I do not own Rurouni Kenshin :-)

Fatal

Part II

Whenever we were apart I always looked at the moon at night. I knew you loved it most and you often did tell me your thoughts on the subject. When I gazed at the shining orb I felt close to you somehow – because I knew that you would be looking at it too.

I am ready for love

Why are you hiding from me?

I'd quickly give my freedom

To be held in your captivity

How was it that I came to love you? I knew the exact moment. I was in hospital when you came to me. At first I thought not much of your presence – you were after all visiting out of respect for your friend Misao, were you not? I could never fathom the depth of your empathy; you seemed to have enough for everyone. In the last moments of tragedy, you would shine like a beacon of hope to those who may have not needed you in the past – but now you were their saviour. As each day passed, I anticipated the smooth soft steps I knew would herald your arrival. Your soft comments as you spoke to the nurses about my health. Everyday you asked. Everyday you came – without fail. There you would sit and study while I rested. You would always be wearing a hooded jumper – unless it was at least 30 degrees, always claiming that you became cold quite quickly and therefore needed to take precautions. However cold you felt, your hands always remained warm. I know this. While I was sleeping you would sometimes touch my forehead and stroke my cheeks to check my temperature. Did you know that I lay with my eyes closed waiting for your soft caress? Were you aware that I had watched your every movement? By my release, I had memorised every nuance of your behaviour I could and cherished it.

I am ready for love

If you'll take me in your hands

I will learn what you teach

And do the best that I can

I recalled our time at school together. Yes I was popular, but you suffered during those years. People did not believe you worthy of Misao's company nor mine, yet you remained faithful and strong disregarding their hateful remarks. In Misao you saw a sister and in our family you appreciated our value as kin. You had so little of your own, and became a part of ours with ease. All those times I saw you reading or painting I wanted to tell you. My heart ached each time I saw you.

I will never forget the night the doctor had told me I might never walk again. You were standing near the window, the moonlight silhouetting your body against the night. I knew you were listening. You held me in your arms when I cried. I was afraid and you never said a word, for some reason you never had to. You just held me as I broke down. I felt my sanity slipping slowly but the scent of your hair, and feel of your soft fingers against my face kept me alive. In that instant I knew. How could I not? It was a long time before I could meet your eyes without shame. Yet you never said one word to anyone, least of all me.

Lately I've been thinking

Maybe you're not ready for me

Maybe you think I need to learn maturity

They say watch what you ask for

'Cuz you might receive

But if you ask me tomorrow

I'll say the same thing

You never truly smiled unless it was necessary or the situation was blessed enough to be serenaded with your laugh. When you laughed I didn't – I had to absorb each distinct tone. It was so rare – I wanted to hear more each time. Your eyes would always smile slowly at me. It was your eyes that spoke to me. And was that not what you always said "eyes are like windows to your soul – the eyes can never lie." And yours were the most beautiful of all. Those sparkling azure orbs I likened to the calm still waters than ran so infinitely deep. That was exactly what you were – and what you will always remain: a long endless horizon, which I longed to reach but never could.

I suddenly didn't feel worthy of you, and still I often sought you for advice during hard times. Cautioning against hasty actions, you were like a soothing balm against my wounded heart. Time away from you killed me slowly – I often wondered what would become of me if you refused my love. What would I do? Where would I go? How would I survive? Yes that is what I would do – I would subsist, exist, endure but I would not truly live.

How was I fooled? How could I not see your beauty? I would never begin to understand, and by the time I did you seemed so distant from me. In the later years of our friendship you became almost cold towards me. Why were you like this? If I was starved before when you spoke and laughed rarely, my soul was now empty. I would cajole you as often as possible – even though I was there with my respective partner. You would point this out to me and I would brush it aside, trying to ignore the fact that you were once again eager to be rid of my presence.

I am ready for love

All of the joy and the pain

And all the time that it takes

Just to stay in your good grace

I'm anxious now because I know you're coming home today. I say home, because this is where you belong. If not with me then with us as a part of our family. I had spoken to you on the phone, and you were short on words. Did I forget that Misao had already told me you were coming? No I hadn't forgotten. I just wanted to hear your voice one more time.

I am ready for love

Would you please lend me your ear?

I promise I won't complain

I just need you to acknowledge I am here

As you come up the driveway with care, I know you're cautioning Misao against opening the door until the car has stopped. We both never let Misao drive because, as her driving instructor had told her – she truly was a road hazard. Misao had already exited the car hugging everyone excitedly and there you are. Slowly walking towards my parents, you always greet everyone before me. At last you came towards me with a small smile. I couldn't wait, I took you into my arms and savoured the few moments I knew I would have to feel your body against mine. You stiffened and looked up at my face in surprise before turning away to unload your car. This would be the last embrace.

At dinner I watched you, and I think you knew. You kept darting glances my way. I couldn't wait. I wouldn't. There was no time left for me to linger in hope – when in reality I barely had any. I whispered in your ear to meet me for a quick chat and you agreed. Actually I forced you didn't I? I never waited for a response – I simply wanted the chance, and no one would deny me.

If you give me half a chance,

I'll prove this to you

I will be patient, kind, faithful & true

--

That day you looked so sad until my words pierced your hazy misunderstood little world. How could you have thought I could never love you? How could you even let me love you? Could you not see that I was unworthy of your affections? I was torn between what you deserved and what I needed. In the end I didn't care. You were all that was necessary for me to live. If you were willing to give me that love, I would take all I could.

I am ready for love

If you'll take me in your hands

I will learn what you teach

And do the best that I can

You show me everyday that you love me. You don't say unless it's a rare occasion. Your love speaks to me through your eyes. They twinkle brightly each day and at night the darkness in your gaze never ceases to fuel my love. They drink in my expression, my actions, my words and every morning they shine for me. Only for me.

I am ready for love

Here with an offering of

My voice, my eyes,

My soul, my mind

Tell me what is enough?

To prove I am ready for love.

This was a request bybbzachariah - I hope it was what you were expecting :-)

Please tell me what you think :-)

cheers,

Iuvenalis.