I do not own the wonderful production of Jim Henson.
Rating: PG13 for some suggested content and types of potty humour. Viewer discretion may be advised.
Genre: Romantic Comedy
Full screening length: approx. 128 min.

~Not held responsible for time length discrepancy.

Summary: The Goblin King wasn't King, indeed he was just standing in for his father while his parents were on a second honeymoon. Like any teenager left alone, he gets into a world of trouble and when his parents get home…gets punished appropriately.

~Banished~

Now playing in a Theatre Near You!

Chapter One

The king looked down on his son with a disapproving glare. It was worse than being yelled at, worse than being kicked while down and worse, much worse than being threatened with disinheritment.

It was disinheritment.

Jareth stood before his father, hands held in front and head bowed. He was left like that for uncounted minutes while his father contemplated his next course with false concentration. He had already decided the verdict long ago, even since he felt Jareth had brought loss and destruction down on his kingdom.

At long last the ancient Goblin King spoke. "My son, I give you one chance to explain to me why you did this. Speak carefully mind. I have the power to destroy your very life if I find need to."

Jareth hardly batted an eyelash as he looked into his father's disappointed eyes. His face emotionless but his voice being slightly arrogant, he spoke. "Father, my King. While you were gone there was a summons, a girl wished her brother away. I took him but she pleaded with me to give him back. I could not. I didn't even consider it. I took the baby and the girl was near hysterics as I was to leave. Against my better judgment I challenged her. I told her if she could run the labyrinth in thirteen hours, the number of our goddess in the wood, I would give her brother back." Jareth lost his control and he ran an anguished hand threw his hair. "Father! How was I to know she would beat the Labyrinth? You never told me that was even possible! And that accursed book! What in the blazing river was it doing in her possession? How could I have known…"

"My son, calm yourself." The Goblin King held up his hand. "You will remember yourself as a prince of this realm! For that is what you will stay."

Jareth looked at the old man in shock. He wasn't being disinherited after all? What was his father planning to do?

The King chuckled. "No, no I don't plan ridding myself of you… yet. My boy, you are much too good an entertainment to pass up. However! That does not alleviate your play in all this. You have a task before you. A very trying one." He paused as if reconsidering his own words. "Perhaps it is more of a punishment before you. After all, one does not get banished to the Aboveground as a reward."

Jareth chocked on the air coming into his lungs. Aboveground? To live? As a human? With the wretched girl who defeated him? Only one answer could even begin to explain this task.

His father was trying to kill him!

Or perhaps his father was just evil. Yes that's right. His father was just plain evil.

Or he really was bored even after the holiday him and Jareth's mother, the Queen, took just last week. It was that Goddess forsaken holiday which lead to this disastrous mess.

There are just three rules to be followed in this specific operation his father ran.

Don't give the children food of the labyrinth until they are ours.

Don't contact the relations of the child wished away. Erase memory and leave.

Don't challenge mortals.

And he broke all three of them. Well more then broke really, perhaps shred, torn, and trodden underfoot. He might have spat on them at one point as well…

Giving the mortal girl food from the labyrinth has been the cherry on the cupcake, now she would always have access if she would want it and she might even have the power to bring others with her! The labyrinth was destined to become some sort of amusement park! All those filthy mortals running around and stepping in the bog, contaminating it with their oily skin and snot filled noses.

Jareth shuttered at the thought. Those vile no good creatures!

Unfortunately his father noticed this and said, "Are you listening to me? Of course not! Why on earth would anyone listen to their King?"

The Goblin King had been talking to him and he wasn't listening. Jareth at least had the grace to look slightly ashamed, even if it were only slightly.

"Bah! I give up! You are going to live in the Aboveground until I see fit to return you! While you are at it try and find that girl and convince her to come back here! Make sure she returns whether she wills it or not, understand? She has proved herself useful and your mother can always use the mortal as entertainment."

"What! Why? She was awful! Completely and utterly horrid! She-."

"Turned you down?"

Both son and King looked to the doors of the throne room. The little dwarf was there, standing in his gardening clothes getting dirt everywhere. Jareth sighed. "Hedgehog-."

"Hoggle! And you well know it sonny! And besides, we all know it's true!" Hoggle banished his weed picker at the younger man and the King chuckled again.

"Hoggle! The man of the hour! It took you long enough to respond to my summons. Why?"

"Yer majesty. I was cleaning up his mess!" he pointed a dirty stumpy finger at Jareth. "Those goblins were in my garden again and he did nothing to stop it!"

"Indeed? Well flowers can be replanted which is more then I can say for you if my wife catches you covered in dirt in our castle. She already threw a fit at the mess left by his high and mightiness when we got back." Jareth grumbled. "However, that is not why I called you here, Hoggle. My son told me you helped a young girl through the labyrinth, is this true?"

Hoggle shifted uneasily from foot to foot. "So what if it is? I didn't mean no harm from it!"

"No, no harm came from it, rest assured. Unless of course you count the section of the castle that was destroyed and the bridge that was collapsed and the wall that was crumbled and the portion of Goblin City that is buried under rocks and, of course, the ball room that was smashed in." he continued before Hoggle could deny the ball room incident. "I am aware that my son is responsible for that one but that does not excuse you from your part played in all this. That is why you are to join him in his expedition."

A very distinguished "What?" sounded from two separate parties. Both gardener and prince were unhappy with the arrangements. The King grinned again. He was obviously enjoying this much, much more than either one of them and would keep on enjoying their misery.

Jareth reached his conclusion. His father was trying to kill him! And fast by the sounds of it.

"Father, that is definitely not fair!" Jareth let out in a huff. "Being sent aboveground with that mortal is much more than enough but also with this little snot, it's beyond repulsive! I will die up there!"

"Oh ho! What's this, my son calling something not fair? Has the skies and oceans switched place on me? I think not! That, my son, is called life! Life isn't fair! You are to learn more than that lesson up there, I think. Now be gone! Both of you!"

The throne room disappeared and Jareth found himself alone beside the little stinker who, as far as Jareth was concerned, was to blame for the whole blessed mess.

"Hoggle, when I become king you will find yourself in a sorry position indeed!" Jareth threatened, clenching his hands into fists. The urge to lash out at something was almost too strong to resist. It was too strong. He turned on the dwarf and was about to pummel him when he glowed an iridescent shade of purple. The light cleared and in the place of the dwarf, a teenage boy of sixteen sat on his behind looking in bewilderment at the goblin prince.

"What happened to you?" Hoggle's voice was a few degrees higher than it had been and when he stood, he was a few feet taller as well, though not reaching past five foot three.

"What do you mean, what happened to me? What happened to you?" His voice was the same but something was off. Jareth didn't feel as, well, powerful as before. Like some of his magic was gone. "What is going on?"

Hoggle dug around in his coat pocket which materialized with his new body. There was a roll of vellum in there. It was a note.

It read:

Dear son and Hoggle

Don't be too put out with your new appearances, Hoggle will probably like his very much but I regret to inform you, you will not be keeping it! Jareth, I removed your magic. After the dis-play you preformed I deemed it unnecessary for you to have that type of power Aboveground. Frankly I do not think you can be trusted not to harm the mortals. The girl, I have no major issues with, keep her alive when you bring her back is all I ask, but it would be nice if the others didn't die spontaneously around that particular area. You are enrolled in her high-school this year and I have arranged it so you will be in most of her classes. You know what to do and what is expected of you. I will be watching.

Kendrick, Goblin King.

P.S. I suppose you would like to know where you are staying correct? That is your task as well, sleep in the gutters for all I care just accomplish what you are to do… Perhaps I will take pity on you and bring you home sooner than I had planned.

"Damn him!" Jareth spat out in rage. "Who does he think he is to treat his only son like this? Damn. Damn. DAMN!"

"Calm down you rat! He's watching and if he sees you like this he may just take it into his head to disinherit you!" Hoggle paused. "On second thought, keep it up. Yell and curse him out to your heart's content."

"Hogwash! I will not stand for this type of insolence from you! You will respect me!" Jareth grabbed at Hoggle but he managed to get his feet tangled in the jeans and new sneakers he wore now, falling into a conveniently placed puddle. Jareth lay there in the muddy water ready to pound his fists and kick his feet. "I hate the Aboveground! I hate everything about it!"

He stood up and 'dusted' himself off. His clothes became instantly dry. He smirked. "I seem to have some power after all. This should be helpful." A note fell from the sky like a golden scroll. "Damn pigsy." Jareth muttered darkly as he opened it up and read:

Jareth, count this as a Post P.S. I will be watching you. If I see you will use your powers for malicious reasons you will not find them, however if I see that you would benefit from their use, you will have them. I have set you up with a residence as well. Take your bags and go to the address. Hoggle will be close by but not within the same house. Good luck.

K. Goblin King

Jareth fumed as another smaller piece of paper fell from the sky. It gave two addresses, one for him and one for Hoggle. He looked around. "There are no bags!" the moment he spoke the sky thundered and Jareth ran from his spot with his arms covering his head. Two bags fell from the sky to land unceremoniously on his head despite his efforts to run away. "Argh!"

GOBLINKING*GNIKNILBOG

Jareth stood on the front porch to the house he would be staying at. Over and over in his head he was saying, this cannot be happening, this cannot be happening. He was filled with a tortuous knot building in his stomach and it threatened to overcome him. Wait! It DID overcome him. He turned to leave when the door opened. "OOOH! You're here! Sarah! Sarah, come quick! Our girl is here."

Jareth froze. Girl? He looked down at himself. Nope, no suspiciously patruding twins were to be found and he was fairly sure the female gender didn't have a third leg. He turned and looked at the woman who stood in the doorway. "I beg your pardon."

The woman looked ready to faint. "I thought, oh dear! I thought we were getting a girl." She started at him a moment longer before sighing. "Oh do come in. I'm sure we can work something out."

She moved aside to give him room to enter into the foyer and he swept inside looking disdainfully at the furnishings. He faced the hostess who was rather flustered. He held out his hand, "My name is Jareth and you are my family for the semester. I believe your surname is Williams, am I correct?"

The woman took his hand a little too enthusiastically. "Yes, yes that's right. My name is Karen and my husband is Robert. We have a son and daughter as well! Oh do sit down in the sitting room; I'll get us some tea." She walked into the kitchen while yelling, "Sarah! Our student is here! Come down and greet him!"

And very distinct thud resounded from above and a squeaked 'him?' could be heard followed by the sound of elephant feet tromping down the stairs. Jareth smirked as her brown haired head poked from around the door way. He grinned at her and waved just a little bit evilly. Sarah gulped.

"Karen! I think there is some mistake! He- um- well… there is only one spare bed… and uh…" Sarah's complaints dwindled as she saw the smirk on his face grow almost as if he could read her mind. Jareth didn't think it would be necessary to tell her that he couldn't read her mind but her mind was clear enough on her face to know more or less what she was thinking. Karen appeared behind Sarah and huffed.

"If you're not going to go in then may I suggest you move aside so I can pass? Honestly Sarah…"

Sarah, looking abashed, edged into the room and sat on the far end of the couch, as far from Jareth as she could. Karen took the only other seat in the small living room after setting the tea down. Sarah stood up again. "I'll get some milk…" she started but Jareth coldly informed her that he didn't want any. Defeated for the moment, Sarah sat again.

Jareth could just restrain himself from tormenting her to death. He had to deal with her soon but for now he was content to have his fun and his fun included torturing Sarah.

Karen began with the questioning. "I'm sorry dear, but we were under the impression that we were getting an Australian student and a girl at that. Where are you from? And, oh dear me, what is your name?"

Jareth smirked, "My name is Jareth. It's an old name which goes back in my family for many generations. It seems all the male children have the name Jareth pop up in their name somewhere." Well since I was so named, it will now. He tapped his chin pretending to think. "Hmm let's see, I am from Europe, more specifically England." Or rather beneath it. Hah ah ah.

"Oh that's wonderful dear. Are you allergic to anything? Do you have brothers and sisters? How are you with children? I have a son, Sarah's brother who just turned one."

"In order? No, just sisters and I am somewhat of an expert on looking after children. My father runs a-." What the devil do they call it! "A daycare!"

"Interesting..." Karen shook her head and returned to her twenty questions. " What does your mother do?"

"She helps my father run his daycare."

"oh" Karen seemed slightly put out but she trudged on dependently. "How many sisters do you have?"

Jareth rolled his eyes. "Too many to count for sure!"

Karen laughed. "Oh that's not nice." She looked to the clock. "Look at the time I must finish dinner. Sarah's father will be home soon." And she bustled off.

Jareth leered at Sarah. She was looking well composed and she was very quiet... too quiet. Then she was released from whatever spell had been holding her.

"You bastard! How did you do that?" Jareth sent a quick 'thank you' down to his father. He must have interfered on his behalf.

"Darling, aren't you happy to see me?" he inched closer to her.

She gasped. "Go away Goblin King!"

Jareth laughed. "I'm afraid I cannot do that. You see I'm not the Goblin King. My father is."

Sarah looked as if her eye balls would 'pop' out of her head. "What? Then what was all that in the Labyrinth? You with the kingliness?"

"Kingliness? Really Sarah, I don't even think that's a word." Jareth laughed.

"Hey bub! This isn't your house you have no right to talk down to me like that! And yes, kingliness! Don't change the subject."

"Tisk tisk darling. This may be your house but I am your guest and I think your guest deserves more respect than that."

"I agree!" Both children looked to the doorway where Karen stood. "Dinner is ready, you two. Go wash!" she pointed up the stairs and Sarah slouched her way up them without enthusiasm. Jareth grinned at Karen and raced after her with none of the dignity of his office.

Sarah was washing her hands in the sink arguing with her reflection. He came up behind her and suddenly pushed her body into the sink. Water sloshed up against her, soaking her shirt. Even the tips of her hair were dripping. Her face was beet red from embarrassment when she saw Jareth standing behind her, then her face paled considerably with rage. She glared and roughly pushed past him and down the hall.

Jareth snickered at the locked door of her bedroom and he quickly washed his hands, foregoing the strange yellow bar at the edge instead simply willing his hands clean.

They were pulling up the chairs and getting ready to eat by the time Sarah returned from her room. She had changed her top and, to Jareth's further amusement, her pants. Her long hair was thrown into a bun at the back of her head. She could have taken more care there, Jareth thought, she had tendrils escaping it and it wasn't twisted nicely into a bun, it was just sort of gathered with a tie around it; very lazy in Jareth's opinion.

Robert was a bit of a surprise for Jareth. He wasn't nearly as protective as his father had been for his sisters. Neither was he really uncaring. When Jareth entered the kitchen he saw Robert give Toby a hug and a kiss on the head and then he turned and warmly greeted Jareth as if he were always expecting a boy student not a girl. Jareth was extremely relieved. If Robert had been a problem the whole plan could have gone askew.

Sarah sat down in her seat and Karen finally exclaimed, "Sarah. Good heavens! Did you change your clothes again!"

Robert looked up at his daughter then at Jareth and winked. Jareth, catching on quickly said, "Darling you shouldn't have to change for me! I'm touched."

Sarah looked up and glared. "I wouldn't have had to change if someone didn't splash me with water!"

"Sarah! Watch your tone!" Karen scolded and Jareth snickered.

Robert, however, much to Jareth's charain, was quick on the up take. "Karen, please. You see how embarrassed she is. It was probably all an accident. Let's just eat our dinner."

I guess I should be relieved that Father's spell will keep her from saying anything about me. That's all done. Now all that's left is to be sure Father thinks I was suitably punished and away we go! I go back to the underground with Sarah to entertain my mother and I never have to deal with her again! Or perhaps I will want to deal with her again. Jareth concluded his monologue in his watched Sarah through the corner of his eye as she picked at her food. What is going on in that head? Why does she react this way?

"So Jareth, how old are you?" Robert asked, taking a bite of spaghetti and raised his eye brows.

About ninety-three next October. "I'll be seventeen in October, Sir"

Sarah coughed after taking an overly large sip of orange juice. Jareth grinned at her. Does that age intrigue you, sweet Sarah?

"Excellent! We'll be able to throw a party for you then!" Karen exclaimed.

More polite questions were directed at Jareth concerning his family and where he lived and he played along, answering everything with as much honesty as he could afford without looking like a doofus. When dinner was finished Karen ordered Sarah to clean the table and help her with dishes while Robert took Jareth up stairs to show him where he would be sleeping that night; in Sarah's room. Her room was much too girly for him but he would get used to it. He frowned when the spare bed was folded up and wheeled from the room.

"Where's Sarah going to sleep? I hope I'm not kicking her out. I don't mind sleeping on the couch for the night." Jareth did mind but he was rather disappointed about not getting the chance to torment her more. He would have slipped into her dreams and gave her the run for her life. Maybe a revisit to the ballroom scene would entertain him. His lusty thoughts were not evident on his face, or at least, not hugely evident since Robert just grinned at the 'younger' man.

"She's going to be sleeping in Toby's room while Toby sleeps with Karen and me. Our room is right beside Toby's so don't even think it." Robert said in a stern tone of a father joking around with the virtue of his daughter.

Jareth didn't know what to say for a moment. What would Robert do if Jareth told him that he had entertained those ideas more than once, nearly seduced his innocent daughter and then tried to blackmail her into staying with him to 'fear, love and do as he said'? He figured a sixteen year old boy wouldn't think like that. Or, of course, he would think like that but he wouldn't have the bal- guts to say it to the father. "I'm not sure I follow you, Sir?" he managed a slightly confused, polite smile.

"Oh please, call me Robert." He smiled and sat on the bed. Jareth sat where he was beckoned. "I was a young man myself you know. And I know Sarah is a pretty girl but she has never had a relationship with a boy before if you follow my meaning. You can tease her and pull her pigtails but I doubt that she will truly know what that means. Flowers would be easier to use then sharp tugs on the ear."

"But Sir- Robert," he amended, "does that bother you that I'm interested in your daughter?" He was pretty sure that this conversation wouldn't reach the wrong ears, especially those precious pair down stairs attached to that smooth, creamy neck and hidden behind that lustrous hair…

"Ha! If I was truly worried I would send you off. Just don't hurt her and I'll be a happy camper. Like I said, I remember being young once and that led me to Sarah's mother." he leaned in closer and dropped his voice. "But if a relationship does develop between you, make sure it doesn't end as mine and her mother's did. If that happens, I will make sure you can never be found again, than I will make use of your father's daycare."

Jareth frowned. He was never one for subtleties. "Wha-."

"I just turned thirty three years old last month. Linda, Sarah's mother, was a few years younger than me." Robert stood, somehow looking a lot more youthful then before. "I'll let you get settled and maybe we can play a card game later on." He left the room.

Jareth's jaw was still detached from that comment. Why would it matter if he just turned thirty three last month- oh OH OH! Oh no! No! Sarah was no younger then fifteen so that would mean that her father was only eighteen when she was born, no accounting on the exact age of her mother but Jareth could see that that was a young age to be parents. Even at his age, it was unthinkable to his race. Lust and bedding someone for the fun of it was one thing but starting a family wasn't even something someone considered until their two hundredth year! Nah uh! No way Jose! NOT going to happen.

A little voice crawled up into his brain. Humans are much more fertile then you are for they are shorter lived. And there is no denying that you want her, look down if you don't believe me. Jareth looked down and he believed.

This is going to be a painfully long punishment! Father will kill me yet and he doesn't even know it!

GOBLINKING*GNIKNILBOG

Kendrick, Goblin King and Lord of the Labyrinth looked in a crystal at his son. After the conversation between his son and his 'host father' concerning the mortal girl and the circumstances between the father and mother of the girl, the Goblin King almost laughed. When the man left the room to leave the punished prince in the frilly room and said prince's face became progressively redder until he looked down and saw a piece of his anatomy at attention, the Goblin King did laugh. He laughed so heartily that his wife came to investigate.

Emogen, Goblin Queen, entered the throne room where he sat draped over his throne with crystal in hand. "Kendrick! What in the seven hells are you doing?"

His great booming laugh cut off at the frustrated and confused look on his wife's face. "Darling, my love, how adverse would you be to becoming a grandmother from our darling son?"

Her mouth dropped open in shock but she quickly regained herself and strode determinedly to her husband's side. She snatched the crystal from his hand to look. The image playing inside it was one of Jareth sitting on a bed that was nowhere in the castle and holding a picture of a dark haired girl. He wore a faint blush and his gaze was almost gentle. Emogen sighed and handed the sphere back. "This may not be the punishment you had in mind."

He smirked at his wife, testament to where his son got that infuriating smirk from. "You will not yell or hit at me? I did send our son to the Aboveground without consulting you."

She crawled up on his lap and placed a hand to his wrinkling cheek. "My love, he deserved everything you could have given him but like I said, this may not be a punishment. I didn't know he felt that way about the mortal."

He sighed and shook his head. "Our son had forgotten to mention much to us, darling. He had been spying on her even since I allowed him out of the underground in his alternate form. I think he may have given her that book. I suspect it but I fear he is too arrogant for his own good and will deny it when confronted. He denied it vehemently enough when he said he 'didn't know' what would happen if he let the mortal run the Labyrinth. In the presence of others he denies it quick enough and plays his part well, but when he is alone…" Kendrick looked through the crystal in his hand and it slowly revolved.

"He is young yet, my love." His wife replied, kissing his lips with tenderness that hasn't faded for all the centuries they have been married. "With her here and him to choose her, they have all the time in the world to get there. If, indeed, she is right for him."

Kendrick smiled. "She beat him when he controlled the Labyrinth. Her will is as strong as his, that is all that is needed."

The Queen answered, "Her kingdom as great, as mine was."

"Yes, indeed."

A/N: This is just a small, somewhat small, fic I'm going to be writing on the side so I can continue to post something. It doesn't have high priority, however so please expect infrequent updates.