Dear Edward,

I am not, I mean NOT, going to kill myself! He has to be out there somewhere! I just have to find a way ... Do you have any other suggestions? Life is too sweet to part with just yet ...

Oh, by the way ... Who wants sleeping pills? XD

- Sally, Insane, Still In Love

Sally,

You have refused to take my advice. You will therefore suffer the consequences. I have no more to offer you.

- Edward

Dear Edward;

I really love someone ... but he is fictional. And he is not really entirely human ... but I love him anyway. I really want to know what to do. I'm going crazy here!

Love 4ever,

Werewolf luver.

P.S. Just give in to Bella. It will make her happy.

Werewolf lover,

Firstly, there is nothing I can do to help your delusions, except suggest you see your psychiatrist. Not a psychologist, a psychiatrist - we're bringing in the big guns for this one. Secondly ... werewolf lover? Have you smelt those things? Clearly you are delusional.

- Edward

Dearest Edward,

I have this problem, where people write to you asking for advice about how much they crave you.

What insanity is this?

Please, do tell.

Yours forever,

LSD.

Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds,

That is not your problem, it is mine. And it's not a problem. And there's nothing I can do about it. I'm not sorry.

- Edward

My lover,

Meet me in the meadow at twilight, tonight. I have a surprise for you!

Love, Bella.

My Bella,

I am certain that your surprise involves you meeting me at the meadow wearing nothing but your engagement ring.

I'll be there.

Love, Edward.

Emmett got up from the computer after writing his last reply and smirked to himself. All those fools had actually believed they were writing to Edward!

And now, tonight, he was going to finally have his way with Bella ...

Edward got pwned.