May 18

I have spent the last few days happy, blissfully tending to the garden gifted to me from Uncle. It has turned in to a haven for us, as only those with my express permission are allowed to enter the garden.

Kazuma had expressed a desire to help me tend to my plants, and although I had discouraged her, she insisted on carrying a few watering cans full of water from the well – "like what a Tortallan would do". The next day she said her back was so stiff she could barely breathe. She spent the day in bed. After that, she appeared to have given up the idea of any kind of labor.

Today, while Kazuma was watching me work, she suddenly remarked, "They say that people who like summer flowers die in the summer. I wonder if that is true?" I did not answer, but went on gently spraying the bonsai trees. It . She continued softly, "I am very fond of chrysanthemums, but you don't have a single one in your garden."

"We have plenty of tulips" Haname said sharply. She was referring to the new type of flower brought over by the Tortallan ambassador.

"I don't like them. I like almost all summer flowers, but tulips aren't very pretty."

"I like roses best." Yuki said delicately. She was on the side of the garden, reading a book and embroidering at the same time. "But they bloom in all four seasons in Tortall. I wonder if people who like roses best have to die four times over again."

Haname and I both laughed gently.

"Won't you rest a bit?" Kazuma asked me, a smile fixed in place. "I have something I would like to talk to you about."

"If it's about your dying, no thanks."

I thought I heard a rather unladylike snort, but when I looked around Haname was very focused on practicing her magic, and Yuki was completely absorbed in her book.

I followed Kazuma to a bench under the wisteria trellis. The air was thick with their perfume, and the velvety afternoon sunlight filtered through the flowers and dyed our laps purple.

"There's something I have been wanting to tell you for quite a while, but I have been waiting for when the moment seems right. You see, it's not a very easy thing to discuss. But today I feel somehow as if I can talk about it. I ask you please to restrain yourself and listen until I have finished. The truth is that I have discovered that your brother had a child."

I stiffened all over.

"And how do you know this?" I asked, trying to keep my voice from going cold. Kazuma's face was a bright shade of pink, almost the same color as her hair ornaments.

"I – I… well, you know" she ended lamely. She smoothed the symbol of the Princess Royale's household sewn on to her sleeves with trembling fingers. "You had a letter…"

I interrupted her rudely, though I was pleased to note that my voice was still soft and composed. "And how many others know of this letter?"

"A few," Kazuma's voice was so soft I had to strain to hear it. Her hands were childishly wringing the cloth of her kimono. "I thought – I hoped – if I told you that maybe you could help me. I don't –"

"Show me what was written," I said, although I wanted desperately to avoid looking at it.

Kazuma looked at the ground, lip trembling. "I gave it to my mother."

"You fool." I cut in, not bothering now to hide my distain. "Surely you know that such a child – an illegitimate member of the Imperial family - would be killed."

Large, fat tears spilled down from Kazuma's face on to her lap. "Please" she begged "please. I do not want to go to Tortall. I will die if I go to Tortall. I do not belong there."

"I will consider your request." I replied coldly. I almost added 'though you needn't worry. Good people are the ones who die young. Scoundrels live a long time. The honest are the ones who die'. Instead I stood up and left, leaving her sitting alone of the bench.

I have been sitting in my veranda, thinking. I wish I had not burnt my brother's letters. I cannot even remember the name of the Tortallan maid he was in love with. Mary?

I would like to say that my brother has surprised me, but after everything that I have read about my brother I cannot say that I am. I am positive that he never married whoever bore him a child – surely I would have been told of this. Such a child, a bastard child, would not only be cast out of the Imperial Circle, but also disqualified as a human being. Would I even be permitted to continue in the marriage to Prince Roald?

Oh brother, how could you?

Sorry, I sat on this one for a while - wasn't sure of it.