Please don't sue me, I didn't mean it, honest

This is my first proper creative work since I helped out a friend with writer's block and wrote a chapter of his novel about ten years ago. Ten years of nothing, then my kids get into Lazytown, and suddenly I've written 50,000 words in less than a month. Such is the power of the man in the bright blue tracksuit.

So, yeah: Theory of Everything. I've always thought superheroes got kind of a raw deal, romantically speaking. They charge around heroically, saving us all from Death and Disaster and Super-villains, and we're all enormously grateful. Then they go home and…live with their aunt. Or their butler. Or teach angst-ridden teenagers who don't really want to learn. Or get shouted at by their editor for missing the money shot, in the big rescue they themselves just orchestrated. Or mop floors in an office. It's all very sad and unsatisfactory.

But then again - who would actually want to live with a Superhero? Batman has too much childhood baggage. Could you ask Superman to help with the washing-up when there's a busload of kids hanging off the Golden Gate bridge? Spiderman spends too much time taking his own photograph to be really attractive. V would probably send in a stunt double occasionally, just to see if you noticed. Wolverine - very hard dog to keep on the porch. Hong Kong Fooey - wrong species. So it goes…

And then there's Sportacus…

He's so much fun to write for because the kind of superhero who deals with normal problems, like "I'm stuck up a tree", or "I can't build this fence", or "the kids are playing near my washing". He does normal stuff, like cooking, tidying up, making sandwiches. (Ever noticed the magnificent squalor that superheroes usually seem to live in? Especially Batman…he's definitely the worst, the scruffy little beggar.) Sportacus never buys the kids a bar of chocolate because he forgot to pack the bananas and then wonders why they're pinging off the walls all afternoon. He is even willing to let them spit their bubble-gum out into his hand, and without missing a beat, demand the rest of it too. He deserves to be happy. But then, what with Lazytown being a Kid's TV show and everything, I don't see them getting around to that any time soon.

I nearly didn't post Theory of Everything at all, because it's my first time on and it just seemed a bit damn much for my first post to be the first four chapters of such a massive, sprawling piece of work. So THANK YOU to all my reviewers who made the new girl so welcome and encouraged me to write the rest.

And extra big thanks to Melissa Ivory, Aenea Lamia, The Anonymous Mouse, and OnlyBlueForever, who reviewed me lots and lots, always kindly, and gave me virtual baked goods just when I needed them.

Oh yes, on the off-chance that this really is the difference between Getting My Ass Sued and Getting Away With It -

I don't own Lazytown (it belongs to Magnus Scheving), I don't own any of the characters (ditto), and I am not making any money off this. I just spend too much time in dull meetings thinking about them.

Kitty