Disclaimer: Vampire Knight is owned by Matsuri-Sama!

Author's Notes-- I'm branching out! My first Vampire Knight fic… ah, I'm almost proud of myself.

SPOILERS FROM VOLUME SEVEN!! If you haven't read Vol. 7 yet, you should probably do that first…

I'll just get this over with beforehand. Pairings are YuukiZero, RimaShiki, RukaKain, and a little KanameSara.

Chapter 1: I Hate It

xXx

Her grip trembled and the knife finally clattered to the floor. A drop landed on the shiny blade, running down and polishing it.

Yuuki glanced up at the mirror she was collapsed in front of. Her reflection shuttered as she did, and her eyes glared as hers did. Her dark brunette locks cascaded all around her in a curtain. She wasn't used to this. This wasn't her. She didn't like this… she hated this.

Her pale hand shakily grasped the handle of the knife again while the other one gripped her hair. Her starved eyes glazed over as the metal touched her tresses, and with a grit of her teeth she pushed it through. Frighteningly long bands of hair slipped through her fingers. She wouldn't stop. She continued to hack and stab at her hair until it was a choppy version of it's former self.

She clenched her eyes shut to look in the mirror. As they slowly opened, all she saw was a disguise… a mask of her former self.

A fist slammed into the mirror. She growled, glowering at the reflection. Tears fell uncontrollably from her frosted eyes and she swallowed the lump in her throat painfully.

"I hate this…" she miserably whispered.

Again she grinded her teeth together, and her fangs clacked against the others. She shivered and rested her forehead on the mirror. "I… can't stand it." More tears fell every time her eyes fluttered.

It's been a week and a half. A week and a half since her memories were awakened. A week and a half since she learned of her and Kaname's relationship. A week and half since she found out who she really was.

But she didn't want to be… she didn't want this. She didn't want this guilt coiling up in her chest and choking her.

Her body pulsated and she clenched her fist harder. Now she understands… just how much torture Zero was in.

No blood for over a week. Not even the tablets. Ten years had gone by without a single drop of blood… then a tiny sip when she'd first awakened. Even a pureblood will fall victim to the throbbing hunger after that long of a drought.

Everything she saw was red. Her world was topsy-turvy. Whenever she felt the hunger coming she had to resist. She had to do anything to restrain herself.

Now she understands Zero.

Yuuki grimaced and pulled herself off of the hair-covered carpet. "I hate it…" her voice cracked, even at a whisper. "I hate it, Zero… I hate it."

She wouldn't allow herself to be with Kaname anymore. It went against her morals. She loved him, but… he was her bloodline. Her ancestor.

Her brother.

On the other hand, Zero… He was always there for her when Kaname couldn't. She got lost in his eyes the first time she met him. Eyes full of hatred. Pure hatred, towards those that changed him. Vampires… Kaname… and ultimately her… He despised vampires. He would do anything to kill them.

Even himself. If she hadn't stopped him… Back when Zero thought that Yuuki was human, he was her friend. A precious friend at that. But now… she wasn't so sure of anything.

"Nothing but an arrogant pureblood who trifles with humans."

His voice rang in her ears like a gong. There was nothing she could do. She was positive that he never wanted to see her. At least not now.

The tears won't stop. They just keep coming. Every thought that passes through her mind creates more, and every time she catches a glimpse of herself in the looking glass she gains another thought. It's perpetual anguish.

Another pulse of bloodlust purged through her. She let out a low cry in pain and attempted to get to her feet. Leaning on the wall, she managed to get to door. Pain coursed through her thick veins. Tears burned her cheeks. She opened the door and slung herself across the corridor, collapsing on the opposite wall. Her shoulders heaved and she let out a strangled sob. "I don't want it… I don't!"

In a fit of strength, Yuuki managed to pull herself back to her feet, but still leaning on the wall. The soft glow of determination burned in her eyes and she trekked forward, each step like setting off a grenade in her ear.

Th-Thump

Her eyes widened to their limits. This wave of thirst was more painful than the last, and the entire world was blurred. She had no depth perception anymore. Everything was the same colour and the same hue… It had the same tint and shade and the same shape. Colour-blindness settled into her mind as she slipped down the wall, resting on her knees.

She felt the entire universe slow down. Each stab to her throat ripped her body apart. Enough bloodlust can eventually kill, or cause insanity… Level E vampires were enough proof of that. However, even a pureblood can succumb to Level E…

Her throat felt like it was bleeding from the inside and she choked out her weakened voice. "I can't stand it… Zero… I hate it…" Her voice fell as she did. With a hand sliding down the wall with her own tumbling form, she whispered, "I hate it…" before finally crashing to the carpet.

Her dreams were drenched in crimson. The world around her continued at the normal pace and the empty hallway gave no recognition to her.

Unbeknownst to Yuuki, Zero stood at the end of the corridor. He was shielded behind her by shadows, and if she had the energy to turn around she still might not have seen him.

Especially not his icy violet eyes widening as she hit the floor.

XxX

Author's Notes--Wow… depressing. My first chapter for my first VK fic… I'm so proud of myself. (Tear)

Not really. Anyway, I'm going to add more. Definitely. There will be more in this besides Yuuki and Zero. Kaname's inner struggle… ah, it's going to be a joy to write. I'll look forward to it after writing this depressing thing… yeesh.

Happy thoughts,

-Destiny