Ok so embarrassing story which is only slighty related, the most embarrasing video of me ever was just posted publicly on facebook from Saturday night when I was dancing and singing on camera while completely 'out of my mind' (geddit) no I was not on some weird alien hallucinogen, just purely too much champagne and red wine (it was a birthday party). What I find amusing is that even in my inebriated state of mind I managed to remember all the words to Crazy in Love by Beyonce. I have no memory of actually doing this as well...which makes it even worse.

On another note THIS IS THE LAST CHAPTER! I'm weird and hate ending fics on an odd chapter number (don't ask, it's just a...thing) so I might end up posting an Epilogue but this seems pretty final to me. I'm sad, but you know it's probably for the best considering this fic is just too distracting and I NEED to start studying more.

Fic I recommend: Welsh and Blondes by PassionPoet

Thanks to everyone who helped me make it to 400 reviews:

Hellen Lou, Kat Ranger, Perfect Pirate Captain, PassionPoet, Gracefulfalling, zombieegirl, GossipGirl17, Section8grl, shadowxwolf, Lady Clark-Weasley of Books, stungunned, MythStar Black Dragon, crazedchick, WhoKnows909, msndgal, Super Spazz Attack, Lutherian, scousedancer, Itchigo, All Star Ellie, Skly, MitsukixTakuto 4 ever

Ianto pulled the car over outside Harry's house and sighed. It was already dark and he really didn't feel like getting out of the warm interior of the car. Glancing at the backseat in the rear-view mirror he rolled his eyes as Harry snorted softly in his sleep. He was still wearing the bloodstained tutu and Ianto couldn't help but laugh to himself as he imagined the man's reaction on waking up.

On second thoughts maybe he should have switched clothes; the guy was going to wonder where the blood came from.

Ianto cursed Jack's extraordinary skills at rock, paper, scissors in his head as he realised he was going to have to change Harry like he was a bloody babysitter or something.

Well I might as well just get it over with. And with that thought he swung open his car door and set about dragging Harry inside in the least suspicious manner possible.

He managed to lug him up the path and into the house dumping Harry on the first sofa he came to.

Next came the bit he really didn't want to do but he set about taking the tutu off promising himself he would take a scalding hot shower later to get all remnants of this man off him.

He suddenly became aware of a rustling noise from outside the room and stood up sharply all too aware that he had no idea if there was anyone else in the house.

Drawing out his gun he edged quietly out of the room unused to be on his own in situations like this. Why had he been the one made to do the flipping school run?

He spun around the corner of the living room into the hallway and checked the front door; it was closed, just as he had left it. He carried on down into the kitchen and noticed there was a door leading into the garden…which was cracked open.

His stomach swooped as he remembered Harry telling Gwen and Jack he had seen the alien in the garden.

"Shit," He muttered to himself trying to ignore the fluttery feeling of fear that was creeping up on him.

He squinted out into the garden, trying to see if there was anything out there but it was too dark. All he could see were some leaves tapping against the window and the dark shape of a tree.

Cursing silently to himself again he edged along the kitchen until he was close enough to the door to feel the cold breeze against his face. Steeling himself he moved in one swift motion, swinging open the door and stepping outside into the dark garden.

At first glance there was nothing out there but…wait…

Ianto moved hesitantly further into the garden having thought he had seen a movement in the corner by the tree, but it could have just been the leaves swaying to and fro in the wind.

This thought was quickly dismissed, however, as something…large and snarling pounced at him from out of the shadows.

He was knocked onto his back and his gun went skittering off in another direction but all he could see was a faceful of teeth and jaws and saliva dripping onto his face.

Whatever it was seemed pretty human in shape but the mouth definitely was not, and he had a nice up close and personal view of this.

He struggled frantically pushing upwards so the thing couldn't get its teeth into his face, he quite liked his face.

Giving one extra push he managed to get the thing off of him and he lunged for his gun falling flat onto his face but he successfully wrapped his fingers around the butt of the gun.

Spinning around just in time he pulled the trigger and the thing fell backwards, inches away from him, a bullet lodged directly in its chest.

Ianto cast around in his mind for something classy to say but failing miserably at this he merely settled for blowing imaginary smoke away from the barrel of his gun and holstering it smoothly, really quite glad that no one else was there.

He clicked on his comm and said breathlessly, "Jack? Yeah, I think you're gonna want to see this."

Owen clicked off the scanner and announced, "Well this is interesting."

The rest of the team shuffled impatiently as they crowded around the autopsy table peering curiously at the alien thing Ianto had lugged back from the house.

"Well?" Jack demanded.

"You can't rush a genius," Owen said importantly and winked at Tosh who just huffed and replied, "Just get on with it Owen."

"Alright then, never mind," Owen sulked and said, "What we have here is a claydol."

"A what now?" Ianto asked incredulously sipping his coffee.

"It's a distant relative to the shape shifter," Jack cut in, "Except it can't shape shift."

"So what's its point?" Gwen muttered.

"They have higher brain functions than shape shifters," Jack continued.

"It didn't seem like it when it was trying to rip my throat out," Ianto said darkly.

"Remember how the shape shifter at Gwen's wedding could talk and interact just like humans?" Jack asked, sort of regretting it as Gwen flinched.

They didn't really talk about her wedding anymore after Rhys and Gwen had split just a few weeks after it. He continued anyway, "Well these are capable of the same thing, which explains why it had the gas; it must react differently to it. Perhaps it was a form of nutrients or something, but whatever the case it obviously needed it because it came back to the place where it dropped the vial earlier."

"Lucky me," Ianto said glaring at Jack as he sort of but not really blamed him for making him go back there alone.

Jack looked uncomfortable under Ianto's gaze as he felt slightly guilty about that but it wasn't as if he could have predicted what was going to happen.

"So that's it then?" Tosh asked.

"What's it?" Gwen said.

"The whole thing, the 'mystery of the druggy gas stuff'," they could all hear the inverted commas around those words, "It's all over right? We know where it came from, we caught the alien," Ianto coughed pointedly and Tosh said exasperatedly, "Alright Ianto caught the alien; we're monitoring the potential psycho killer…that's it…right?"

There was silence as everyone looked at each other, each waiting for some other distraction to come up.

"I think so," Jack said finally and the atmosphere in the room suddenly became a lot easier. It was as if a weight had been lifted off of everyone's shoulders.

"So…we're free?" Owen asked hopefully.

"I can't stop you," Jack said grinning, knowing they would come running back if he just clicked his fingers and said 'possible alien threat to planet earth'.

"Wait a minute, you owe us all a drink," Gwen said cheekily remembering what Jack had said earlier.

Jack gave Gwen a look that clearly said 'you are so making that up to me later' and then his suave grin was back in place, "Damn, you caught me; last one to the pub has to sing the weevils to sleep."

And with that he was running out of the cog door leaving everyone frozen by shock but as soon as realisation hit they were all pushing each other out of the way trying to get to the door first.

Jack came back from the bar with a tray piled high with glasses overflowing with frothy beer.

"Now that's what I'm talking about," Owen said gleefully grabbing his drink and gulping it down contentedly while Tosh looked on in mild disgust clearly wondering what she saw in this oaf.

"Jack," Ianto whined, "I asked for a vodka and coke."

"Alright Mr. Fancypants, I'll go get you one," Jack said.

"No it's fine I'll just go get it myself now," Ianto huffed getting up and heading for the bar.

"So I think we deserve a toast," Gwen said leaning into Jack slightly and smiling up at him.

"I'll second that," He replied holding out his glass.

"We need to wait for Ianto!" Tosh cried.

But Owen snickered and nudged Tosh pointing in the direction of the bar, "Oh I think he's gonna be a while."

They all turned to see what Owen was pointing at and laughed as they saw Ianto being chatted up by a rather gorgeous man offering him nothing else than a vodka and coke.

"Looks like he'll be kept busy for a while," Gwen smiled happily glad that Ianto wouldn't be too left out.

They sat in a comfortable silence for a moment relishing the fact that they could relax and not have to worry about running after aliens for the time being.

"I never would have thought that this would happen because we got high," Owen mused, breaking the silence.

"Yeah should we just skip the monthly drug tests this month then Jack?" Tosh asked smirking.

Jack laughed slinging his arm around Gwen's shoulders and pulling her tight against him, "That's probably for the best."

FINIS

So I got like ten billion reviews asking me to set Ianto up with someone and there you have it, it was either some stranger in a bar of Myfanwy...and you can all come to your own conclusions as to whether they hit it off get married have the perfect dream life or whether they just have lots of hot mansex and break up after a few weeks or whatever.

I can't believe that's the end, I realise I put a ridiculously long A/N at the beginning so I won't ramble on here for too long but it has been one wild ride! Thanks for all your support, sorry if you didn't like the ending. I've said it before and I'll say it again I suck at writing endings.

Anyway I know there's no longer any incentive to write a review but you know you want to! Also ten cookies to anyone who recognised that the name I gave the alien was actually a pokemon name (yep I'm so unimaginative I had to be reduced to searching for inspiration from pokemon...hey I used to be obsessed!)