Chapter One

She lay there feeling his hands move across her body in one fluid motion making her gasp. She clenched the pillow tighter as his hands moved lower and then his lips lingered above hers. She waited for the taste of his lips as she watched him hovering above her. She groaned when she jerked her head up to find herself alone.

Shit….

I hate these dreams…

Sara rolled over and glanced at the clock. She groaned once more. It would be another sleepless day before shift. The dreams had become more persistent ever since she had broken up with Hank. She rolled back clutching the pillow tighter as she cried.

How could I have been so wrong?

He was such a jerk…

She swiped at her eyes and then cursed.

"He's not worth it!" she yelled out loud.

But Grissom is worth it…

She cursed again knowing the dreams and the tears were of Grissom and not Hank. Hank had been nothing in comparison to Grissom but then Hank had at least touched her, kissed her and had even offered sex but Sara had refused making him grow tired of waiting for her to move to the next level in their relationship.

Relationship….

I never had a relationship…

He was just wanting a distraction….

A distraction from his fiancé….

I was just a distraction….

It had been painful the way she had found out and especially since she had told herself that the only way she was ever going to be rid of her feelings for Grissom was to have sex…lots of sex. She had convinced herself that by exerting all of her energy into a relationship she would eventually wipe out all notions of a life with Grissom.

She sighed.

I have a life with Grissom….

We see each other more than married couples…

We work side by side making important life altering decisions…

We say good night to each other and then…

We sleep alone…

She cursed once more swiping at a tear that refused to go away. It had been a month since her ultimatum. She had hoped it would make him come to his senses but instead it had done the opposite. He pushed himself further away this time even taking a leave of absence for a short period of time. She told herself he had gone away to think about her ultimatum and when he returned he would come to her and…

Grissom returned and he seemed more at peace with himself. He was less distracted than before. There were times, he did not seem to hear or listen to her or the others. They told each other it was the stress of the job while Catherine told them he was just focusing too intently. They questioned Catherine from time to time about Grissom's sudden departure since she seemed to know where and what he was doing with his time off but she remained secretive. It didn't bother Sara. She had known as soon as she came to Vegas that Catherine and Grissom had a history.

They had been working together for years and they had formed a friendship much like that of a sister and brother. Sara smiled. It reminded her of her relationship with Nick. When she first came, Nick had actually flirted with her and they had gone out to dinner a few times. It was then they realized how comfortable they were with one another. It was Nick's summation of their relationship that had made Sara smile.

"You remind me of my sisters," he once said while holding her hand.

"You remind me of ….I never had a sibling," she said.

"You do now," he said and they had remained close friends ever since. He had been Sara's distraction, a safety net when things seemed to close in around her. She could count on Nick to pull her close to him and whisper something that would make her feel loved. She needed that. She craved it. Although she never told Nick of her feelings for Grissom, he somehow always knew. He also knew how sometimes Grissom was cruel even though he did not intend to be and came to Grissom's defense more than a time or two.

Her thoughts returned to the ultimatum.

Why did I do it?

Why did I have to force him…

What did you really expect?

She berated herself for reading too much into his care and concern that day. As she sat on the curb trying to recover from the lab explosion he had suddenly appeared in front of her.

"Are you okay," he had asked quietly

"Uh- huh."

"Honey, this doesn't look good."

"It's fine."

He stared intently into her eyes trying to determine if she was truly fine.

"Cleanup is going to be something. We should get started."

"You need to get stitches."

"I'm okay," she had replied and stood.

He had left her with a medic but later returned to make sure she was okay holding her hand in his while caressing her palm.

It was not my imagination…

It was more than just concern…

The explosion had stopped her from achieving her goal that day. She had finally told herself enough was enough. She was going to tell him how she felt and then force him to admit his feelings. The plan had been simple and direct. The explosion however had shook her to the core.

That evening she was even more convinced that she should just come out with it. She remembered how nervous she felt standing in the doorway as she did every evening before going home.

"You uh got a minute?"

"I was just leaving," he said.

"Yeah, the, uh, schedule says you're off tonight."

"I am."

"Me too."

"You should be on paid leave."

"I'm fine."

"You were fortunate."

They talked about the case briefly as he picked up his things to leave.

"Is that all you have to say?" he asked as he prepared to leave.

"Would you like to have dinner with me?" she asked.

"No."

"Why not? Let's ... let's have dinner. Let's see what happens."

"Sara…I don't know what to do about this."

"I do."

He knew she was reaching out to him once more but he couldn't accept. It was her last statement that caught him off guard this time.

"You know, by the time you figure it out, you really could be too late."

She pressed the pillow tighter as she heard her sobs.

"It is too late…he's never cared for me…he's never going to love me,' she said.

The sound of the alarm clock caused her to rise from the bed and she quickly threw it across the room listening to it shatter.

Another alarm clock broken….

All because of him…

Why doesn't he leave me alone…

Why does he always come when I'm so tired and just need to sleep in…

She pulled herself up and headed for the shower.

He expected it would happen eventually as he stared into the mirror. He coughed and then felt a slight chill.

What do you expect…

Working around the clock and ignoring your body…

I'm not young any more…

He sighed. He had slept little rising earlier after having yet another dream of having her in his arms only to watch her disappear.

"I've never had her," he said out loud. "I never will. You're such a stupid fool."

He dressed and headed back to the lab. He arrived to see Brass standing at his door.

"You look like shit," he said.

"What do we have this time?' asked Grissom as Brass followed him to the break room for coffee.

"Got a body that needs a time line progression to determine time of death. It's one of your favorites," said Brass. "Not often you get to play with bugs."

Grissom looked at the report. In truth any other time, he would have been excited about the case but not this time.

I'm not sick…

I'm not sick….

I'm…

Sick…

Grissom groaned. It had been a hellish week and now he would have to go out of town on a case. He stared at the report and knew he would have to take Sara. He trusted no one else.

I'm going to be working out of town for several days….

Hold up in some hotel for days…

With Sara…

He sneezed.

He groaned once before getting to his feet and collecting some things before leaving the lab. Their relationship was strenuous at best.

It's her fault…

Her ultimatum…

"You know, by the time you figure it out, you really could be too late."

He looked around the lab and was surprised she had not arrived yet. They were always early, each ignoring the other's presence.

Probably was out late with Hank…

Probably had dinner with him…

I could have had dinner with her…

I turned her down…

Probably spent the night at her apartment….

Probably made love to her…

Too late…

He sneezed again as he cursed. He slid into the Denali and drove home. He began to shiver once he entered the house and turned up the heat. He packed a suitcase and then headed back to the lab. She glanced up when she heard him reading off the assignments. She was not prepared for it.

I'll take a decomp…

I'll work doubles back to back…

Please…

I don't want to go on a road trip…

She cursed inwardly as she picked up the report and started for the door.

"Sara?"

She cringed.

"Yeah?"

"You'll need to pack," he said.

"I can do that…"

"I'll drop you off on the way…I've already packed," he said.

"Fine."

He watched as she walked out of the room.

Already she says 'fine'…

She probably hates this as much as I do…

I don't hate it…

I'm just…

He sneezed.

Catherine and the others looked at him.

"You don't sound too good," said Catherine.

"It's just a cold," he said as he headed out the door.

"Glad I'm not going to be trapped in a vehicle with him for several hours," said Greg.

"Feel kind of sorry for Sara," said Nick as he slowly smiled, "just glad it's not me. Those time line progressions… watching a bunch of bugs is not what I'd want to do for the next several days."

"Me either," said Catherine. "Guess it pays not to be interested in Grissom's experiments."

She sat across from him without saying a word. Once they arrived, she was surprised when she felt him following her. She opened the door and headed to the bedroom. She glanced back and saw him standing in her kitchen.

"Do you have any orange juice?" he asked.

"Help yourself."

She returned to find him finishing off the carton.

"Thirsty?"

"Vitamin C helps…"

"Got a cold?"

"It would appear so."

Great…

I'm going to be stuck in the vehicle with him…

I'm going to get sick…

I hate being sick..

Silence returned as soon as they left. After a few hours, she glanced at him.

He's sick…

He's really sick...

"Grissom's you're sick."

"It's just a cold."

She stared at him.

He stared back.

I hate being sick…

I'm not going to be weak…

She thinks I'm weak…

She yawned.

"You've been doing that a lot on the job lately. You should devote more time to sleep. Your job should be more important than your social life."

He regretted it the moment he said it.

She stared at him.

"Is that supposed to be a complaint about my job performance because it's the first I've heard from you! Besides I don't flaunt my social life while I'm on the job," she replied finding her arms suddenly folded in front of her.

She regretted it the moment she said it.

He stared at her.

"What's that suppose to mean?" he asked.

Don't go there Sara…

Just let it drop…

Just let it…

"I don't cross my legs and sit on the boss's desk while I lean forward exposing my breast so the boss can get…"

Her eyes grew wide. Her remark had shocked even her.

Note from author:

Hello, yes a new story begins. Please be sure and leave a review for each chapter. I have decided to leave two chapters today to help build the suspense…yes I like angst. Don't disappoint with the reviews.

Take care!

Penny