So this story picks up directly after the failed Lucas/Lindsey wedding in 512 ... It is the direction that I wish Peyton would go from that point on (though I wouldn't hold my breath). This first chapter is harsh but I am a diehard Leyton so in my world they will eventually find their way back to each other ... I think :)

Walking past her bookshelf Peyton stopped and picked up the top copy of an Unkindness Of Ravens and flipping it open to the final page she read aloud ...

"Suddenly it was as if the roar of the crowd, the echo of the final buzzers, the cheers of my teammates were all sounding from 1,000 miles away, and what remained in that bizarre, muffled silence was only Peyton. The girl whose art, passion, and beauty had changed my life forever. In that moment, my triumph was not a state championship, but simple clarity. The realization that we had always been meant for each other and every instinct to the contrary had simply been a denial of the following truth:I was now and would always be in love with Peyton Sawyer."

Slamming it shut she snorted through her nose and let the book drop to the floor.

Clarity. Passion. Truth. Love.

Those words echoed around her office bouncing from one side to the other, and reverberating through her brain like tiny knives stabbing straight through her skull going right into the center of all thought and feeling.

Lifting her eyes to the ceiling she spoke aloud to the large empty room ...

"Someone please explain to me how a person can have a triumph of simple clarity that sets their world on it's axis and then proceed to act like the fog had never lifted?"

Feeling her anger and despair rise up like bile in her chest the words went deeper and got louder ...

"And while you're at it tell me how you can find a life changing passion in another person and then look that same person in the eyes and tell them that you've moved on?"

Turning towards the doorway she let her mind remember every word that Lucas had spoken to her since they had stepped back into each others lives after 3 years ...

"I'm with someone."

"He's not good enough for you."

"You gave up on me Peyton .. You didn't think I could do it ... Maybe you just didn't care because it wasn't about you."

"What the hell is wrong with you? Do you have alarm bells that go off in your head everytime I'm happy with someone else? What do you want from me?"

"I'm in love with her Peyton."

With every memory of every word her heart raced faster, her vision blurred with tears and she swallowed to speak harshly over the lump in her throat ... Still to no one in particular ...

"I'd love to know how two people's steadfast truth can remain a constant, unchanging bond for one and blow away on the breeze in an instant for the other ... "

And as the place where her heart used to reside ached with an unbearable emptiness,she collapsed to her knees on the floor and spoke in nothing louder than a tiny whisper ...

"But more than any of this I need to know how someone can walk away from their true love always and straight into the arms of someone new and untried? And then decide to make that new love your forever love with two simple little words ... "

Finally the sobs overtook her body.

And as the tears flowed unchecked down her pale cheeks she threw back her head of golden curls to look heavenward and speak ... but this time she was speaking directly to him ... from a place deep in her soul ... the one place where the two of them would always be connected ...

And she prayed that he would hear ...

"Here are the words you never gave me the chance to say ... I do, Lucas. I always have. And I always will."

Breathing deeply she lowered her head and looked at her hands clasped tightly in her lap. Almost of their own accord they separated into two tightly clenched fists.

And then it hit her.

Her very own triumph of simple clarity.

Her head lifted, her back straightened and she pulled herself off of her knees to stand erect in the middle of that big empty room.

And she spoke one last time to the boy who had promised her forever ...

"But I don't deserve this and I won't waste another day of my life waiting for you, Lucas Scott.

To hell with love.

And to hell with you too."

Like I said harsh. I know, I know. But hasn't everyone who's ever been burned by love so cruelly experienced a moment like this? I have and I believe it's a needed reaction. It reaks a bit of denial but it gets you through the initial pain and helps you reach the other side of ultimate self respect and love which is what I want Peyton to find more than anything else at this point. She has to love herself before she can fully love someone else.

And so does Lucas ... Which I will get to, believe me.

Please Read and Review ... It makes me happy! :)