Kayy, so… this story makes no sense at all whatsoever.
My best friend and I wrote this during first period, seeing as how I'm getting home schooled in less than a week xD.
Our ideas were kind of, stupid, so we put them together for us to laugh at.
No LEMON! Duh, but this will prolly be enjoyable anyway.
NO FLAMES! Good jesus, I don't care if I spelled something wrong, or something looks stupid. It's a stupid story, Sasuke's WAY OOC, Narutos the smart one, to some extent xD.
READ AHEAD LOVES!
Sexy Time
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It was Saturday night.
Saturday freaking night and I had absolutely nothing to do.
Well, I do, now. It's the most logical thing you can possibly do on a Saturday night, that doesn't include masturbating to pictures of your friend's mom.
Ahem, anyway. I'm going to a bar.
Currently walking into one. Step, step, step...right, left, right...
Okay, now for my grand entrance...
---
A strange raven haired man suddenly burst into the unlocked doors of Konoha's one and only, gay bar. He seemed unaware of his surroundings, and ran into quite a few things on his way to the bar counter. He put a hand behind his head.
"A due."
A blond haired man turned his head away from the drinks, and cocked an eyebrow.
"Japan. Japanese?"
The black haired man seemed confused at first, but finally responded.
"Hola."
"I no speak espanol."
"Me no speaky Americano."
Thus, the male in front of him was beginning to ruin his nerve.
Not to say he wasnt...cute. He was quite tall, the blonde only coming up to his chin at the most. Onyx eyes, perfectly shaped face...
"I said a due."
"You do what?"
The male coughed, and continued. "Your mom."
"Really now? Seeing as how my mothers dead..."
"I meant to say, your dad."
"Dead."
Another cough. He seemed to be running out of ideas.
"Your brother's uncle sixteen times removed through marriage's cousin?"
...Silence.
"Oh, burn."
In attempt to bring up a ...normal conversation, the blond spoke almost inaudibly.
"So, what brings you to a gay bar?"
"Gay...as in happy?"
The blonde sighed. "No, gay as in the 'stick it up your buns' gay."
"So...man gay?"
"Yes, man gay."
He looked around, seeming confused.
"...I'm a male prostitute, and I sell cocaine in Bermuda."
"Bermuda, eh?"
"The one near that triangle."
The blonde noticed this was getting him nowhere, so he turned back around.
"Names Naruto."
"You can call me 'S'."
"Why 'S'?"
"I have trouble remembering names."
"Your own name?"
"Shit. Name...name..."
The raven male sat down. Rubbing his chin in confusion, probably still trying to figure out his own name. Oh, how helplessly confused he was.
He spoke. "So, wanna go bang the nasty?"
"Pick your nose?"
Now, it was the raven's turn to sigh.
"It's when I put my special fun stick, in-between those buns of yours, you mentioned earlier."
"I've ate one of those before! You dip it in that colored powder, bite it, and suck on it..."
"..."
"Ugh, fine let's go."
The raven smirked, and led the blonde out into the streets, through a series of houses...
---
"HOLY FUCKING SHIT! WHAT IS THIS?!"
Porn movies were playing in 3/6 rooms of the house. Moaning was coming in almost every direction.
"I was going to masturbate tonight, but I wanted to get out of the house."
"How many fucking rooms do you masturbate in?"
The raven started to think, and almost opened his mouth to answer.
"On second thought, don't answer that."
The blonde was lead into a bedroom, open window, which seemed soundproof to all of the noises coming from other rooms.
It was beautiful. The bed was a dark blue color, silk sheets, complementing the wallpaper.
The raven began to remove his clothes, and Naruto just stared.
"Hey. Get Naaakkkeeddd with me..." The raven whined.
A cocked eyebrow and arms began to tangle with buttons.
"HEY! SASUKE!" A really weird voice came from the window.
Both looked over, and Sasuke nearly jumped with excitement.
"TED!"
"SASUKE!" The raven looked confused...
"Who's Sasuke?"
Ted, the monkey, sighed.
"Sasuke, being you. 'S'."
"OH! Heyy, Blondie, that's my real name."
Monkey, Sexy raven, and 3/6 rooms moaning. What exactly did he get himself into?
"Okay. So this is Ted. I met him in Bermuda when I was trying to sell cocaine to a six year old."
"Six?!" He had nearly lost his mind.
Both men suddenly looked at the monkey, who was spinning his waist around in a circle, as someone would with a hula-hoop.
"Show me your GOLNATS!"
Eyes widened to paper plates as said monkey fell off of the window sill, landing painfully on his...
"AH! MY BALLS!"
Alas...
---
Finally, after much difficulty making sense...Two boys lay on the bed.
"So, what do I do now?"
Naruto glared. This man brings him all the way to his house, and doesn't even know what to do.
"Put the you-know-what in the you-know-where."
"Where's that?"
This man was hopeless!
"You see that hole in-between my gigantic globs of flesh down south?"
Sasuke looked in-between spread legs.
"That one?"
"YES! Stick your fun stick in there."
"Be right back."
Awkward silence, until Sasuke finally came back with a colored pack of...candy?
"I had trouble getting the stick out, but what color powder do you want? I prefer blue, but reds good--"
"SASUKE!"
"Hm?" The raven was licking the fun stick, getting the remains of colored powder off of it.
"Not the candy!"
"Oh..."
Ah...The blonde was getting nowhere...
Suddenly, a scream could be heard from a million miles away.
"NO! I AM NOT TALKING ABOUT A GODDAMN BANANA!"
---
To say at the least, this story has no ending. No plot, no setting, so I'm going to end it with a "And they lived Happily Ever AFTER!"
xD
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END!
OMG, I love this.
And you probably don't think its as funny as I do. You just have to know me and my best friend. Ahhaa.
:D