A/N: As pointed out by lovely Zay, I've yet to make fun of Willabeth, so here I go! Willabethers beware – you're heading into uncharted waters. And please don't leave whiney reviews about how Willabeth is 'ttly kewler then sparrabeth u dick1!!!!'
Also, if you all out there could recommend qualities of shitty fics that irk you, I'd love to hear them and maybe use them for a future chapter.
Sorry for this not being funny.
The Plank and the Delicate, Precious, Beautiful, Graceful, Elegant, Gem-like, and Wonderful Flower :
Will and Elizabeth had to be the most romantically inclined couple, thought the townspeople of Unoriginal-Named-Town-Number-Ten.
Seriously, their love was totally epic.
In fact, it was so epic that it drew immature fangirls hovering about the ages of ten and fourteen to yearn to be in a relationship as beautiful as theirs and write unintelligent, illiterate, out of character, and just plain horrific fanfics that made the Devil seizure with agony in hell.
The townspeople will always recall one day in particular (it was Will's day off) that was shared between the two as they took a stroll through the town that isn't described because the author doesn't know jack-shit about the past.
"Oh William," Elizabeth sighed, leaning into her man's plank-like torso – could he be any more virile?
"Yes, my darling gem of the universe?" Will replied sweetly, cradling her hands in his.
Already by this point, even the soap-opera soccer moms were not turned on.
Elizabeth, who was clad in the proper clothing of a proper Englishwoman (that weren't described with any words other then 'pretty dress' – what the hell are breeches and tunics?) fluttered her eyes at him.
Right here, there would be a description that could very well be a story of its own that expressed Will's reaction to Elizabeth's beauty in the sun-light and how she was a soft, delicate, precious flower in need of guarding and had always needed his protection.
"You know I love you ever so much, right? The moment I saw your soiled and damp face after you had been pulled from the sea, I knew I was destined to never have an ounce of passionate sex in my life! What woman would dare of dreaming about Captain Jack Sparrow in her bed?"
Will swelled with pride – oh, his Elizabeth Tur-.
Even God began writhing in agony at that point.
Ner!
"My darling sweet buttercup, please, let us go cuddle with one another," Will requested passionately, rubbing his cheek against hers, "For I only have one day on land every ten years, and though I never wish to take your virtue and have sex with you, I can still revel in your presence!"
"As you wish, my love!"
They laid in the sand and cuddled the rest of the evening, a scene that was so horrifically fluffy and cheery that the sun decided to commit suicide and leave the earth in an eternity of darkness. However, Will and Elizabeth still found joy – they hugged the rest of the evening until Will had to leave to go back on the Dutchman, where he would participate in horrible saggy ass butt-sex with his crewmembers.
Elizabeth would then run over to the bushes where she had stored Jack for the entire fic because even Willabeth fics are such fails that Jack has to be lurking in the background, waiting to jump Elizabeth's bones.
A/N: Did that remind anyone else of the disgusting excuse for a book Twilight?