Fallout

Part 8

Disclaimer: Don't own'em

A/N: I don't think I'll be able to post tomorrow, so the last part's going up tonight. On another note, sometimes I wish I could see readers' reactions when they read some scenes – and there's one scene in this part that fits the bill … Oh, well. Let me know what you think.

Thanks for the comments/reviews, they are much appreciated.

--

JAG HQ

Monday

1039 Local

Mac eyed the stack of folders in front of her, and couldn't stop grinning. This was it. Things were finally falling into place, after endless weeks, after the longest five months in recent memory ... Things were finally falling into place. She picked up her phone and dialled Harm's cell number.

"Rabb." He answered after two interminable rings.

"Hey, Harm." Her grin widened at hearing his habitual reply.

"Mac!" He exclaimed, sounding very pleased. "How's your day going so far, Marine?"

"Actually," She began, her tone smug. "Something very interesting happened today."

"Really?" He replied, amused. He was playing along with her.

"How about I tell you about it over dinner?" She tried not to sound too enthusiastic, but failed.

"Now there's an offer I can't refuse." He flirted.

She wrapped the phone cord around her finger, and leaned back in her chair. She couldn't wait to share the news! But she really wanted to see his reaction in person.

"I'll make us reservations." He suggested. "How about that surf and turf place near my place you always go on about."

"Now there's an offer I can't refuse." This was shaping up to be a great day.

"And I have many more where that came from. Can you be at my place for around 1830? I'll make the reservations for 1900."

"Perfect."

"See you then, Marine."

"Bye, Harm."

--

Harm's Apartment

Monday

1735 Local

Mac knocked on Harm's front door and waited for him to answer. She was a bit – okay, very early, but she just had to share this news with him. It was too good to be true. She'd go to her place and change after she spoke to him. They still had plenty of time.

The front door opened to reveal Harm. To her surprise, he looked distinctly uncomfortable at the sight of her.

"Hey, Mac." His tone was a bit wary. She frowned.

"Am I interrupting something?" She asked, concerned by his response to her presence.

"Of course not, Mac." His smile was reserved. She could see that he was trying to put both of them at ease, and failing.

Her curiosity deepened. Harm opened the door fully and she was greeted with the sight of a pregnant woman.

"Ms. Gale." She was too surprised to hide her reaction. She hadn't realized Catherine knew Harm's home address, let alone visited him in the evenings. She hadn't considered it. In hindsight, she wondered why she hadn't. He'd called her his wife, after all, when they were down in Paraguay. And then worked with her…

"Colonel." Catherine replied. Her eyes flitted from Mac to Harm. Mac couldn't read her expression.

Mac looked back at Harm, but was confused by his apparent awkwardness.

"Catherine dropped by to say hi." Harm supplied. "She was ... away when I handed in my resignation to the CIA."

Mac nodded, and smiled at the woman. "How are you, Catherine? Pregnancy suits you."

"I'm well, and thank you." Catherine returned her smile, but there was an undercurrent of ... something.

Mac turned to Harm. "I can come back later, or meet you at the restaurant." She told him.

"No, Mac." He said quickly, almost desperately. "There's no need."

An uncomfortable suspicion began taking shape in the back of her mind. She shook it away, refused to let it take root.

She and Catherine both looked at Harm, while he just looked ill at ease. She felt the urge to laugh, just to break them out of this awkward moment. They were adults, for goodness sakes.

Finally, Harm spoke. "Catherine. I'll see you out." He gestured towards the front door.

"That's not necessary, Harm." Catherine didn't move.

Mac thought they sounded very formal with each other.

She watched the battle take place in Harm's eyes, and saw him surrender. He reluctantly asked, "Is there anything else you needed to talk about, Catherine."

"Well," She glanced at Mac. "It can wait."

Mac decided to remain silent. Don't ask questions, she told herself, and you won't have to listen to the answers. She wasn't about to touch this with a ten-foot pole.

"Alright, then. Let me see you out," Harm repeated his earlier offer.

This time, Catherine headed towards the door, and Harm followed. Mac watched the careful distance Harm maintained, and the formal manner in which he helped her with her coat. He was trying too hard not to touch her. It was unlike Harm to be so proper with anyone, let alone a woman, Mac thought.

"Goodnight, Harm." She glanced at Mac. "Mac."

"Bye, Catherine. Congratulations, again." She tried her best to smile as Harm closed the door on Catherine Gale's retreating form.

The door shut with an ominous click. Mac turned her gaze on Harm.

"I came early ... uh," She faltered, her thoughts still on the scene she'd just witnessed. She shook herself to the present. "I just had to share the good news with you." Her previous euphoria suddenly became a bit difficult to find.

"That's okay, Mac." She could detect the slight tension in his voice. "What's up?"

She watched Harm as he made his way to the couch, her thoughts drifting back to the stiff, stilted interactions between him and Catherine. She didn't recall them being so starchy with each other in Clay's hospital room.

She realized she'd remained silent and lost in thought for too long when she heard Harm address her.

"You want to ask me." He stated.

"Ask you what." She hedged.

He gave her a look that let her know he wasn't going to let her off the hook. "If I slept with her."

Mac braced herself. She shrugged.

"It's none of my business."

"Mac." His tone held a warning.

"I don't want to talk about it." She insisted, knowing she sounded mildly juvenile, but not really caring. She couldn't help but feel that things were so delicate right now. She couldn't help but feel insecure about his feelings in all this. She didn't want it all to come crashing down. "I don't want to know."

"It's not my kid." Harm stated bluntly, his eyes fixed on hers.

"I didn't think it was." He looked confused by her response, so she elaborated. "If it was your kid, you would not have booted the mother out the door the moment I came in."

"I did not boot her out!" He defended, sounding alarmed.

She gave him a disbelieving look. "Then what do you call that?" She waved her hand towards the door.

"Politely bidding her farewell." He failed in his attempt at looking innocent.

Mac snorted in response.

"Alright, Ms. Manners, enough of that." He grinned at her, and she felt just a little bit more secure. He then deftly changed the topic, much to her relief. She really did not want to know about his previous relationship with Catherine Gale. Not now, when things were still so dauntingly tenuous.

"What's so important that you couldn't wait until dinner?" He asked, eyebrow raised expectantly.

She handed him a file. "Remember Caroline Imes?"

"Yeah." His eyebrow inched higher, this time with arrogance. "I beat her six times running."

"Not that you're counting." She gave him an exasperated look.

His grin widened in response.

"She's not a real lawyer." Mac revealed, and waited for his reaction.

"I could've told you that." He laughed at her warning expression, and put his hands up in a mock gesture of surrender. "Sorry, sorry. I'll be serious."

"She didn't take the bar." Mac explained. "All her cases are being reviewed. We're short-staffed and you handled a few cases with her. So ... the Admiral needs your help!" Mac finished triumphantly.

"What?" His eyes widened in shock.

She nodded, grinning. "You can come back. To consult on these cases, but I think he will offer to re-instate you. You'd have to start at the beginning in a way, but you'd be back in."

"What?" He repeated dumbly.

She grinned and took a seat next to him. She shook his arm excitedly. "Harm, this is great news!"

"What?" He stood up, paced. Opened his mouth, hesitated, and then finally spoke. "No. No. I won't do it. No."

A part of her had expected this to be his initial reaction.

"Harm. Starting at the beginning isn't all bad." She tried to convince him, and then repeated for good measure: "You'd be back in the Navy." He couldn't be holding on to that much resentment, could he?

"I'm not coming back." He stated.

"What do you mean you're not coming back." She knew that tone. She couldn't believe it. Things were supposed to be falling into place.

"No." He shook his head resolutely, stubbornly.

She stared at him. It wasn't supposed to happen like this. Things were supposed to fall into place.

--

She was just staring at him like he'd lost him mind. It was making him feel slightly uncomfortable.

"What do you mean, Harm?" She persisted. "Why?"

"Mac." He began, and then stopped not knowing how to explain it to her without revealing his hand.

"Harm." She prodded, insistent.

"I..." He trailed off again.

"Harm. You can't just avoid the man. If nothing else, I work with him. Bud and Harriet do. Sturgis does. Our godson is named after him, Harm. You'll run in to him at social functions. You aren't the type to avoid people ..." She paused and grinned mischievously. "Well, except me."

He tried to smile in response, knowing that she was trying to lighten the situation. But he wasn't ready for humour just yet. He was serious about this.

"It's not that." He defended. "I won't lie and say everything will just smooth over with the Admiral, but it's not that."

"Harm." The scepticism in her voice was tangible.

"It's not, Mac." He insisted.

"You're angry with him, don't deny it."

"So what if I am, Mac." He felt his patience crack as he remembered the way Chegwidden had acted when he'd requested leave, and the way he'd acted when he'd come back with Mac. "Dammit, he was ready to just leave you down there."

She didn't respond, but he saw a barely noticeable shift in her demeanour. She hadn't come to terms with it either, apparently. His anger dissipated, replaced by concern.

"Mac..." He reached for her hand. "Mac, I didn't mean to bring it up like that..."

She shook her head, her lips pursed, her eyes fixed on her lap. He could see the effort she was putting into being stoic.

"It's alright, Harm. It's going to come up. A lot is." She took a breath and met his gaze. "I agreed to go on the mission, Harm. I knew what that entailed."

He stared at her, not sure how to react to that. She broke the silence with another deep breath.

"This is going to have to go on the list of things we have to work on." She said finally.

He would concede that point. After all, the more they dealt with, the more would be dealt with. He wondered how many people carried so much baggage into a relationship. Not that we was complaining, not after it took them so long to get to this point. Not after he'd lost hope that they ever would get to this point.

"Mac. I was upset with Chegwidden," He caught her reproving glance and amended. "Alright. I still am upset, but I'll get over it." He saw that she still didn't believe him, so he elaborated.

"Truth is, Mac, what I told you on Sunday still holds. And I was upset that he processed my resignation, but ... but ..." He was having a hard time confessing this. "I was more upset about the termination of something else at the time."

She started at the revelation and looked away. Her eyes dropped to her lap.

"No, wait, Mac. I'm not saying this to lay blame or anything. It's the plain truth."

She nodded, but still wasn't meeting his eye.

"I wasn't expecting him to process my resignation. And it just added to my frustration. It was a bit much, all of it at once. I thought you ... well, that doesn't matter now. But losing the only other thing that really mattered to me, in addition to losing, or so I thought, the one thing that really mattered more than anything else ... and losing the chance to ... But I understand now, where you were coming from." He paused, but couldn't see her face or her reaction. That made him nervous. "Or at least, I understand better than I did. I think. Mostly."

She laughed softly at that, and brought her eyes to his. He responded with a sheepish grin, knowing he wasn't being his most eloquent at the moment.

"And I think after working for so many years under his command," Harm continued. "The Admiral and I can come to an understanding. He's the one who's offering me back the job."

"You saw him as more than just a CO, Harm." She pointed out gently.

"Doesn't mean I can't work under his command. Besides, I was an ass to you for five months, Mac. Do you think less of me?"

She opened her mouth to answer.

"Wait!" He quickly cut in to prevent her from responding, suddenly panicked. "I'm not sure if I want to hear the answer to that."

She broke into an amused grin. "You're funny. And for the record, I don't think less of you." Her expression turned serious. "And you weren't an ass. You were just ... disappointed. I understand, Harm."

He studied her carefully, and found that he believed her. A weight he hadn't realized he was carrying lifted from his shoulders.

"Do you think less of me?" She asked in return, returning his studious gaze.

He couldn't help himself. He grinned. "Never."

She laughed and smacked his shoulder. "I take it back, you're not funny."

He watched her as she laughed, the sparkle in her eyes, the lilt in her voice. He couldn't go back to JAG.

"I can't go back."

Her laughter ended abruptly. "What? Why? You just the Admiral ..."

"No. I mean, yes, I know what I said. But, thing is … we, you and I that is, we can't work under the same chain of command when we're ... when we're ... involved..." He was appalled to find himself stuttering. He resisted the urge to pace. Instead, he wrapped his hands around hers and held on tight.

"We're the same rank, Harm. We can. It's not fraternizing, you know that." She stated, frowning.

"Mac." He sounded mildly exasperated.

She looked at him blankly. "What?" She really didn't get it, he realized.

"I ... I ..." He let out a frustrated breath. "I want us to be, I mean ... I want to, to ..." He stood up, finally giving in to his urge to pace.

"Spit it out, Harm. This is the best thing that could happen for you. It's your foot in the door to get back into the Navy."

"No." He stopped pacing. "The Navy is not the best thing that could happen. And I, we can't just think about me. We talked about this. I said I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. I meant that."

"What does that have to do with you coming back to JAG? We won't let work get between us. It'll take some getting used to, some adjusting, but I don't doubt we can do it. Not after ..." She waved her hand between them, her voice suddenly sombre, hesitant. "Everything."

"It's not that. I don't doubt we can do it, either." He replied with conviction.

"Then what is it?" He could see by her body language that she was getting increasingly confused and mildly frustrated.

"If I come back to JAG, then – in the long term – that could prove to be difficult." He said this slowly, hoping she would understand the subtext.

"Difficult how?" She frowned, searching his face for a clue. "I don't understand."

"Mac." How exasperating! She really wasn't getting it.

She waited patiently, in silence.

"If I come back to JAG, then I ... then we ..." He stopped, hesitated. He sat down next to her and took both her hands in his. "Okay, look. Let me start over." He took a deep breath. "When I said I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you, I meant, uh, you know." He faltered.

"You meant it, I know, Harm." She assured him quickly. "Look, ultimately, whatever you want to do you have my full support. I would not give you any less. I just, I know how much the Navy means to you. How much your wings mean to you. You can have it all back, and we can move forward from there, you and I."

"Okay." He began slowly. "What do you see for us, in moving forward?"

She stared at him blankly. "Uh ... What do you mean?"

"You haven't given it much thought, have you?" He grinned at her expression.

"Well. I mean, a lot has happened..."

"No, Mac." He squeezed her hands in reassurance. He could hardly blame her. They'd gone from 0 to Mach 3 in just over a week. "I know. But one of us has to think about the future. Usually that's your job" He grinned at her. "But since I'm in-between careers, I thought I'd give it a try for once."

She smiled slightly, but he could see she was still not following. "And what conclusions did you reach?"

"I want to, I mean, I want us – I want us – to be married." Her face transformed into a mask of shock. "I want to marry you." He rushed out. "That's what I mean by spending the rest of my life with you. I want ... It doesn't have to be now. Or soon, if you don't want. Your timeline. It's your timeline." He forced himself to stop, not knowing what else to say without rambling like an idiot. He hadn't exactly wanted the first and only proposal he ever gave to be so, so ... clumsy, tactless.

She stared at him and spoke very slowly, as though she was processing this information out loud. "And you coming back to JAG would make ma – mar – uh, that difficult."

He nodded, and held his breath. It didn't bode well if she couldn't even say the word. Did it? He couldn't be sure.

She searched his face. "You want to get m ... married? To me?"

He nodded again, but this time couldn't keep the unabashedly happy smile from his face. The words sounded good in her voice.

"I want to marry you, Sarah. I want you to marry me."

She blinked once, twice. She grinned. She bit her lip. She laughed. She launched herself at him and hugged him tightly. He more than gladly reciprocated.

"So that's an okay?" He ventured. "I mean, that one day we'll get married."

She pulled back to look at him, grinning uncontrollably. "You do realize we haven't even shared an honest kiss?"

He sobered at her remark, but the smile never left his face. He ran his fingers along her cheek, over her lips.

"Everything I've ever shared with you has been nothing less than honest."

He thought he saw tears gather in her eyes. She sighed, her expression full of tenderness.

"I love you, Mac. I don't need to kiss you to know that. But," He sighed dramatically. "If it means that much to you, we can remedy the situation right now."

She grinned, but her eyes took on a depth he rarely saw. She leaned towards him, her eyes not leaving his.

"Yes, please." She whispered.

He watched her as her face neared his. He knew he would never forget this moment of anticipation; the way she looked in the soft glow of his apartment, the way her skin smelled of jasmine, the way her eyes held his heart.

He bent his head to meet her halfway, felt her soft, warm lips against his. He closed his eyes and savoured how she felt, how she tasted.

She pulled back, and it took him a moment to open his eyes. She was watching him, her expression serious.

"What?" He asked, still a bit dazed by the situation. Mac had just agreed to marry him, hadn't she? Had she?

"I still think you should come back to JAG."

"What?" That snapped him out the stupor her kissed had steeped him into. "But what about, I mean..."

"Wait." She put her hand on his cheek. "Hear me out."

He nodded, a bit distracted by her touch, still not completely believing that she'd accepted his offer of marriage.

"Once you're reinstated in the Navy, you'll be right back where you were, right? We don't have to get, uh, married," She tripped over the word, causing him to grin. "Any time soon. Once you're back in, we can look at our options." She paused and studied him for a moment before continuing. "I hate how this happened to you, Harm. You didn't resign because you wanted out. You resigned because you didn't think you had any other choice—"

"I knew I didn't have any other choice, Mac." He corrected her.

"That may be so, but you didn't think Chegwidden would actually process your papers. At least this way you'll ... this will give you back your choice, Harm."

"You feel guilty." He realized. "You feel responsible."

"I am, Harm." She state categorically.

"No, Mac." He replied forcefully. "What you said in the grocery store was true. I made my choice. I had no right to be angry when things didn't go my way."

"Harm, you just said you had no choice." She pointed out.

"That's not what I meant." He couldn't believe they'd gone from marriage proposal to disagreement in less than a minute. Well, maybe he could. He could also admit that he loved how she looked when she was being stubborn about something. He was going to marry Mac. Mac was going to marry him.

"Would you have resigned if the mission in Paraguay hadn't gone wrong?" He focused his attention back on Mac when he realized that she was using her cross-examination tone on him.

He shook his head reluctantly.

"Then it wasn't your decision, it was the situation." Now she was using her closing argument voice on him.

"Mac. That's—"

"Hear me out, Harm. I don't want you regretting anything about us. About getting married. To me," She added almost as an afterthought. He couldn't help but grin at the thought, and at how much difficulty she was having at processing it. He was going to marry Mac.

"I wouldn't regret anything, Mac." He trailed his hand over hers where it rested on his cheek, and then encircled her wrist with his fingers.

She raised her eyebrow. "Can you be sure?"

"Yes," He stated firmly. Mac was going to marry him. He gave her his most dashing smile.

She laughed. "You're acting on your emotions, Harm."

"Nothing wrong with that, Mac." He was being completely serious. A part of him wished that her childhood had been different, that it hadn't made her so guarded and analytical towards life.

"Do you want to come back to the Navy, all else aside?" She persisted.

"That's not a fair question." He protested. "The rules of engagement have changed. I have you, I don't need the Navy."

"Forget about need." She shook her head, placing her free hand on his shoulder. "You can have both, Harm."

That gave him pause. He studied her. Truthfully, she was making it sound more and more appealing.

He pointed his finger at her and shook his head, grinning. She could be so impossibly stubborn at times. "You." He said, and shook his head again, one eyebrow raised. He was going to have such fun being married to her.

She grinned, and grabbed his finger. "So you'll come back to JAG?"

"Are you sure, Mac?" He searched her face.

"I want you to be happy, Harm." She replied sincerely. "The Navy, your wings ... it's important to you, and the way it was taken from you wasn't fair. You won't be happy if that's how your career in the Navy ended. If it was cut short, and not on your terms."

He grinned again, and shook his head at her. "You are something else, Mac."

"I'll take that as a compliment." She informed him.

"I wouldn't have it any other way, Marine."

She let out a deep breath and flopped back onto the couch. "God, it's exhausting talking sense into you."

"And I'll take that as a compliment." He replied, eyebrows raised in amusement as he watched her prone form draped over his couch.

"Of course you would." She grinned impishly at him. They both laughed.

She sat up suddenly. "Come on, let's go celebrate."

"What?" He was startled by her unexpected burst of enthusiasm. He hadn't seen her like this in too long. It made him realize how worried she had been over his resignation from JAG. "Where? Doing what?"

"I don't care." She pulled his arm. "Let's just go do something. I'm in the mood to go do something."

He laughed at her eagerness. "We do have reservations for dinner, remember?" He glanced at his watch. "In twenty minutes."

"I need to go home and change out of uniform." She stood up to leave, and he followed her.

"You won't make it in time." He pointed out. "We'll miss our reservations for tonight."

She paused and turned around suddenly to look at him, her expression contemplative. "Tomorrow's another day." She said slowly.

He studied her for a moment, before the meaning behind her words registered. He then broke into a grin, unable to restrain his happiness, and took her hand in his. "Tomorrow's another day." He confirmed. "And the night is still young. I'll come with you to your place. We can find another restaurant to go to."

She looked up at him, her eyes warmed with sincerity, "Thank you, Harm."

He brushed a quick kiss on her lips. "Come on, Marine." He smiled at her. "Let's go celebrate..." He trailed off, searching for a fitting word – they had so much to celebrate. Mac was going to marry him, he laughed, momentarily forgetting what it was he was supposed to be thinking about.

"New beginnings?" She supplied readily, her expression mirrored his.

"And old friendships." He added, pulling her closer and putting his hands on her waist. He was going to spend the rest of his life with this woman.

She brightened even further at his response. She placed her hands on his chest and stepped closer to him. "And love."

"Always love, Mac." He lowered his head for another kiss. "Always love." He whispered against her lips.

--

--

end – or rather, the show goes on and season 9 is a gazillion times more fun to watch.