Disclaimer: Don't own FFVII and if i did, Reno and Cloud would fuck every chance they got.
Warnings: Excessive swearing, Mpreg, Graphical Sex, fluff, overdose of OOC
You've been warned.
Author's Note: Right, so this is the prologue explaining Reno's little... issue. It was a thought that popped up in my head and wouldn't leave me alone.
Also, i'm up for ideas because i'm running a little short for this fanfic. The more ideas. The more updates!
ThankJoo!!
Summary: "Ever wonder how low I could go? Me, the EMR weldin' redheaded, bad mouthed, drunken', foul tempered, firecracker of a Turk? Well Pretty damn low." This is what happens when Jenova cells and Mako mess with you... well, your body.
A C H O C O B O & A T U R K
C H A P T E R : P R O L O G U E
M A K 0 & J 3 N 0 V A C 3
Ever wonder how low I could go? Me, the EMR weldin' redheaded, bad mouthed, drunken', foul tempered, firecracker of a Turk?
Well... Pretty damn low, is what.
I mean, I've killed so many freakin' people., that I could goddamn well throw 'em in a pool and probably be swimming in them. I've probably pissed off so many more. Half the freakin' population would rejoice after hearing that I'm dead. Hell, I've screwed so much shit up, that Tseng was startin' to make Rude carry a fucking video recorder! And for fuck's sake, I've slept with so many goddamn people that I can proudly call myself a male slut and it wasn't just for the job, ya'know.
I'm goin' to Hell.
But I'll tell ya another thing. Sitting here at that crappy ass Cloud 'home-made monument' on the outskirts of the freakin' city with a switchblade in my hand is probably the lowest I've ever gotten', yo. I'm definitely goin' to hell now.
I'm a bad person, I goddamn well know that and here I am, at the freakin' lowest point in my whole miserable and godforsaken life.
Killin' myself over someone as stupid as that fuckin' hero.
I lied though… it ain't stupid to me… for a goddamn moment he was the most important person in my whole freakin' life. He still is, that stupid blond haired shit.
Sad thing is though, I got myself in a situation that fucked me right over. I mean sure, I've been in a lot of shit before and hell, always made it out alive, right?… but I dragged Cloud in this one and we didn't exactly come back the way we were dragged in…. ya'know.
And let's top it off with everyone hatin' my fucking guts. Cloud's gang of homos want my head mounted on the wall of that bar, s'pecially the big breasted one.
Damn could she pack a fuckin' punch… my jaw still kinda hurts after that fucking meeting, I wouldn't be fuckin' surprised if she broke it. I can tell you one thing, Rude's got one hell of a girl. Well, that's if he ever get's his bald ass over there and asks that bitch who almost broke my jaw, but hey, damn mako enhanced cells are awesome at times like those.
And ya'know, Rufus is off his damn top as well, fuckin' goin' as far as putting fuckin' bounties on my head! That sneaky little presidential bastard abusin' his fuckin' power like that. Tch, I was getting bored of the regular Turk work anyway.
But hey, looks like I'm once more the homeless orphan I was a couple years back, jus' this time I'm being chased and gunned down ev'rywhere I fuckin' go. So, there was only one place left to go, and here I am. Leaning against that stupid sword of his and trying to get enough goddamn balls to fucking stop the chase… cause I'm getting a little tired, yo. Runnin' only takes you so far and I guess this is the farthest and I'm 'bout to stop.
Besides, I told ya, I'm goin' to hell… so suicide will only guarantee me that one-way ticket, right?
But I kinda wanted for that spiky haired shit to at least know how much I loved him. Yeah, that's right, I loved that blonde haired Hero, if ya got a problem with it, I'd tell you to shove it up your hair ass but what's the point, eh? Wait for about half an hour and you won't have to deal with my shit anymore.
So that's why I'm writing the shortest fucking biography known to man 'bout the infamous Reno.
In my fuckin' head.
What's there to tell 'bout my childhood… or lack of should I say. I was beaten, stole, whored, swore, smoked, drank, was raped, homeless, poor and stupid like shit. 'Nough said about that.
Mom was a damn coke whore… guess I turned out to be a split image of her, but with a penis, lack of drugs and a wonderful vocabulary of colorful words.
So when I was 'bout 7 mom died, or left, remarried, or just didn't feel like commin' home to me ever again, so there I was, the beginning of my ending is what they say, right?
Then I met Rude when I was 'bout 17, maybe? Forgotten when my Birthday was… but like I said, I met the bald black guy after some shit head used and abused my sorry ass… literally. Guess he took a liking to me after seeing me almost, keyword, 'almost' kick his ass in a fit of rage… I was goddamn close too ya'know and I was hurt, so imagine what I could have done to that ass of his if I was at the top of my game.
But Rude's always been there watching my back and I'd do the same for him. He was my partner, my best friend… and who knew that I met him half naked in an alley, eh?
He took me down to Shin'Ra and asked if I wanted a job as a Turk. Hell, any other job sounded great besides whoring myself around… and the pay wasn't that bad either! So being the dumb shit I was, I accepted. Got myself injected with a fuck load of mako, sent through hell of a training and boot camp and I became a Turk, pretty damn proud of my job… well, 'was' pretty damn proud should I say. 'Cause I doubt I'm a fucking Turk now if I got bounties and shit on my head.
Damn I hate remembering my past shit like this as much 'fun' as if fuckin' is. I'm just being sour… or maybe its all the alcohol that's gone up to my head.
But I guess I should just fuckin' skip up to what really fucked up my life and the spiky haired shit's, eh? But first a little background info.
So I got a thing for blondes alright and I swing both ways, as longs as it gives me all the free beer I want and a good fuck, I'm go.
And then I meet Chocobo at the church with that chick, Aerith, I mean, the guy was fuckin' gorgeous! And the blonde shit of a hero grew on me after e'vry fuckin' meeting.
Yeah, yeah, maybe there was a certain degree of 'like' I had for him, but I didn't think that my little crush would end up fucking me over .
Look at him! He was a fucking sex god! With his pale skin that smelled like musk and oranges with a tang of blood, his blue mako eyes, the blonde hair, well toned body and-fuck. I'm getting fuckin' carried away and I don't wanna get a fuckin' hard on at a time like this! Fuckin' Chocobo head…
And here's a fucking secret, don't tell the guy's at Shinra Reno or you're going to be fucked… but e'vry time me and Chocobo fought, I swear to fucking god there were more physical touching than skull bashing… it was kinda like a silent mutual agreement not to beat each other to a bloody fuckin' pulp and believe me, I bet you me and Cloud could of went at if for fuckin' days if there wasn't some shit always interrupting us, like fucking bombs, collapsing building, shit even the ground fucking collapsing in!
I miss him…
Then I got orders to blow up sector seven… ironic, I grew up at that fuckin' place. But orders were orders an' a Turk who couldn't carry out their fuckin' shit was then declared useless and hey… once yer a Turk, you're always a Turk and the only way to get out of it is being killed by the bad guys or being killed by your previous partners.
So I hooked up the bomb… and Rude swore that I was crying, damn bald shit didn't know what he was seeing I was setting up a fuckin' bomb for shiva's sake, if I was crying I could've fucked some shit up and blew me and the res' of the Turks up!
Damn did I get my ass fucking pounded after seeing Cloud… he was furious and I was fucking terrified. Hell, anyone would be scared shitless if an ex-SOLDIER with Mako and Jenova cells pumping through their veins wanted to castrate you and shove the remains of your nuts down your throat. but… honestly….
I let the fucking Hero kick my ass and lemme tell you, it fuckin' hurt!
I was left in the hospital an' was declared bedridden… little shits pumped sedatives in me like there was no tomorrow… probably cause of the little fit I was throwing when I got there… they were trying to shove a goddamn tube down my throat! If I said I wanted shit down my throat I would've sucked off a doctor instead, dammit!
And might I add, I verbally traumatized a nurse… and kinda punched the doctor in the nuts for trying to strip me of what clothes I had left… little fuckers shouldn't have messed with me then!
But it wasn't that bad yo.
I got a visit from Chocobo when Rude and Elena were switching guard duty… ya'know… the fifteen minute break in between for coffee and shit. So that was probably the first time I apologized to anyone. God, I sounded so pathetic, I knew it! But I'm blaming it on all the drugs they had me on, couldn't think straight.
But fuck, I think Cloud told me I said sorry at least a million times before I was rendered unconscious yet a fuckin' again.
Think he forgave me?
Hell no.
We fought two more times after that… and lemme-well… actually… dammit, never mind. The first time I saw that little blonde haired fucker I gave him some BS excuse 'bout me being off duty… which was true by the way, then the second time we had our little get together, he refused to fight and ditched us! Man was I a fuckin' happy out of my mind. Well… Elena looked like she wanted to have a go… but me and Rude were more than thankful… 'sides Cloud and that little group of his sparring a battle only let us barely make it out alive.
So here's where I tell ya about those whole mini Sephiroth incident. Naw, you probably already know about it, it was only flashing on the news for a month. If you don't … then where the fuck were you?!
Pfft.
Cloud was cured of his Geostigma… and I was glad for him. Went to go celebrate, brought some special alcoholic beverages, from my own little stash too and me and Chocobo go beyond shit faced.
Bang.
Next thing you know, I'm waking up in bed with Cloud-fucking-Strife clingin' to me like a damn pillow. Shiva, what I wouldn't give to be able to remember a night like that…
Apparently, the blonde shit didn't remember either, kicked me out the second he saw me… had to wait there for five fuckin' minutes until he threw my clothes out the door to me. Uptight little shit. Guess I was disappointed a bit… I mean, I slept with the man I had this itsy little crush on, I was beyond happy until I saw his mortified face. Guess that was one hell of a mistake.
So that's how me and Cloud's barely friendship ended.
Dramatic ain't it?
Weeks passed and as if life couldn't get in worse after my big ass rejection I started getting a little sick, ya'know? Dizzy spells, Stomach pains, throwi' up every damn morning… Thought it was the stomach virus and took a few weeks off, just so I could ride it out… thing was. It didn't. Rude for worried and the smart little shit called the fucking hospital.
So what I had was the cause of this whole fucked up ordeal.
I was fucking pregnant.
Go-fucking-figure.
I guess… that was the only moment in my life when I was both fucking confused, terrified and disgusted. Guess I didn't believe the fucking doctor till he fucking showed me the pregnancy test and made me fuckin' do it again.
Yeah,
I was out cold for two bloody hours.
But when I fuckin' woke up, who was I with? Hojo's equally insane fucked up assistant!! Strapped to a metal examination table with shit stuck in me and just about every surface of the floor had some mechanical device beeping and printing shit.
Guess this is what happens when Jenova cells and Mako mess with you... well, your body.
But that's not the worst of it… just because the Jenova cells fucked with my anatomy, the fucking quack automatically assumed that I was bearing a little sephy Jr in me. Hell, he even got papers to prove his theory the insane fucker. They wanted to exterminate both I and the fucking baby. The baby because it had the fucking potential to grow up into a homicidal mania and me just because I was a fucking guy, got knocked up and was simply carrying the fucking baby.
What I do?
Fucking bolted my ass out of there the moment I got.
Now it ain't fun runnin' down the street in nothing but a medical gown, but eventually I made it to Seventh Heaven. Once I got there… I was greeted with Tifa's fist.
Told me Cloud got taken away for being a danger and with me.
Apparently I was now officially the new bad guy.
Thought I should wrong some rights and ran my ass back there. It wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. Rude most likely, 'unintentionally' left the key in the door, Elena 'accidentally' dropped my laundry next to it and if I could, I woulda kissed Tseng for 'inadvertently' placing his weapons on the desk not two feet away.
I love 'em all. You gatta hand it to 'em, they're my family.
Busted Cloud's happy ass out of there, with or without a few new injuries and went our separate ways after he screamed at me for a good ten fucking minutes. Damn broke me heart and i'm not being sarcastic about it either.
Told me that I fucked his life when he was just about got it on track, that him sleeping with me was the biggest mistake he's ever made. I was fucked up. Inconsiderate… Told me if Zack was here he'd say the same things.
Low blow… bringing Zack in the conversation.
Too bad Cloud doesn't remember his training days… we woulda had fun talking about the past.
So that's where this all leads me to here… Thought it was pretty ironic yo… that stupid ShinRa was going to kill me and here I am, killing my self and the little parasite that's living in me anyway. Couldn't help but laugh at this moment… and cry.
ALRIGHT. You know the drill. RATE, RATE, RATE, and leave comments please.
But on a side note, this is my first FFVII fanfic and to top another one off, first Mpreg one.
So forgive me if it utterly sucks.