A/N I just thought this would be a funny little short story. I found it kind of ironic that in every RE game it seems there is a self destruct system activated. Anyways, here you go, I hope you enjoy!
THE SELF DESTRUCT SYSTEM HAS BEEN ACTIVATED
Spencer paced back and forth in front of the huge, digitized world map. The Board of Directors was interested in hearing their leaders plans for continuing the legacy of Umbrella Inc.
"As you can see from this map behind me," he said as he pointed to the various yellow dots indicating lab facilities for research, "With the right amount of money we can nearly triple our research facilities, thereby exponentially increasing the amount of research that could be done."
Spencer smiled as he saw the Board members whispering to each other. Then he heard a bleeping sound behind him. He turned and saw one of the dots disappear. Then he heard another sound and saw another one disappear. One by one the dots began to disappear. Spencer began to sweat bullets and then heard someone behind him clear their throat.
"Is there a problem, Mr. Spencer?"
Spencer turned with a big smile on his face.
"No! Nothing is going on. Everything is great! Just, um, well, uh, what do you say to my proposal?"
Just as he had finished, a video of a man appeared on the digitized map.
"Mr. Spencer sir!"
Spencer turned to the monitor.
"We've just lost another facility sir! And there's more that are in danger of being lost!"
Spencer gave him an evil look and motioned the man on the monitor to see the Board. The man gave an embarrassed look.
"Oh, well, um, sorry sir. I didn't mean to intrude...um...everything is ok," the man gave a big smile.
"Spencer...what is going on," the Board asked.
Spencer's sweat fell faster as he unloosened his tie. He turned back to the man on the monitor.
"Go with plan SDS! That should take care of it," Spencer yelled triumphantly.
The man nodded and disappeared, returning to the map, with half of it's dots missing. Spencer then turned around smiling. The Board looked at him, half crazy.
"What is plan SDS?"
Spencer laughed.
"The Self Destruct System!!"
The Board all sighed. Spencer looked around wide eyed.
"What's wrong," he asked inquisitively.
"Spencer, the Self Destruct System? Why can't you be more original?"
Spencer looked on dumbfounded.
"What do you mean?"
"Every lab you create, you install one of those things. I mean, secrecy is our top concern, but why blow up everything with it?," a Board member said.
"Yeah," another one chimed in, "All that equipment is expensive. It would be cheaper to not blow them up."
Spencer couldn't believe what he was hearing.
"Couldn't you come up with a more cost effective means of secrecy...like sealing the place off or maybe sending in a crack team of army recruits to destroy the infection or intruders," another Board member suggested.
"What? We have to use SDS to prevent infection because it kills it!"
"What about the Arklay Training facility incident?"
Spencer looked around dumbfounded.
"Or the incident on Rockford Island?"
Spencer kept looking at them as they continued bringing up other incidents. Suddenly the room shook and a loud female voice appeared over the loudspeaker.
"The Self Destruct System has been activated! All employees please report to the proper exits for evacuation! This is not a drill!"
The Board looked at each other confused and then at Spencer. Spencer's eyes darted back and forth.
"What? Don't look at me! I didn't do it!"
The video man appeared behind Spencer again.
"Sir! The SDS plan has been initiated! All Umbrella facilities world wide have been set to Self Destruct to prevent anyone from knowing the truth!"
Spencer turned to the video man and gave a look of sheer rage. Then turned back to the Board, who were standing there in shock. Spencer cleared his throat.
"Well, look on the bright side! At least this proves my point about secrecy!"
A large explosion ripped through the underground London based laboratory, killing the Board and Spencer with it's fiery blast. And as it exploded, various other hidden labs globally exploded. Shortly after the worldwide blasts, the U.S. Government discovered Umbrella's true secrets because of the blasts and realized they were an evil company. They revoked Umbrella's business license and dissolved the company. And so the fall of Umbrella was brought about by the very system that was designed to protect it's secrecy.
...in Hell, Spencer began banging his head against a rock wall.
"Dammit!! Dammit!! Dammit!! I knew I should of just deployed a team of army recruits to eliminate the infection and/or intruders!!
A/N It's not the greatest parody one shot, but one I just felt I had to share with you! Read and review and take care not to push the little red button!