Dear Rosalie,

Just so you know, that shirt you wore on Tuesday made you look incredibly fat. No shit.

From,

Emmettisawesome!1234567890

Dear Emmettisawesome!1234567890,

No way! You really think so? Where exactly did I look fat the most? This can't be happening! NO! I can't take this anymore! God, where's Jasper when you need him!

Dear Edward,

I'm starting to get suspicious about your current relationship with your precious Volvo. I think they're more than just a "Car and Driver friendship" going on… Are you cheating on Bella? Oh my God. You are. Wait till I post this on my blog –

Okay, maybe I'm exaggerating. Just answer the dang question. But keep this in your mind, Edward: I've got my eyes on you.

Sincerely (or shall I say, suspiciously),

I'mWatchingYou100

Dear I'mWatchingYou100,

I've already contacted the asylum. Don't worry; you and your sick little fantasies will be erased from your sick little brain by the end of your two-week treatment. Repeat after me: EVERYTHING IS GONNA BE OKAY. My Volvo and I are friends and nothing more than just friends.

(Volvo: -sob-)

Edward

Dear Jasper,

You are so incredibly amazing. I don't even know you, and I'm madly in love with you. Is that wrong? Oh, and do you wanna know a secret? I told Alice you're gay so she'll dump you. Now you'll be mine, all mine! Muhahaha.

Hugs and kisses,

i-LoVe-JaSpEr-HaLe-x0x0

Dear i-LoVe-JaSpEr-HaLe-x0x0,

I think you're crazy. I'm not gay! I s-s-swear! I like b- I mean, girls! Yeah, girls! Alice!

P.S. Secrets aren't nice. I'm telling Esme! You're gonna get in trouble. Ha!

Dear Alice,

Take me shopping with you! Please?

Love,

obsessiveshopper

Dear obsessiveshopper,

Heck no! Sorr-ay, but my shopping time is my own special time. I don't care if you're about to fall off a cliff, no one, and I repeat – NO ONE – can take me away from shopping. It's a very important experience to me. And it cannot be shared with anyone.

… Unless you happen to have an extra gift card to Nordstrom. I could use one of those right now. Wait… – sees vision – YOU DO! How about Saturday? There better still be money left on that card. And I'll... try... to remember to get you something to. Even though it's your own money. But, that's what shopping does to ya!

See you Saturday,

Alice

Deer Carlyzle,

I kan't pronownce ur nayme. Heelp?

Sinserily,

irawkattspeeling

Dear er,… irawkattspeeling,

Just stick with some cheesy nickname like Coleslaw or Car-island for now, like Emmett. And half the rest of the world. -sigh-

Carlisle

Dear Edward,

Ugh, were you serious when you agreed to sleeping with Bella if she married you? First of all – why on earth would you want her to marry you? And second of all, I can only imagine the horror going through you when you finally broke down and said you'd actually do it with her. Poor you. I could fulfill your fantasies so much better, more deeply. It would be an experience to remember.

Love,

XxE.C.is.HOTxX

Dear XxE.C.is.HOTxX,

Oh my God! Why do all the insane fangirls write to me! That's none of your business. I want Bella, and she wants me, in every way. Do you have a problem with that? -growls-

Not-so-sincerely,

Edward

Dear Edward,

Are you calling me insane? Huh? Are you!

From,

XxE.C.is.HOTxX

Dear XxE.C.is.HOTxX,

Yes. Yes, Iam.

Edward

A/N: Haha, that was fun. I might continue this, I dunno. Hope you all liked it!