(WHO's READY FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER?? HOPEFULLY YOU GUYS! I SPENT EXTRA LONG ON THIS, SO YOU BETTER LIKE IT. NO STEAM, JUST A LOT OF SCENE-SETTING FOR NEXT CHAPTER.)

I lazily rolled over, expecting to see Edward laying next to me, smiling his crooked little smile.

He wasn't.

I stretched, reaching my arms up over my head until I heard Edward's cell phone. He must of forgotten it, wherever he was.

Hah. Of course I wasn't going to answer. That would be a total invasion of privacy...

It rang again. It was probably Emmett, or something. Maybe Carlisle...

The final ring. It took everything I had not to take it. Wow. I am the best girlfriend. You know, I should probably be getting a medal or something. I just...

Next thing I knew, I was flipping the phone open and typing in his voicemail password. Ya know, I always thought with all those university degrees, Edward would be smarter than to give out his passwords to everything. What had his words been after we told everyone about the wedding? "I don't have anything to hide from you. What's mine is yours". Suffice to say, I had not given him passwords to any of my things. I think he took a little offense to that, but hey! If I have an e-mail form my mom, or whatever, asking about my period or something, I most certainly do not want my fiancee reading about it.

"Message from number 555-9863. To listen, press 1." The operator said in that painfully boring voice. I clicked it quickly, anxious to see who had called him. I tried to convince myself what I was doing was perfectly okay. Edward had practically said it.

"Umm, hey Eddie, it's Jessica. Yeah, so I gave you my number yesterday, and I didn't get a call back. So, ya know, call me whenever... 555-9863... yep. I mean, I know you're with Bella, and everything, so I totally understand why you might need a change. Like... hello, Mr. Obvious! Welcome to Plainsville! Yeah. Heehee! 555-9863. I'll be home all day, so you can pop by if you want... I have a big empty bed that's practically begging for another person. See yeah, sweetie!"

The operator's voice came back. "To erase this message, press seven. To save it, press nine. ... Are you still there? To erase this message, press seven. To save it, press nine. ... Are you still there? To erase-"

I closed the phone without pressing anything, my body filling with rage. I know, I know, Alice had told me that this was the plan yesterday. But honestly! Eddie? Even I wasn't allowed to call him Eddie! And sweetie... that just crossed the line.

I honestly couldn't have cared less that she didn't really like me. Big deal. It wasn't like I was going to see her after my wedding anyways.

I was contemplating ways to kill her without getting arrested when Alice bursted in.

"Jazzy Wazz. Jazzy-freakin-Wazz. I can take 'little pixie' and 'hyperactive' but then she had to go and say 'I can do stuff for you that she can't'. I'm sorry, but Jessica Stanely is going down."

I had to smile. Jess had, apparently, called Jasper as well. And I was counting down the seconds until...

"Emmie Bear?? Who the hell does that bitch think she is?!" Rosalie exclaimed, bursting into my room.

"It was Alice's idea!" I screamed, not wanting mine and Rosalie's truce to end over Jessica skank Stanely.

"I didn't think she'd call here. I just wanted the guys to flirt with her, and her embarrass herself in front of everyone. I don't even know how she got the guys' numbers..." Alice explained.

"Where the hell are they, anyway? It's not like them to just leave without saying anything, and leave their phones right next us. Hah, it's almost like they wanted us to hear..." I trailed off as comprehension filled all of our faces.

"Sons of bitches! Sorry Jasper, Emmett, and Edward's moms." Rosalie added quickly. "The nerve!! What is wrong with them?"

"I have no idea. But we have to get them back. And right now, they are..." Alice closed her eyes for a moment. "Wow. They are really wanting us to get angry. Their agenda tonight is switching from gambling to golfing to... a strip club? Oh, hell no. They should have thought about this. Everyone knows girls always come out on top. And this is war."

Later that day...

"Hey guys, how did you not notice the guys leaving? You don't sleep or anything, so how could they sneak out?" I pondered as I looked through racks of clothing.

"Haha. Well, Bella, we really should have figured it out. They said we needed 'girl time' today, so they insisted we go hunting together, then hang out with you all day. They knew when we came back, the first place we'd go would be to check our cell phones... and they 'coincidentally' left theirs right next to ours, with a bleeping voicemail blinker on the side. And of course we checked it... which was when we came rushing in your room. It's really not that good of a plan; we figured it out pretty quick. Emmett must have been the mastermind behind it all," Rosalie rolled her eyes.

"I don't think they even had to pay Jessica to do it for them... but I wonder why they'd do it? Do they want to sleep on the couch?" Alice giggled when she thought about how stupid that had sounded. "I meant that figuratively, of course." Her face was abruptly serious. "Oh my god, maybe they're getting tired of us. Maybe Jasper doesn't want to have sex with me anymore!"

"Doubt it. Well, our plan isn't original, but still hilarious. Have you guys gotten your outfits yet?" Rosalie glanced at our piles of clothing; Alice's almost blocking her line of vision, and mine with only a few articles in it.

"Okay, one, Bella... That isn't the least bit slutty. Edward won't be jealous if your dancing around in that in front of other guys. Try this," she suggested and handed me a skirt that looked like it could fit my 7-year-old cousin along with a lacy...thing that, in my opinion, didn't have enough substance to even pass for a bra.

"Er.. Thanks, Rose," I said and grabbed them. The three of us walked into the changing rooms and looked at how our outfits turned out.

Mine, miraculously, fit around the waist... but I couldn't say the same for the length. It only grazed the bottom of my butt, and the "shirt"... well, it pretty much covered only what was needed, legally, to walk down the streets.

I walked out, my cheeks pink, to see how my soon-to-be sisters looked. Of course, they looked totally hot. They made slutty look good.

I, however, made slutty look... slutty.

"Damn, Bella, you look fine!" Alice said as she smacked my butt.

"Hah! Right!" I replied, shaking my head.

"No, Bella, I don't care what you say. You are getting that outfit, along with some fishnets and three inch heels, and we are going to be dancing at the strip club tonight."

333333333333

I didn't want to get out of the Porsche. I liked my tracksuit I had on. I didn't want to take it off backstage, then come out and dance around a pole and on top of other guys. I wanted to keep my body covered and go to sleep. I mean, it was ten o'clock!

"Ready, Bells?" Rosalie asked. It wasn't really a question; she was going to drag me up there no matter what my answer was.

"As ready as I'll ever be." Which was not ready at all.

"Great! Let's go guys, the poles a'waitin!" Alice practically bounced as she dragged me into the back door of "Foxy", a really high-end strip club. Well, as high end as they come, I guess.

Oh, god. This was going to be the most embarrassing night of my life.

"Okay, so, makeup time!" Rosalie said as she pulled out some crappy dollar store makeup they kept there.

"Hurrah..." I said sarcastically.

"Oh, lighten up. This'll be fun!" Alice squealed.

"Right. Giving lap dances to creepy strangers is my idea of a party," I grumbled as they started caking the makeup on. They did the same on themselves before "Party Up" by Hilary Duff started blasting on the speakers.

"This isn't stripper music!!" I exclaimed.

"I know. You won't be 'stripping'. You'll be dancing," Rosalie corrected.

"Alright. Now, tracksuits off..." Alice instructed. "And start walking. Pretend you don't even notice the guys. Now, we will be dancing on two people each tonight, one really hot, and one old, fat and creepy. Find one of each, now GO!"

We had practiced this. Right, left, right. Grab the pole. Spin. Whip your hair around. Alright. Now, find a super hot guy, and try to pretend a certain pair of golden eyes aren't staring at you right now...

Jackpot! Bachelor party. Us girls all found someone in the group and started giving them a lap dance, smiling the whole time. Dollar bills were handed to me.

Halfway through the song, we found a group of three fat, smelly and hairy guys smoking cigars, and we agreed to go to them next. Holding my breath and trying not to wince, we sauntered over, brushing against our vampire sweethearts along the way as if we didn't even notice them.

"Hey, baby. The party don't have to end after this song. I got a trailer a few miles out..." The guy suggested to me.

Rosalie and Alice were having a similar problem with their guys, though of course they had no reason to be scared. However, they still seemed to be a little freaked out at the pevertedness that was happening. I felt a hairy, calloused hand start to grab my boob the same time I saw a hand on each of my sisters', and suddenly, the sleazy guys were on their asses and Edward, Jasper, and Emmett had each scooped us up.

"Put me down, Emmett! I can handle myself!" I heard Rosalie scream.

"Yeah, seriously, Edward." I added.

"Serves you right for trying to piss us off! Jessica Stanely? A strip club?" Alice seethed at Jasper.

"Um, it's called bachelor party, ladies. We were just having fun with you guys earlier, and we wanted to have a guys' night tonight." Emmett explained.

"Yeah, who would have thought you girls would do this, though?" Jasper asked.

"We didn't even recognize you guys at first... we were holding our breath this whole time because of the cigar smoke and smelly guys. I guess that's why we didn't smell you..." said Emmett.

"Oh, so even though you didn't think it was Rosalie, you were still having dirty thoughts about her..." Edward grinned.

"Emmett Cullen! Were you having dirty thoughts about another woman?" Rosalie snarled.

"No, because it was you!" Emmett explained.

"But you didn't think it was me!"

"Well that just means... uhh..." He looked at us for help.

"Uh...it means that your bond is so strong that even though he didn't know it was you he was still attracted to you?" Jasper said it more like a question.

"Bull-shit!" Rosalie growled, along with a few more curse words I'd never even heard of and a smack on the head for Emmett.

I just realized that we were all still being held bridal-style and everyone was staring at us.

"Put me down, Edward," I said, even though he didn't loosen his grip on me.

Also, why the hell wasn't he talking to me? He hadn't said a word to me today!

I tried to make him say something.

"Uhh, Edward?" I asked. All he did was raise is eyebrows at me. "Um..." I couldn't think of anything to say. I finally decided on "Hi."

Edward kissed me lightly and set me on my feet, as did Emmett and Jasper. Everyone in the bar turned their heads to the new dancers swinging around the pole.

"About damn time asshole! You know I could have taken care of those guys. Jesus..." Rosalie said as she straightened out her...uhh... 'ensemble'.

"Not without exposing us. Don't you think people would wonder what was going on if an 18 year old girl took down three bikers? So, if you think about it, we just saved your hides." Jasper said as he slung an arm around Alice. "By the way, nice outfits, girls. You could wear them more often..." That earned him a kick in the shin from Alice.

"Right. I will be burning them once we get home," Rosalie decided as she found our tracksuits and started putting hers on.

"Uhh..." Edward started fumbling with his hands in his pockets.

"What is it, Edward?" I asked.

"We were actually thinking about... staying a while..." Emmett said, ruining whatever truce him and Rosalie had had a second ago.

"Is that so? Huh. Well, I think it's silly how we have a bed, anyway, seeing as how we don't sleep. I can give it away to good will. Isn't that a great idea, Emmett?" Rosalie said as she stared daggers at her husband.

"No..."

"And why not?"

"Because we need a bed for... for..."

"For NOTHING! Do you hear me? Nothing. That bed is gone!" Rosalie screamed as Alice, Jasper, Edward and I all stared. This was better than TV.

"You know what, Rosalie? I think you have the right idea. Who needs a bed anyway, right, Jasper?" asked Alice. Jasper looked terrified and sad at the same time.

"Um... we do...?"

"No, we don't."

"We don't..." He frowned. At least he didn't put up a fight.

"And you know what Bella? You can sleep at your own house. Alice and I will come over while you sleep, then when you wake up we'll bring you back to ours. Simple! Now all the poor people will have nice big beds to sleep on. Don't you love doing charity work, Bella?"

"Oh yeah, it just makes my heart melt. Now you'll have more space in your room, Edward, without that huge, comfy, springy bed in the way." I said with a smile.

"I don't need lots of space in my room!" Edward said, a little too loudly. I smiled, mostly because the only reason he'd talked to me tonight was for that reason. No playtime.

"Ha ha, Edward! We win the bet!" Jasper and Emmett exclaimed, jumping around. "You can't go more than a day without talking to Bella while seeing her!"

"Nice bet, guys," I said while rolling my eyes.

"Anyhoo, you men have fun tonight." Rosalie said as she grabbed Alice and I and walked off.

"What do we do now? First, they get skanky Jessica to call. Then they go to a strip club. Then they say they want to stay a while longer!" Alice said, zipping up her tracksuit.

"I think I might have an idea," Rosalie said, grinning mischeviously at me. "Bella, did you happen to grab that guy Matt's number yesterday?"

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