A/N: First fic! You know what that means-- FLAMES AHOY! Have to prepare me for worse, nastier flames, ne? Heh, just joking…but this is my first story on fan fiction, so tell me what you think.

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Bleach. Bleach owns me.

How to be a Humanoid

Landed With You

"…You honestly expect me to believe that!?"

Ichigo looked up to the faces of the ten captains desperately, as if hoping that what he had just heard was a joke. However, not a single person showed any signs of joking around. Even the most carefree, light-hearted captains wore a grim Hitsugaya-like expression.

Ichigo's face fell, eyes wide and glassy with fear. No…no! It couldn't be true…there was no way it could be true! He didn't want it to be true… It was impossible! Surely he was dreaming…? Or, at least he hoped he was dreaming…

Ichigo finally gave up, his heart sinking lower than the floor. He knew it was true. The Seireitei blew up. And now everybody there was landed with him.

"We didn't want this to happen either, Ichigo," added Yamamoto in an attempted-understanding tone.

"Of course not," Ukitake continued quickly. "But we need to stay here until it is done repairing, Ichigo."

Ichigo slowly lifted his head. He was literally twitching.

"No! My house isn't big enough for all of you!" Ichigo protested, flailing his arms wildly. He didn't forget all the other shinigami either, who were sitting and resting the entire length of his home; hanging on ceilings and on top of the roof included. This was a time he was grateful that Yuzu took forever to buy groceries, and that Karin had long hours of soccer practice, and that his dad spends all his time doing random things around the town. If they saw all these shinigami parading here…

"We only need two months," Unohana said politely. "There is nowhere else we can stay, Ichigo. We are counting on you."

Ichigo ran his hand through his hair, frustrated. He needed to find a way out of this mess! There would be too much trouble if all the shinigami came down to earth. He had school, not to mention an upcoming test the following day, and he had a family that simply couldn't know his true life.

"B-but," Ichigo stuttered, trying to grasp an explanation. "But the hollows! Y-yeah…the hollows!" He quickly became more confident, and picked up his tone of voice. Pointing at the captains accusingly, he continued. "With all our spiritual pressure, hollows will diffidently come to eat us alive! You guys didn't think about that before, did you? We're putting a lot of people in danger if you all come here!"

None of the captains looked phased by this piece of information, however. Getting to his feet, Hitsugaya spoke up for the rest of the people.

"Ichigo, in the Shinigami Academy, we were all taught to suppress out spiritual pressure," he replied, not amused. "You're practically the only shinigami who can't."

Ichigo sat back down, dumbfounded, his face burning red. "I-I have another reason!"

The captains waited, watching him stumble over simple words and ideas. A few chuckled at his behavior, and most at least grinning at his antics. Ichigo, who wasn't having as much fun being humiliated, finally concluded with another idea.

"D-didn't you guys say that only the Seireitei blew up?" demanded Ichigo, carefully gathering information before he gave his point. He wouldn't be put through the public display of shame again. "Not the entire Soul Society?"

"Of course not!" Soifon spat, annoyed by his ignorance. "If the whole Soul Society blew up, we would find a better to deal with the matter."

"Then…Ah hah!" cried Ichigo, his hopes high once more. "If only the Seireitei blew up, then why can't you join the districts? I'm sure that's a way better idea than coming here!"

Assured that none of the captains could find a remark for that, Ichigo felt accomplished, a wide grin plastered on his features. But once again, none of the captains looked shocked.

"Actually, there is a problem with staying in the districts," replied Yamamoto calmly. "You see, there are always certain individuals that hate shinigami. Like your friend…what's his name?…oh, yes. That Ganju…people like him would be angry if we came to live at the districts. Occasionally, we do visit the districts, but only for a short period of time, never two months. We would rather not face these potential problems, and after examining both options carefully, we decided that the better choice was to go to the human world in gigais."

Ichigo slumped back down in defeat. He couldn't think of any more options. They had a point, a good one, after all. He only had one final remark. He picked up his head slowly.

"But you guys can't seriously all stay here! I can't fit all of you in this house! I can't hide you all in my room!" he remarked desperately.

The captains didn't argue. Slowly, they got up one by one silently. Ichigo watched, not daring to say a word just in case they would change their mind.

"That is okay, Ichigo," Yamamoto answered softly. "We knew it would be too much to all stay here. But, we do want to contact you at times. Most of us were born in the Soul Society, and the shinigami who died have all forgotten about this world after being away for so long. None of us know how to live here. If we could speak to you at times for advice, may we?"

"…Sure," Ichigo replied after thoroughly searching for any loop holes in Yamamoto's request. "But you can't all come to my house all at once ever again, okay?"

Yamamoto laughed at his warning, shaking his head. "That won't be necessary, Ichigo. After all, we will be there at your school."

Ichigo raised an eyebrow. Suddenly, a very bad feeling washed over him. "M-my school?"

"Yep!" Shunsui interjected, grinning from ear-to-ear. "We've all been enlisted to Karakura High School! Class starts tomorrow, you know."

Ichigo stopped moving. His mouth dropped open, gawking at the captains.

"But-BUT!"

To no avail, the captains all jumped out the window so quickly, they couldn't hear a thing Ichigo tried to say. At the sight of the captains taking off, the rest of the shinigami leaped off their resting positions and sped along with them. Ichigo's house was emptied of everyone so fast; he couldn't even say all the problems in having shinigami in high school.

Ichigo didn't think. He couldn't think. It was almost as if his mind froze over and turned into a useless ice cube. All he did was stare in horror at the window in front of him. 'My…school…they're coming to my…school. I'm dead. I swear I'm dead. I died a long time ago, because God wouldn't let something so bad happen to me.'

The door squeaked behind him, and a voice echoed in him room. "Ichigo?"

Rukia tiptoed inside, closing the door quietly. She rushed to Ichigo's side. "I was just touring the town again, but I heard a lot of noise coming from your house. Is there something wrong?"

When he didn't answer, Rukia became annoyed and poked him at the side. "Ichigo!"

With the poke of her finger, Ichigo fell face-flat, like a board.

"…Ichi…go?"

A/N: And that is the end of chapter one! How did I do? Am I unusually accomplished for a beginner? Or do I suck so bad that I should be kicked off fanfiction? Tell me what you think!

NEXT CHAPTER: Keigo's Quote!