Ne Me Mori Facias Chapter 3: Change, a final fantasy vii fanfic

Summary: "I didn't learn how to walk til age 5, didn't learn my ABC's til age 6, didn't learn how to wipe my own ass til age 7, didn't learn how to dream til age 14. I didn't know how to live, til I met you." He smirked, and I swore to rip him a new one. SephOC

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Oh, well except for my OC.

Song of the Chapter: Monkey Majik - Change

Ne Me Mori Facias

Chapter Three: Change

About forty years ago, Shinra Electric Company discovered Mako, the liquid form of the Lifestream. Of course, their shameless milking began. They realized that Mako could be used for energy we needed for everyday life: lighting, machinery, communication, etc.

They built there first Mako reactor somewhere in Nibelheim, another country bumpkin village somewhere north of here. Since then, they've built innumerous ones around the world. There's one near Corel, one near Gongaga, and several planted right in Midgar. These mako plants are used to absorb mako energy so we can enjoy our peaceful, wonderful lives and live happily ever after.

Surprise, surprise! This is what I learned in a Shinra-run town, so much for an unbiased education.

But education or no, I already knew that Shinra's mako engulfing ways was bad news for the planet. When Shinra first planted its poisonous claws into Banora Village, they constructed the Mako mine with the permission of the Rhapsodos family. They would have built a whopping reactor but since we're already cramped with Mideel on this ridiculously tiny island, a reactor was out of the question.

When the mine was finished and the mako collection began, we finally understood that we had made a huge mistake. The apples began to rot and the trees began to wither. Whatever Shinra was doing, it was murdering the land.

Production from there on only worsened and it once hit a point where even the apples became inedible. Salvation only came once Shinra left with Angeal Hewley and Genesis Rhapsodos and never turned their eyes back to us.

Since then, the only ones who have been in that mine, is us.

It's the middle of December and two weeks have passed since the abandoned mako mine incident. Yet, the sun is shining mercilessly and the heat is only getting worse, furthering my belief that the Planet couldn't give a smaller shit about what happens to its inhabitants.

To be honest, after what happened in the mine, I expected some dramatic rainy weather, gray clouds and thunderous storms. Something to emphasize the turmoil going on, and yet, all I get are sweaty nights and sunburn—whoopee! But then I remember. What turmoil?

Turmoil happens when emotions stir chaotically and mass panic breaks out. There's been none of that. I guess we really are just tiny little existences in a world of billions.

December 14 feels like it never happened. The last thing I remember of that day was falling into the creepy green river and waking up moments later with Yuan no where in sight and Valin unconscious to my side. For some reason, our clothes weren't wet. Somehow I managed to drag the two of us out after what seemed like hours of mindless wandering. A couple of maids from the Rhapsodos compound found us in the middle of the orchard and hauled us back into the village to the doctor's.

I was surprisingly okay. The cuts and bruises I attained in my little brawl with Valin had somehow disappeared. Valin, though, was fucked up. His injuries as well, had miraculously healed but there was something else wrong with him. He didn't talk, didn't eat, he didn't do anything—couldn't do anything. All he would do was sit in his wheelchair and groan incoherent mumblings.

They called it mako poisoning.

The doctor told us that Valin was no longer alive, he just existed. I didn't really understand. What is the difference between living and existing? It was something new to me, something I couldn't quite wrap my finger around in comprehension, but apparently, my mother knew. I was always the one following Valin diligently around and she was always the one yelling and arguing with him and yet. Yet she was the one who sobbed until her eyes bled tears and her nose turned red. But me, I didn't cry.

"Why," I ask myself and prop my chin curiously onto my palm. "Why can't I cry?"

I watch as Valin's head droops and lolls awkwardly on his neck. "Hey, Valin. Why am I not crying for you?" His head only sways sloppily in response. I sigh, and wipe some of the saliva dripping down his chin with my sleeve. "Of course you can't answer."

Groaning, I slouch in the stiff armchair and choose to stare out the window. "Hey, look!" I point at one of the teenagers passing by. "Remember her? Didn't she ask you out last year? Shiva, the look on her face when you rejected her was so priceless!"

I laugh as I remember the look of outrage she gave us when Valin rejected her. We had played a prank on her, pretending that we were actually scandalous, incestuous siblings who liked to get it on in the janitor's closet. She had immediately ran to the principal's office and tattled her mouth off and we were called in along with Mom. Tonberries! That was one incredibly awkward talk.

"Remember Mom's face when she heard? Man, if only I had a camera!" I let out another hearty chuckle and glance back at him. He's still drooling. "Huh. I guess you don't remember." Another sigh escapes me.

My foot finds its way to the wheel of his chair and begins to push and pull in random intervals. Sadistically, I find pleasure in the way his lifeless body teeter totters without resistance, if I push hard enough, he'll probably go tumbling to the floor. But I don't and eventually I stop, already uninterested in rocking him to and fro. Another groan escapes my lips and I writhe uncomfortably in the large armchair, there's an odd tingle in my body I can't get rid of, it's infuriating.

Huffing, I blow my outgrown bangs out of my eyes and take a good, long look at Valin. His usually bright hazel eyes are lifeless and half-lidded; his usually smirking lips are drooping in an incomprehensible frown. His arms hang heavily on his shoulders which only droop even further. His back slouches, keening his head forward and makes his hair scratch his eyes.

Who is this person? A frown creeps onto my own lips and I crease my eyebrows in deep concentration. I don't know this person, do I? "This," I reach out a hand to touch his pale, cold cheek, "Is not Valin?"

Valin is supposed to be full of vigor and force. He's suppose to be angry, hateful, but nevertheless, full of life and determination. No matter how foul his circumstances are, he'll strive on and keep running until he finds his dream and accomplishes it. That's Valin. I know that.

"But then," I whisper, irritation starting find its way into my voice, "Who are you?"

Silence.

Flippin' buttholes! This is so stupid, why I am I even bothering with him? I scream and whine, beginning to stomp the floor childishly. "Ah! Shiva, someone entertain me, please! Valin, entertain me!"

Silence.

"Ah, fuck it all!" I growl, frustration already at its best. Jumping to my bare feet, I turn away from the window and walk upstairs. I can't take this anymore; I can't stand talking to a dead person.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

December 9,

I heard some kids at school talk about the lifestream today. It sounds really cool. It's suppose to be like the blood of the Planet or something. They say you can find it in the cave me and brother and sister go to. The kids said that if you get a bottle of it and drink it, you can make all your wishes come true and you'll become super strong! Hehe, maybe if I get some I can become like you, Sephy!

December 10,

It's Valin and Yameru's birthday in four days! But I don't know what to give them…I want to give them something that's super meaningful. Something that'll make them really smile. Hm, Sephy, do you know anything? Well, I want to give them something like you. You're always here for me and always listen. Remember when I fist got you last year on my birthday? Yameru gave me you and I remember I cried badly. Your first page is all wrinkled from my boogers. Haha. I said boogers. I want to give them something as good as you. But what? Oh nooo I only have four days, what am I going to do? Ahhh!

December 11,

Sephy, only three days left! Nooooo! I have no idea what to do. What if I don't get them anything? No, I can't let that happen. Hmmm…wait a second. Let me check my piggy bank. NO!!! Sephy, I only have twenty gil. What am I going with twenty gil for TWO people? Why did I have to spend my allowance on candy? Why? Noooo...Dang, Valin is yelling at me to go sleep. Maybe I will dream of something tonight!

December 12,

Heeeey! Guess who I saw on T.V today. Teehee, you guessed it, I saw you, Sephy! You're looking awesome as always. How old are you now? Twenty-eight? Wow~ But you still look super young, . Hm, Yameru is going to turn fourteen in two days. Maybe you should date her, hahaha! Neeh. Between you and me, I think you're too good for her. Haha, don't tell her I said that, she'll kill me! Hm, maybe I should get her a poster of you. Hehe. I heard girls her age like that kind of stuff. But Valin might get mad. He doesn't like SOLDIER very much .

December 13,

Sephy, Valin got into a fight again. They won't let him go to school for two weeks. Two WHOLE weeks. That's crazy. Aah! I am not stupid. I know Valin fights because they make fun of me. It hurts sometimes, but I wish he wouldn't do that. Hurting others is bad right? But I guess I can't say that since I like SOLDIER, huh. I know you kill people, Sephy. But, you do it because you have to right? Oh. I guess I don't get it. I want to be a SOLDIER too, Sephy. I want to be strong. I want to protect my brother and sister. I don't want to see them hurt. Tomorrow is their birthday. But I still don't have present for them. It must be special!

December 14,

I know what I'm going to get them for their birthday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY VALIN AND YAMERU!!!!

I had given this journal to Yuan for his last birthday sometime earlier this year. It was just something I had scavenged last minute at a local thrift store and yet he cherished it so much. Why? It was just an old, red faux-leather bound journal but he adored it. Hell, he even gave it a name, Sephy. And from the day I first gave it to him, wrapped messily in old homework papers, he wrote in it every single day without fail.

When I had woken up in the cavern, there was only Valin and myself—Yuan was nowhere to be seen. After we hard reached safety in Banora Village, I told mother about Yuan's disappearance, but she said nothing. I thought she didn't want to find him. So, I took the initiative myself and searched the woods and the surrounding area around the village but found nothing—found no one. It was like he had disappeared from the face of the Planet.

He really was gone.

I flip through the last handful of empty pages, and I realize the entries end at December 14. For some reason, I'm starting to feel a bit sad. A bit guilty. Hell, now that I think about it, I don't even remember what month his birthday is in but he knew mine—ours, so clearly.

My fingers flip through the blank pages another time before I finally toss it back onto the clean desk with a relenting groan. I stumble backwards and fall heavily onto the small bed behind me, feeling blank. Ugh! My head suddenly aches and there's this odd tingle of anxiety running through my body. It's making me crazy.

So I run. I shove myself off the soft blankets and run out the room and down stairs, going crazy. Run. Run. Run. I jump and twirl and spin around the house, screaming at the top of my lungs. Aaaaaaaaaaah! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH~

I manage to knock over a plastic lamp and bruise my knee against a drawer before finally collapsing in a messy heap onto the living room floor. Sweat is already starting to form at my armpits and tickle my neck as my chest heaves excitedly. I'm out of breath. I'm tired. And yet, that tingle is still there.

Idly I begin to draw tonberries in my head, but that only lasts forty five seconds. Sigh.

"Well, shake it up, baby, now! Twist and shooooout. C'mon, C'mon, C'mon, C'mon baby noooow! Come on and work it on out." My singing is horrible and I can't tell if I'm too sharp or too flat but I'm positive I'm too nasally. I only remember the chorus and that lasts a minute. Another sigh.

I twirl my finger in the pool of spit gathering at the curve of my tongue and pinch. My long, slender digits gently caress the silky smooth texture of the extravagant muscle and—Oh my Shiva! Poetry now? Seriously Yameru? You need to get a life.

Turning my head awkwardly, I read the clock above the T.V. 1: 07. Running, drawing, singing, and being weird, all that and only three minutes pass. Ugh. I let out a drawn out moan and kick the coffee table a few feet away from me in exasperation. Gawd, I am so incredibly bored. Someone needs to murder boredom, the bitch.

"Yameru," I whisper, "You're fourteen years and two weeks old. Now, what the heck are you doing with your life?"

To be honest, I don't know. Just two weeks ago I would have said, "Nothing." But nothing doesn't seem so great; I'm not satisfied with nothing anymore.

I glimpse at Valin's motionless body near the window and remember Yuan's red journal. Valin wanted to leave this place and start his own future, Yuan once wanted to join SOLDIER and become strong. What did I want? What are my dreams?

I fiddle with the loose hem of my t-shirt; the tingle is still here, teasing me endlessly. What have I been doing with my life? Fourteen years of breathing and what have I done? Everything, all of a sudden, feels like a waste.

On my back, facing up, the ceiling unexpectedly seems impossibly high, impossibly wide, and too brown. Brown. I hesitantly turn to my side, long, untidy black hair tangling in itself. There, I stare at Valin's droopy figure and his brown, brown hair.

Valin. Willingly, I've followed him my entire life. If he wanted to go to the park I said okay, if he wanted to ditch school, I joined, if he wanted to hit someone, I cheered. But he's gone and now, I'm left leaderless. What to do? What to do? I feel like a chicken with its head cut off, running madly around with nothing in sight.

A follower can only be as good as his leader, right? So—I continue to stare at Valin—my leader is holding me down. Valin. Valin. Valin.

"Mrs. Immanis, I'm sorry. Your son has been diagnosed with mako poisoning, we're sorry."

Can he still see? Still hear? Still feel? Still dream?

"Mako poisoning attacks the brain and mutates the consciousness. He is no longer the boy you once knew. I'm sorry."

Can I? Can I see, hear, feel, dream? Can I?

"He's no longer living with us. He's only existing."

Valin is pulling me down and now, now I want to live. What is living? I want to know. I want a revolution; I want to topple the hierarchy that is my dull, aimless life. I want so much, too much.

But how? How can I get what I want? What would be good enough? I roll on to my stomach, and muffle my frustrated grumblings in the palm of my hands.

What. How. Living. Existing. Valin. Yuan. Wutai. Shinra. SOLDIER.

It hit me like a ton of bricks, like a speeding train, like a flaming meteor from the sky.

SOLDIER.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

"Excuse me?" Mrs. Hewley is looking at me like I have another head. I grab my neck to make sure—whew. I'm still safe, but most definitely not sane.

"I said," I speak slowly and articulately, amusement tickling its way into my voice, "I want to join SOLDIER."

She's gaping, jaw dropping so far down I'm slightly afraid that her dentures are going to pop out and eat me. "You okay there, Granny?"

She's still gaping. "Okay, um. It's getting kinda creepy now."

She's still gaping. "Alright. Stop it okay, not funny! I'm leaving, dammit!"

She finally stops, but her eyes are still freakishly wide on her face and I swear, I think I see her wrinkles twitching, like they're talking to each other. Ew. "Well I—you. SOL—ah. Um. What?"

I shake my head at her, and pet her gray head a little comforting, a little teasing. "I want to join SOLDIER, Mrs. Hewley, I want to go to Midgar. I want to leave this place and do something."

Tentatively she nods her head in understanding, but not in acceptance. "I can see that, Yameru. But SOLDIER, really? You have no idea what they do to you there."

"I know that, but nevertheless, I want to try, you know? Please help me." I muster up the best puppy dog eyes I can muster, which isn't that great.

Mrs. Hewley's frowning and she grabs my shoulders firmly in her cold hands. "I understand you want to leave this boring old village, Yameru. But there are other things than SOLDIER out there."

"This," I remember Yuan, I remember Valin, "is special."

Her hands drop, and she looks ten years older in an instant. She takes one long hard look at me and then I see it, the look of "You nutty teenager, how am I going to deal with your crazy spontaneity" and I know, she relents. "Okay," she sighs and fiddles with her cup of tea, "How do you want me to help?"

A grin breaks out across my face and I can't help but glomp her. "Oh, Granny, you're too cute!" I laugh when she begins to pout animatedly and bats her eyelashes. "Alright." I finally sit down in my chair and begin to lay out my game plan—or lack thereof. "So, you have a son in SOLDIER, right?"

She nods suspiciously, and I have a feeling she knows what I'm up to. "Yes, Angeal, why?"

"So." I widen my eyes, and push my lips out, trying to look innocent—and fail to do so. I poke at her playfully, and giggle obnoxiously, acting the role of the annoying, adorable brat. We all know that's absolutely irresistible. "You think you can, you know…tell him to put in a good word for me?" I end it with a tight smile and a twiddle of my fingers.

Granny Hewley rolls her head in laughter, and flicks me on the forehead playfully. I laugh back. "That's all you want? Why don't you just talk to him yourself?"

"Eh?"

She grabs a napkin from across the table, and magically picks out a pen from her breast pocket. Ew. Old people and breasts. Not a great mental image.

Shuddering and mentally punching myself in the nose, I watch her write jumbled letters across the napkin in curiosity. She soon finishes and waves it in my face. "Here."

I frown and raise an eyebrow. "What is it?"

The elderly lady flaps it energetically in my face, and it tickles my nose. Okay lady, calm down. "This." she shakes it even harder, and fuck. I think it hit my eye. "Is Angeal's email. If you want to talk to him, you can do it yourself."

"Whoa! Really?" I think I'm beaming like a madman. Excitedly, I reach my hand out to grab it but right when my fingers graze the corner of the napkin, she pulls it away. She's smirking. What. The. Hell. This old lady is smirking at me! Flippin' stupid-old-mean-super-sadist-Granny. Sadist!

"What? Come on, Granny!" I'm whining and I sure as hell hope I'm annoying her.

"Yameru, look." I'm looking. "Not literally, idiot!" Oh. Okay then. "What I mean to say, Yameru, is that it's not that easy. Midgar is tens of miles away and is a totally different world. Your life is going to change drastically and once you decide to go, there's no turning back. Got it?"

I nod my head vigorously.

"Okay." She still sounds disbelieving. "Now, did you even tell your mom yet?"

I shake my head vigorously.

A sigh heaves her chest, and she brings her hand to cradle her forehead. "Goodness, Yameru. What am I going to do with you?"

Still staring at the tempting white napkin, I try to convince her. "Don't worry, Mrs. Hewley! I'll tell her and I'm just about one hundred percent sure she won't mind." Or won't care.

She raises one gray eyebrow incredulously. "Really now?"

"Of course! I promise."

Granny's still eyeing me like a piece of meat with rabies. Slowly and cautiously, she raises her right hand and sticks out one wrinkly pinky. "Promise?"

I grab it eagerly with my own short finger and bring my thumb up to lock it. "Promise!"

"Okay." She hands me the napkin and I grab it from her before she can do the stupid ha-got-you-what-now trick. "He might be busy, so I don't know if he'll answer right away but he tends to check his email every night."

I nod fervently, not really paying attention. Excitement for myself, for Yameru, is actually coursing through my veins for the first time. It's new and awkward, but oddly addicting.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

I examine the napkin closely and wince at the dull, boring email address. Ew. I can already tell that Mrs. Hewley's son is a tight ass or at least something close to it. I know it's a professional email, but come on!

Shrugging it off, I log into my email account and type his address slowly and carefully into the correct box. Okay, first impressions, Yameru! This has to count!

Yamberries to AngealHewleySD December 28th 4: 35 pm

Subject: SOLDIER Applications

"Hello, is this Angeal Hewley? I am Yameru Immanis from Banora Village and I'm planning to join SOLDIER during the next year starting in February. Your mother referred me to you for some help with submitting my applications."

Whew. Okay, I read it one more time, sounds humble, respectful, shy, and a little bit awkward—absolutely perfect. Mwah! Yameru, you're awesome. Grinning, I click send excitedly and watch as the page loads.

"Your message has been sent."

"Cool." I mutter to myself, now all I have to do is wait for his reply.

And I'm waiting. I glance at the clock and suppress the whine in my throat. Five minutes. Ten. Twenty. Thirty. For—Okay, stop it! I slap myself. Fuck, harder than I mean to. Rubbing my cheek, I mumble to myself, sounding more like a deranged hobo than I would like. "Okay, Yameru, calm down. He's a busy man. A very busy man. You need to just be patient and wait. You smell like a crap. Go take a shower. Yes. A shower. A shower. Whee. You're cool, Yameru, you're cool."

Oh gawd, why can't I stop talking to myself? My eyes still glue to the screen as I walk backwards from the laptop and backwards past the door. "I'm watching you."

I creep myself out sometimes.

Take a crap. Ten minutes, damn I should not eat that left over take-out. Take a shower. Twenty minutes. Eat the take out. Twenty mintues. Take another crap. Fifteen minutes.

Dammit!

I'm standing outside my own bedroom door, hands trembling and contemplating whether or not I should go in and face that damn bright computer screen. Slowly, I calculate in my head. Ten plus twenty plus twenty plus fifteen. Alrighty, forty five minutes.

Wait, what?

Ah, screw it! With a heroic grunt, I throw open the door and, and yes! Oh tonberries, yes! "1 unread message" flashes across the top of the window in bold black letters.

I think I just came.

Sprinting, I jump into my spinning chair in front of my laptop and click excitedly, ignoring the aching of my anus.

AngealHewleySD to Yamberries December 28th 5:47 pm