A/N: And a chapter for a chapter it is! ;) This is the last chapter of this story. Thanks for reading and reviewing - you've been great!

Chapter 8

"You're kidding me, right?"

Kate sent Abby a pained look. The young Goth was seated on Kate's couch, the coffee mug lifted halfway to her mouth, now slightly leaning forward to be able to look at Kate more closely, coffee forgotten.

It was a Saturday afternoon and they were both off work. Kate had suggested that Abby could come over to her place because they hadn't had time for a real talk in ages. And the only topic Abby was interested in right now, of course, was Kate's and Tony's relationship.

"You're not kidding," Abby concluded, seeing the look Kate was giving her. "Oh my! Not once?"

Kate shook her head. "We decided to take things slowly."

"But it's been three weeks!" Abby exclaimed. "And you love each other. What are you waiting for?"

Kate shrugged. To be honest, she had asked herself the same question. It had been a good idea for them not to jump into bed on the first night, but by now they knew for certain what they wanted and there wasn't really a reason to wait anymore – but loads of reasons not to wait; like the fact that she was going nuts, for example.

"Is it the two of you who want to wait or just one? Do you feel you aren't ready yet, Kate?"

Kate felt the heat rise in her cheeks. "Sorry to have to turn your world upside down, but it actually is Tony who doesn't want to…well I don't know if he doesn't want to, but he's definitely the one who's stopping us." Kate let out a deep sigh and took a sip from her coffee to keep her hands occupied. She was a tiny bit embarrassed by the topic, even though Abby was her best friend.

"Have you talked about it?" Abby asked when she had regained her ability to speak.

Kate shrugged. "Not really. You know I don't like to…I'm not good at talking about it."

"With 'it' you mean sex?" Abby asked matter-of-factly.

Kate bit her bottom lip and nodded. "I just never seem to be able to get out a coherent sentence when talking about it. And I definitely don't know how to raise the subject."

Abby sighed. She knew Kate was not as prude as some people thought she was - and she definitely didn't have a problem with the thing itself - but sometimes she really tended to be a bit inhibited when it came to discussing these matters.

"So you haven't told Tony that you'd like to sleep with him?" Abby asked, just to make sure.

Kate lifted her right shoulder up to her ear in a strangely lopsided shrug. "Not really," she muttered.

"But you do want to, right?"

Kate's gaze met Abby's for a short moment and Abby saw the glittering in her friend's eyes.

"Oh yes!" Kate said, blushing a little and burying her face in her hands.

"And has Tony given you a reason why he still wants to wait?" Abby wanted to know.

"We said in the beginning that we wanted to take things slowly. I guess he's just trying to respect that. But with slowly I meant a couple of dates. Now it's been three weeks and we're seeing each other almost every night. I have no idea how long he wants to wait."

"I guess you should really ask him."

"I know!" Kate groaned. "But what…? I mean, what if…?"

"What?" Abby asked gently, feeling that there was something really bothering Kate. She leant over to her and took her hand in hers. "What is it, Kate?"

"It's nothing, just that I keep thinking…Maybe he doesn't want to sleep with me, you know?"

Abby gave her the most incredulous look she was capable of, which wasn't difficult seeing what Kate had just said. "Are you kidding me?" she exclaimed. "Tony is practically undressing you with his eyes every time you are in the same room with him."

"Then why doesn't he when he has the opportunity to really do it?" Kate sighed, frustrated. She hadn't planned to discuss this with Abby because she'd known that her friend would tell her that she was being stupid. And most of the time Kate knew she was. But she also started to really have doubts and the fact that her boyfriend had a long, long history of dating women whose cup size out-measured that of their IQ didn't help the matter. Kate was well aware that she wasn't exactly ugly herself, but she'd always had some problems thinking of herself as sexy.

"Kate," Abby said to get her friend's attention. "What exactly do you and Tony do when you're alone? I mean, you're making out sometimes, right?"

Kate nodded and a small smile started to tug at the corners of her mouth. "Yeah." They definitely did. Usually, watching a movie together was only another word for having a really steamy make-out session on the couch. But at some point Tony always stopped them. On some occasions he let them go farther than on others. Some nights ago Kate had lost her shirt for the first time and she still had goose bumps rise all over her body at the memory of Tony's lips on her bare skin. But he had stopped them just like all the other nights before they lost any more clothes.

"What am I supposed to do?" Kate asked, sounding desperate.

"Have you tried seducing him?"

"What?"

Abby shrugged innocently, smiling at the outraged expression on her friend's face. "All I'm saying is that just because Tony is hesitating, doesn't mean you have to give in all the time. Just show him what he's missing."

"No," Kate said silently. "I couldn't. I mean…I would make a fool of myself."

'And what if he turns me down again?' she added in her thoughts. It would definitely be the most embarrassing moment in her life.

"Kate, I really think you should talk to him," Abby said. "Tell him that you're ready."

Kate nodded slowly, but didn't answer.

"Is he coming over tonight?" Abby wanted to know.

"Yeah. He's bringing takeout."

"Then do it tonight. Don't wait any longer if this is bothering you so much."

--

When Abby was gone, Kate was thinking a lot about what her friend had told her. Should she really try to seduce Tony? But how on Earth was she supposed to do that? She was definitely not going to strip and she usually didn't feel comfortable in seductive lingerie. She didn't think this was going to work for her. But when she was standing in front of her closet later, thinking about what to wear tonight, she realized that maybe she shouldn't push away Abby's idea right away. After all, when women dressed up for men, there was always some idea of seduction behind it. Whenever she looked at a piece of garment she wondered how Tony would like it on her. She wanted to look good for him. She could also wear sweat pants and a T-shirt tonight, but she definitely wouldn't. So if she was going to dress nicely anyway, why not try and look extra nice tonight?

One hour later Kate had found out two things: the first was that she owned an awful lot of clothes that she'd never worn. The other was that almost all those clothes were exactly what she was looking for tonight.

First she chose a lacy black and red bra with matching panties. Then she put on a white skirt that only went down to her mid thigh and played nicely around her legs. She combined it with a brown shirt that was a perfect mixture of tight and yet flowing, still leaving things to the imagination. She didn't apply a lot of makeup, and she let her hair down. No jewelry except for her cross.

When she looked into the mirror she was very pleased with what she saw. She had managed to make herself look sexy, but not cheap and that was exactly what she'd wanted. She wanted Tony to drool when he saw her, but didn't want to remind him of the women he usually dated.

--

Tony arrived at seven. Kate let him in and - as usual - the nagging doubts she had been having all day just vanished as soon as she saw him. She stepped into his arms and accepted the kiss he gave her, already feeling her knees go weak.

When they broke out of the kiss, Tony placed his hands on her hips and held her at an arms length to look at her.

"Wow!" he said, not finding any other words to describe her. "You look…Wow!"

"Thank you," Kate said, smiling sweetly at him and disappearing in the direction of the kitchen, adding a little extra sway to her walk. She smiled to herself when she noticed that Tony almost stumbled over his own two feet as he tried to follow her as quickly as possible.

In the kitchen he set the bags with the food on the counter and watched Kate stretch up to get plates down from a cupboard.

"What have you done today?" he asked, to keep his mind on something other than the sight of her legs in that skirt.

"Abby came over," Kate answered, setting the plates down and starting to unpack the boxes Tony had brought.

Tony stepped closer and ran a hand up her arm. "Did you talk about anything interesting?" he wanted to know.

"Yeah, we talked about my other boyfriend."

"The one you're keeping secret from me?"

"Exactly."

"How is he doing?"

"Not so good. He says he's sick of having to hide in the closet all the time."

Tony grinned and Kate also smiled. She leaned forward and caught Tony's lips in a gentle kiss, feeling how his hands came up to stroke her hair. Immediately, the temperature in the room seemed to rise considerably. Kate didn't care one bit about dinner tonight. She wanted to drag Tony into the bedroom and stay there until the next morning.

But Tony obviously had different plans. He soon pulled out of the kiss and the next moment he was opening the fridge and scanning its contents. "What are you drinking?" he asked casually.

Kate loved the way he felt at home in her apartment, but sometimes she wanted to hit him for how he always managed to just go back to his routine while her head was still buzzing with the memory of the kisses they shared.

"I'll have white wine," she said after a pause. Screw him! She hated how easy it was for him to turn her into putty in his hands while he seemed to remain unaffected by it all. She was really starting to consider what Abby had suggested earlier. She couldn't just continue doing nothing at all.

They ate in the kitchen and talked about nothing in particular. The conversation was flowing easily between them like it always did, but Kate was not only talking; she was also using each and every tiny excuse she could find to touch Tony - and if she didn't find one, she touched him just the same. She would take his hand in hers and hold it for some moments, touch his arm or face, and she also ran her foot along his leg under the table. When Tony stumbled over his own words once or twice, she smiled sweetly at him, not giving away that she was doing it on purpose.

"D-do you want some more wine?" Tony asked. They had finished eating and had spent the last minute just looking at each other while Kate's foot had reached Tony's thigh.

She shook her head no and smiled at him before she got up and walked around the table to stand behind him. Slipping her arms around his chest, she bent down and brushed her lips over his ear.

"Come with me," she whispered, reaching for his hand.

Without a word, Tony followed her out of the kitchen and into the living room and sat down on the couch as she told him to, putting his arms around her when she settled on his lap. Holding his gaze with hers, she placed her hands on either side of his neck and rubbed her thumbs over his skin. Her face slowly approached his until she could feel his breath on her face. He tried to kiss her, but she pulled away just enough to evade the touch of his lips, chuckling softly when a sound of protest escaped him. His hands slowly crept around her waist and up her back until he could pull her to him to finally kiss her.

Like always, kissing him took her breath away, but Kate didn't allow herself to get carried away. She wanted to be the one in control only once. As the kiss went on, Kate slowly shifted her weight and slid off Tony's lap, but only to straddle him one second later. Tony's hands found her hips to steady her and pull her closer at the same time. While his hands started to roam over her back, Kate's fingers played with the top button of Tony's shirt and finally undid it. The second button followed, so did the third. Without breaking the kiss, Kate opened all the buttons on Tony's shirt and, when she was finished, pushed the garment off his shoulders. Tony let go of Kate to take his shirt off completely and Kate, seizing the opportunity, whipped his tank top over his head as well. That, of course, interrupted their kiss and they took a moment to look at each other.

"Kate…" Tony started, but she silenced him by placing her right index finger across his lips.

"Shush," she whispered before kissing him again.

Her hands started to explore the exposed skin of his chest and shoulders, almost shy at first, but soon getting bolder. She placed a line of kisses down the side of his neck and shoulder, her hands feeling the muscles of his upper arms. She loved to feel his skin under her hands; it was so soft under her touch.

"Kate," he whispered, this time not objecting, merely giving way to some of his emotions.

Kate placed a soft kiss on his lips before looking at him. His hands had wandered under the hem of her shirt and were resting on the bare skin of her back. Kate could feel her skin burn where he was touching her. Slowly, not breaking eye contact with him, she lifted her arms up over her head, waiting for Tony to react and praying that he would. It only took the fraction of a second, but to Kate it seemed like an eternity. Then Tony's hands grabbed the hem of her shirt and carefully pushed it up her body, pulling it over her head and discarding it on the floor next to his shirt and tank top.

His eyes lingered on her lacy bra and she could see him swallow hard. One of his hands had come to rest on her thigh, some of his fingers actually touching her skin because her skirt had slid upwards. His fingertips were moving, tracing patterns on her skin, so lightly that the touch almost tickled.

Slowly, as if having to convince himself first, Tony bent down and placed a kiss on the top of her breast, just above the lacy fabric of her bra. He then kissed the hollow of her throat and paused for a moment before brushing his lips over the scar on Kate's shoulder. His hands went around to her back and he pulled her gently to him, resting his forehead in the crook of her neck. She felt him take several deep breaths and tensed because she knew that he was about to stop them again.

"Tony," she whispered into his ear. "It's okay." She cupped his face with both hands and made him look at her again. When he did, she kissed him on the lips, lightly at first, but soon deepening the contact. He started to respond, but then he pulled away and shook his head.

"No, we have to stop," he said.

"But…why?" Kate asked, not able to hide the disappointment in her voice. She ran her hands over his shoulders, desperately wanting to feel him. "Don't you want to…?"

"Kate," he sighed, making her name sound like a silent prayer. "I do want to - you have no idea how much."

"Then why?" she asked weakly. She knew that she sounded pathetic, but she didn't care right now.

"I don't know," he whispered, dropping his head to her shoulder again. His arms tightened around her body and Kate gave in to his embrace. "Give us some more time, Kate, please." His voice sounded muffled against her skin.

Taking a deep breath, Kate kissed the top of his head. "Okay," she whispered into his slightly tousled hair. "It's okay." She was disappointed, but felt that there wasn't anything she could do. She had never thought sex was that important anyway. For her, the most important thing was to be with Tony and even though she'd definitely like to sleep with him, she knew that she could live without it as long as they were together. But the thing she couldn't live with was the doubt his constant refusal evoked in her. Okay, he said he wanted her, but his actions told her differently. And the answer 'I don't know' to the question why he didn't want to sleep with her wasn't exactly satisfying and it didn't help to reduce her fear of being rejected.

Kate knew she should tell him how she felt, how much it hurt her to not know what he really wanted, but she couldn't find the right words and her throat suddenly felt too tight to say anything at all.

Tony's breath was still labored while he was resting his forehead on Kate's shoulder – her naked shoulder. His fingers were itching to touch her soft skin, to evoke another soft moan in her throat. He wanted it so much that he felt like he was suffocating. But he couldn't do it. And he just wished he knew why. Kate wanted it, she wanted to sleep with him; and he wanted her too, but whenever he really thought of acting on his feelings, something inside of him blocked.

Her petite body in his arms felt delicate and fragile. Before the night he'd seen her in hospital he had never noticed how small Kate really was. She could be hurt so easily. But she trusted him with her life and her heart and he was still in awe every time she deliberately stepped into his embrace and let him hold her. He had never experienced a trust like hers – somehow it changed everything. He was used to women who expected nothing and gave nothing except their bodies. It was the most uncomplicated sex one could have, sex that had no consequences. Tony couldn't remember the last time it had been different for him – maybe it had never been different. But now it was. And it didn't surprise him because he had expected that with Kate it would be different, even before they were together. But he had thought that he wouldn't have a problem doing it all the same – the thing itself was the same, right? But now there were a million questions in his head and each one of them made him hesitate. The most pressing for him was the question of what would happen after he'd spent a night with Kate. He didn't normally worry about what came after the sex because there were only two possible options: either he didn't see the woman ever again or there was a second night, maybe a third and then he didn't see the woman ever again. But none of these options applied here and Tony was completely at a loss.

The old Tony DiNozzo would have just forgotten about his doubts and had sex with the woman, but the new Tony DiNozzo didn't seem able to do it. Great! Perfect time to develop a mind that's capable of considering consequences.

--

All Sunday, Kate was in a bad mood. It was not really justified because the previous evening hadn't been unpleasant at all. After some initial problems to get over the awkward feeling that had followed the…situation, they had managed to spend a quite enjoyable evening. They had opened a bottle of wine and had looked at some pictures of Kate's family when she'd still been a child. Tony had had a great time teasing her by calling her 'freckles' because she'd had some freckles on her nose and cheeks as a child. They had also kissed again later, but hesitantly this time.

It had been great, but when Tony had been gone, Kate had immediately felt those nagging doubts again. Why was he still rejecting her? Why was he treating her as if she might break if he wasn't careful? And why was she such a coward and didn't dare confronting him about his reasons? Well, maybe she knew the answer to this last question. She was afraid to find out that Tony really didn't find her attracting. He'd said he loved her, several times, and she really believed him, but she feared that he might love her in a different kind of way. Like in a "you're my best friend and the most important person in the world to me" kind of way, but without the "I'm crazy about you and can't take my hands off you" note that Kate, in the past, had always thought to be not so important, but which now seemed to her the most essential of it all. And what disturbed her most was that in the past she'd always seen Tony as a person who was only capable of that latter feeling while he ignored the first one completely. What could it mean that now it was the other way round?

Kate was extremely frustrated all morning. She went for a five mile run in a desperate attempt to clear her mind, but then she added another five miles because it wasn't working. When she got home she was completely exhausted, but her mind still wasn't giving her a rest.

For the rest of the day she tried to keep busy by first cleaning the apartment, then going shopping and finally by baking. She made two trays of muffins and - to her own surprise - they were edible. Finally she settled down on the couch and started to read, but she couldn't focus and after having read the same page four times, she gave up. She switched on the TV, hugged a cushion to her body and watched game shows for the rest of the afternoon.

--

The following week didn't bring any changes between her and Tony. They were still having a great time together and she felt herself fall more deeply for him each day. But the physical aspect of their relationship - except for some kissing - was left out completely.

Friday night, Abby took Kate, Tony and McGee clubbing. She wanted Kate to relax because her friend had been quite moody all week. Tony was still playing hard-to-get and Abby knew that Kate was starting to really doubt herself. So Abby had wanted to give Kate an opportunity to dress up and use the dance floor to show Tony what he was missing. It seemed to work. Once inside the club, Kate and Tony headed directly to the dance floor. Abby grinned when she saw how they were moving together. They were made for each other!

"Did I miss something with those two?" McGee asked, staring at his two colleagues in mild shock.

"Oh, McGee!" Abby sighed. "And you are supposed to be a special agent?"

McGee glared at her. "Aren't they afraid Gibbs might find out?"

Abby shrugged. "Gibbs already knows," she said.

"What?" McGee exclaimed. "And why didn't I know about it?"

Abby smirked, shaking her head, and pulled McGee onto the dance floor with her.

Later, the four of them found a free table and ordered a round of drinks. Kate immediately took a huge gulp of her cocktail, which made Tony first stare then laugh.

"Easy there, freckles, you're not supposed to drink this all in one go."

Kate grimaced and set her cocktail down, coughing slightly. "I'm thirsty," she said with a shrug. Tony kissed her before sliding out of their booth. "I'll get you a glass of water," he said, heading for the bar.

"Aw, that's so sweet!" Abby said.

Kate smiled, her gaze still following Tony through the crowd. He looked so damn hot in those jeans! He brought her a glass of water minutes later and she thanked him sweetly, but she still felt like she needed something a bit stronger tonight. She'd never understood that people used alcohol as a means to make them stop thinking about their problems, but tonight she was willing to try it for the first time. She always over-analyzed everything, a little pause would only do her good.

Two cocktails and three martinis later, Kate was in an exuberant mood. She was all over Tony, who soon noticed that his girlfriend - who normally didn't like to be too demonstrative in public - might have had one or two drinks too many.

They were on the dance floor when Tony finally took Kate's upper arms and kept her at an arm's length to look her in the eyes - and to stop her from nibbling his earlobe, which was almost driving him crazy. "Are you feeling okay?" he asked her.

"What?" she shouted over the noise.

Sighing, Tony took her hand and led her off the dance floor into a corner that was a bit quieter. Kate, who thought that he wanted to be alone with her, grinned and tried to kiss him again, but Tony stopped her. He ran his hand through her hair and smiled at her. "Are you okay?" he asked again.

"Sure I am. Why?"

"Because you've had quite a lot to drink tonight and you're not used to it."

"Nah, I'm okay," she said.

Tony couldn't keep from smiling at the slight blur in her voice. "Maybe I should take you home anyway," he suggested. "It's getting late."

"Yeah," Kate sighed, wrapping her arms around his neck to hug him. "Maybe we should go home."

Tony informed Abby that they were heading home; then he maneuvered Kate out of the club with an arm around her shoulders to make her walk straight. Outside he hailed them a cab and helped Kate climb on the backseat. On the way home she was leaning against his side, her head resting on his shoulder. She was really wasted.

When they arrived at Kate's building, he paid the driver and helped Kate out of the taxi. The cool night air seemed to wake her up a bit - at least she was able to walk on her own without great problems. She gave Tony her keys and he let them in, called the elevator for them and held Kate in his arms while waiting for it.

Inside the elevator, Kate snuggled closer to Tony. When he stroked her hair, she lifted her face up and kissed him, not wanting to pull away, not even when they had reached her floor. Tony backed her out of the elevator and towards her door, breaking out of the kiss to use the key.

But when Kate entered, Tony remained standing under the door jamb.

"Aren't you coming in?" she asked, reaching for his hand.

"I wanted to make sure that you got home safely," he said.

"And now you want to leave?"

"Yeah." He nodded, grinning sheepishly.

"But I don't want you to go," Kate said, stepping up to him and pulling him down to her for a passionate kiss. She managed to pull him inside the apartment and kick the door shut behind them. Despite his words, Tony was now kissing her back, turning to push her with her back against the door.

Kate gasped when his mouth turned rough on hers and her right hand fisted in his hair. They moved out of the hall and into the living room, where Kate tried to pull him over to the couch, but Tony didn't quite follow her lead. He broke out of the kiss and she felt his eyes on her face, even in the dark. Then he reached out a hand and switched on the light next to the door.

Kate wasn't sure about what he was intending to do. With a hesitant smile she took his hands in hers and tried to pull him towards the couch again. This time he took a couple of steps before stopping again. Starting to get really frustrated, Kate stared at him and noticed that his eyes were wandering over her body. She remembered what Abby had said about Tony trying to undress her with his eyes and she definitely recognized the longing expression in his gaze. But since he wasn't really doing anything at all, Kate decided to make it easier for him.

Taking a couple of steps back, Kate grabbed the hem of her shirt and slowly pulled it over her head. While she dropped the piece of garment to the floor she didn't take her eyes away from Tony. She could see the muscles in his jaw clench and his eyes grow darker as his pupils dilated. But he still hadn't moved.

So Kate slowly slipped off her heels and then undid the zipper at the back of her skirt. The skirt slipped down her hips and legs and landed on the floor with a rustling sound. Now, Kate was standing in the middle of her living room, wearing nothing but a dark red bra and panties, while Tony was still fully dressed and wasn't moving an inch. But his eyes were on her and if it hadn't been for the longing expression in them, Kate might have reached for a blanket to cover her by now. But his eyes were enough encouragement for her to step closer to him and lift her hands up to his shoulders.

As soon as she touched him, Tony's hands came up to her waist and wandered up and down the sides of her body. She shivered at his touch and tilted her face up, wanting to kiss him, but Tony didn't bend down to her. So she used her hands to pull him down to her, but suddenly he grabbed her wrists and carefully took her hands off his shoulders.

"No," he said quietly, shaking his head without looking at her.

Kate stepped back from him and instinctively reached for the plaid that was lying folded on the armrest of the couch to wrap it around her. This could not be real. Tony had not just said no to her again. Within an instant all the worries of the weeks before she had confessed her feelings to Tony came rushing back into her mind. The fear of being refused by him, the desperation at the thought that she wasn't his type. The strange thing was that all that time she had been afraid that Tony would only want sex and wasn't interested in her as a person and now it was the exact opposite. But it didn't hurt any less. He didn't want her.

"Kate," Tony said gently, seeing how upset she was. "You're drunk. This is not supposed to happen like this. You're not yourself right now."

"Yeah, as if being myself would help matters," she snapped, pulling the plaid more tightly around her body. She was sick of hearing his excuses!

"What are you talking about?" Tony asked, sounding completely surprised.

"Would you have let us go on if I hadn't had any alcohol tonight?" she wanted to know, determined to call his bluff.

When he didn't answer and just continued to stare at her, she drew back further because she was feeling so embarrassed. "Maybe you should leave," she said. Suddenly, tears were burning in her eyes and she turned away from him so he wouldn't see.

"Kate, what are you talking about?" Tony asked again. "What is it?"

"Go," Kate said, not liking the weak sound of her voice.

"Why?"

"You don't even want to be here. You should go."

"Of course I want to be here! I was just worried that you might…well…do something you'd regret later. Do you want to be drunk on our first night?"

"After four weeks? I don't think I'd care," she snapped.

Now Tony finally left the spot he had been standing in all that time and went over to Kate. He stepped behind her and put his hands on her shoulders, but she shrugged him off. "Don't," she whispered, a sob hitching in her throat.

"Kate…" he said softly. "Tell me what's wrong."

The first tears were running down Kate's face and suddenly she couldn't keep quiet any longer.

"You said you wanted to be with me," she sobbed. "You said I was all you were thinking about."

"You are!"

"But why don't you want to…to…Don't you find me attractive?" she whispered.

"Are you kidding me?" Tony took her by the shoulders again and turned her around so she was facing him. He placed his right hand under her chin and lifted her face up to his. "I've never seen anything as beautiful as you," he said, his voice trembling slightly.

A tiny sob escaped her and Tony quickly pulled her into his arms. "How could you think I didn't find you beautiful?" he asked.

"Because…because…" She was sobbing so hard that she couldn't form the words.

But Tony understood. He pulled back slightly and cupped her face with both hands. "Is it because we haven't had sex yet?" he asked.

Kate nodded, still sobbing.

Tony sighed deeply. "Come here, let's sit down again," he said, putting his arm around her shoulders to make her sit down on the couch. Kate followed him without resistance, still clutching the blanket. She wanted to talk this out, but she was so scared of what he might say. Maybe they'd made a mistake. Maybe they should have just remained friends. But then Tony leaned in and kissed her, so lovingly that it made her heart ache. After a moment Kate pulled back and looked away.

He sighed. "Kate, I love you. You know that, don't you?"

She nodded.

"Four weeks ago you were afraid that you couldn't trust me, remember? You thought I only wanted to have sex. So we decided to take things slowly."

Kate nodded again. "But that was four weeks ago," she said. "You must have noticed that I didn't want to wait anymore."

"Yeah, I did notice," Tony said sheepishly.

"Then why?" Kate demanded.

"Because I'm not ready yet," Tony said and now he was the one who was looking away.

Kate looked up. What? She turned to look at him and placed a hand on his arm. "Tony?"

"You asked me once if I'd ever slept with a woman I loved, can you remember?"

Kate nodded. "You said no."

He smiled at her. "You also said that I might not know the difference between wanting to be with someone and wanting someone. I wanted to prove you wrong and I also wanted to prove to myself that I could have a relationship without sex."

"Yeah, you proved that."

Tony chuckled at her sarcastic tone, but he turned serious again when Kate looked at him and he could still see the tears in her eyes. There was a question inside of him, something he was really burning to ask, but it would sound so damn stupid.

He looked at Kate and saw that she was openly returning his gaze. "Kate?" he asked quietly. "How do you do it? No, not it, I mean…how…" Tony grunted and ran a hand through his hair.

"What, Tony?" Kate asked gently. "What is it?"

"How do you do it when it means so much? How can you know what will happen afterwards?"

But instead of giving him an answer, Kate smiled weakly and nodded. "Scary, isn't it?" she asked.

Tony looked at her, surprised. It took a while until he understood what she had said. "Then it is always like this?" he wanted to know. "In a relationship?"

"That's what I always tried to explain to you," Kate said patiently. "It is a huge step. And it is scary. Because it changes things. What if you find out that your chemistry isn't what you thought it was? What if it's not good? And it always involves a lot of trust - at least for me it does."

Tony nodded slowly, thinking about what she'd just said. "And what can you do about it?" he asked.

This made Kate smile. "Nothing," she said. "You don't have to do anything about it; because it's normal. It's a risk that people take when they trust each other."

Sighing, Tony leaned back on the couch and let his head fall back. "This is complicated," he said after a moment and Kate laughed.

Soon he sat up again and looked at her. Kate, who was still holding the blanket around her, blushed slightly under his imploring gaze.

"You know, for someone who was totally wasted half an hour ago, you are saying very intelligent things," he said with a smirk.

Kate gave him an outraged look. "I was not totally wasted!" she protested. "Maybe a bit tipsy, that's all! And I feel sober again by now."

"That's good," Tony said, leaning towards her to press a soft kiss to her lips. Then he drew back, just enough to look at her, and he put his hands over hers, gently opening her fingers so that the blanket slipped off her shoulders. The breath he let out then was shaky and she could feel that his hands were trembling.

"You know," she said, only half serious, "we don't have to do this tonight. We have all the time in the world."

Tony didn't find this funny, not one bit. "You were almost killing me those past weeks," he breathed into her ear. He pushed her back onto the couch until he was lying on top of her. "Each time you kissed me," he whispered against her lips. "Each time you touched me…"

Kate cupped his face in her hands and placed her thumbs on his lips. "Don't talk," she whispered. "We've done enough of that. Show me now."

--

When the hours of night were turning into morning and the first light that announced the rising of the sun fell through the window, Tony was lying awake in bed with a sleeping Kate in his arms. Her skin shimmered silvery in the pale light and was warm and soft under his touch. Her head was resting on his shoulder, her left arm draped over his waist and her legs tangled with his. He could feel her breath hot on his neck and shoulder.

Tony had been awake for some time, though he didn't know how much time had really passed. Maybe he had spent hours watching Kate and listening to her breath. He was thinking about the two years he had known her; about how he'd found her extremely stiff and stressy in the beginning and how he had slowly started to like their daily banter. He didn't know when the change had happened and he'd started to see her as more than just his colleague. All he knew was that when he had been in hospital with the plague, there was no other face but hers he'd wanted to see.

He had taken a long time to finally figure it all out, but now he had and he was glad that it hadn't been too late. Hadn't it been for Kate he might have never found out what it was like to love someone. Because love wasn't just a word, as he had always thought. It was a way to look at someone and know that they would always come first in your life. It was the certainty of belonging to someone. Making love to Kate had been a new experience altogether. It had been a wish and fulfilling and a promise for the future. And Tony DiNozzo, who had never made promises to women, found himself pouring his heart-blood into this one.

Kate stirred in her sleep and muttered something; then she snuggled closer to him and sighed happily. Tony smiled. He would have loved to wake her to be able to talk to her – and do other things – but he didn't. He wanted to go on watching over her sleep. The first time he had watched over her like this had been in hospital. It had been a night full of fear and worry, but he still remembered having thought then that this was the place where he belonged. Her side was where he wanted to be and it was where he would stay.