Meetings in Sewers

By: Tropicwhale

Disclaimer: Don't Own

Warnings: Slash! The "F" word!

Chapter One:
Meetings in Sewers

So there are some really great things about being a vampire. Immortality for one, eternal beauty for another (although I have seen some ugly vampires in my day, let me tell you), and enhanced senses. The thing is that last can be a bit of a curse sometimes. Take the sense of smell. Being able to smell prey a hundred yards off is a good thing. Hunting for survival and all that rot. Fear smells really good, spicy. Arousal is even better, all sweet like honey. But when you're in sewers you curse the day that you turned. Its worst than having a soul! And not just any sewers, oh no…because most sewers are rain runoffs and not that bad as long as you don't get caught in one after a rainstorm in, lets say, New York? Then it's bad. But not bad as sewers in Paris, France. It smells rancid down here. Honest! Take a hundred dead rodents and let them rot for about a week and about three hundred galleons of blu cheese and then you'll have an idea of what a hundredths of what I'm smelling right now.

So you'll probably wondering, 'Okay, Spike. If it smells so bad why the bloody hell did you go down there in the first place?' Well it's not like I did it by choice. I'm hiding. 'Hiding from what? You're a champion of Good. Ex-Big Bad. What can possible scare you?' Two words mate. Xander Harris. Are you laughing at me? Well bugger off! You'd be hiding in the sewers too if you, you know, last saw him in a fight to save the world from the First Evil and burst into a shining ray of sunshine and even though you came back, first as Casper (but without the friendliness, I would like to think I was completely unfriendly to the Great Broody Poof) and then as a real boy-vamp, he as well as the woman you're madly in love with thinks your still, you know, dust. So never mind the fact that you came to Paris because you're on a mission from your Sire, if you see someone whose under the impression you're not walking around the living you'd hide. And if the only place you can hide is the bloody sewers you do it! My only hope is he didn't follow me. The only reason I came on this mission is because Angel's contact in the Watchers' Council (read Andrew) said that the whole old Sunnyhell gang was in Scotland. He's suppose to be freezing his bollocks off in the bloody highlands what the fuck is he doing in Paris? "I think I saw it come down here, girls." Bollocks. He followed me and with a whole troupe of slayers by the feel of it.

"Ew. It stinks down here." A girl's voice said. Yeah bit, you should try it from my side.

"It's a sewer, Patricia. It's suppose to." Another one echoed off the concrete walls. I moved forward trying to avoid them while trying to figure out how many there are. I can hear Xander's steel toed boots echo the loudest. And there's….one…two….three…four chits with him by the sound of it. And all of them chattery little blighters. Doesn't Buffy teach them anything about being stealthy? The whole world could go to hell and they wouldn't notice over all the racket they cause.

"I think a saw a swish of a cape around that turn up there." It's a bloody trench coat you no-nothing twit! I'm not a complete ponce like Dracula. I don't wear a bloody fucking cape!

"No it looked more like a trench coat." Xander spoke up. Good job mate! Oh wait, I'm suppose to be running away from the whelp. "You can tell by the swing. A cape would have more of a flair." Ha! "Of course, they're both overly dramatic and as the British would say 'Just a tad bit poncy'." The girls giggled and I fumed. I am not a ponce! I'm not like Angel or Dracula. I won my trench coat…well not this one…this one I got from an Italian bit but the original was a trophy of battle, yeah? And where does he get off making fun of my accent! Blighter can go rot for all I care. It was a bad imitation anyway. I mean honestly-OMPH! I got tackled. Huh. I react. Sliding into game face and throwing the bit into the wall. I kicked out with my left foot and sent the second girl flying. I would have felt guilty but hey! It was self-defense! Xander was standing back and shouting out orders to "Regroup!" and "Aim for the heart!" I block the crossbow bolt with my hand. I grab the next girl's fist and thwart out of the way as she throws it and slam her into the last slayer. Wow, no wonder Xander was with them. These girls are beginners. I slid out of game face cackling how I beat up a bunch of teenaged girls. Hey, I have a soul and am one of the good guys but I can still cackle at the misfortune of others. I'm a vampire. Gotta live up to the name and all. Besides I knocked them out and didn't cause any real damage anyway! I totally forgot that Xander was standing right there until he said, and I quote, "Spike?" I turn to fully face him attempting to look innocent. That, by the way, is extremely difficult when I am surrounded by knocked out teenaged girls. It was my looks that knocked them out, Xander, I swear. I smile a little at the internal joke still attempting to look innocent. "You're suppose to be dust."

"And you're supposed to be in Scotland. What the bloody hell are you doing here anyway?" I snarked back quickly. Like I'm going to let him have the advantage in this conversation. Not bloody likely!

"Well I was train-HEY that's my line! You're suppose to be a dust bunny back in the Crater-formerly-known-as-Sunnydale. I think I deserve to ask the questions here!"

"Do you really? Sorry, all out of answers today come back tomorrow. Same Bat hour, same Bat channel." Xander giggled at the pop culture reference like I knew he would and I started to walk off. He stopped me.

"Hey wait! I. . .see that you perfected the broody trench coat swish turn. Now you're just like Deadboy!" I spun back.

"Oi! I am nothing like Neanderthal-brow!" I calmed down. "Look you should deal with your mini-slayers. I was never here. Don't tell Buffy." I turn around again.

"Wait!" I rolled my eyes to the roof of the sewer. Why me? What did I ever do wrong? I only killed and tortured a couple of hundred thousand. It wasn't fair that I was tortured with the boy. I turned around, again. If I kept doing that I'd get dizzy. I'm not even sure if vampires can get dizzy but I'm not really wanting to try it out, yeah?

"What?"

"You could at least help me wake them up! You knocked them out in the first place." Bugger the bloody Queen of England, he was right. But hell if I'd tell him that though.

"I didn't hit them that hard. Not my fault they don't make slayers like they used to. Besides they attacked me."

"That was because they didn't know who you were. I mean how could they-? What with you going all poof! And everything. And besides how was I suppose to know who I was sending them after for the same reason, anyway? And the least you could do, Spike, is help me wake them up so that we can go back to our safehouse and stuff." I blinked. I blinked a second time for good measure. Xander and Willow could always amaze me with their breath control and here I thought that only vamps didn't have to breath. "Uh please? I mean since you're a good guy and everything. And good guys help out those who need it. I need it. In the sense that I need you to help me out. Uh-I didn't mean that as an euphuism because I don't need you for that. I'm okay that department but I do need your help waking up the girls so could you please help me Spike?" Ladies and gentlemen, the one and only Xander-babble brought you by Xander Harris, the original provider of Xander-babble. Remember if it isn't Harris it's not really Xander. Oh bloody hell now he's got me doing it!

Author After Notes: Spike popped into my head and started ranting. I just wrote down what he was saying.

So if you want me to continue review!

TBC