Me and Him.
When I first reached him, I was astonished. So different from myself…
His eyes were wide and innocent, shining with trust as he looked at me and coked his head. Yes. He noticed. I looked familiar to him. And no wonder. We were the same. We were twins. We were actually one person.
Yet we weren't.
With second look he frowned. I could see the thoughts running through his head even before his lips parted and the question has been voiced…. But it wasn't the question I expected.
"You look sad… what happened?"
I almost blinked. But managed to keep my own face blank. Sad? I wasn't sad. I was just sober. I was just experienced. I just knew things he never even thought of. I knew what solitude was.
I rejected everything I ever had. Why keep anything if it only makes you fall into grief after you lose it? No. I didn't' have anything close to me anymore. Anything. Anyone. There was only me. Only me. Alone. Me alone.
…not anymore apparently.
The third time he looked at me, he smiled. More grinned actually. Now I really blinked. My eyes asked him instead of my mouth.
"What."
His smile just widened. So innocent…. I shake my head mentally. So trusting. So naïve. So gullible… so foolish.
"You seem lonely, aren't you?"
I frowned ever so slightly. Yes. In a way, I was lonely. But it was rather normal considering that I was simply alone. It didn't bother me though. I learned it to be better that way. He didn't know though.
"Don't worry. I'll stay with you."
I raise my head and look at him blankly. He's still smiling at me. I want this smile to vanish, but I want it to last. I want to melt into this innocent expression. I want to trust. But I never trust. No one. Except myself.
But the again. He is me. So… does it mean I can trust him?
I shake my head.
No. He's not the me that is trustworthy. Because he trusts others. He cares for others. More than for himself. More than for me. I shouldn't trust him. He'll go away. Everyone does. He'll choose them over me. A bunch of idiots nearly as gullible as himself. He fits there. I don't.
I sigh.
My eyes turn hard and cold and blank again as I look up at him.
And the fourth time he looks at me, he seems puzzled.
With my expression. Or rather it's lack. As I give him an answer to his offer.
"No."
……………………………………
Now I observe him. His figure curled up in the darkness of his mind, where I am. His back turned at me. It almost makes me hurt. Almost. But I rejected everything. Including my feelings. He can't make me feel. Even he can't.
Some friend of his tries to call him back from his self-redemption.
He won't succeed. I interrupt him automatically. Not that any interruption is needed. He is so deep in his sorrow that he can't get back now. But I keep talking. I keep sipping words, feelings, thoughts into him. And he doesn't' even struggle against it anymore.
Finally the trespasser is forced to go away from him. From me.
And when he looks at me for the fifth time, his eyes are blank and golden, face emotionless.
I feel something stir inside of me. I feel proud that I showed him the truth…. But this isn't pride. I raise my hand to my chest. It keeps aching ever so slightly that I could easily ignore it. But I can't for it never did so before. I think deeply for a while.
No. It used to hurt like that. But it was long ago and I already forgot how it felt. I shove the thought away and focus on him.
He just stays still in front of me, motionless, emotionless, empty. Locked up in himself. In me.
There. I broke him.
He will never smile at me again.
….gods, what have I done?
Okinata: There. I don't even know why I wrote such a story. I think it has something to do with the fact that I was actually wondering about Haou's thoughts on one of my pictures I'm currently drawing. So yeah. I just kinda trailed off on them... and ended up writing a story . It's short, I know. But... yeah. I like it. It's kinda different after all this fluff in Hush and Nothing Is What It Seems...