Ancient!fic here. Ancient meaning written around August, but whatever.

A few months ago, when we had all finished Deathly Hallows, my friend came up with many crack ideas. This one happened to come from the only one that would be ficcable. I came across it last night, had a laugh, then decided to post it.

So, here we go. For Daniel, because you have the crackiest fic ideas ever. And to a lesser extent, Rebecca, for...being there.

Also, for fandom's sake, I haven't used our (our meaning Daniel, Rebecca and I) interpretation of the epilouge characters. Instead, we've used the fandom's assumed personalities. ...Okay, we've used our ballsy!Lily, but only because girly!sweet!Lily is hated between us :D

Disclaimer: Don't own.

"For Merlin's sake Albus, you're in Gryffindor! Quit clinging onto me like that!"

"In case you haven't noticed, James, we're in the deepest part of the Forbidden freaking forest!"

"So? Dad went in here all the time when he was our age!"

Albus huffed and shuffled closer to his older brother, tensing up at the sight of the trees getting thicker and the light getting dimmer.

"Really, Albus, we're going to place that is pretty much considered a myth! It's a historical site! You should be grateful that I found the directions to this place, and didn't invite Lily, Fred or Rose along…"

As James rambled on, Albus rolled his eyes and edged closer. He could faintly hear some twig snapping off in the distance.

"James, it is a myth!" Albus protested, looking up at his brother. James rolled his eyes and lifted his glowing wand higher.

"No it isn't! Hagrid was there, he witnessed it and he always visits the place!" James sighed, scanning the trees for something.

"James, Hagrid's old, he probably doesn't remember it right…" Albus said, trailing off as James made a sharp turn off what was left of the trail. Ignoring Albus' cries, the eldest Potter continued on, his heart thumping with excitement.

"Hagrid might be old…" James yelled back at Albus, waiting for him to catch up "But he has the best memory ever, okay?"

"That's not true, he mixed up our birthdays" Albus pointed out. James sighed irritably.

"So? They're three weeks apart!" James said, glad that, at least, Albus wasn't wetting himself from fright anymore. "Listen, Albus, how about I just let you go back to Hogwarts right now, all alone, while I go look at the non mythical place?". After Albus clung to his robes and refused the thought of the idea, the two continued to trek on.

"You know, James" Albus started, easing up a bit "Teddy would kill you if he found out that you threatened to leave me all alone in the forbi…Merlin!" Albus yelped, almost dropping his own wand. The two had arrived in a large clearing; covered in footprints, no, hoof prints, most likely untouched for a while. Albus took in a sharp breath, realising where he was.

"Awesome!" James exclaimed running into the centre of the place, spinning around and staring up at the treetops before Albus could stop him.

"Okay James, this place is cool, now can we go back?" Albus asked, despite knowing the answer.

"Pffft! No way!" James called back, grinning from ear to ear "Hey, Al! Get out that meat detector Hagrid gave us!"

"It's called a metal detector, James" Albus sighed, taking the detector out of his bag to assemble it. Suddenly, Albus stopped, and stared up at James, eyes wide.

"James, you're not going to find that, are you?" Albus called over to James, who was studying the ground around him.

"Of course I am! Dad'll want it back!" James said, wondering why Albus hadn't pieced this together before "I wasn't coming here just to take photos!" Albus' face whitened, but he finished putting together the metal detector in little time.

"So, where will be look first?" James asked, turning the detector on. Albus gulped, wondering whether to trick his brother into leading him back to the castle, or whether to help him find the ring and get this all over with quickly.

"Well, dad said he dropped it as soon as he entered the place, so we should check around the edges…" Albus mused, looking around the edges of the clearing.

"Great idea!" James exclaimed, praising his brother for not being so spineless "I bet Rose wouldn't've thought of that!"

"Rose would've been smart enough to not even come, though" Albus mumbled, even though he was flushing from the flattering remark. Luckily, James didn't hear him; he was busy scanning the ground.

"It must be underground…" James said, rather stupidly, as the ring obviously wasn't lying in plain sight "maybe a centaur trampled over it…and buried it!"

"Or Grawp ate it?" Albus suggested, knowing that James would just shoot the suggestion down.

"Good point, Alby…remember to run this over Grawp's stomach!" James said, dead serious. Albus rolled his eyes and continued to follow his brother around the clearing.

Beep, beep, beep.

A sharp, ringing sound rang throughout the area, causing James and Albus to drop the detector and start digging.

"Dammit, Al, do you know any digging spells?" James asked, frantically digging. Albus was slower, as he was pretty darn scared of what they'd find.

"I'll take that as a 'no'…" James said, grabbing a small branch to help him dig. After a few seconds, James looked up at Albus, stopping the frenzied digging.

"Who will we bring back?" he asked bluntly.

"W-what?!" Albus stammered, his eyes widening "I thought we were just going to mail it back to dad!"

"What, are you kidding?" James replied, amazed at his brother's lack of imagination "We could have so much fun with this! We could bring back Uncle Sirius, Grandfather James, Grandmother Lily and…everyone!"

"No way!" Albus protested, throwing down his own stick "You're just getting stupid!"

"Really!" James grumbled, shaking his head "We could see so many people! If Teddy was still here, he could meet his parents…"

"James…" Albus stuttered, noticing a glint of gold and black that James didn't.

"And we could meet Dobby, or Mad-eye, or Snape, or Dumbledore…" James trailed on, over-excited over this prospect.

"James!" Albus almost shouted, grabbing the ring before James covered it with more dirt.

"Hey…Albus…" James said, stopping his digging "Wouldn't it be funny if we brought Voldemort came back to life?..."

"James!" Albus cried, staring at the ring as it started to glow slightly.

"What, you found it without…!" James shouted at Albus, waving his fist at Albus until he noticed a figure appear before him.

From just a little while away, Hagrid and Lily noticed several birds take off in fright at the sound of two terrified screams.

"Oh god, they did find it, didn't they?" Lily asked indifferently, eyeing the noticeably thicker trees.

"I guess so…" Hagrid said staring at the source of the screams

"Might as well go hurry up and get them…they probably decided to bring back Mr Snape or something" Lily sighed as she jogged ahead of her huge friend.

James would've complained to Albus clinging onto him like this, yelling 'I'm not Scorpius! Go hug him!', if he wasn't clinging twice as hard.

"V-v-v-v-v-volde…" Albus whimpered, staring at the evil figure in front of him.

"So…" snarled Voldemort, staring down at the two boys "Potter's managed to clone himself, eh?".

"Um, sir…" Albus muttered, averting Voldemort's stare "W-we're not…"

"JAMES, YOU DICKHEAD!"

The trembling brothers turned to the source of the sound, a young auburn haired girl. Her nostrils were flaring as she stared at the Dark Lord and her brothers, still holding the ring. She stomped over to where they were and glared at Voldemort.

"Don't touch my brothers!" Lily threatened in a low voice, taking the ring out of Albus' hands and throwing it to the ground, stepping on it and rubbing it into the ground. Voldemort disappeared, leaving the three in the forest.

"James, you are such a dickhead" Lily sighed, picking the ring off the ground and throwing it in the hole "Hagrid's been looking for you, let's go" she said, marching ahead of them.

They siblings walked in silence for a while, before James looked from Lily to Albus and scowled.

"Why does my little sister have more balls than I do?" he groaned.