This wasn't happening. Hikaru flipped back to the first page and began reading again, though he was sure he could recite it by heart now. Kaoru didn't think like this. He wasn't this type of person. He would have told him if something had been wrong. But Hikaru felt the dread slowly increase. He had seen the blanket by the window; noticed the marks that graced his brother's arms.

He would have told him if it was important. Not if he thought you were enjoying yourself. Hikaru felt what little blood had been left in his face drain away as the voice's words echoed inside his head. Now if conscious decides to make an appearance.

With trembling fingers he picked up the phone, managing after several attempts to dial in the right numbers. This couldn't have been left here long. He had probably found this hours before he was supposed to. The sun hadn't even finished setting yet, after all. If they hurried there was time.

Ring.
Please pick up.
Ring.
I swear I'll do anything if you answer the phone.
Ring.
I don't have time for this. Answer.
Ring.
Please.
Ring.
Please.
Ri-

"What." Hikaru had never been so glad to have Kyoya snap at him. "Kaoru left a journal and he isn't here and the journal has…and I think he's going to….but I need to find him and..and…" He trailed off with a shuddering breath, tears running unnoticed down his cheeks as he waited for Kyoya to process the jumbled statement. "How long?" Hikaru let out a breath he hadn't known he was holding. "I'm not sure. He didn't expect for me to be home so earlier and….oh god Kyoya this is my-" Kyoya's sharp voice crackled over the phone, cutting him off.

"If you want to mope do it later. We don't have time for you to have a pity party. Meet me outside, with the journal, in five minutes. I need to make some phone calls." Hikaru dropped the dead phone and clutched the book to his chest, trying to reign in what little composure he had left.

When the shuddering had become manageable and he thought he could move away from the wall without falling he slunk outside, falling against the railing as his legs gave out once again. Kaoru's words seemed to mock him, echoing in his head and growing louder with each second spend in silence.

He wasn't sure how much longer he waited before Kyoya was there, his cool hands half leading and half dragging him to the car. He didn't see the other Host Member's worried faces or notice when Kyoya took the journal from him and began to read aloud. But he did notice when Hunny met his eyes.

The sharpness of the gaze cut through the panic-induced fog that surrounded him, and the accusation in those eyes cut him almost as much as his brother's words had. He glanced around slowly. There was Tamaki, no smiles for once, talking quietly with a worried looking Kyoya.

There was Mori, holding Hunny in his lap and nodding at whatever the smaller boy was saying. There was Haruhi, sitting beside him and he only just noticed that his hand was entwined with hers. She met his eyes and it was over.

The tears he had been withholding burst forth in a mass of hysteria the likes none had seen. He saw everything he should have noticed before. He realized when the last time Kaoru had joked or even smiled. He realized what a fool he had been for not saying a word. Haruhi didn't say a word as he sobbed on her. She held him until the tears were gone and the numbness had sat in. But there were still tears falling onto his face.

He glanced up in time to see Haruhi turn away and bury her head into Tamaki's shoulder. Realization hit and he could have starts with the waterworks all over again.She blamed herself. If he hadn't been so irresponsible neither of them would be hurting. He was a bigger fool than their Lord. Their Lord. What if it wasn't 'their' anymore? He turned to Kyoya who was talking quietly but furiously on the phone and tapping at the laptop at the same time. He would find him if he could be found. Hikaru had no doubt about that. He just wished he was as confident about finding him alive as he was finding him period.

Time seemed to slow again as the haziness built. Voices were soft and words unrecognizable before a sudden exclamation jerked his head up. "Left and then take a right before going straight three miles and then a left…No a right! Just go to the Elementary School." Hikaru felt his throat constrict. "Elementary school?" Kyoya turned to him. "He was seen heading there. I'm confident we…" But whatever he was going to say fell on deaf ears as Hikaru grasped at his chest almost blindly.

The feeling of dread was back, so painful it made him gasp. He looked at Kyoya through half-lidded eyes, pleading with him to get the message. "Faster." Apparently he had.

Hikaru was the first one out of the car. He didn't stop to wait for the others and didn't pause to take in the sight of elementary students and teachers alike being restrained by Ootori special police. His brother needed him. He spun around a corner and froze.

There was his brother, sprawled on their bench, surrounded by…no. Hikaru wasn't aware he was moving until he collapsed on the ground beside the bench, the substance that had pooled below seeping into his pants. It wasn't too late. He refused to believe it was too late.

He lifted a shaking hand to his brothers cheek, caressing the pale flesh softly even as a choked sob tore itself from his throat. His brothers amber eyes stared back at him, unmoving and unforgiving.

You did this.
"No."
You wanted me dead.
"Oh god never."
You have her all to yourself now.
"I was never wanted her."
Liar.

Hikaru shook his head and wound his fingers into the orange hair, pulling their faces closer together until their foreheads touched. "I never wanted her." Hands pulled softly at his arms, than grew forceful as he resisted. "No." The hands grew stronger as he fought against them and voices were raised in argument. A slight prick and all went black and blissfully, beautifully quiet.

"We meet in the name of Jesus Christ,
who died and was raised to the glory of God the Father.
Grace and mercy be with you."

I don't want grace and mercy. I want my brother. I wonder what my mother will say.

"We have come here todayto remember before God our Brother Kaoru Hitachiin;
to give thanks for his life;
to commend him to God our merciful redeemer and judge;
to commit his body to be buried,and to comfort one another in our grief."

What did he mean remember? Had people already forgotten? It had only been three days. I hope God is merciful as well as a judge. Maybe he would be a merciful judge and understand why he had to do it.

To comfort one another. There could be no comfort for him; couldn't they see that? Not until he was back in his brother's arms. Was it a sin to be thinking that in church?

Hikaru let out a slight snort of amusement that had people nearby shaking their heads sadly. Hikaru could imagine what they were thinking. The poor dear. The mental strain must have finally got to him.He shook his head and tried to focus on the words and ignore how the world was titled and becoming unfocused. It wouldn't do to pass out in time to be revived now would it?

"Your mighty power brings joy out of griefand life out of death.
Look in mercy on [… and all who mourn.
Give them patient faith in times of darkness.
Strengthen them with the knowledge of your love."

He had missed some of the prayers as he mused. That was disappointing, but he couldn't have picked a better time to zone in. He squinted at the man standing before his brother's coffin. He knew he was saying…something.

But the words were fuzzy and blankness was creeping into the corners of his vision. His heart beat faster and the room, what little he could see, spun. He shut his eyes before a scream forced them open again. Well then. The carpet was the most interesting shade of red.

He never had appreciated the beauty of carpet before. It was simply lovely. But then the world titled one last time and his heart slowed to a stop, and the carpet vanished from view.

She couldn't believe she had lost them both, though she should have seen it coming. Neither of them could live without the other, no matter what other people tried to say. She had once heard that twins were lovers who had died to be together, and so Fate granted their last wish and brought them together again in the closest bond She could. She had never believed that before meeting Hikaru and Kaoru.

She had never believed a lot before she met them. The double funeral as probably going on now, but she couldn't bring herself to sit through it. She had thought herself selfish but was strangely unsurprised when the Host Club showed up at her door, all looking as she felt.

Tamaki smiled at her softly and she spared him a smile as well before he turned back to Kyoya and she to her window.

Fate was a very cruel person, she decided. Perhaps She did reunite lost lovers, though if She had been fair in the first place there would be no need. It was a cruel joke the entire thing.

If she had thought how Kaoru must see it she would have spoken up and told him the truth: that Hikaru was too excited to see his brother, but not because of her as he had thought. She lifted a pillow and took out a small box, a smile playing across her lips.

Fate was cruel indeed, she thought as she examined the simple gold engagement ring. Cruel indeed.

x-x-x

A/N: Those are actually prayers said at a funeral. I believe they are Christian. I felt so very morbid as I looked them up.

On another note, I was reading Wuthering Heights and decided to use a quote from the book.
Then I thought the other, happy ending needed one as well.

(This means there is a happy version of this. I depressed myself writing this out and had to make amends with my muse.)