"I'm ready." How long had Dib been waiting to hear these words. From the moment he saw Tak he had had a crush on her. The day he found out she was an alien was kinda disorienting, but it turned him on. Is that weird? Thats kinda like bestiality isn't it? Just a little, well thats okay.
Dib walked into Tak's bedroom to find her lying on her bed in some see-through lingerie. Dib got very 'excited' at the sight of her smooth green skin, the perfect curls of her antenna. Finally I'm going to get what I've always wanted.
He placed himself gently over her and brushed her lips with his. His hand slowly tracing up the inside of her leg to her... "What the hell!?"
"What is it Dib?" Asked Tak.
"Umm... well... you don't have a... uhh... yeah."
"A what."
"Tak, how do Irkens express their love for each other physically?" Tak gave Dib a short precise answer that left him very confused. After she restated it a little more in depth, his heart sank.
"So how are supposed to do that?"
"Just give me your snorglepex and I'll take it from there."
"Can you describe a snorglepex please?"
An alarmed look flashed on Tak's face. "Does that kind of thing turn you on?"
"NO! Humans don't have snorglepex's. At least not by that name. If I do have one I just want to make sure I give you the right thing."
A very traumatizing five minutes later Dib walked out of the room and came back with his laptop. "Okay Tak, you've told me the best you can how Irkens 'interact' I'm not sure if I completely understand. So I'm going to show you a couple videos on the internet, and if you see anything within the realm of possibility that you would like me to do to you, or you would be willing to do to me, you just let me know."
Another traumatizing five minutes later.(This time for Tak.) "I only saw a couple of things that we could do, and I am NOT doing that with my mouth. Plus the other things I saw were things that only I could do to you, and those things were always done to women in your videos."
"Well... Are you sure you won't try the thing with your mouth."
"NO!!" Well it was worth a shot.
A/N I would say poor Dib, but the only thing Tak has is Zim. At least Dib has Zita and Gretchen. So, did anybody like my realistic DATR or did I offend a whole sub-fandom. Either way I thought it was funny.