Final Fantasy VII (c) Square Enix

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Afternoon on a Hill

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I will be the gladdest thing

Under the sun!

I will touch a hundred flowers

And not pick one.

I will look at cliffs and clouds

With quiet eyes,

Watch the wind bow down the grass,

And the grass rise.

And when lights begin to show

Up from the town,

I will mark which must be mine,

And start down.

- Edna St. Vincent Millay ( 1892-1950)

We were walking together, trailing lightly behind the others. We had yet to reach town but from the top of our hill we could see it peeking not far off from the mounds of land that covered it. The sky was unusually blue that day; the sun was out but the breeze was soft and cool. The tall grass around us swayed lazily side to side, rustling gently. Up ahead I could hear a few of our friends continuing to guess how long it would take to reach town (a game they were playing, I imagine) and the rest were seemingly captivated by the sights around us. I was fairly occupied by the sound of rocks and crunching grass beneath my feat, not to mention I was acutely aware of the green eyed girl beside me, who was lightly skipping along from time to time, running her hands along the grass and taking a deep, lingering breath every so often.

But her eyes were glued to the sky. She didn't seem to want to tear her eyes off of it, like it was going to disappear if she looked away. She wasn't staring as she usually did, with a playful sparkle and a mysterious grin. Instead this time, (why I managed to identify this is beyond me) she was looking at it with a deep clarity I'd never seen her have before. She stared up as if she had unlocked some big secret and was coveting it for herself. Her eyes darted everywhere on the sky, like she was looking at every single hue of blue and every cloud up there. It looked like she was discovering it for the first time. I wanted to ask but I held back instead. It seemed like a trivial question but then again, I had plenty of others to ask her and I never did.

That's what she was to me; one giant question and I was always asking. Every time she'd answer, another question would pop up and that's how it always was. I was never tired of being curious about her. Never growing tired or annoyed by everything she was. In a way I kind of liked that about her. She was the type of girl who could get along with anybody and had I known her when I was growing up, I suspected, might've been my best friend. She might've been the only one in town who talked to me but if it was just her, if it was her, then I wouldn't care about anyone else. She made me feel that way sometimes, like if she was talking to me, then anything anyone else said didn't exist or didn't matter because I was only really interested in what she had to say, in the words that were coming out of her mouth that moment. Had she been around me when I was growing up, I don't think I would've ever been the slightest bit lonely. I wouldn't even know the meaning of that word. The other kids in the village wouldn't matter; the princess of the village, the most popular girl in town wouldn't even exist in my life if this green eyed girl had been there with me. Yes…this girl beside me was like that. A person would tend to forget about everything else because she was so special in her own right.

Of course, these were thoughts that I couldn't let her know. Couldn't let anyone know, actually. Half of these thoughts I didn't understand myself the majority of the time. I tried figuring them out myself but I couldn't, and there was no way I could as her about them; she was the last person that needed to know. It kind of killed me in a way, though, because I knew she would be the only one who would be able to help me sort them out. So here I was, stuck with all these thoughts in my head and no way to sort them out. Glancing over at her, she was still looking up into that blue sky with the same look in her eyes. It was like she'd never grow tired of looking up into that endless blue. Hands still running along the grass, still breathing deep, still gazing up into that sky like she could fall into it if she stared hard enough. In the light like that, it made me realize how green her eyes really were. Among all the people I'd seen in my life so far, I'd never seen eyes that green before. They were perhaps her most peculiar feature but I really liked them.

When I was growing up, I liked eyes that were a deep brown. They were dark with a flare of red in them sometimes if you were lucky to look hard and deep enough. They never lingered on a single object too long (they were always bombarded with other people to look at) and sure enough, they never even took a glance at me. Those eyes would settle on other things, seldom long, but it was like I was invisible to them. Like I was a blind spot to that pair of deep brown eyes I liked so much. For the longest time they were all I thought about, all I talked to my Mom about, all I'd dream about. For the longest time I coveted those eyes more than I did my dreams of being like my hero. After all, I wanted to be a hero in those eyes I liked so much. But when I left home and knew I couldn't be a hero to them, I stopped thinking about them. Little by little each day until I almost forgot about them completely. No…not forgot, but rather, stopped coveting them. I realized then that I'd never gazed long or deeply enough into them to really like them. They were beautiful and coveted by everyone; if they loved me, if they were mine, they maybe everyone would love me too.

Years later they appeared to me again and they didn't hold the same significance anymore. Beautiful as they were, I'd fallen out of that dream and didn't see them through the same eyes I had when I was a boy. However long they lingered on me now, however full of a strange emotion they carried to me…well, I guess I never caught it nor cared to. I couldn't be a hero to them back then, could never be now.

Looking ahead, I saw those brown eyes staring back at me. She blushed and quickly turned around, abruptly starting a conversation with the fire tailed creature by her side. I felt kind of heavy then, like something about her was pulling me down. It was a strange feeling, like something was wrong. Something in those eyes sent a chill down my spine, like it was an omen to look into them. It was kind of haunting, really. Kind of like waiting for a calamity from the sky to fall, as we all were undoubtedly expecting lest we succeeded.

A soft giggle from the girl beside me caught my attention and I noticed she had finally stopped gazing into the sky. Instead she walking lively by my side (she was a lot closer to me now. When did that happen?) and her head was lowered, eyes closed but a smile was blooming on her lips. She looked so happy and content at that moment and for the life of me I couldn't understand why. All by herself, in her own head, she must've come up with something to make her smile that way and, despite myself, I wanted to know. I wanted to ask her but I fell back on my instinct and knew it was useless to ask. She would probably open her eyes and stare at me and smile and that would be all. I'd take that answer just as happily as I took all her other equally pleasing answers and be at peace. She always answered with a smile and the glow in her eyes and I never asked for more. Never pressed for a verbal response if she didn't give it, never complained about the enigmatic principles of her choice of answer. Just as happy she gave it, I received. Sometimes it seemed like I lived just for those answers, even to a question I never asked.

Sometimes I wished she would answer me all the time that way.

I understood I was her bodyguard, but there were moments when I couldn't help myself but feel so grateful to have her by my own side. There were times when I would think that the roles were reversed. She took care of me as often as I took care of her. We looked after each other that way and wherever one went, the other followed, despite of who went first. Often a night I'd lie in bed and think about my friend and agree that I'd follow her anywhere on this planet if I had to, without question. It was like she was leading me to a better place sometimes, I rationalized. It was with her that I could be myself (whoever that really is) and really breathe. It was with her that I could let go of all the dark feelings I had and play hero, even for but a moment. I never knew why that was but I felt like a hero around her. Around her, I could raise my head a little higher, stand up straighter and walk just a tiny bit taller. With her, I felt like I could really do anything and I liked that feeling.

Hah, who am I kidding.

I liked the feeling of being around her. I could have my head on the ground, slouched and short as anything but still feel like the greatest hero there ever was, if I was around her. Sometimes I wanted to ask the others if they felt that way around her. I never did; I didn't know what they'd say and I'm not sure if I really wanted to know. It was kind of like a secret for just me, one that even she didn't know about. She'd give me that feeling but I'd never let her know about it. For once it was just for me. Just for me.

I looked over at her and was surprised to see she was looking right back. How long she must've been staring at me, I didn't know but suddenly I was startled. The hairs on my neck stood up one by one, like the breeze had just kissed me softly and tried as I might, I couldn't look away from her. Those green eyes I liked so much were holding me so tight that it was impossible to escape. She smiled at me and I felt my stomach jump around. I was really nervous and didn't know what to say, if anything at all. I guess she must've sensed it, so she giggled and looked away.

I had probably been thinking for a while because now the day was growing late and the sky was fading from its bright hue of blue to a fading navy, melding into, purple and black, highlighted from the bright orange, red and yellows of the sun. We were a lot closer to town, I could see. Just one more hill and we'd be there, making it in time before nightfall settled and it would be too hard to see anything anymore under the stars. A few lights were already beginning to flicker in the distance, somebody pointed out (I couldn't remember who; I was that lost in my own thoughts).

Then I noticed that everyone was really far ahead and only the two of us stragglers waltzed behind the rest. My thoughts had really gotten the better of me but then I noticed that she had stayed with me the whole time. No matter how far the others had gone and how slow I was walking, she stayed right with me, maintaining the same pace, never once hurrying me on. She let me do as I pleased and stayed with me. I was kind of dumbfounded by the action, really but true to my heart, everyone didn't really exist to me anymore. It was just me, hands in pocket, head in the clouds, and her, hands running across the grass and flowers, eyes up in the sky and I liked it. I liked this…this idea of only her and I walking slowly together around the world. Just me and my friend, alone and I really liked it.

It really was times like these that I wanted to be with her forever. This thought confused me a lot; I never knew what I meant but what I knew for sure was that now, having met her, I couldn't live another day without her by my side. She was my best friend here.

"Hey."

She said it out of the blue, breaking our silence. She was looking at me, slightly bent forward, hands behind her back, like always. I heard her, but I didn't look at her as she spoke. If I did, those green eyes of hers would have me mute. I never could say anything to her sometimes, so wrapped up was I in those pools of green that sometimes I swore I could've drowne--

"I really like you."

I felt my brain short circuit for a minute. It took me a moment to collect myself and finally bring myself to look at her. She was smiling at me like always but appeared so sincere. I couldn't find the slightest hint of mischief or playfulness in her expression. I did the only thing I could think of at that moment; the only logical reaction that was disposable to me at that moment, and even then it was involuntary.

I blushed heavily and yelped. "…Wha!?"

True to her, she grinned helplessly into her hand at my reaction. She bowed her head and shook it slightly, a smile still growing on her face. She looked up at me again and her face was glowing brighter than the burning sun before us. She looked so pretty that I couldn't help but blush more and more and keep staring. She stared right back with those green eyes of hers. She answered me that way, I realized, but she was always full of surprises and surprising me she continued to do.

"I like you better than anyone."

I opened my mouth to speak and could muster no words (not even a senseless babble at that) to reply. At this sight, she burst out laughing and came towards me, resting her hands on my shoulders and leaning forward, laughing. Placing my hands on her arms, I trembled until the laughter crawled from my throat and out my mouth to sing with hers. We stood there on top of our hill in the afternoon, laughing together at the silliness of her words and my reaction. Everyone was far from earshot now and we stood alone on top of the world, overlooking the landscape and the burning sun on the horizon. Still laughing, our foreheads touched and we stood, a joyous air around us, shaking our heads against the other's, both pairs of eyes closed and so happy. It was such a rarity to feel this way, to laugh out loud but I felt it. For this first time since we had met, I laughed right along with her. I said I would follow her anywhere, from the ends of the planet to silly laughter.

Sliding her hands away, she held my face and looked at me. This time I didn't look away and I didn't flinch. Sure, I blushed heavily but I couldn't help it. She was so close to me, I could feel her warm breath. She only smiled and smiled and smiled at me, like she always did. Her eyes traveled away from me to once more look at the sky. She lingered on the sight; her eyes grew far away for a moment and she appeared to be deep in thought. But when her eyes came back to me, she lit up like batch of fireworks. Those eyes glowed brighter than I had ever seen them and she blushed right along with me. Closing her eyes, our foreheads touched and I held onto her arms and she clung to me. We stayed like that, quiet and on our hill for a moment before she pulled away completely and held onto my hand, squeezing it gently with a smile on her face.

We walked down the rest of the hill that way, hand in hand, not looking at anything in particular. Once or twice, I'd catch her looking at me as I glanced to stare at our hands. Her smile would grow only warmer and warmer with each stare, I realized.

The rest of the team stood at the foot of the hill, waiting, waving and calling for us. We broke our hands apart and she waved over to them, calling out happily as they returned the gesture. She never skipped ahead, never ran towards them. She walked by my side as she had done this whole time and never left me behind. I thought about her words to me and it made my heart throb hard against my chest. I wondered if she knew I felt the same. I really liked her and liked her more than anyone. I wondered how she meant it and all at once I wondered how I meant it. So confused were my feelings that I couldn't recognize this deep affection I had for her. I thought back to her hands on my face and our laughter together under the sun on our hill and at once it hit me like a punch to the stomach.

I glanced over to her and time seemed to be moving still. I could catch every breath she took, every blink she made. I realized I was always so aware of everything about her. She, my beautiful friend, was everything to me. She was anything and everything I could have ever wanted growing up and she was all I was fighting for. She was all I ever would be fighting for.

The team was calling for me but I could barely hear them. All I could hear was her sparkling voice as she addressed them. I tore my gaze from her and stared off into nothingness. I was aware that we were all moving now, closer to the sparkling lights of the town as we headed further down but my thoughts were wrapped up in her completely.

The afternoon on a hill was ending as we trailed closer to the town before us and once again she was by my side. Of this lasting forever, I was so sure. I looked over at my beautiful friend and could not help the swelling feeling in my heart from growing.

I loved her as a friend and it was a great day when I realized I loved her as something more.