Slowly Breaking

By Dan'yu

He stared, unseeing, at the pallid walls of the bathroom around him. He remembered vaguely coming to school that morning, moving through the day on auto-pilot, barely able to stand it as he fidgeted all through the third class, eliciting irritated glances from his peers as his bouncing knee shook their seats or his fingers drummed against his desk a little too loudly.

He just barely recalled asking the sensei for a hall pass, and then stumbling out into the empty hallways, skipping the rest of the day. He remembered locking himself away in a bathroom stall, collapsing onto the tilted floor, unable to hold any longer the strain of his own breaking heart.

His body shook, trembled as he choked back another sob, squeezing his eyes shut against the threat of additional tears, his face wet from past offenders that stung against flushed, heated skin, the taste of them and the salt of his cold sweat bitter against his lips.

It was far too much to handle, this uproarious tumult of anguish keeping such a tight grip around his heart, squeezing tighter and tighter until he could scarcely breathe. He wanted to scream, he wanted to rage, he wanted some form of release from the torment, the god-awful torment of his emotions, but no matter where he tried to run, they always found him again, and to fight was useless.

An image of her fragile, broken form lying in the hospital bed, the blank, dead look in her eyes at odds with the harsh tone of her words as she tore him apart danced before his vision, and he felt like wailing all over again.

Why…why…why…why, Rin? Why now…why you…why us…why?

His body shuddered, his legs weak and rubbery-feeling as he shakily lifted himself to his feet, leaning heavily against the wall as he unlatched the lock and almost fell on his face as he tumbled out. He landed heavily against the sink, grunting as his stomach harshly impacted with the porcelain and it was all he could do to stay upright.

As he struggled for some semblance of balance, he caught a glance at himself in the mirror, and his attention was caught, unable to tear his gaze away from the mirrored image. He looked tired…he looked forsaken…he looked abandoned…

"I'm tired of you…I don't need you anymore…"

A shrill, strangled cry tore from his throat, and his fist came crashing into the glass, shattering, splintering his reflection into a million broken pieces…so now the reflection was the same as the original, broken.

He shook and trembled violently, unable to hold it back as he roared with pure, unadulterated rage, and his world was engulfed in the dark, opaque emotions that threatened to steal his very life away. And he was utterly the Black.