Author's Note: Heyyyy sorry I took like half a year to finally finish this lol. I started writing a fiction story and remembered this one...so I worked on it and finished it. I know it's not nearly as good as it could be...but at least it has an end lol. I figured 40 chapters was enough. So I hope it's satisfying enough and I hope it gets read at all. Thanks! :)

I couldn't sleep. What I had just done was making my thoughts race and I couldn't get myself to stop smiling. I felt so awesome. All was silent in the hotel room except for a few sporadic sounds from Maxwell, still whimpering in fear.

That made me grin. Stupid bastard thought he could talk about me like that without me hearing him. I couldn't possibly have been out of earshot by the time he said it. Plus, the bedroom door was open, so I would've been able to hear even if I had already gotten into bed. Ah, stupid humans (disregarding the fact that I once was one)…

Anderson decided to turn in at about 10:00. I had to pretend I was asleep so he didn't start talking to me. Shortly after the lights in the main room were turned off and I saw Maxwell tiptoe past the doorway and glance in to make sure I wasn't awake and ready to strangle him again. A look of relief flashed across his face and he scurried off to bed himself.

My thrill died out a bit so that I was calm and the quiet stillness of the night took over, finally forcing me to sleep.

The following morning, I awoke to curtains of sunlight obscuring my view of the other side of the room. Consciousness hit me and I sat up abruptly. That was the day-- the day I would get to surprise-attack the one I hated.

I was still wearing the bloodstained sweatshirt (and whole attire, for that matter) that I had been wearing since I first arrived at Hellsing. I thought for a moment that I would like to change and look a bit more…intimidating. But then I figured that it would make no difference, and perhaps it would twist the already distorted mind of Alucard, remembering what he had done.

Not bothering to make my bed (because I'd probably never return to that hotel room and it was now Maxwell's problem), I dashed across the room and began violently shaking Anderson to wake him.

"What the…?!" he yelled, once fully aware of the simulated seizure he was experiencing. I let go and grinned, clapping once and intertwining my fingers.

"Today's the day," I said cheerily. He closed his eyes again and exhaled deeply. "Don't fall asleep again!"

I slapped his face a little harder than I meant to, and he sat up, glaring. Anderson glanced at the digital clock between the beds.

"It's 8 in the morning," he groaned, sliding his legs lethargically over the edge of the bed. "It's too early for an ambush. We'll be spotted in no time."

"You're just like my mother was," I grumbled, crossing my arms. My comment caused a puzzled expression to fasten itself to Anderson's face. "Always analyzing the time. When I want to do something, I want do it then and there, buddy."

"Alright," he sighed, standing up and making his way toward the door. "if you want to get killed, let's go."

I let out an exasperated sigh. Sluggishly, I stepped back to my bed and threw my face into the pillow, wrapping myself in the covers again. Once again, I sighed (for dramatics).

Anderson stopped walking and I sensed his eyes on me. I felt the burn of a glower and heard a brusque puff of air pass his lips in frustration. Footsteps crossed the carpet, getting closer and closer until I could feel the radiating body heat. The covers were suddenly ripped off of me and Anderson hauled me up off of my bed. I gasped in surprise as I was carried out of the room and tossed onto the couch.

"Wait here while I get ready," he ordered, not sounding too enthusiastic. Pleased that my fake sulking had worked, I nodded my head emphatically and sat patiently on the comfy couch until Anderson was ready to head out.

I thought about my talk with Walter that night. My troubled conscience wouldn't allow me to sleep for even an hour. That would have been no big deal, except for the fact that I hadn't slept for the past few nights, either.

Hours crept by slowly, and I closed my eyes, trying to forget everything. Every so often, I dozed off, but my previously suppressed regret continued to pester me in my weakened state.

Finally, I sensed daylight and got up, drearily making my way up the stairs. Now that I had revealed my deep feelings to one person, I felt that I could do so with more people. I knew Integra wouldn't much care, but I headed toward her office with more fervor in my step than I had moments before.

Some crazy part of me thought (almost hoped) that she would be understanding and compassionate when I brought up the subject. But the other part of me knew that she would scoff when I admitted that I felt bad about something I had appeared so satisfied with.

I knocked on her door and phased through the wood once I heard her muffled words from behind it.

"What is it, Alucard?" she asked sharply, glaring at me over the rims of her glasses. My wish for condolence had obviously not come true, and my spirits sunk to the floor. Disappointedly, I sat before her and looked her in the eyes, only to be taken over by a wave of disenchantment and locked my focus to the edge of the desk. "What is it? I'm busy, Alucard."

The mountain of unchecked papers before Integra made me feel even more like a nuisance and I thought briefly of leaving without mentioning anything. Her eyes were burning into my face and I could tell that she was becoming irritated. Provoked by her agitation, I huffed and made eye contact once again.

"Alright," I began, taking a deep breath. "You're either going to be very angry with me, or gloat for the rest of your life." She leaned forward in her chair, pushing aside the stack of documents, obviously interested in whatever I had to say. "I've been rather…depressed lately."

Integra smirked and relaxed in her high-backed chair, resting her head in the palm of her hand. She nodded, cueing the continuation of my issue.

"And Walter convinced me that it's because of…" I couldn't finish my sentence. Her intimidating stance was too overpowering for me to confess.

"It's because of Zinautha, isn't it?" she asked wryly. Not wanting to respond, I grunted and looked to the side. "I knew it. It must've been killing you all this time, but you're too stubborn to admit it."

"I was going to," I argued, earning a snigger from Integra. "but when I came in here you didn't seem too willing to listen."

"Well, now that I know I'm right," she smirked triumphantly. "talk away."

My skin crawled at the sight of her smug expression, but I sighed and began spilling out my feelings. As much as it killed me (talking to someone who probably didn't care), I figured that Integra was the only one left for me to confide in.

Once Anderson was ready to go, I grabbed my sword and waited for him at the door. He seemed to be taking his sweet old time fixing his coat.

"We're not trying to impress anybody," I said, tapping my fingernail anxiously on the doorknob.

"I know that," he snapped back. "I'm just still a little sketchy about the timing, that's all."

"Y'know, if you want to go at night and not be able to see Alucard coming at you, that's fine with me," I retorted. "We'll just get killed and prove nothing."

Anderson scowled at me and sighed, admitting defeat. Good…at least he recognized authority. Despite his submission, he refused to budge. No matter how many times I motioned for him to follow me into the hallway, he stayed glued his spot.

All the time, he smirked at me, provoking my aggressive side. Finally, I threw my arms into the air and stomped back into the hotel room, taking hold of his arms and pulling with all my might. He nearly fell on his face, but I managed to drag him into the elevator.

"I knew you'd get angry," Anderson began, brushing off the sleeves of his jacket. "but that was not necessary."

"Of course it was," I replied cheerily.

The elevator car reached the ground floor and we left the building, Anderson trailing behind me like a lost dog. Passersby gaped at the remains of my wound once again, but I ignored it and power walked toward my destination.

My mind was fluttering with excitement and fear and rage and sorrow. A curtain fell over my thoughts and I completely lost track of where I was going and why. For a moment I stopped dead in my tracks, Anderson stopping abruptly behind me.

"What's the matter?" he asked sardonically. "Scared?"

I felt the muscles in the back of my neck stiffen and I narrowed my eyes. I took a deep breath, turned my head around as far as I could get it to go, and glared as fiercely as I could at the man behind me.

His expression changed from amused to genuinely frightened as he noted my anger. As a lame cover-up, he smiled weakly and laughed nervously. I turned my head back and continued walking, hearing Anderson's footsteps a bit further behind me than before.

I knew it was a long walk from the hotel to the Hellsing mansion, so I immediately thought of running. Anderson probably wouldn't agree to that, so I picked up my pace, noticing that he obediently sped up along with me. In a few moments, he was walking next to me, even exceeding my velocity. We looked at each other and I smirked.

Before he knew it, I was sprinting down the sidewalk, and I had nearly reached the dirt road leading to my goal before he caught up to me. I skidded to a halt at the start of the path.

"This is it," I whispered. "I didn't think about how I would feel when the time came, but now…"

"How do you feel?" Anderson asked (seriously this time).

"Relieved, I think," I answered, unsure that I used the right word to describe how I really felt. "I was so eager to get to this place, but now I'm thinking about what might happen. He could actually kill me this time."

Anderson didn't speak. We stood in silence as I pondered the near future. It looked grim for me, and I was bringing him into something dangerous. He really wasn't an enemy at all. I almost felt numb, wallowing in my own misery.

A hand firmly grasped my shoulder, breaking me away from the desolation. I looked up at the man beside me and saw that his welcoming smile was quivering slightly. His eyes were glossy behind his glasses and a single tear rolled down his face. I was scared. Anderson shouldn't be crying.

"W-what's the matter?" I asked softly as he wiped his cheek.

"I'm going to protect you," he said, his voice not shaking with sadness. "No matter what, you're going to make it."

"Anderson," I began, feeling even worse about making him train me. "I only wanted you here with me, I don't want you to fight him yourself. You've been a huge help and I really appreciate the fact that you've supported me, but this is my battle to fight."

I was pulled tightly into a hug, and I now felt him trembling as he sobbed noiselessly. Hesitantly, I raised my arms and placed them around him. Slowly, he calmed himself enough so that he could talk.

"You're a real friend to me, no matter how many times you've bossed me around," Anderson confessed, letting me go but still holding my shoulders. "I can't let you get hurt-- it would kill me."

I felt tears welling up in my eyes, but I held them back, trying to keep myself strong. I always thought I was a nuisance to him. Shaking off the awkwardness, I smiled and laughed, quivering slightly with the suppressed sobs.

"Hey, don't worry," I said casually, shrugging. "What do you say we teach this guy a lesson and get this over with?"

Eyes still wet, but composure regained, Anderson nodded and lead me down the path. His hand was gripping my shoulder with apprehension and I felt bad for him. A man, tough as nails, throwing all caution to the wind and holding on to a former enemy. With each step forward, I felt as if we were walking away from each other.

The road curved widely, and the tall trees turned into low shrubbery. I couldn't feel it, but I was sure that it was hot outside-- I heard the distant buzzing that you hear on summer days. Anderson's coat wasn't as tightly clasped as usual. I took an unnecessary deep breath and sighed as if we were taking a routine stroll through the park.

As if on cue, the roof of the Hellsing estate peered over the tops of the trees before us, ruining the ephemeral tranquility. My shoulder was squeezed suddenly and I knew that he saw it too. Neither of us spoke, but we simultaneously slowed our steps to lengthen the time we had before reaching our suddenly dreaded destination.

It drew nearer and nearer, and my imaginary heart trembled. Despite my immunity to temperature, I felt heat on the back of my neck, and I cringed. As the front gates appeared, I decided to lead Anderson to the rear of the building. He followed without hesitation and we were soon standing just above Alucard's chamber.

During the time that I spoke, I noticed Integra's self-righteous expression fading, becoming more concerned. Now, as my last few words reached her ears, her face was drooping with a frown.

"I'd say 'I told you so,' but I can't quite find the insolence in me at the moment," she spoke softly, staring at her hands, clamped together on her desk. "However, I am glad that you realize what you've done."

"Yes, thank you for understanding," I replied lowly, feeling fully the remorse she wanted me to grasp at that moment. I felt a flicker of Zinautha's presence, relieving the penitence by a splinter. "She meant more to me than I thought."

"Of course. I kn-- Alucard?" Integra interrupted herself, observing my reaction to an unknown force. My eyes were wide and my lips slowly parted.

Hey, Alucard! I heard vaguely within my mind. Why don't you come out and play with me? I've missed you.

"Sh-she's…"

"Alucard?" Integra repeated, watching me carefully to try and understand.

Come on!

I pushed myself up out of the chair, knocking it flat on its back, and dashed out of the office. I knew exactly where the voice was coming from-- it wasn't in my mind as I'd thought. Walls and furniture were no obstacle as I sprinted, confused and intensely terrified.

I'm waiting!

It was coming from just above my room.

"He's coming, I can feel it!" I exclaimed, grinning excitedly at Anderson, whose mouth twitched in an edgy response.

I heard whooshing and buzzing from within the brick walls, and I could scarcely make out a reply to my mental taunts: I'm coming.

He had found my exactly location and was stopping at nothing to return to me. The energy was increasing as nanoseconds passed, and my smirk stretched as he came nearer. Anderson clutched my shoulder again, vice tight, and squeezing tighter.

A vermillion figure emerged at lightning speed from the back wall of the mansion, and skidded to a graceful halt, mere yards before us. I looked up to meet Alucard's eyes.

He stared at my gaping chest with wide eyes, and I could see the tortured thoughts resurfacing behind his gleaming red-orange eyes.

"Zinau--" he began in a longing whisper.

"I want my revenge," I cut him off, attempting a fierce glare.

"I'm so sorry! I don't have the slightest clue what I was thinking when I--"

"I don't believe you have the right to speak after what you've done to her," Anderson interrupted, pulling me closer to him and loosening his lethal hold on my shoulder.

The silence that followed nearly crushed me, but it also felt exhilarating. I had been waiting for this moment to come, and it was far better than I'd imagined. Alucard moved to take a step toward me, but I heard a rumbling growl come from the pit of Anderson's chest, and Alucard paused, narrowing his eyes at the man beside me.

My hand slithered surreptitiously to the handle of my sword, and I readied myself for any slight movement. I thought I was prepared, but I didn't even see him advance.

Anderson pushed off the ground, hardly altering the pressure on my shoulder before I noticed it was gone, and took the first swing. Alucard neatly dodged it and grinned-- it was probably his first fight in a while.

I drew my sword in a flash and stood, ready. The two grappled and punched and kicked at extreme speeds, with immense strength, growling at each other all the time. It was far more than I could handle-- I had expected that I could make few precise slashes (overestimating my power and skill), releasing my suppressed fury and keeping Anderson behind me, calling him forth only if completely necessary.

But there I was, useless and watching a horrifying fight go on before me. My sword slipped from my gloved hand, and made a muffled chink as it hit the warm, soft ground. The struggle blurred, and I felt myself staggering.

I hardly saw the dark figure, soaring through the crystal sky, away from the hazy courtyard. Gravity took its course, but my head was caught only moments before it collided with the humid earth.

"I'm…I'm so sorry," the words sounded as if they were behind the thick doors I remembered from Integra's office. A satin-covered hand stroked the side of my face, and triggered some of my senses. "I didn't realize until now…"

With a start, I knew who held me. My fingers tensed, and I poised my hand stiffly by my side. I could see clearly through my half-closed lids, and I knew it was enough. With as much strength as I could muster, then, I threw my hand at his face, clawing.

Alucard's head didn't move upon impact. He kept eye contact with me, and I felt a cold, hard chunk in my palm. I looked down to see a piece of his flesh, and glanced at his face, noting a large hole in his cheek. The piece I had in my hand slowly turned to black smoke and dissipated until it was all back in its rightful place, his face wielding no scar of any sort.

"I hate you," I managed to whisper, holding my glare. Something silvery glinted in his eye. He leaned his face closer to mine, eyes locked onto my own, and I felt myself go limp and numb. Alucard smiled, and his lips twitched ever so slightly as blackness circled in on him, obscuring my hateful, burning vision.

I felt the opposing heaviness of my lids as I realized it was time to get up again. My eyebrows scrunched together and I frowned while my slumber slipped away and unwelcomed consciousness took its place.

Eyes still closed, I stretched and felt the soft sheets slide down as my extended legs pulled them away. Lids still against opening, I rolled my head from side to side, feeling my neck muscles sigh in relief. I yawned and sat up, finally opening my eyes.

There was darkness. For a moment, I was bewildered, but remembered my location soon after. I was home-- in my bed, 20-some-odd floors below ground-level, in the dark dungeon. I leaned over exaggeratedly to the bedside table and lit a candle, illuminating the stony, cool room I called my own.

Sleepily throwing my legs over the edge of my bed, I stretched one more time and stood. My fresh, clean vest hung in the wardrobe at the other side of the room, next to my crisp white shirt and dark jeans. I changed into them, and absentmindedly flattened out the badge on my vest.

I blew out the candle and exited my chamber, taking a right down the dim hallway and nearly skipping toward the large, heavy door at the end of the corridor as always. Just before I reached it, it screeched open, revealing the one I was looking for.

Alucard stepped out the shadows, smiling and closing the door behind him.

"Good morning," he greeted, taking my hand and leading me back the way I came. He stopped and swung me up in his arms, touching his nose to mine.

"And good morning to you, too," I replied, grinning.

I had killed Anderson that day. Zinautha had done nothing and passed out from shock or excitement, or something of the like. I knew I never wanted to lose her again, so I had to calm her rage against me.

After I was sure Anderson could no longer retaliate and would no longer be a problem, I disposed of his remains and returned to the yard above my room. There she stood, precariously beside her fallen sword.

If I didn't act, I would have to continue regretting my choice and suffering mercilessly for it. I caught her head gently before she hit the ground, and sank down beside her.

She was unconscious and I took advantage of her state, just watching her and remembering how I felt about her. It felt like hours before she came back, and by then I had begun talking to her.

I didhave half my face clawed off, and she did tell me that she despised me, but I knew that I still loved her. I'll admit that a tear escaped my eye, and my lips quivered. I rearranged her memory, selfishly, to have her back, all to myself.

My hypnosis worked, and she doesn't remember a thing-- my attempt at killing her, Anderson's willing friendship, the hate she felt for me. It's all gone, and she's back to the way she was. I, on the other hand, have changed very much since that experience, and I accept the human emotions that she brings up within me.

Integra was overcome with sobs when I brought Zinautha back, and Walter was a bit teary-eyed as well. Zinautha was quite confused, but gratified by their exhibitions of care anyhow. She has been reinstated as my partner, and we continue to follow orders, completing assignments just as before.

More than ever, I am able to show her how I feel and have no shame for displaying my human nature. The pain I experience each time I remember destroying her heart and leaving her for dead is unutterably immense, and I take each passing moment to erase it-- to fill the empty space I once tore out.