Disclaimer: We don't own Lord of the Rings. Tolkien does.

Aragorn walked into the room. "What are you two arguing about?" he demanded. "I need you to help me patrol outside the city tonight—orcs have been spotted in the Riddermark, and they are headed this way."

"You got it," Legolas said. He grabbed his bow, and went outside. Gimli groaned and followed him—he hated it when they had to get serious about stuff.

"Why do I always have to be in the back?" asked Leggy

"'Cause, think of it as the front," said Gimli

"I can't."

"Why?"

"I just can't."

"Sorry to tweak you hair."

"DON'T YOU EVER TALK LIKE THAT AROUND MY HAIR YOU SICK, SHORT, UGLY, DWARF OR I WILL GET PHYSICAL ON YOU!"

"Fine, fine hair man."

"THAT'S TALKING ABOUT IT!"

"What?"

"HELP ME KILL THESE ORCS THERE'S TONS OF THEM SO HELP ME"

"Ok just next time, don't keep saying guys"

"Okay, help!"

Gimli swung his axe at an orc, and it fell dead. He hacked it into pieces.

"1, 2, 99,100,199,200,299" Legolas was counting

"4, 1000, 6, 24, 10!"Gimli was counting.

"What a pretty elyphant don't squash me elyphant!"

"I'll save you, you now have my trust." Legolas started kissing his bow

Gimli drank some beer from his pocket and fell over sleeping. "ZZZZZZZZZZZ…"

"WAKE UP YOU FREAK!!Aragorn shouted

"Wait where did he get beer he didn't have anything in his pocket."

Gimli farted.

"He's not dead, or fainted, he's sleeping!"

"We need to wake up Gimli."

"You go get beans and beer."

"Why?"

"He will wake up."

"Oh."

"Now go."

Legolas ran off. Soon he returned with beans, and a mug of beer.

"You're finally back!" said Aragorn.

Gimli scratched his beard." Who? What?" He looked around. "Beans, beer, givey givey!" Gimli finished his beans.

"Givey givey give me more beans!"

A Beer mug smacked into Gimli's head. The sharp mug cut into his chest and as they threw cans of beans at him a bean got stuck in his lung and killed him.

Legolas missed Gimli so much that he went on a rampage and killed everyone including himself.

The end!