A New Man

By Joan Powers

A/N: Believe it or not, I knew exactly what I wanted to write for this story immediately after I finished posting "No Man is an Island". It just took much longer than I had expected . Thanks to all the people who have helped me along the way with this project especially griot aka Michele. I'll be posting weekly updates. This story is dedicated to smryczko.

Type: Drama, G/S AU

Summary: Sequel to my story "No Man is an Island". After nearly recovering from serious injuries, Gil Grissom is a changed man, essentially a new man. How will he cope with the challenges he faces upon returning to work, and with his developing relationship with Sara?

Timeline: Post Bloodlines Season 4

(Warning: Some Season 5 Spoilers)

Rating: T

Chapter 1 A Normal Life

Gil Grissom stepped confidently out of the brightly tiled shower stall, grabbing a convenient towel to dry himself. Wrapping the towel securely about his waist, he crossed the room to the double sink vanity, rubbing condensation off the mirror with the back of his hand while scrutinizing his appearance. During his lengthy recovery period, he'd been tempted to shave off his beard but Sara's pleas had convinced him otherwise.

After four months of intense physical therapy, his ankle had healed nicely. He was fully mobile and only walked with a slight limp when he was excessively tired, or in damp weather.

On the other hand, his head injury's progress had been slow and capricious. In fact, for over six months, the notion of returning to work appeared to be a moot point for even though he was physically recovering, it seemed as if he would never fully regain his mental prowess. It had been a challenging time for him, filled with underlying despair at the thought of potentially having to abandon all that was once familiar to him. It was only within the last two months that he'd actually started to feel more like his old self and even then he still had days that were unpredictable.

He took a deep, nervous breath. Tonight was his first official night back in nearly full capacity as shift supervisor. The return was conditional, subject to his performance, which would be periodically evaluated by a carefully selected committee. Although he'd visited the lab numerous times over the past two months, these had been limited. He'd been slowly easing into things, testing the waters; no one knew exactly what he was capable of handling. Least of all, him.

In those first tentative days back in the lab, he started off staying only an hour or two, attempting to catch up on some scientific reading, gradually easing his brain back into gear. While he had no love for paper work, he was ecstatic when the cogs of his brain finally aligned sufficiently for him to understand it again. He embraced catching up on his massive backlog for he was thrilled to once again feel as if he had a greater purpose in life.

The decision to return to work hadn't been an easy one. Could he handle it? Would he be able to simply retrace his former footsteps?

He wasn't sure.

In fact, for over six months, it appeared to be a moot point for even though he was physically recovering, it seemed as if he would never fully regain his mental prowess. Yet Sara continued to be his anchor, she kept him on track while his doctors persisted in their mantra that these things take time. He'd learned the hard way to take life one day at a time.

While he examined his face in the mirror as he trimmed his beard, he thought that on the surface his appearance hadn't changed. But he knew he wasn't the same. His accident and near brush with death had produced a different man. He was intensely grateful that his head injury was finally improving. But he wasn't completely healed.

Facts didn't come as readily to his brain. Connections didn't occur as clearly. Sometimes for no reason at all, his mind would go blank. He was also embarrassed that he tended to get tired more quickly and in the process, his thinking became easily muddled.

The sound of the toilet flushing attracted his attention. It was located in a separate alcove, set apart with a door closed for privacy. Sara had been in there a while.

"Honey, you okay?" he called.

"Yeah," her voice filtered over as she opened the door. "Think something I ate is disagreeing with me. Maybe that Chinese food I got with Greg." She stepped towards the adjacent sink to wash her hands.

Concerned, he asked, "You need to stay home tonight?" Her face was pale.

She assured him, "No, I'll be fine. I'm not missing this, your first full night back. How are you feeling?" She wiped her hands on a towel and then proceeded to grab her toothbrush to brush her teeth.

Examining Sara's lithe form, clad in snug fitting black pants with a bright turquoise top, he thought of a way to help himself relax. He reached over to touch the enticing curves of her backside.

From his expression in the mirror, Sara immediately caught on to his plan and she thwarted it by stepping out of reach. After rinsing her mouth, she smiled coyly and advised him, "We don't have time for that. Later." He leaned closer to try to kiss her but she dodged his lips so they brushed against her cheek instead.

"Better get dressed, Boss," she teased as she hurried into their bedroom.

He followed her then detoured into their walk-in closet to select his clothing. Sara adored their massive closet, even though she didn't have tons of garments. Many of the shelves were still empty. Still she claimed it was the feature that she loved most about their new town house. Grissom disagreed for their new home had many features that he appreciated.

It had a unique floor plan that well suited their needs, with the master suite on the second floor, along with a second bedroom and a smaller bath. Currently that room was empty; Sara wouldn't tolerate it being used for storage purposes. The two other bedrooms were on the first floor, as they preferred. When guests eventually came to stay over, they could all be guaranteed privacy. While one of the downstairs bedrooms was for guests, the other housed Grissom's insects and other specimens. The two of them didn't need the spacious living room and family room, so one became their combined office and library.

Although their home had been built recently, the accent pieces were charming. Brilliant blue hues of custom Spanish tile covered most of the entry areas and kitchen and bathrooms. The countertops in the kitchen were unique and stunning with distinctive tiles. Many of the rooms featured large windows with high ceilings, ceiling fans and skylights, which created a spacious feeling. The living room even had a stone fireplace.

The deck in their backyard overlooked acres of wilderness. Since the land behind them was a protected state preserve, they certainly had no worries about rude neighbors building behind them or intruding upon their privacy. Grissom and Sara enjoyed walking and bird watching there.

As he buttoned his shirt, he assured himself that the investment potential was most appealing about their new place, for they were in a neighborhood with a strong reputation and excellent schools. Their property would have excellent re-sale value.

Why was he playing this game?

Grissom had never been a man led by his impulses. So he was astonished when the realtor showed them this home and his gut irrationally demanded that he had to have it. Maybe the euphoric rush of finally allowing himself to fall completely head over heals in love with Sara was playing with his head, making him entertain impractical options.

Still it didn't make any sense; buying a new house had been a rash idea especially when he had no idea if he'd ever be able to work again. He might have no future to offer Sara; it wouldn't be fair to tie her down to him. It wasn't a logical move. Nonetheless, it was one he felt compelled to make.

He hadn't realized how much he hungered for it, for a new life, a fresh start in a new place. Every day of his recovery in his old home had started off in his bathroom revisiting the scene of his nearly fatal accident. Perhaps it was foolish but no matter how many days passed, he felt nauseous even entering that room. Granted, the horror wasn't nearly as overwhelming but time hadn't sufficiently dulled that memory.

The first time he stepped into their current bathroom, something inside him clicked. The room was large with a high ceiling and a skylight. The cream colored walls and the bright blue tiles created an inviting atmosphere, so different from the cramped version at his home with pale green tile. It had a stall shower with a separate whirlpool tub, which were both well separated from the double sink and vanity. The room was large enough to fit four adults comfortably. Most of all, he finally felt safe in a bathroom.

Since they'd moved in, he'd been able to truly enjoy his hot showers every day, increasing his confidence and improving his morale. No matter what he said aloud, this bathroom had been the major selling point for him. It was the start of his journey back to a normal life.

Fully dressed, he descended the stairs and entered the kitchen. Sara was skimming the newspaper and toying with a bowl of cornflakes. He poured a bowl of cereal for himself, grabbed a cup of coffee, then joined her at the table.

"You sure you're ok?" he asked. She usually ate a larger breakfast.

"I'm fine, don't worry about me. I'm probably a little anxious for you," she assured him as she pushed aside her half finished cereal. "Are you nervous?"

Sara was wonderfully tolerant of the fact that he required a great deal of private space. He would never be one to share each and every thought and emotion that he experienced. Yet he sensed that she wouldn't appreciate being brushed off once again.

"A little," he admitted. Much more so than he ever thought he'd be.

Up to this point, although he'd worked on actual cases and had been in the lab, he hadn't been out in the field dealing with the general public or even working with many staff members other than his immediate team. As much as he hated to admit it, his team had protected him from probing stares and prying questions. They didn't gape at him or require lengthy explanations during his occasional lapses. Starting today, he was on his own. Heaven help him if he blanked out in front of an officer or Ecklie or even a suspect. It was a humiliating prospect.

After placing her dishes in the sink, Sara came along side of him, putting her hand on his shoulder.

"Remember we still have Rob on temporary staff, so you don't have to stretch yourself. Greg's really coming along too so we have plenty of manpower. No one expects you to handle a case all by yourself. At least not the first week."

Yeah, no one except him. He was greedy; he wanted to jump right back into the saddle acting as if nothing had happened. But that wasn't going to work; he couldn't pull that off. Besides, everyone on his committee agreed with Sara's suggestion. Liability issues, they'd claimed.

At least it was finally truly happening, he was returning to his real life.

Sara sat down beside him. "So what are you most concerned about?"

He sighed, knowing she wasn't going to let this go.

"Looking like an idiot in front of the department."

She grinned, "C'mon, you know you're in better shape than that. Everyone knows what you've been through. You might have to look things up like a normal person. Or take notes. If something doesn't make sense, buy some time and ask people to repeat the question. Believe it or not, it's also okay to admit you don't know something. You'll be fine."

XXXXXXXXX

Grissom was about to leave his office to hand out assignments when Conrad Ecklie stepped inside, closing the door behind him.

"Got a minute?" Ecklie sat down.

Grissom reluctantly sank back into his desk chair, sensing he had no choice in the matter. Just as his choice to return to work had not been entirely up to him either.

His doctors, including, much to Grissom's chagrin, his psychiatrist Dr. Walker, met with a committee consisting of the sheriff, Jim Brass, Conrad Ecklie, and several other assorted other strangers, to 'evaluate' his status.

He'd been obligated to attend those intensely uncomfortable sessions. He didn't like being the subject of public scrutiny. The thought that they were discussing his circumstances in such detail humiliated him. He supposed that he couldn't blame them; the lab had legal obligations. They needed to know if he could handle the job and the subsequent stress that came along with it.

Ecklie's voice intruded upon his thoughts. "Gil, I can't tell you how great it is to have you back. I can honestly say the department hasn't been the same the past eight months without you. Now, I know there are some issues that you're still dealing with, and I wanted once again to personally assure you that the department will do whatever it takes to accommodate your circumstances. If full-time employment proves to be too challenging, we'd be more than happy to create a new part-time position for you."

"Thanks for the vote of confidence Conrad," Grissom bristled.

Conrad Ecklie in a position of power, the thought made him shudder. Even worse than his poor science, his bragging and blatant political maneuverings, pity was the last thing in the world that Grissom wanted from this inept man. He prayed this wasn't going to last long, he didn't think he could hold his tongue.

"Remember, take it easy. You don't need to go solo this week. No one is expecting that. Actually, for liability purposes, we can't have you doing that, not just yet anyway."

Grissom's eyebrow rose in contempt at the suggestion.

Ecklie tried to downplay it, "You know, we have to cover all bases. That's how it goes. And while you also know that the department is very supportive of your entomology research and your forensic seminars, it might be best to put them on hold until you're more firmly re-established."

"Great idea."

Grissom's tone confused Ecklie. Conrad couldn't tell if he was being sarcastic or not. Then again, he'd always confused Ecklie; that was nothing new. That thought gave Gil some small comfort.

"I hope you understand, should a high profile case come up, Catherine will have to be the lead. Until you're more re-established in the job – that is," Ecklie rapidly explained.

Grissom nodded once again, growing tired of that phrase. Though the idea galled him, he fully understood the rationale behind it.

"I'm sure you'll recall that you'll need to report to your psychiatrist weekly and forward those notes to the committee head," Ecklie dutifully reminded him.

Grissom nodded as he noted to himself that those visits were totally unnecessary. He'd dealt with his near death experience -- it had been horrendous but he'd worked through it. Now he needed to relearn how to deal with the living.

Unfortunately, his psychiatrist didn't fully agree with his assessment, even openly expressing concern to the committee that Grissom might have trouble coping emotionally with his job. Yet that didn't seem to concern the others who knew Grissom professionally. They openly scoffed at that suggestion while struggling to contain their amusement. Even Grissom had to smirk for that was the least of his worries. Only Jim Brass' features had remained unmoved.

"Did you have any questions or concerns?" Ecklie asked.

"No," Grissom sharply replied. Sensing the end of this conversation was in sight, he started to rise from his chair.

"Oh, by the way Gil. Just between you and me," Ecklie mentioned in a more familiar tone.

Grissom sighed, wondering what was coming now.

"Every one knows about you and Sara. And it's not a problem, if you get what I mean? That will probably save the department a bundle on over-time," Ecklie grinned. "I'm sure the two of you will continue to keep things professional at the office. Good luck tonight."

TBC