Bugging You

By: Ghost Wulf

An Acheron Parthenopaeus FanFic

Acheron has always been under Artemis's hold.

Unwillingly,

But without a choice.

But what if one day he couldn't take it anymore?

When you can't do anything

All that's left to do…

Is to…

Bug You!

Artemis sat in her throne room. Her wandering thoughts were suddenly brought back to reality as she heard a faint sound coming from the direction of her ornate, double doors. Perking up she wondered if it was Acheron. He was at the temple with her but it was rare he actually came to see her in her throne room. With a snap she banished her guards from the room and shifted into a more comfortable position on her throne, adjusting her revealing, white gown as she did so.

As the sound got louder she couldn't help but sit back up. Whatever is was it was hard on the ears and sounded like a faint screeching noise. It got louder and louder until her doors were suddenly blown back to reveal a dark figure. Artemis's eyes widened at the image before her and her jaw dropped. Standing in front of her was indeed Ash, but she was certain there had to be something wrong with his head!

The tall dark hunter was wearing a baggy, disgusting, hot pink t-shirt. He was also wearing neon orange shorts with lime green crocs. His purple hair was gelled into spikes at least a foot long and arranged in a Mohawk.

The screeching noise was coming from the guitar he was strumming on. Of course, strumming was giving him way too much credit. She knew Acheron could play the guitar just fine but he sure wasn't showing it now.

"Acheron!" she cried in horror. "What on dirt is wrong with you?"

"Earth, Artie," he said cheerfully, "the correct saying is, "what on Earth is wrong with you?"."

"I don't care. I asked what's wrong with you!"

"I came to sing you a song," he replied, grinning like a kid who'd just met Santa Claus. "I wrote it just for you!"

All she could do was stare at him. She couldn't even force her jaw closed. She gulped. "Ok, who are you and what have you done with Acheron?"

He ignored her and began singing:

"Bugging you
Is easy 'cause you're buggable!
And bugging you
Is all I ever wanna do-o-o-o!
La la la la la
La la la la la
O-o-o-o-o-o-h!"

Artemis couldn't take it anymore. Leaping from her throne she raced across the room and slammed the doors on him. She could still hear his muffled voice.

"But you didn't even wait to hear the second verse!"

Clamping her hands over her ears Artemis muttered to herself, "wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up…." Even though she couldn't remember the last time she'd slept she had to be dreaming! Ash would never act like that in real life!

30 minutes later

Artemis had waited fifteen minutes for Acheron to leave his station outside her doors and another fifteen for good measure. Now that she was sure it had been enough time for him to come to his senses she headed for her bedchamber. However as she got closer she realized it wasn't silent, as it should be.

Afraid of what she would see, but unable to resist looking anyway, she peered cautiously into her room… and fell over. Literally.

Acheron and his demon, Simi, were jumping on her bed. They were shouting challenges about who could bounce higher or faster or stay in the air longest, etc. Simi was dressed the same as Acheron and even had her hair styled into spikes with… barbeque sauce?!

At the sound of Artemis's fall Simi turned. The demon doubled over in laugher at the sight of the goddess on the floor.

"Lookie, Akri!" she screamed in delight. "The heifer goddess fell over!!"

Acheron laughed along with her, both of them still bouncing. Artemis felt her cheeks flush and she jumped to her feet in anger.

"Acheron Parthenopaeus get that thing off my bed!" she screeched.

Ash's only reply was, "Now you can hear the second verse!

"Bugging you
Is more than just my dreams come true!
And everything I do
Is because I love to bug you!
La la la la la
La la la la la
La la la la la
La la la la la
Bugga bugga bug bug
A-a-a-a-a-a-h!"

Simi added her own comment to the end, "Acheron loves to bug the heifer goddess! I just want to barbeque her!!"

There was a far-from-comforting thought. Artemis slowly began to back out her door again. She accidentally bumped into a TV she hadn't noticed before. Turning to look at it the goddess realized it was just starting a movie. As the images started Artemis let out a blood-curdling scream. BARBIE AS THE NUTCRACKER?!

"Acheron what is this?!" she cried, scrambling back against the nearest wall – away from the TV screen.

"I love Barbie!" Ash yelled in response.

"Me too Akri, me too!" Simi added enthusiastically.

Artemis continued to stare at the screen in horror. A love story? Compassion? Mercy? Forgiveness?! BARBIE?! She screamed again and blasted the TV. Pieces of it went skittering across her floor. But that wasn't enough, oh, never enough! She blasted it over and over until it was just particles of dust floating in the air. She then tried to calm her ragged breathing. It only got worse though as a now-familiar sound started again off to her side.

"Bugging you
Is easy 'cause you're buggable!
And bugging you
Is all I ever wanna do-o-o-o!"

"Oooh! Oooh! Akri!" the demon said, bouncing up and down faster. "I thought of my own song to go with yours!

"Barbequing you
Is easy 'cause you're edible!
And barbequing you
Is all I ever wanna do-oo-oo!
Yum-yum-yum-yum-yum
Yum-yum-yum-yum-yum!"

If Artemis was horrified before it was nothing compared to now. Her horror even turned to terror as Simi pulled a bottle of barbeque sauce from nowhere and dived off the bed towards the "heifer" goddess. Artemis screamed – she'd never before screamed so much in such a short time period – and dived out of the way.

Simi wasn't being deterred so easily though. She chased after Artemis, all the while singing the lyrics to her new song in a high soprano. Artemis looked to Ash for help but he was practicing mid-air flips. She couldn't believe it!

Suddenly Simi got close enough and dumped the entire bottle of barbeque sauce on Artemis. She licked her lips and Artemis did the first thing she could think of. She banished the psychotic demon – and her master – back to Earth.

Panting, Artemis leaned back against the wall in relief. She'd never before wanted Acheron gone but now, knowing he wasn't in the temple… well it was the most wonderful thought in the world.

But we all know good things never last.

1 hour later

Talon stood on a sidewalk in the French Quarter of New Orleans. With a cup of Chicory coffee in one hand and a powdered beignet in the other he was ready to start a night of hunting.

He had just run across Zarek and they were about to part ways. Suddenly Zarek held up a hand and closed his eyes, listening intently. Talon knew better than to interrupt.

"Do you hear that?" Zarek hissed, snapping his eyes open again and looking around.

Talon listened as well. At first he couldn't hear anything but slowly a sound drifted to his ears.

"Is someone… singing?" he asked.

"You'd call that singing?" Zarek said, sneering. "It's no sensible song that's for sure."

Talon's response was interrupted as the source of the sound came running down the middle of the street he was standing next to. His jaw dropped and he almost lost his hold on both of the items he was holding.

"Is that Acheron?" he asked hoarsely.

Zarek didn't respond. It was the first time Talon had ever seen the Alaskan Dark-Hunter surprised – not to mention speechless.

It was indeed Acheron running down the streets of New Orleans – butt naked. He was singing something at the top of his lungs. Simi was skipping next to him, dressed in a short mini-skirt and tank top. She was singing along with him – something about barbequing a goddess.

As they passed a slow smile spread across Zarek's face.

"Did you ever watch that ridiculous Disney movie called Peter Pan?" he asked Talon, smiling devilishly.

Talon looked at him incredulously. What?!

Zarek didn't seem to notice the lack of response from Talon and casually pulled his shirt off, saying as he did, "There was this song in it called "Following the Leader"… Well, for once, I say we take Disney's advice."

With that the Dark-Hunter took off after Ash, shedding his last articles of clothing as he did so – leaving only his dagger earring and silver claws on. It made for quite the sight. Talon could hear him singing as he went:

"I'm following the leader
The leader
The leader
I'm following the leader
Wherever he may go
Tee-dum, tee-dee
Tee-dee-da-lee-dum-tee-da
Tee-dum, tee-dee
Tee-dee-da-lee-dum-tee-da!"

Talon was surprised his jaw didn't fall off his skull. After a few seconds though he couldn't resist and followed Zarek's example – picking up the tune to his ridiculous Disney song – and still making sure to not drop his coffee or beignet.

In one of the dark alleyways of New Orleans a Daimon leaned down over his struggling victim. About to sink his fangs into the neck of the woman he held he was suddenly jerked back by a hand on his shoulder.

"What?" he snarled.

The Daimon that had grabbed his shoulder was looking down the street in pure shock and pointed wordlessly. The first Daimon couldn't see anything but he was suddenly aware of the presence of a group of Dark-Hunters. A large group of Dark-Hunters.

With a curse he prepared to run when suddenly he saw something at the end of the road. It grew larger and he could hear a sound accompanying it. In shock he watched as the scene unraveled before his eyes.

Running up the street was an army of naked Dark-Hunters. At their head was none other than Acheron Parthenopaeus himself! Next to him was a small woman who was barefooted and dressed in a mini-skirt and tank. She was turning cartwheels and singing a song that seemed to revolve around barbeque.

In fact all of the Dark-Hunters were singing. Acheron was singing one thing and his army of followers was singing about following their leader.

In shock the Daimon dropped his victim. He slowly began backing towards the opposite wall – looking for an escape. One of the Dark-Hunters made eye contact with him while singing and that was enough for the Daimon. He turned and ran in the opposite direction – not caring if his companions were following or not.

If someone were timing him he would have beaten the all time record for the fastest mile.

The woman the Daimon had dropped stared around. Her eyes were wide with shock and her jaw had dropped.

One moment she had been about to be killed by some absolutely hot, vampire-like men, then, an army of perfect, even better looking men had run by. Naked. For some reason this had scared the Vampires into running off. The naked men were singing loud enough to wake all of New Orleans and the majority of them were singing a song from a kids show.

She shook her head, I need therapy!

Artemis was speechless. Looking down on New Orleans she was seeing the worst thing she'd ever laid eyes on.

Acheron was leading a group of all the Dark-Hunters in New Orleans streaking down the main streets. They were all singing at the top of their lungs.

"Katra!" Artemis screamed in desperation. Her guard showed up at her side moments later.

"Yes?" Kat asked in a bored tone.

Artemis mouthed soundlessly for a moment and then gestured down, managing to say, "Earth!"

"Oh," Kat replied. Artemis had the sneaking suspicion she was hiding a smile. "That."

"Yes, that!" Artemis cried in frustration, throwing her hands in the air. "What am I supposed to do about that?!"

Kat shrugged. "Did you ever consider asking him why he wants to "bug you"?"

"Why would I do that?" Artemis asked her exasperatedly.

Kat seemed unable to resist rolling her eyes. "That's what I would recommend."

With that she disappeared again. Artemis frowned. It was probably her only option. Reluctantly she called out, "Acheron?"

"Bugging you…" was her instant, disembodied response.

She ground her teeth. "Ok! Why are you "bugging me"?!"

"Is easy 'cause you're buggable…"

She caved in. She couldn't stand another minute of that song. "I'll do whatever you want!" she cried. "Please, stop!!"

"Now we're getting somewhere!" he replied, sounding smug.

"What do you want?" she demanded.

"You know what I want."

"Fine," she snapped. "You only have to spend a week and a half here with me!"

"And bugging you is all I ever wanna do-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o!"

"One week!!"

"Bugging you, is more than just my dreams come true! And everything I do, is because I love to-"

"Five days!!" she cried desperately.

"La-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la-la, bugga bugga bug bug! A-a-a-a-a-"

"FOUR DAYS TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT!!"

"Done," he said, sounding more cheerful than ever. "That means I'll see you next time Artemis."

She screamed in frustration.

Millions of miles away Acheron cheered in triumph. He stopped running and turned to his Dark-Hunters with a grin. They all looked at him in confusion.

"I think I'll go find something to do now," he said, shamelessly cheery. Who knew that it had been this easy to get around Artemis all along?

They all stared at him open-mouthed. He ignored it and skipped off, singing to himself:

"La la la la la
La la la la la
La la la la la
La la la la la
Bugga bugga bug bug
A-a-a-a-a-a-h!"

Authoress's Note: This story was written as a gift to Sherrilyn Kenyon when I went to K-Con in 2007. Oh gosh that was so fun!! I was the youngest one there lol. But anyway, it was a big hit with the people there so I figured I'd post it here. Hope you enjoyed it!