I do."

I crossed my legs, my dress riding up a few inches. His gaze drifted away from my face. Without another word, he grabbed my leg gently, and hauled me closer. The chair scrapped against the floor, a grating sound that I ignored. His hand snaked its way to my thigh. My breathing hitched.

"I'm not doing shit in your kitchen."

The spell broke and he released me, laughing. The cloud of lust hadn't left his eyes. He got to his feet, offering me his hand. I took it, just like I did every other day I came here, and let him lead me into the basement and in his bedroom. Once there, I threw my jacket on his desk, not caring as it knocked something on the ground. Cloud had my dress over my head in a matter of seconds.

"You were staring at me today," he said, face buried in my hair. The one thing I knew for certain about Cloud Strife was that he adored my hair.

"You were, too."

"I was. Reno saw you."

"And?"

He didn't say anything, only kissed me.

We laid in his bed afterwards, the thin sheet covering our bare bodies. We both stayed on our side of the bed. I guess it was one of those days, the ones where he sensed the tension on my body and didn't want to anger me.

It's one of those days where I realize how foolish I am, I thought while lighting a cigarette.

"Still smoking?"

I shrugged. "Trying to smoke less."

Cloud nodded, as I knew he would, and shifted on his side to look at me. His head rested in his hand, the other drawing sensual letters on my middle. He liked to do that.

Observing him, I couldn't help but remember all these cheesy novels where the guy adopted the same posture, and a chuckle escaped me.

"What is it?"

"Nothing. Just you looking stupid."

Cloud scoffed, throwing the sheets of his body and standing up to find his clothes. I didn't peek; I thought there was something intimate about watched someone dress after sex. I didn't feel like it applied to us.

"I'm meeting the guys at the park," he grunted. "You can… let yourself out, all right?"

Don't come with me. The unsaid statement hung between us like a curse, weighing me down and draining me from my energy.

"Sure, sure. I'll take a shower before, though."

He let out a laugh as he rummaged in his closet for a clean shirt.

"If I wasn't in a hurry I'd stay."

I didn't answer. My eyes drifted from him to the ceiling where the classic star stickers glowed lightly in the darkened room.

"You've got work tomorrow?'' Cloud asked. He sat at the end of the bed, taking my foot and massaging it through the sheets. I purred in the back of throat, disentangling my leg from the bedclothes and posing it on his lap. I stamped out my cigarette in the ashtray that was on the ground.

"Yeah," I finally replied. I opened the drawer of his beside table for a gum, finding about three empty packs and four new ones in it. All mint flavor. Perfect. "Friday, too. I finish at eleven."

"Okay. I'll come pick you up Friday then."

He kissed me, long and deep, fingers intertwined with mine.

"Bye," I breathed.

Cloud got to his feet, and without another glance, climbed up the stairs. Leaving me alone and cold in his bed.

Story of my life, I couldn't help but think.

—

There was a new student. A male, like Gossip Queen Anabel told me. It was hard to tune out someone with a voice like hers. I bet they could hear her in the next town.

Anabel was the kind of girl I hated because she wanted to be friends with everyone only for the reputation it would give her. That was exactly why she was losing her time telling me about this new guy. We were walking toward the school. Five minutes ago she had received a text from her friend concerning the new piece of meat walking through the Academy's corridors.

"I bet he's really rich! You think I'd have a chance with him?"

Dream on, darling.

"Probably."

"Really?" Insert squeal of joy. Oh, my poor ears. "You'd do me a favor, Teef?"

I'd rather die.

"Sure."

"Think you could go talk to him with me? You're so skilled with guys!"

If she only knew what a disaster I was with guys.

Seriously, I don't know how this ridiculous rumour got started.

"We'll see. Perhaps he's really ugly."

Because if he was, she'd leave me alone.

"Oh, no! Ashely told me he was hot."

I should go murder the guy. Then I'd do her the favour of not being rejected.

"Hey, look at the time, Anabel. We're late by ten minutes!"

We weren't. We were early. She didn't bother checking the time, taking my word for the truth, as I knew she would.

"Oh my god! We have to run! Hurry!"

Have fun racing to the school, honey.

I felt like laughing aloud as I watched her run like the world was ending. But my smile was quickly wiped off my face when I arrived in front of the park. There was only one skate ramp, and I could discern two guys sitting at the bottom. One had long black hair and was smoking. I knew him, too.

Vincent Valentine. Cloud's best friend. He didn't go to the same school as us; he actually lived in the next town, which wasn't far. I knew the two had been friends since the diapers.

Cloud himself was near, comfortable in his large grey hoodie and dark blue jeans. I guess he had decided to skip school today. Watching him in such comfortable and warm clothing made me wince. I was wearing the obligatory uniform and the short skirt didn't protect much. Cloud had his headphones on and I was certain his eyes were closed. However, Vincent was staring at me with an emotionless expression. Great. I bet he had seen me after a minute of being rooted in the same spot and gazing at his friend. I met his glance for a few seconds before averting my eyes, but not soon enough. I started walking again, faster than earlier. I had seen Vincent hit Cloud to get his attention.

Rapid footsteps could soon be heard. I hesitated, knowing that he would catch up with me. Admitting defeat, I stopped and waited for him.

"What do you want?" I could tell that the anger in my voice startled him.

"Just came to say hi."

I turned around brusquely. I was cold, I hadn't eaten breakfast, and last night had left an empty feeling inside of me.

Cloud looked like he hadn't slept in days, but I doubted it was the case. The way he moved was slow, like every move was too much. I wanted to ask him why he was tired, and the need burned my tongue. I held it back.

"You must be freezing," he murmured, looking everywhere except at me.

I snorted. There was nothing more I wanted but to be warm in his arms, and I knew it wouldn't happen. "I'm wearing a skirt, Cloud."

"I noticed." His voice hadn't implied anything lewd. He cleared his throat a few times. "You wanna spend the day with us?"

I did my best to conceal my surprise. It was the first time Cloud had asked me to hang out with him during the day. And with a friend. With Vincent. Who, I was guessing, knew about our relationship. About the girl is best friend fucked.

"I'm gonna be late for school," was all I said before turning around and leaving him there. He didn't chase after me, and I didn't expect him to.

—

I nearly bashed my head on my locker when I heard that the new kid was in almost all my classes. Anabel had managed to corner him and ask him about his schedule.

"You're so lucky, Teef! Don't forget what you promised me!"

Yeah, sure. Except I hadn't promised anything.

When I entered my Calculus classroom, there was only one seat left. And it was next to a cute guy with spiky black hair and clear eyes.

I rolled my eyes.

Great. The new student was my neighbour for the next fifty minutes.

I walked to my seat, trying my best to ignore the blue orbs following me. I swallowed. In a way he was so much like Cloud. His posture, his eyes, the way he wore his uniform, the careless glances around him.

I took my seat and immediately dropped my head to the desk to catch up sleep. Drowning the teacher's voice wasn't a hard task, but paying no attention to the little papers being thrown at me, that was something else. Getting fed up, I raised my head, only to get one of the small projectile right between the eyes. The culprit wasn't hard to find as he was sitting next to me and snickering. Without a word, I threw the wannabe bullet back at him, glaring. He easily caught it, his left eyebrow twitching in laughter. I watched silently as he wrote something on the piece of paper. When it landed on my desk, I hesitated. I didn't feel like talking or just interacting with people at the moment. But this guy looked persistent.

Hey. Name's Zack Fair. You?

That was all? Hell, he could have just asked like normal people did.

I gave him a look that clearly said 'What the fuck?' Zack simply shrugged, mimicking someone writing. I didn't really want to answer him, but I found myself replying. I didn't do stuff like that; I usually took a nap through Calculus classes since it was my strongest point, and I normally didn't sleep much.

Tifa Lockheart. Now let me sleep in peace.

I could tell he really wouldn't leave me alone when he started snickering again.

No luck on that. Tifa's short for Tiffany?

Zack's short for Zachary?

No way, sweetheart.

Then no, moron.

Can I have your number?

I raised an eyebrow at that. That was definite no, all right. I threw the paper back without answering, turning my attention to the teacher to show him I wasn't interested anymore.

"C'mon, princess, don't be like that," Zack whispered, leaning in to poke me in the ribs. I nearly gave out a yelp. I was very ticklish. "I won't ask again, I promise. Anyway, we gotta partner up." He grinned wolfishly, jerking my desk toward his.

"Hey! Careful, stupid. You don't treat a girl like that." I glared at him.

Around us, people had begun moving to find a teammate. Nobody was coming in our direction. I wasn't friend with anybody in this class, and Zack was new. Which meant…

"Great," I moaned. "I'm stuck with you." I buried my head in my arms as Zack patted me on the shoulder.

—

Zack had gym with me next. While I still had difficulty getting used to him, he wasn't such an annoying jackass in my eyes anymore. He liked to talk, that was for sure.

"What excuse did you give the teacher?"

"I didn't give him any excuse. He knows I suck at basketball."

"Well, I can't play so I might as well stay with you."

"Go away."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"I say yes, damn it."

"I say no. Can we stop acting like four-year-old now?"

"You started it."

"You know, princess, you're pretty immature for your age."

"Says the guy who throws papers to get a girl's number."

"Busted."

There was a pause where we watched the ball move swiftly across the court. Jeremy Davenport did a lay-up, making Zack's team fall behind.

"I love the sport."

"Basketball? It's not half bad, I guess. Why can't you play?"

"Broke my knee during the winter. I've got to wait a few months until I can do sports again. It sucks."

I hummed my agreement. The teacher, Barrett Wallace, was yelling at Anabel for not concentrating. Barrett liked to yell at anyone.

"He's very expressive."

I snorted. "Very. The principal doesn't give a shit."

Zack nodded, and we fell silent.

At the end of the day, I was ready to go home and prepare for work when Zack appeared on my left, leaning on the locker next to mine. We had had lunch together, mainly because Aerith was missing and I hadn't wanted to eat all alone. He was fun to be around.

"You doing something tonight?" Zack asked. He had his light coat on and his backpack thrown over his shoulder. I shrugged nonchalantly.

"I need to get to work."

Zack chewed on the inside of his cheek, looking at me strangely. "What?" I laughed slightly. "Do I have something on my face?"

"No… But… you want a ride to work?" He scratched the back of his head, as if he was nervous about what he had just said. "I know we just met today," he went on, "but if you wanted… Or I could come pick you up!"

We began walking toward the school exit. The corridors were nearly empty.

"Why are you trying so hard, Zack? I take the bus to come back. I finish really late, anyway." He pushed the door open, letting me go through first. I mumbled a small thank you.

"Just trying to be friendly. I promise you I'm not some crazy rapist murderer."

I chuckled at that. "I know. But I don't think you want to drive a girl around when it's past eleven."

I worked from five to eleven, three days a week. The restaurant was twenty minutes away from my house if I walked fast, a little longer from the school. The final bell rang at three thirty, which left me the time to go get my uniform and be on time.

"I'll drive you there, then."

I played with the sleeve of my jacket, pulling it over my knuckles. I could accept and be there a little in advance, or I could walk. But the temperature was freezing.

"Oh, alright. But we gotta hurry up. I need to go home and change first."

A bright smile lighted his face, and he put an arm around my shoulders, leading me toward his car.

"Zack… remove the arm," I growled, bumping him with my hip.

"Relax, I'm over putting a move on you, princess. But I want your number so I can call you this weekend. Just acting friendly, remember?"

I didn't know if it was true, but it felt nice, just pretending.

I spent my days pretending. Saying that I felt nothing for Cloud; telling Aerith that, yes, I'd like to go shopping; lying to the world about having a good life.

But it was different this time. There was nothing to lose, no disgusting truth behind the mask. Just the need to have a friend.

We were nearing his car—an old black car that still looked in shape—when I noticed another vehicle, parked a little further, with a blond man resting against it, his blue eyes keeping track of my every move. Zack hadn't seen him yet—he was searching for his keys in his bag, muttering a few curse words. I whirled around, presenting my back to Cloud.

What the hell was he doing here?

My phone started buzzing. What, he was too much of a coward to come speak to me in person?

I answered anyway. I would give the bastard a piece of my mind.

"What?"

Zack raised his eyes to me, startled. I saw he had finally found his keys. He got up from the ground at the same time Cloud replied.

"Who's this guy?" His voice was gruff. I smiled. I took a few steps away from Zack, wordlessly telling him it wouldn't take long.

"Why, are you jealous?" My small smile became a grin. It was fun teasing him.

He didn't answer right away, and when he did, I gulped. It wasn't what I had expected.

"What if I was?"

I couldn't help turning around a bit. He was staring at me quite openly.

"I'm not sleeping with him, if that's you think," I said curtly.

He sighed into the phone. "That's not what I meant."

I licked my lips in thought. I didn't want to bombard him with question.

"Okay, then. He's… hmm, he's just a friend." I didn't need to justify myself. "I'll see you tomorrow," I rushed, ending the call.

I strolled back to Zack's car, trying my best to act composed. Zack just gave me a small grin, but I didn't like the twinkle reflected in his eyes.

"Ready to go home?"

I got into the car after looking back at Cloud one last time. His gaze was riveted on his closed phone. He softly scraped his jaw like he did when something was bothering him.

I knew it probably had to do with me getting a ride from a guy he didn't know. And I couldn't help feeling some satisfaction inside of me.

"Where to, princess?"

I glanced at Zack from the corner of my eyes. I didn't think he had noticed anything going on with Cloud and I. At least I hoped.

I gave him the directions to the apartment complex where I resided with my father.

It was a silent drive.

—

A\N: Hello again, folks! As you can see, I'm rewriting this story, but don't fear if you liked the original version — this one is rather similar, and if you might recognize some parts that are nearly identical. For the first few chapters, I'll post one every week, since they are already written. Afterwards, well, we'll see! (aren't I funny—and yes, please note the sarcasm). Also, this story won't be too long. I'm guessing around 12 chapters.

Song: Dirty Little Secret - The All-American Rejects