Disclaimer: I do NOT own Naruto, it belongs to Masashi Kishimoto.

Chapter I: Oh no, Jashin No!

"FUCK!" Screamed Hidan as he ran down the hall, his eyes wide with terror, as if he had just witnessed Tobi removing his mask, which everyone knows it's nearly impossible to catch, since Tobi's Tobi, and he never EVER takes his mask off. Hell knows why in the world he was screaming all of a sudden, some suspected he had the time of the month.

"Could some of you assholes come out here to fucking help me?!" He exclaimed desperately as he stopped at the commons living room and panted heavily from running so much. Curious as to why the religious man was having a fit, the other members revealed themselves into the living room.

"What's your problem, Hidan? Can't we have one day without needing to hear you cuss us out to death?" Complained the irritated Kakuzu. He didn't like to be disturbed, especially at the crucial time of his money-counting routine.

"Save your ass-fucked money count for later, we have a big fucking problem!" He said, his face still flushed from running around like a maniac.

"Well that's no big surprise Hidan, since we seem to always have a problem. And it's strange how most of the time it has something to do with you." Sneered Sasori, who was also displeased with being interrupted on his work because of this idiot.

"Will you all shut the fuck up so I can talk?" The religious man sighed as he cleared his throat." Ok, the shit is-" He got cut off by a very, and I mean very annoying Tobi.

"Tobi heard Hidan-san shout! Did something happen?" He asked skipping up to the group that was assembled. Hidan shot a glare at him for interrupting.

"Fuck off Tobi; as I was saying-" He started, when a loud yell came from the kitchen area, right beyond the hall Hidan had come from.

"Oh shit." He said, peering behind him at the hall, almost nervous. Many were confused with what was happening.

"What's going on Hidan? Say it already, un!" Deidara urged the silver haired priest. Hidan turned back, glaring slightly at the blond.

"As I was saying, someone dropped a fucking omen by the back door." He said.

There were many questioning faces when he said that. An omen? Hidan sighed in frustration.

"Come along, you might as well fucking see it for yourselves." He told them and headed back to where he had previously come from, or rather, ran from. Seeing no other option, the members followed the religious man to the kitchen area, where they came face to face with a pale faced Pein. Konan, who was holding a couple of blankets that were bundled together in her arms, stood right next to him.

"Leader-sama, were you the one that yelled just a minute ago?" Asked Kisame. Pein turned to them and gave an almost inaudible sigh.

"Yes, unfortunately." Pein told them. Hidan pointed to Konan. "Drop that damn thing or it'll fucking curse you forever!" He shouted.

Konan looked at him blankly.

"No." She said, earning a groan from the silver guy. Kisame blinked.

"What's this all about?" Pein took the liberty to explain that.

"Well, it just so happens that a foolish person left a bundle at our back door." He said, pointing to the blankets in Konan's arms.

"What's the deal? They're just blankets, hm." Said Deidara, not understanding the true gravity of the situation. Sasori sighed at his partner's denseness.

"What he means, Deidara, is that they found a child at the back door." He clarified to the blond. Hidan nodded quickly.

"And that's why we gotta get rid of the fucking thing before it turns our lives into a living hell." He went to reach for the baby, but Konan just growled at him as she pulled the bundle against her some more, in a protective manner.

"So, why are you looking so pale Leader-sama? We could just dump the kid somewhere else." Kisame suggested with a shrug. Pein sighed; if only it were that simple...

"That's the problem. Konan doesn't want to get rid of the kid." He said, and to prove his point, Konan gave a glare at the group as if daring any of them to try and take one step closer to the youngster in her arms. Pein looked around at the members.

"I guess we have no choice. I'm sure Konan won't change her mind on it," That was enforced by a hard stare from the woman. "So we'll have to take turns taking care of it." Immediately Hidan started to protest.

"Why the fuck do we need to get involved with the devil?! Let Konan take care of it, she's the one that fucking wants the thing in the first place, not us!" Kakuzu sighed. When will Hidan ever learn to shut his piehole?

"Konan and I have important issues to take care of, if you haven't figured that out yet, Hidan." Pein said with some irritation radiating off his words.

"I don't want to hear any more complaints. Each one of you will take turns caring for the kid. Understood?" He was answered with some yes's and nods from the other members.

"Good." He said before exiting out to his chambers, probably to take some aspirin for his exploding head. Deidara crept closer to Konan.

"Can I take a look at the kid, un?" He asked and she gave a small nod, showing the blond the child that lay inside, the blankets wrapped comfortably around the small body. Deidara instinctively smiled.

"Aww it's so cute, hm!" He said. The baby had a patch of black hair and pale skin. It looked like a porcelain doll almost. Since the child was sleeping there was no way to tell what color of the eyes it had.

"Do you know the gender yet?" Asked the shark, coming over to peer at the child as curiosity sparked his interest.

"It's a girl." Said Konan as she looked at the baby's little face.

"Even worse! She'll bring death to all of us!" Hidan continued to warn. Kakuzu stared at him.

"Hidan, forget that you can't die?" He sighed in dismay of the statement he had just made. It was true, Hidan was immortal, and that just ticked Kakuzu to no end because he was the one who had to put up with his shit most of the time. There were many times like these that Kakuzu wished Hidan's dream of dying were to come true.

"And pigs fly. Quit being such a drama-queen." Said Sasori as he rolled his eyes.

"No child could bring that much of a danger." Hidan shook his head and growled.

"That's what you think! Fucking heathens, seriously." He was angry that none of them were taking him seriously. Deidara then brought up a good point.

"Well, what will be her name? We can't just take care of her and not have a name to call her by you know, hm."

"You're right, we have to think up a name." Said Konan, pursing her lips and trying to find a good name that suited the little girl.

"How about, Saya?" Suggested Kisame.

"Nah, why would we name her 'shell', un?" Said Deidara, and Kisame sulked at his comment.

"Well sorry for trying to help." He grumbled. Tobi jumped in. "Oh oh! Choose Yoshi!" Said the hyper member.

"Only you to suggest such a name. Seriously, good? What's the deal with you and the good term? Sheesh." Kisame shook his head. At least his had personality.

"Besides, it sounds more like a guy's name than a girl's." Tobi sulked.

"Aww man!" He snapped his fingers and crossed his arms.

"Hmm, hey what about Hina?" Said Sasori this time.

"Wha-no way! We're not gonna name her doll, un." Said Deidara right away, almost revolted with the suggestion.

"We should name her Atemi, hm!" It was Sasori's turn to scoff this time.

"And you criticize me? Who in their right mind would think of a name with a meaning such as blow-it doesn't sound right either." He added at the end. The blond wasn't pleased with that comment and stuck his tongue out at him.

"Hikari."

Everyone turned to the person who said that. Itachi.

"Huh?" His partner was perplexed that the Uchiha was actually taking part on this. Itachi turned away to read the rest of the scroll he had in hand.

"Name her Hikari." He mumbled out monotonously.

"Hmm..Hikari doesn't sound too bad." Konan said, thinking about it. "Has a nice ring to it; means light and simple and clean."

"Tch, I still prefer Atemi." Deidara grumbled to himself, but even he had to admit that the name was appealing.

"I kind of like that name." Kisame muttered, though he'd much rather have it be Saya.

"Oh!Oh! Tobi likes it too!" Tobi said, jumping up and down nonstop.

"Well, I don't mind it...I suppose we've settled it then. Her name is now Hikari." Sasori said, looking at the sleeping baby once more. Hidan stared at them all, indignant and completely dumbstruck by their behavior. Finally, he couldn't take it anymore and just had to get his last words in.

"You're all going to hell; to hell I tell you!"