Disclaimer: If I owned Naruto Sasuke wouldn't have deserted, terrible things would happen to Orochimaru on a routine basis, and Naruto wouldn't be such a terrible dunce.

Chapter 2: Here But Gone

Sanada Hiruko was a fair woman. At least, she liked to think so, and she was fairer than most of the general human populace. She didn't like to judge people from what she'd heard or where they were from or who their family was. She made an effort to not form any opinion of a person until they met in person, or she got information from a reliable source that was not just another person's opinion. That was why, of any other doctor the head-of-hospital could have assigned, she was chosen to look after Uzumaki Naruto, a.k.a the fox-brat. She didn't complain, even though she knew what he really was. But she wanted to complain, especially after completing the examination. He had his own chakra, the Kyuubi's chakra, and another chakra in his system; only it was still his. It was as if his own chakra had been split in two, had a bit of the Kyuubi's chakra added, and then a bit of foreign lightning natured chakra added to the mix to spice things up a bit. The third, combined chakra was smaller than Naruto's and more chaotic than the Kyuubi's, and it was baffling her. She decided to leave it out in her report to the Hokage, because really, it was impossible! And after she reported to the Hokage, she was going to go ask her boss for a long vacation…

Fire fell from the sky in the shape of raindrops, falling onto the flat, grey stone ground and on his skin. The drops didn't burn, and instead warmed his skin where they touched it, then fizzled into nothing. The ground was unscathed as well. He danced in it, in this un-burning fire. He stopped when he heard a scream. He turned around, and his eyes widened when he saw Konoha burning behind him. Tsunade was suddenly in front of him, telling him to stop. He tried to ask her what she was talking about, but he found he couldn't speak. Jiraiya, Kakashi, and Iruka appeared behind her chanting for him to stop and staring at him. They all had holes in their chests where their hearts should have been, but no blood flowed out. Tsunade's necklace was wrapped tightly around her neck.

Suddenly the rookie nine and Gai's team appeared, pointing at him and screaming unintelligible words. Soon, though, he could make out their words to be 'monster' and 'demon'. All of them were missing their eyes, their empty sockets glowing red. Everyone was dressed as he knew them he was twelve; everyone but Sasuke. He was charging at him in the outfit he had taken to wearing after Orochimaru's training, and his Sharingan eyes were blazing, three tomoe spinning wildly in each eye. He stopped right in front of him, the tip of his sword centimeters from Naruto's throat. The two former friends stood there as the screaming from the village and the genin echoed around them. Then the screams and echoes suddenly came together into a single, terrible, blood-chilling scream whose echoes alone sounded like more awful screams themselves. And suddenly, it all stopped.

Naruto looked out, spotting a slim blond man in place of Konoha and the people he knew. He had been in the distance when he first saw him, but suddenly Naruto found himself right in front of the man. The mysterious man paid no attention to him though, as if he weren't even there. The world had turned into a pure white space, and they were standing even though there was no surface to set their feet on. The strange person was holding a light grey bundle of cloth wrapped around something Naruto couldn't identify from his current angle. He dipped the bundle down as if he was performing some strange dance, but as he brought the bundle back up again, his arm kept extending up; the bundle rocketed into the sky and the blond man was suddenly gone. The bundle seemed to hang in midair, and Naruto suddenly found himself next to the bundle and slowly leaning over to look.

In the bundle, he saw…something that could only be described as a monster.(1)

Naruto jerked into an upright position, his mouth open in a silent scream. His hands were weakly clenching the thin white sheets the hospital provided, and his bedclothes were clinging to his sweaty body. He sat for a moment with his mouth and eyes wide, then gasped and breathed in much-needed air. He was hyperventilating, and his chest was rising and falling rapidly with each breath. He heard a loud, frequent beeping along with a louder thumping in his ears going at the same tempo, and his eyes landed on a machine that he knew was a heart monitor. His brain didn't have time to register the fact before the door burst open, letting in a short, dark-haired woman and the Hokage.

"Are you all right?" Sandaime asked him as they hurried to his bedside. The woman was putting two fingers on his neck, and he almost shied away from her touch. After a couple seconds she gathered healing green chakra around her other hand and laid it on his chest. He heard the pounding in his ears recede, and the tension in his chest lessoned. He let loose a sigh, and allowed himself to be helped back onto the bed.

"You had a nightmare, didn't you?" she said, not unkindly. She looked harried, with dark circles around her eyes that reminded him slightly of Gaara. He dark hair was piled into a simple bun atop her head, but several clumps of hair were falling out of it, including one lock of hair that hung stubbornly just over her left eye.

"Yeah," he said tiredly. The Hokage's worried face disappeared, and he made a motion towards the open door. Naruto could hear someone shut it.

"Must have been quite the nightmare, kid," the woman said with wry humor.

"Ah yes," Sandaime cut in. "Naruto, this is your doctor, Sanada Hiruko." He motioned towards the short woman, who bowed and smiled softly at him. He found himself returning her smile with a wide one of his own, just out of habit. He loved it when people smiled at him – it didn't happen very often.

"Kid, I'm rethinking my decision to let you go to the Academy today, but…What do you think? You still wanna go?" she said as she gave the still beeping heart monitor a kick.

Naruto, knowing what was required of him, nodding vigorously and said something that made him strangely nostalgic, "Believe it!"

"All right children," the scarred man said. "Time to take role." He was a man of average height and build, with tanned skin, dark hair and a scar across his nose. "Arume Kishumi," Umino Iruka called. Before the boy named could respond, a pink-haired girl sitting two rows in front of him and three seats to the right cut him off.

"Um, excuse me? Iruka-sensei?" she said. Her hand was in the air, positioned like one who had their hand up a lot; not all the way in the air, and the fingers relaxed. The smart people who answered most of the questions in class also tended to be smart enough to figure out ways so their arms don't get too sore. Haruno Sakura was one of them. "What happened yesterday? We were all told that it wasn't a threat or anything, but what was that…feeling? What was that scream?"

Iruka sighed. "I don't have the clearance to tell you, Sakura. And I'm not entirely sure myself." 'That's not a total lie, but I really don't have the right to tell them,' he added mentally, sneaking a discreet look at Naruto. The blond boy was drooping in his seat, playing with a pen in his hands.

Uchiha Sasuke narrowed his dark eyes as he caught what Iruka was looking at. What was wrong with the dead-last today? He was hardly talking, and Iruka and Mizuki both kept glancing at him. He glared at the normally boisterous boy, and was startled when said boy brought his head up to stare back at him. His blue eyes held an edge Sasuke hadn't seen before, and he felt himself shiver involuntarily as those impossibly blue eyes seemed to look into his very soul. He felt exposed, and in a totally un-Uchiha-like action, he turned away, unable to face Naruto's gaze. His body relaxed as he felt a sort of pressure lift from him. 'What the hell was that? Is that really the dead-last?' He chanced another look at Naruto, who was back to fiddling with his pen. Sasuke looked to the front of the room, managing to keep his voice normal as he responded to his name being called.

Iruka finished role-call, and went to put the clipboard away as Mizuki took over. "As you all know, tomorrow is the genin exam." Naruto visibly tensed at this. "Today we're going to do something fun." The students tensed in anticipation. "A boys vs. girls activity tournament!" This statement was met with blank looks.

Iruka cleared his throat as he came back to the front of the room and said, "That's right, everyone. The boys and girls will be on opposing teams, and will go up against each other in a series of events. This activity will last most of the day, so it will be the only thing we do today."

"Boys on that side of the room, girls over there," Mizuki said, gesturing to each side. "Hurry up everyone, get into your groups." Everyone got up and footsteps and voices filled the room. "Each team pick a captain."

With that statement the voices got louder, and quickly the boys team selected Sasuke (much to Naruto's apparent disappointment). The girls took a little longer, but eventually a green-eyed, white haired girl named Oren was made captain. "Captain's step forward." The black-haired boy and the white-haired girl went to the front of the class and were given sheets of paper by the teachers. They followed the two men out of the room as the rest of the class hurried to catch up, insults flying through the air between the two teams.

The genin were led outside and to a forest, one that they had been in many times before on past Academy trips and activities. "All right everyone," Mizuki said loudly. "Your task is to retrieve an item. Your team captains have each been given a sheet of paper with a…hint at what the item is. Each team must figure out what their item is, obtain that item, and bring it back here and present it to Iruka and myself. You must have your entire team present when you present your object. Whichever team succeeds first wins this round. The team who has won the most activities at the end of the day will receive a special prize." There was some excited murmuring.

"Ready…begin!" Both teams leapt away into the forest, as far from each other as possible.

With the boys

"Stop," Sasuke said quietly. Everyone obeyed almost instantly, even Naruto. Sasuke took the sheet of paper out from his weapons pouch on his leg, unfolding it. He handed the paper to Shikamaru. "Read it," he ordered curtly.

"Huh?" the Nara said slowly. "Maaa…so troublesome," he drawled. Then he looked down at the paper and sighed, then started to read.

"I lie in wait, on the ground

Most anyplace I can be found

Sometimes in trees, blending in

I'm rarely found among my own kin

I see with smell, taste the air

Some of me are very rare

I've got no hands and no feet

To feel my bite is less than a treat."

"…"

"…"

"…"

"Teachers wrote this." Kiba said at last, and everyone nodded reluctantly. "That…is so sad." More nods.

"Any suggestions?" Sasuke said.

"It could be some sort of insect," Shino said, startling everyone.

"It's not bugs," Shikamaru drawled. "If it was, it would be too easy. You would be able to call it to you, and we'd have an unfair advantage over the girls." Everyone reluctantly agreed with this. Meanwhile, Naruto was thinking, but not about what they were supposed to find. Naruto had recovered enough to attend the Academy that day, but his body still ached and he had pushed down the bulk of his emotions until he had some more alone time to control himself. So right now, he was able to think rather clearly about everything that was currently going on, but…he didn't remember this game happening before. The day before the exam, at least the last time he had been twelve, they just did review. How could it be this different? He had hardly done anything yet, how could he have made a change like this? Then it occurred to him. 'I came,' he thought. 'My arrival here. It put me in the hospital, and Mizuki did say we were doing something fun today. So…this is for me?' he concluded. 'Awww…I'm touched.' Then he turned his attention back to the activity just in time for Shikamaru to say, "It's a snake." Naruto tensed. "Think about it. What else fits the whole description? Snakes are found on the ground and in trees, are usually alone, and they smell with their tongues. Some of them are very rare, they don't have limbs, and some of them are poisonous. It all fits," he concluded, yawning.

"It does," Sasuke agreed, barely acknowledging Shikamaru's expert use of logic. "Split up!" he told his team. "If anyone finds a snake, capture it and whistle this tune." Then Sasuke whistled, first a long, high note, followed by two low notes, the former lower than the latter. "Everyone got it?" The boys nodded. "Good. Break!"

With the girls

"Alright, who wants to read it? Ah, thank you for volunteering, Sakura. Here," Oren said as she handed the other girl the paper. All the girls were clustered in a tight circle on the forest floor, and two girls were keeping watch for boys as the others focused on the paper and the pink-haired girl holding it. Sakura read the poem, and there was a moment of unbroken silence. The girls were disturbed from their silent horror at the lameness of their clue by the sound of a breaking tree limb in the distance.

"So…" Ino said. "This was written by the teachers, right?" Everyone, including the sentries, nodded. "Men," she scoffed. Everyone shook their heads at the pitiful opposite gender.

"Um…" Oren began. "Anyone got any ideas?" This time they all shrugged. "Damn. Let's brainstorm," she said, pulling out a small, blank scroll and a pen. "Any ideas?"

"Spiders!" suggested a girl with short blond hair and rectangular glasses. "Some of them are poisonous, and they can be found on the ground and in the trees, and you usually find them alone."

"Yeah, but they've got legs," interjected a girl with a too-large shirt.

"But not feet! And they don't have hands," a girl with a sword strapped to her back pointed out.

"Okay, okay! I'll write spiders down. Any other ideas?" Oren said, not wanting her team to get out of hand. Silence met her question. It was broken by the rustling of leaves, and the two sentries pointed their weapons at the source of the sound while the other girls had their hands hovering near their weapons. A female voice came through the bushes, saying, "B-boys suck."

All the girls relaxed, recognizing the password and the voice (and stuttering) of their spy. "Jeeze, Hinata, don't scare us like that," said a girl with a red, blotchy birthmark on one side of her face. Hinata stuttered an apology.

"So?" said Ino. "What did you find out?" Hinata mumbled something.

"Speak up, Hinata," Oren said in an authoritative voice.

"The b-boys figured o-out it's a snake," she stuttered.

"How did they figure it out before us? They're boys!"

"Who cares, let's go!"

"Stop!" Oren said loudly. Then she addressed Hinata again. "Hinata, could you use your Byakugan to find a snake?" Hinata blushed and nodded, forming a handsign.

"Byakugan!" she said quietly. The veins around her eyes bulged and an outline of a pupil appeared in each of her pale irises. The girls waited for a moment, and Hinata released her Byakugan. She turned and pointed. "There's one in ab-bout…thirty-six meters in t-that direction." The Hyuuga heiress blushed as the other girls complimented her. Everyone moved towards the direction Hinata had seen the snake. She activated her Byakugan again when they got there and pointed to the snake, unwilling to pick it up to herself. Oren went over and carefully picked up the snake, quickly grabbing its head in a way that it couldn't bite her.

"All right girls," she said, smirking (in an eerily Sasuke-ish way). "Let's move out!"

With the boys

The boys were not having much luck. "Look, maybe we should just use a genjutsu on a stick and show them that. We're not going to find anything." The speaker was a tall boy with short, dirty blond hair and dirty clothes. He had fallen in a mud pit while searching for a snake.

The boys had started out searching alone or in pairs, but after hearing all the screams and breaking branches and whatnot, Sasuke had whistled to gather the boys and had had them search in a group. Then, at least, they could get help from each other if harm befell any of them.

"They're chunin! They'd be able to detect it easily. Plus, this isn't the only event today," said a short boy with messy hair that fell into his eyes.

"Hyutsuko's right. We'll have more chances to beat the girls." Naruto listened exasperatedly as an argument broke out. He knew the scent of snakes, and could sniff one out easily, but…should he? Kiba hadn't been able to; he didn't know what snakes smelled like. Maybe he should let it bite him or something so it looked like finding it was an accident? He mentally sighed, deciding on his course of action. He meandered over to the base of a large tree, and started groping around in between the roots (which were partially above ground) while the boys' shouts filled his ears. His fingers brushed against scales, and his reflexes made him grab the snake before his brain could catch up. He pulled the snake out, a slightly sadistic smile on his face as he felt it squirm. He hated snakes – he blamed Orochimaru.

Naruto held the snake up in front of him, squatting on the ground with his free hand resting on his leg. The snake was long and black, staring at him hatefully with yellow eyes. The end of its tail rested on the forest floor, and he glared back at it while he wondered whether it was poisonous or not. Kyuubi could handle most poisons, but they hurt for some reason… As Shikamaru would say, 'How troublesome…'

"Oi, Naruto!" Naruto tensed when he heard Kiba's voice, almost dropping his snake. "You found one?" Naruto took a deep breath, and his brain kicked into overdrive.

"You bet I did!" he said loudly, jumping to his feet and brandishing the snake at Kiba. "Pretty nice one, huh?" he said, holding the snake out to show Kiba. He had changed his grip so he was holding it around the middle, something the snake had noticed (as did he; he did it intentionally). Naruto yelped as he felt the snake's fangs sink into his arm, and he dropped it on the ground as he clutched at his arm. It began to slither away, until it was snatched up by Sasuke (and held in the correct position).

"Hn. Dead-last," Sasuke said, smirking. Naruto glared at him, or at least appeared to. He was actually glaring at the snake, even though he knew (and had counted on the fact) that it would bite him. He really didn't like snakes.

Sasuke whistled, and all the boys turned to him. Their eyes widened when they saw the snake, and – coming to the obvious conclusion – they immediately started congratulating him. Naruto gaped, and started cursing under his breath.

'That's Sasuke, all right,' he thought in a mixture of annoyance and nostalgia. 'Just as much of a bastard as ever.'

The boys arrived at the end of the forest just in time to see Oren hand a grey-brown snake to Mizuki, who quickly ran it through his hands (careful not to let it bite him). There was a figurative black cloud over the boys' heads as they trudged over to Iruka and Sasuke handed him the black snake. The two teachers switched snakes, and after both teachers had checked both snakes, the two chunin stood up from their perches on a pile of boulders.

"The winner for this round is the girls team!" Iruka announced with a smile while Mizuki wrote something down on a clipboard. The boys visibly drooped. "We will now move on to the next event. Follow us," he said as he started walking back towards the Academy, Mizuki following close behind. The ninja-in-training exchanged looks and followed their teachers back to the building. They were led into a classroom and told to sit down, girls on the left, boys on the right. At the front of the class was a large sheet of paper. Drawn on it was a grid, with the top row reading things such as "Ninkai Wars", "Strategy and Tactics", and more. Under each heading was a column of numbers, going from 100 all the way to 600. Two cardboard boxes sat on the ground in front of the grid.

"Well class, I think most of you have probably already guessed what we're doing. For those who haven't," Mizuki gave Naruto and a few others a meaningful look, "We will be doing a quiz game!"

"Here I have two boxes of kunai. Each team will get a box. In the girls' box, the wrapping around the kunai have been dyed red. The boys' kunai have blue. Team captains, please come get your teams' kunai." Oren and Sasuke complied. "Teams will take turns answering questions. You will also rotate within teams for whose turn it is to answer questions. Whoever is up will take one of their team's kunai and throw it at the board. Whatever numbered box it lands in is the question you answer. If you don't hit a number, your team loses its turn. Aiming at the specific sections and numbers wouldn't hurt you either. You may consult your team when answering questions. You have a certain amount of time for each question, and if you exceed your time limit, the other team may try to answer the question. The topics are at the top of the grid, and all numbers under the heading are questions on that topic. The higher the number in the box, the harder the question, and the more points you get for a correct answer. We will end the game when it is time for lunch or when there are no more questions left.

"Any questions about the activity?" he finished, surveying the students. Some looked confused, others exasperated, and a few were excited. "Good. The girls will go first, since they won the last event."

The girls huddled together for a moment, and then Sakura stepped forward. She took a kunai from the box, aimed, and threw it at the board. It landed with a soft thunk in the '300' box under the heading 'Tools of the Trade'.

Iruka went through a stack of cards in his hands, taking one out and looking at it. "Tools of the Trade for 300," he read. "You are facing seven opponents and have three kunai. You can only use kunai to defeat you enemy. What is the most efficient way to use your resources?" Sakura turned back to her team, whispered something in Oren's ear, and turned back to the front when the white haired girl nodded.

"Charge the enemy and cut them with the kunai, only throwing them when necessary. Retrieving thrown kunai is advisable, if at all possible," she said confidently, beaming when Iruka said her answer was correct. For their turn, the boys chose Sasuke as their first representative. He threw one of his team's kunai, and Iruka went through the cards again. "Poisons and Cures for 400," Iruka said, glancing at the card. "What three plants should be mixed together to counteract the Motomori Poison? List what parts of each plant need to be used as well."

Sasuke readily answered, "Oleander root, Sword-Salal stem, and the leaves from a Nerutho plant.(2)" Iruka confirmed his answer, and the Uchiha stepped down wearing a light smirk.

The game went on relatively calmly with a few questions missed and the options decreasing more and more with each turn. Things got interesting when it was Naruto's turn. Naruto reached into the boys' kunai box, which held significantly fewer weapons than what it had at the beginning. Naruto took aim, and released the kunai. It landed on a 200 box under Village History, burying itself into the board next to a red-wrapped kunai. "Hm…" Iruka said slowly. "We haven't had this before. How about we just let him try again?" he suggested, looking to Mizuki for conformation. He turned to the grid upon receiving it and yanked the blue-wrapped kunai out of the board, handing it back to Naruto. Naruto took aim again, and this time the kunai landed under Strategy and Tactics…for 600.

Naruto's mouth was drawn into a tight line and one of his eyebrows was twitching slightly, but inwardly he was laughing his head off. They should see the looks on their faces! He would be having trouble breathing if that were an issue for his inner self. His sides did hurt, however, from the effort of holding in his laughter.

"Ahem," Mizuki cleared his throat and quickly sifted through the remaining cards. "Strategy and Tactics for 600. Your mission is to retrieve a rare artifact for the collection of a wealthy businessman. You have one partner. The artifact is in a locked box, which in turn is held in a safe that is deep in the fortress of enemy ninja. How do you accomplish your task?"

Naruto turned back to his team, a look of sheepish worry plastered on his face. Most of his teammates were looking at him as if they thought he might catch fire or something if they glared hard enough. "So…um…" he said as he scratched the back of his head, inwardly congratulating himself on his awesome plan. He would get Shikamaru to show his brain sooner this time around!

"You don't know," Shikamaru drawled.

"Well of course he doesn't, he's an idiot," one of the boys cut in. Shikamaru didn't even bother to look at him.

"No, you don't get it. There's not enough information," Shikamaru elaborated. "You are not told how skilled your partner is, how many or how skilled the enemy ninja are, and you do not know anything about the layout of the fortress. Is it a mansion? A set of connected caves? You don't even know how powerful you are supposed to be in this scenario. Can you send for backup? You just don't know," he finished. Naruto mentally cursed. That wasn't genius, that was just common sense. None of the boys looked confused at Shikamaru's explanation, and no one looked at all surprised, either. 'That was a dumb question…' Naruto thought as he mentally pouted.

Naruto turned back towards the front and repeated Shikamaru's answer, faking a wide grin when it was deemed right.

The rest of the game went on without much trouble or interest, and by the time lunch came around, the boys had racked up enough points to win. A few insults, taunts, and bets were exchanged, and everyone ate lunch.

And then came the madness.

"Alright kids, settle down!" Iruka said as the ninja-in-training sat down in their seats. "We're about to start our next activity."

"We are doing…karaoke!" Mizuki said cheerily. His announcement was met with a collection of blank stares. When the students snapped out of their stupor, their reactions were mixed.

Sasuke had fixed the teacher with his patented Uchiha Glare of Pain and Death, occasionally switching the focus of his glare to Naruto – who was laughing and rolling around on the floor – before fixing it on Mizuki again. One of the girls was pointedly waving her sword in the air, screaming derogatory things about Mizuki's mother. Some girls were chattering excitedly, and a good deal of boys looked mildly ill. Oren was dragging the blade of a kunai across the desk, her glare just a couple notches below Sasuke's. Naruto's laughter died down, and he said, gasping, "You really had me there for a moment, Mizuki-sensei…"

Everyone turned to look at Naruto, whose cheeks were red and had a big smile on his face. "What did you say…?" Kiba growled.

Naruto stifled a snicker. Then, "You should see your faces!" Naruto said as he broke into another fit of laughter. To everyone's surprise, Mizuki suddenly burst into smoke. "Ha ha ha ha…!" Naruto's laughter died as he felt the weight of an entire room full of glares bore into the back of his head. He looked up from the ground, and instantly regretted it. "Uhem…can't you guys take a joke? Ah, no, stop!" Naruto shouted as the Wrath of Shinobi Scorned reigned down upon him. At that moment, as if on cue, Mizuki calmly walked into the room.

"What's going on here? All of you, get back to your seats!" he bellowed, brandishing a kunai at them. Everyone, including Naruto (who really shouldn't have been able to get up for at least another couple seconds) was in their seats almost instantly.

"Good. Now let's get started with this activity so we can wrap this up."

In the end, the girls won the tournament. And rubbed it in the guys' faces. A lot. And several girls collected several substantial bets, as did Shikamaru. Genius or not, Naruto hadn't thought he would have so little pride as to bet against his own team. 'Just like old times, though…before the war…' he thought, sitting on top of the Hokage mountain as he watched the last rays of sunlight disappear from the horizon. It was the first time he'd seen the sunset darken Konoha's whole and unbroken buildings in more than eight years.

Chapter Two: End

Author's Notes

1.Guah ha ha…lots of symbolism in this dream. The end part about the blond man is slightly stolen from the beginning of my other story, Hang On Until Tomorrow. See if you can figure out the symbolism in this dream. I'd love to hear your take on it.

2. I made up the Nerutho plant and added 'Sword' in front of salal, but Oleanders are actually a type of flower and salal is an actual type of plant. I didn't want to spend too long coming up with three little plants, so sorry if they're not to your satisfaction.