Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters.

— Oops? —

Carlisle POV

I was walking down the hall toward my office when I heard quite possibly the most disturbing and generally wrong conversation that would most likely haunt me for the rest of my existence.

"… Edward …"

" … Bella …"

"I'm not sure what to do."

"I don't know any more about this than you do."

I was about to knock on the door to see if I could lend a hand, but their next words stopped me dead — no pun intended.

"Edward, just do it."

"But Bella —"

"Just stick it in!"

"But there are two holes. How do I know which one to choose?"

My son couldn't be THAT stupid, could he?

"Edward, just pick one."

"But I don't want to hurt you."

"It's supposed to hurt the first time, Edward."

"Bella … I don't think it'll fit."

"It'll fit, Edward."

She was annoyed now. I bit my lip and leaned closer to the door.

"No, I don't think it will. Besides, what do I do with it once it's in?"

"I don't know … move it around a little, just to make sure it's in all the way. Then —"

"Do you think if I do it slowly, it'll hurt less?"

"No, I think it'll hurt more. Just ram it in, already!"

"All right, all right. Sheeeesh."

There was silence for a few brief moments, and then I heard Bella's anguished screams fill the air. My eyes went wide.

"OUCH! Edward, that hurts. Take it out! Take it out!"

"Bella, love, don't be a baby. It's already halfway in. I'd rather not."

"Edward, please! It hurts so much!"

My eyes were popping at this point. I was imagining the tears in Bella's eyes as she cringed in pain.

"It's almost done, Bella, just —"

"Take it out!"

I slammed the door open with enough force to break it off its hinges, intent on saving Bella from my brute of a son at the same time that Bella screamed.

"Take the damn earring out, Edward!"

And as I stared at into both my son's and Bella's eyes, only one word came to my fuzzy, surprised, ancient mind.

"Oops."

It came to me while I was watching Monsters INC, and I had to write it down. I think I wasted a lot of time writing this rather pointless mess ... By the way, Monsters INC is NOT perverted. I actually blame my friend mostly for this idea ...

NOTE: I updated my multi-chapter fic, My Miracle, My Angel. If you're not currently reading it, please give it a try!

Please Review, anyway! ( Pretty please, with an Edward on top? And an earring, too ... )