Casey on the Case AKA Mommy Extraordinaire

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April 2012

May 2012

June 2012

July 2012

August 2012

-- What (Some) Of You Have Been DIEING To Know

-- House-Warming Hell

-- Mr. Tattles and the Cuddles

-- Flies NOT Included

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House-Warming Hell

I am DEFINITELY showing! I woke up a couple of days ago to this wonderful, pudgy bump and it just makes me so excited. Because before that, I would have a little pudge at night and in the morning, it would sort of be gone, but my clothes were tight. But now, I officially have a bump and it makes me so unbelievably happy.

So, we have some new neighbors. The Santorini's are an old couple who just immigrated here from Greece and moved into their house a week ago. They're in their seventies, and I thought that they'd be really sweet. I was so freakin' wrong. I guess my sixth sense with reading people is off.

I invited Olivia and Serena over for dinner last night because I was craving chicken parmesan. Also, I was missing on my hubby. Chester's out of town on a case this weekend, and that's inconvenient for me because I really want to jump his bones right now…

So anyway, Olivia makes the BEST green bean casserole I've ever had. I mean…just awesome. She said that her mother taught her how to make it and that it sustained her during college.

It was perfect because she makes delicious green bean casserole, and I make the most wonderful, savory pound cake.

Well, things were going great until I got the brilliant idea that I would make a second pound cake for our new neighbors.

So I baked the cake and Liv put the finishing touches on it: the cream and then the fresh strawberry sauce in the middle, and we both took it over to the Santorini's. I rang the doorbell and then Mrs. Santorini opened the door. Liv and I both smiled as we presented the cake.

ME: Good evening, Mrs. Santorini. I just wanted to welcome you and your husband to the neighborhood and I brought you a freshly baked pound cake.

MRS. SANTORINI: Go to hell!

With that, she took the plate from me and she stalked over to my driveway and dumped the cake on there, and it became a splatter of cake, red, and white, all over my driveway!

She came back to the porch and shoved the plate back into my hands.

MRS. SANTORINI: He not my husband! He my brother! My husband die in Turkey!

And, just to make the evening that much better, she spit.

She. Spit.

Liv and I were scared out our wits and we took off toward my house. I ushered the kids inside too, because Mrs. Santorini and her brother don't like the sight of happy children in addition to their hatred for pound cake.

I was really sad about my pound cake.

Posted by: Sweetie Mama 4:15 PM EDT 18 Comments Submit Report Of This Post

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Mr. Tuttles and the Cuddles

I had this really freaky dream-actually it was a nightmare-that I was the director of a preschool show. It was called Mr. Tuttles and the Cuddles and it was like that weird show, H. R. Puffinstuff. As a little kid, I hated that damn show, and I think it came back to haunt me. Seriously.

It was all psychedelic with the bright colors and these weird disco lights. There was insane music and the Cuddles were like those things from The Langaliers, only without the snarling, sharp teeth, and appetite for human flesh. Mr. Tuttles looked like Christopher Lloyd. Yeah, scary. I was the director and everything that could possibly happen behind the scenes of a kid show was happening: one of the Cuddles was doing the nasty with the prop manager, Mr. Tuttles AKA Christopher Lloyd look-a-like, was in the back alley smoking a joint, and the other Cuddles were duking it out over the last piece of pound cake at the craft service table.

I, as the director, felt suicidal, and I was in my "office" which magically turned into the squad room yelling at Cragen to get my people under control. He stood up and he pushed me out of his office, assuring me that everything would be fine, then the entire squad was the cuddles with guns and Cragen was Mr. Tuttles!

I finally woke up, that after Chester shook my shoulder, telling me that I was talking in my sleep.

I told him thank you for waking me up from that horrific nightmare.

I've been having strange dreams lately, as you can see.

So now I'm up. Chester is off today, and I told him that I'd make him a big breakfast. He got back from Boston late last night, and he has a couple of days off.

He missed me terribly, and he was surprised to see my tummy when he got back and he told me that I look even more sexy than when he left me. I got my wish and we…tickled. For a long time. We tickled three times.

Okay, since I posted my old journal entry, I've had the greatest comments coming in:

GeorgiaBelles5:

'SweetieMama, I have five children, and I home school, so most of my day is scheduled and busy, but I must say that when things wind down, your blog is my guilty pleasure. Some women like bon-bons, some women like Lifetime, some like chocolate…I LOVE your blog. When I'm reading your blog, I'm like my husband during football season. I get selective hearing because it's just so good and so fun. I think you're so sweet and congratulations on your new baby on the way!'

Lulu-Bee49-3-45:

'your last entry about when you and your husband were dating was so funny! you remind me so much of miranda from sex and the city because she was a lawyer, she was a mom, and evn though she worked hard, she never lost her spark or her humor. i also love your babies! so adorable. mine are all grown up and now it's just me and my husband, so reading about your babies and your love for your husband and friends just brings back so many wonderful memories and it makes my empty nest just a little fuller. thank you.

catluvr21:

'I just got married to my HS sweetheart, and he always looks at me funy when I read ur blog. It seriously makes me LOL. I would love to read about you being a newly wed, just so I can get some advice!'

And here's my favorite one:

starryeyesurprises37:

'are we going to get some steamy action from your old journals? I love your blog so much, and I can't tell you how anxious I am to read more of your old journal entries. I'm like biting my nails waiting for another pre-Beans moment. plz, for the love of all things holy, get to the goods!'

I laughed when I read that comment because it was just so hilarious! There are a few steamy moments, but even though it was my private journal, I never really went into detail, but there are some sexy moments in there, so…just to keep you readers out there salivating.

I know. I'm so bad.

Posted by: Sweetie Mama 3:39 AM EDT 34 Comments Submit Report Of This Post

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Flies NOT Included

Since my tummy's getting bigger, I have to start wearing maternity clothes. But I don't like the high fashion, skin tight pieces of fabric that show off the belly area. I will break out my mammy dresses and mom's old housecoats in a minute. I've always dressed modestly because I've never been comfortable with my body and my job kind of made it easy to dress conservatively. But I mean, I've always been a jeans and tee-shirt kind a girl, and I just like to cover up.

My sister in-law Maeve gave me all of her old maternity clothes when I was pregnant with Adam, and I LOVE them. They're big and outdated fashion wise, but they serve the same purpose. My body is for hubby only and Chester doesn't mind the old clothes because I think it kind of excites him, knowing what's underneath and all.

But right now, he's thinking with his brain, (dammit) and he's a little upset at me right now.

Here's what happened:

I took the Beans into the city to the Museum of Natural History, and after that, we ventured into a thrift store.

Chester HATES flea markets, thrift stores and dollar stores. I don't know what his hang up about those are because I love them. I mean, I grew up in the middle of nowhere Virginia, and thrift stores are just a way of life. I go in thrift stores for scarves and stuff for my hair and sometimes a knit purse or two.

This time, I went in search for some cute vintage maternity wear.

So, weirdest thing ever. I go to the pants section and there's no zippers!

I mean, NONE of the pants have zippers!

There's no flies!

My Beans got a kick out of that, and my facial expression.

I go up to the clerk and tell him about the non-fly pants and the girl, she was maybe sixteen or seventeen, caved.

TANYA: Oh my God, please don't tell my manager. It was my boyfriend Troy and his stupid friends. The manager fired my boyfriend a few months back and as a practical joke, he cut the flies off the donation pants and he cut a hole in the skirts so that they're ass-less…I'm trying to fix it.

I'm all understanding and I nod.

But it gets better:

ME: I'm not going to tell your manager. Tell you what? I'll buy all the pants and skirts and take them off your hands so you won't get in trouble.

TANYA: Sure. Thanks so much!

So Tanya helps me get all the ass-less and fly-less apparel and she helps me load it into the car. We get home, and I just drop all the clothes in the middle of the floor in the den. That's when the error of my ways is obvious to me.

Chester arrived home and my Beans are lying on top of a heap of old, dusty clothes, I'm sitting on the couch with my chin in my palms, elbows resting on my knees, and he's standing there in the vestibule, scowling at me.

CHESTER: What did you do?

I explained the whole story to him, and the look on his face…clearly expressed his disapproval of the whole situation, and I felt a little upset because I did something good. I helped a young girl keep her job. I feel pretty darn good.

CHESTER: Yeah, but now we have a pile of clothes that came from God knows where. And you have our kids lying on top of them…what if they get…tetanus or something? Or some kind of skin rash?

ME: Really, babe? Tetanus?

Even deeper scowl.

After we ate dinner and then put the Beans down for the night, Chester and I tried to figure out what to do with the clothes.

And I, genius that I am, came up with a solution:

ME (excitedly): I have the greatest idea ever for these fly-less/ass-less clothes!

CHESTER: Burn them?

ME: I'm going to buy a sewing machine and learn to sew!

Another scowl.

CHESTER (pregnant pause, oh the irony): And I'm going to bed.

Posted by: Sweetie Mama 10:23 PM EDT 14 Comments Submit Report Of This Post

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