Author's Note:

-Justin & Tequila are too ashamed by the ridiculously long delay to speak to you-

Disclaimer: If we owned Twilight, we'd be busy writing a short story about Bree Tanner (cough or working on Dark High Noon, cough). But we don't.

To: BoxersOrBriefs

From: Angelgirl

Subject: we have to talk

Em? i'm just emailing to remind you that we were gonna talk? when can i call you? this is kinda important… is tmrw ok?

-Angela

From: Mail Delivery Subsystem

To: Angelgirl

Subject: AUTO-RESPONSE: MAILBOX WAS FULL

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To: BoxersOrBriefs

From: Angelgirl

Subject: RE: we have to talk

Emmett! answer your email! i really need to talk to you!

-Angela

From: Mail Delivery Subsystem

To: Angelgirl

Subject: AUTO-RESPONSE: MAILBOX WAS FULL

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To: BoxersOrBriefs

From: Angelgirl

Subject: RE: we have to talk

Emmett!

-Angela

From: Mail Delivery Subsystem

To: Angelgirl

Subject: AUTO-RESPONSE: MAILBOX WAS FULL

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These Are Their Stories

RPOV

Dusty. Very dusty. Something told me that this stove had not received routine maintenance in far too long. Something like, perhaps the family of mice that had moved in. And the fact that when I'd tried to clean off some of the dirt, some of the metal had come away with it.

Yeah. Not very ideal, that.

"Well? How bad is it?"

I wiggled out from under the stove, very glad that I was wearing jeans and hoping my hair was salvageable. "It's not great, I can tell you that."

"Usable?"

"I think so, as long as I replace the heating element, rewire the whole shebang, and you do some serious cleaning work down here." There was no way in hell I was going to clean this piece of scrap metal.

"How soon can you do that?"

"The cleaning? Never. The rewiring, right now. I'll have to go buy a new heating coil, but installing it should be no big deal."

Edward paused. "Okay. Thanks, I guess."

I grinned. "It's not like I'm doing this for free."

He laughed. "Yeah, you're right. Still, thanks. I'm betting this is costing us less than an electrician would have."

"Are you kidding? Every electrician I know hikes up the price whenever he can get away with it… a bunch of college kids? You'll get triple-charged if you're lucky."

He shrugged. "Like I said, thanks."

"Sure. When's the plumber getting here?"

"Tomorrow. After class."

Whoa. Class. "It's hard to believe I'm actually starting college tomorrow. Actual college."

He nodded. "I feel the same way. I'm just not sure… AP Biology and AP Chemistry… does that really prepare you for—"

I rolled my eyes. "Cool it. If you turn out to be one of those people who's always freaking out about school, I'm going to mess up your stove even more."

"If you break it, you can't use it."

"Hot plate." I shrugged.

"Touché."

We were standing in the kitchen smiling when I heard a resounding crash from the front door. Edward jumped and looked a little alarmed, but I just laughed. "Alice." I explained.

He looked relieved. We walked out into the living room. As I had suspected, Alice was standing at ground zero of a disaster zone of grocery bags. I had let her out (with Bella supervising the credit cards) earlier this morning so that she, Bella, and Jasper could buy supplies for what Alice referred to as an "almost-time-to-start-college party!" Honestly. But I owed her—more than I could ever express, her and Bella both. So even when Alice was in la-la-land and Bella was deep in the-most-boring-book-ever-written-in-the-English-language… I put up with it. Just like they put up with the fact that I was a little forceful (well. actually. a total bitch, if you want to get technical) sometimes. I walked over and stuck out my hand. Alice blinked up at me innocently.

"Credit cards? What credit cards?"

I rolled my eyes. "Alice."

"What? Why do you immediately jump to the conclusion that I have done something? Whatever happened to 'innocent until proven guilty?' where is the trial of my peers? Whatever happened to habeus corpus?"

"Er, guys?" Emmett called from where he was carrying the bags towards the kitchen. "I don't think we can fit all of this shit into the fridge…"

"Habeus corpus, Alice? Really? I don't think you're in any position to be talking about the rights of the accused. Seeing as you're a repeat offender."

She sniffed. "Honestly, Rose. I can't be tried for the same crime twice. Don't you ever read the Constitution? I mean, admittedly, I heard about that one on Law & Order, but the principle applies."

"Alice. The cards?"

Jasper stuck his head over her shoulder. "I love Law & Order. Great show. Hasn't been the same since that guy died, though. Shame it got cancelled."

"I totally agree, Jazz!"

"Er, guys? I'm serious, the fridge isn't that big… and there's already a lot of ice-cream in it… and ewww… is that moving?"

"I'm not sure about the spin-offs, though, don't you agree, Bella? The original show had a lot going for it…"

"Yeah, Jasper, this obsession with SVU is really disturbing; and have you seen CSI Miami? All sex, no crime!"

"You know, Alice, I agree," I murmured, "and he's not even that cute, whatever his name is… but I think I saw him in some movie, remember?"

"Guys? I think it's a spider… I don't like spiders!"

"Yeah, Rosalie, it was that movie we saw that time, when you were dating that guy—you know, the one who lived next to that place where we bought those shoes? That place?"

"Oh, yeah, I remember, it was an awful movie, wasn't it?"

"Well, Alice liked it… but she has awful taste in movies, so—"

"I resent that! I just appreciate romance, unlike you two cynics. You know, Jasper, they actually snorted during Love Actually? How can you snort during Love Actually? It's only the best movie ever made!"

"Really? Snorted?"

"Come on, Alice, the scene was cheesy and you know it."

"Deathly romantic."

"Cheesy."

"Deathly romantic."

"Cheesy!" I blinked. "Wait just one moment, Mary Alice Brandon! Nice try. Hand over the credit cards. Now."

She sighed. "I was so close."

"Pfft. As if. Give, now."

She pulled them out of her pocket, reached out, hands shaking… and made a break for the bathroom. Luckily Bella knew her just as well as I did, and was standing there waiting. While they wrestled, I reached over and grabbed hold of them, holding them high above her reach. She pouted.

"AAAAGGGG!" there was a shriek from the kitchen, and we all turned to look. A moment later Emmett reappeared. "It's alright… I killed it." He turned back to the fridge.

We all stood in the living room, blinking. Edward shrugged. "Dropped on his head as a child, I suspect." I nodded in agreement.

"But it has babies!" Another scream, and then the sound of loud thumping. Emmett's head reappeared. "Situation under control. No need for alarm."

Jasper rolled his eyes. "The only alarming thing here is you, Emmett. You alarm me frequently."

I agreed. Cute, but alarming. Alarmingly cute. I squashed that thought before it matured. Emmett looked like he was about to retort, when his phone rang.

"Beautiful… You're beautiful, it's true… I saw your face in a crowded place and I don't—"

"Hello? Angie! Hey baby, sorry I haven't checked my email—oh. Oh. Am I in trouble? Mmm. Okay, sure." He wandered out of the room.

Of course he has a girlfriend. Don't be stupid, Rosalie.

Alice looked around. "Where did my groceries go?"

Edward grinned. "Just… open the fridge slowly, that's my only advice."

Smug bastard.

EMPOV

I just about jumped three feet when my phone rang—Angela. Of course. Just when I'm feeling at my most guilty for drooling over Rosalie Hale (and, God, was I drooling), my phone rings. My girlfriend (right, Emmett Cullen, remember that? Your girlfriend?) was calling. I pulled out my phone.

"Hello? Angie!"

"Hey Em."

"Hey baby, sorry I haven't checked my email—"

"That's fine, but we need to talk."

"Oh. Oh."

"It's… I mean. In private?"

"Am I in trouble?"

"Just… go where you can be alone, alright? Knowing Edward, he's listening to every word."

"Mmm. Okay, sure." I walked into Jasper's bedroom and shut the door. "So what is it? Is everything alright?"

"Sort of. I just…" she sighed. "I've been thinking, Emmett."

"Uh-huh?"

"And, as much as we said we could make this work… but I've been hanging out a lot with Tony, and Ben, and…"

"And?"

"And I think I've got a bit of a crush. On Ben. And that's not fair to you, and really, long-distance isn't fair to either of us, if… and I know we said… but. Well."

"So, are you saying you want to break up."

"Yes?"

"I mean… Angie, we weren't ever Romeo and Juilet, it's not like… that's okay."

"Really? Because I feel really bad, but…"

"No. Really. It's okay. It's not as if this wasn't going to… it's fine. Ben's a great guy. I hope you two are happy."

"Thanks Emmett… will you still miss me?"

"Of course, Ange. Of course. You're one of my best friends. Seriously. The only person I know who doesn't hit me when I point out that if girls straight out said whether or not they'd sleep with us, the dating process would be much more efficient for males."

She sighed. "I'll miss you, Emmett. I really will. Alright. Bye. Have fun in Seattle."

"Bye, Angela."

There was a click. I had officially been dumped by my girlfriend of two years. Was I a horrible person? Because all I was feeling, apart from a little bit of nostalgia… was relief. Normal people didn't do this, right? Normal people would be devastated to lose Angela—a really nice girl. Very pretty. Good sense of humor. Willing to watch action movies. Normal people would cry, or something, after losing two years of a relationship with a nice girl like that.

Shit. I really was a horrible person.

BPOV

Alice had decided that, for some reason, a party was needed to celebrate the start of college. In true Alice style, she'd gone all out on the food and decorations, and forgot to plan anything to do. At least the house looked somewhat better. You know, if you squinted and turned your head on the side a little bit. Then it almost looked like an intentional design choice. Shabby-chic. The peeling wallpaper and crumbling roof was festooned with crepe paper and ribbons, and Alice's iPod was blasting music. There was food—edible food.

The only problem was we had nothing to celebrate. I certainly wasn't about to get up and start dancing, and the only person I was particularly interested in holding a conversation with (Emmett—what was with that phone call? He'd stayed locked in the room for hours) was currently mainlining guacamole in the kitchen. Alice, Jasper and I were sitting on the couch, Edward was leaning against the wall awkwardly, and Rosalie was in the bathroom.

Or at least that's what she claimed. I had my suspicions, though.

Alice shifted. "Oh, hell." and started sucking face with Jasper.

Edward and I muttered "Ewww…" and as soon as Rosalie walked back in, she rolled her eyes.

"Okay, Alice, you're the one who wanted a party. So what are we going to do?"

"Charades?"

"No."

"Cards?"

"No."

"Pictionary?"

"God, no."

"What about some television? It's six, so—"

"Law & Order!" Edward, Jasper, and I shouted in the same breath.

"Not SVU." Was Rosalie's only parting comment as she made her way into the bedroom she and Alice were sharing to fetch the television. With it propped up on everyone's textbooks, and all of us squeezing onto the couch (Alice was sitting in Jasper's lap, and Edward perched on the arm) staring at the tiny screen and munching on chips. It was one of the good reruns—the one where the conman is flirting with the jury foreman—and we were all hooked. It was actually rather pleasant, spending the evening that way. Emmett cooked dinner, and we split the microwave time (now giving the boys officially enough for two and a third of a shower). We all decided on an early night, because Orientation was being held the next day at nine in the morning, and with only one working shower, we weren't going to be able to sleep in. I crawled into my room, and Rosalie got ready for bed in their bathroom while Alice supervised (from outside the bathroom, of course) Jasper's shower.

Of course, even after the house was dark and quiet, I couldn't sleep.

College.

Shit.

A/N, almost a year later:

Justin: Er…

Tequila: sorry?

Justin: -swats her- Sorry isn't good enough, Tequila!

Tequila: umm… if we owned the rights we'd give them to you?

Justin: Better. But we don't.

Tequila: um… you can have my brother?

Justin: Who would want him?

Tequila: umm… HERE! COOKIES! -runs-