A/N

Ok this is the 2nd of the 2 chapters i wrote. I'll try and write the next one very very soon!

Pilot's Conference Room,

Battlestar Galactica

The raptor journey had been neverending. Sharon silently working the controls, her eyes never leaving the panel before her. If she did, she probably would have cried. False tears. Mechanical tears. She didn't know. She wasn't there when she first met Starbuck, not really. No-one would know, no-one could know, what Lee was going through.

He looked at the board, indicating what pilot was on CAP rota, what pilot was CAG, what group was green, red, yellow, blue in their training. Starbuck had walked in here so many times. She had filled the room, her laughter brightening the place. It seemed darker here now. Maybe it was because he forgot to turn on the lights, he didn't know. It just felt different. Desolate.

Why was he even here? It was a good question, one he pondered as he scanned the callsigns up on the board. There was no Apollo there, there hadn't been for a while. He wasn't looking for his own name though, he was looking for - There it was. Sitting proudly at the top, underneath CAG. Kara "Starbuck" Thrace. He needed to see her name so desperately, to know that this woman had actually at some point physically existed. It wasn't just a dream, one that he now wanted to wake up from. It was real, and suddenly, Lee realised, it was now all the harder to deal with.

She said that she loved him. She had kissed him. The very same day she had - did she know? He felt anger burst through a dam wall in his heart. Did she know what she was going to do? Was this some sort of sick joke to her, or a last pitying thought to poor little Lee Adama, that guy who was besotted. He clenched his hands tight, his breathing starting to get heavier, more erratic. She didn't love him, she didn't care!

He wanted to scream, he wanted her there in front of him, he wanted to know. Their relationship had never been perfect, he knew that. Kara had constantly turned him away, afraid to let him into her life. She was engaged to his brother Zak, after all. But now, just when things were right, she was gone. He wanted to curse the Gods, curse the cylons, curse anything that could be considered a factor in her demise.

The hatch opening and closing was lost on Lee as he continued to study the board, anger still pumping through his veins.

"Lee." The voice was low, hoarse. Oh great, he now had to put up with his dad during this ordeal.

"She's gone, dad." Lee's voice was tight, controlled, fury reverberating through every bone.

"Yeah, she's gone." defeat, sorrow. He had obviously accepted her death already. Why wouldn't he? he was never the emotional type, the one who didn't cry at his own sons funeral.

"Good to see you care."

Adama's brow knitted together, his eyes piercing Lee. Lee didn't care, however. He had so much anger, so much hatred. He needed a target, and one who so willingly entered the room would do just fine.

"How can you say that?" Adama asked quietly.

"How can I say that!? All of this has happened before and all of this has happened again, dad! It's Zak all over again! Is that what this is to you!?"

Adama remained silent, his expression inscrutable. Lee's tirade continued and he felt his voice rip from his throat with such venom that it surprised even himself.

"Was Zak just a practice funeral, huh!? Wanted to see if you could not mourn the loss of someone close to you!? I guess it's easier when everyone around you dies! You have that little switch, same ones the cylons have!"

Lee breathed heavily, and it wasn't until afterwards when he was greeted by just silence, that he realised he was crying. He pulled his hand up to his face and wiped the tears away with the heel of his hand.

"Why do the ones we love always die?"

"I don't have an answer for that." Adama replied evenly, his voice distant.

"She told me she loved me. For one second, i believed her." Lee admitted quietly, feeling his anger slowly ebbing away. He needed to shout, get it off of his chest. He felt lighter now, although Kara still weighed heavily on his mind.

"You don't now." It wasn't a question from the Admiral, it was a fact.

"I used to laugh, you know, when people said 'life's too short'. They were crazy. I mean, living is the longest godsdamn thing you can do." He took a deep breath, exhaling the anger that was left in him.

"But now," he continued, trying desperately to say what he thought, "i see the times i wasted, the times we both wasted, Kara and I both. What was the point? It left us with minutes. Minutes before she died. She told me she loved me and then she died."

"Lee-"

"-I should have told her before. Frak what we both were worrying about. Frak the hard decisions and the consequences. I could have had so much longer ..."

Adama slowly moved forwards, not knowing how to comfort his own son. He felt bitter at that. Maybe Lee had a point when he was shouting ...

He didn't notice his father as he drew closer. His gaze was fixated on something else. It had caught his eye just moments ago, a metal treasure hanging off of the Admiral. What the frak am i even thinking? Am i really considering this?

Yes, you are, because Kara Thrace is dead, A voice screamed at him, encouraging him to act fast, can you really imagine your life without her in it?

"No," Lee whispered brokenly, "no i can't."

"You can't what?" Bill looked at Lee, concern etched on his face. What the frak was his son saying?

"I'm so sorry dad."

"Lee, what are you-"

Before Adama could finish his sentence, Lee's arm shot out and his fingers clumsily grasped at the gun in the holster that Adama kept around his waist.

Bill realised what was going on, but he was too late. Lee pulled the gun out with ease, his finger revelling in the idea of squeezing the trigger. The gun slowly came towards his own head, the nozzle of it resting comfortably on his temple.

Adama's eyes widened as he watched the events occur before him. He couldn't believe as Lee put the gun to his own head.

"Lee," Adama ordered, "stand down!"

"I love her so much," Lee gritted his teeth, and tears once more stung his eyes, "and she's gone! i love her so frakking much!"

"Think about what you're doing," Adama whispered, "you're being stupid. I told you to stand down, and that is an order."

Lee closed his eyes, tuning his father's voice out. The less he heard from him, the better. It was only when his finger flexed against the trigger of the gun that he heard it.

What the frak do you think you're doing Lee?

Her voice was a siren, calling to him. It was the sound of an angel, drawing him into her embrace.

Lee, i need you to listen to me. Put the frakking gun down, NOW. Listen to The Old Man, don't do this!

Lee wanted so badly to refuse her wishes, to pull the trigger. However, he felt his hand shake slightly and he realised that he couldn't do it. Kara was telling him to put the gun down and he could no nothing but obey.

"I love you Kara Thrace." He whispered aloud, hoping she could hear him. He didn't have to worry however, as the soft voice of Kara replied.

I love you too Lee Adama.

A hand shot out and grabbed Lee's wrist roughly, pulling the gun away. Lee didn't care what was going to happen to him now. He had heard her voice, she really did care about him. Adama's voice was low, speaking directly into Lee's ear so he couldn't help but hear the words.

"You actually considered it. Was she worth that much, Lee? Was she worth your own life?"

His voice was hard, angry at the thought that his son would be so selfish, considering taking his own life.

"My life," Lee confirmed, "and so much more."

"Mr Adama," The Admiral holstered his gun again, his voice authorative, "i am hereby relieving you of all of your duties for a fixed period of time, which will be determined by both myself and the President. Now get off of my ship."

Lee didn't reply. Instead, he strode out of the conference room without a backwards glance at his dad.

Adama stood for a moment in the room, breathing heavily as he mulled over what Lee had said to him. All the things he had said, each one an arrow piercing his heart. It was another round of bullets in his chest. However, his thoughts didn't focus on the insults thrown at him, it didn't focus on the blame or the guilt or the harsh words.

"i see the times i wasted, the times we both wasted. What was the point? It left us with minutes. Minutes before she died."

They had danced around eachother, Bill could see it from the moment Lee stepped aboard the Galactica for the decomissioning ceremony. After New Caprica, nothing was the same for either of them, something had changed. They continued to toe the line, avoiding the elephant in the room. Finally Lee had told her how he felt, she had reciprocated. Now she was dead.

Adama felt his stomach clench. How much time did any of them have really? Anyone could die at any given moment, yet procedures and past hurt kept them all apart. He tightened his left hand into a fist and felt the absence of the metal ring biting into his skin. It felt good, he was free.

Kara had gone out in flames, doing what she loved. Before she died, she had some happiness with Lee. As much as Adama wanted to cry, to shout and scream, to throw something, he couldn't. Kara chose to sacrifice herself for the fleet and her demise was how she wanted it. With a heavy sigh, he looked up at her name on the board.

Kara "Starbuck" Thrace.

He gave a small smile.

"What do ya hear Starbuck?"

There was no-one there to reply, but as he turned around to walk out of the quarters, he could of sworn he heard her voice, whispering to him.

Nothing but the rain, sir.

"Then grab your gun and bring the cat in." He strode through the hatch.

Boom boom boom.

The hatch clanged shut.

A/N

In the words of my stupid deputy headteacher : "if you have been, thanks for reading" (man i hate him!)