Since this is my first ever attempt I would appreciate if you could leave the slaughtering to the next chapter! Pretty Please? Also any ideas would be very welcome...R&R, cos construcive criticism and compliments are always welcome too!

The News

Everyone knows that when a guy has everything – fame, fortune, friends – all he needs to complete himself is the perfect girlfriend.

And when such a guy turns up in, of all places the northeast of England, well even the teachers get hyped up. It was all the staffroom gossip, gone were the days of bitching about the holier-than-thou head, reportings of the most recent saga with the year 11's went out the window, no one even uttered a moan about marking the dreaded mocks, no, there was a new drama afoot.

Mr West, the old cynical Philosophy teacher, was one of the first to hear the news. And who else should tell him but his boss? Mrs Tootlen, affectionately known as Toots, delighted in all changes to the school until she decided they were bad for the girls' health (or more importantly her own), came across the room to relay the good news. She thought it only fair that dear old Mr West should find out first hand what she had overhear the head talking about. And so leaning in confidentially whilst speaking at twice her normal volume, she told him

"You'll never guess what" (no pause so no answer) "You know that new director, the one who won the shock Oscar, the one who's only a biern (A/N: means a human between a child and adult in Geordie)?" again no pause "Well, he's only gone and decided to research his next film here, and I mean in this school here!"

Annoyed that she'd pinched the last cookie, Mr West felt he had to reply in a grumpier than usual fashion

"Whas that got to do wi' me? Anyway, didn't anyone remind Les it's a girl school she's runnin' now not a bleedin' zoo?"

Unperturbed Toots went on "It's such a great coup for us, and to think so soon after we built the new Studio, I knew it was worth it, I always said. Les' beside herself, she said that even the Echo might be interested in the story. Of course she's asked us to meet him since she's off to Australia next wee-"

"Hold up, we? I ain't doin' nothing concerning any up-start when I've got three of the silliest year11's in one class, there ain't no chance…" He tailed off when he remembered he'd been promoted to the head of year post, a decision he had regretted on almost a daily basis since.

"Three? Oh I thought you had five in your class, must change the records… But this Director, Barnsley I think his name was, Charlie Barnsley, yes, well I heard he's a very decent young man, very classy. He'll put the girl's expectations up for sure!"

"Just 'cos he's a southerner don't mean he's got class" he said while using a random board cloth to get rid of the crumbs around his mouth, "You needn't bother changing the records either, I said the three silliest girls, I got five, I can count! I just wouldn't use the term to describe Lizzie Austen, she at least can tell a spade from a spoon!"

"But that only makes-"

"I hadn't finished. JD's nice enough does no harm, keeps out the way, sweet lass that'n. Just a small question; have you thought about the disruption it'll cause the girls so late in the course? You did mention he might be a distraction."

"Oh no, the year 11's are much more mature than you give them credit for, I think."

Mr West just stared incredulously at Toots, the middle age woman who, if the reports were true, had gone into Doc Blacks and asked to see the 'sweaters'. The ditzy deputy did not notice however and barrelled on.

"Now, Mr West" a timid student was trying to hand her late homework in at the door with out getting caught, "you really should give the other girls a chance, as much as I like Lizzy, you must admit they don't have nearly half as much liveliness and spirit as Lily or Kylie, and Madge is the cleverest in the whole school without a doubt, oh and JD just got an offer from a modelling agency did you hear?, and-"

"Yes, I happen to be aware of their talents (I also happen to be aware where exactly they get their spirits, come to think of it I could do with some vodka...). Lizzy just has a little more cleverness about her. As for Charlie Barnsley, I would hazard a guess that he's a big enough lad to find his way from train station and wouldn't appreciate a coupla old fogies like us and harassing him as soon as he arrives, do you wanta scare him off? Now if you'll excuse me" He had meant to make a dramatic exit and felt his sudden inspiration for a surprise quiz should be carried out on the year 8's, but he spotted a new tray of cookies so he really had to make a slight detour.

Toots was still left confused trying to work out, 1) whether Mr West was right in thinking Barnsley would not appreciate a welcoming committee, 2) whether she was and looked like an 'old fogie' and 3) whether it was time purchase anti-wrinkle cream…

Meanwhile in the student world….

The timid girl who had been handing in her homework was in fact a well practiced year 11 going by the name of Chrissie Lucas. The authority for all students on the comings and goings of the entire population of the school, she had heard rumours about a certain director coming to school, luckily Mr West's outburst had confirmed it for her, she just needed to dig for the evidence before the news could be broadcast to the rest of the year.

In less than fifteen minutes, with the help of the super site that is Google, she had all she needed. The news was out. The award winning 17-year-old director Charlie Barnsley was coming to the region's finest all-girls school to research his next film with a possibility of an entourage. Lily Johnson then clarified the fact that the entourage would include; a whole camera crew, six actors, three actresses, a make-up artist and a tortoise ("I know but apparently it's his fav pet. Can't live without it. He's got a snake too, a great big one…" fits of hysteric giggles from the ones known as 'plastics', smirks from the cool-nerds, nervous tut's from the easily embarrassed and a gasp of horror from Madge). Then Kylie Wilkins confirmed the almost certain probability that there were going to be two cameramen, five model/actresses, two actors and no make-up artist ("you see, 'cos directors aren't shallow are they, 'cos they don't do the stuff in front of the screen. It's all logic. Oo has anyone got any more foundation? Mine's run out…").

Mulling over all the possibilities and trying to reign in a mischievous smile, Lizzie Austen decided to share her thoughts with the small crowd that had gathered around her and Chrissie against their lockers, so far all Lizzie had done with the news was laugh at it but at seeing all the avid faces around she felt she just had to take pity on them. "Well, I don't mind the actors that's for certain, it'll be relatively easy to deal with a camera crew, but altogether there are far too many actresses for my liking"

It never failed to amuse her, to watch the impact of a sentence settle in a persons face. This was the best yet. At first everyone had laughed, rolling their eyes that such a shallow thing should matter to her, until they realised that if Lizzie had something to worry about they should be scared senseless, soon enough the wide-eyes and grimacing began. Like any of us would have had a chance if he was on his own anyway…

JD entered …I stand corrected. As usual a path was cleared for JD to stand next to Lizzie, they had been friends since the day after Lizzie was born (JD being a few months older and not meeting each other on the day of her actual birth), 'best' didn't even begin to cover their friendship, they were pretty much sister in every way apart from the whole parent issue. Since Lizzie's parents worked abroad, they even lived together, and everyday Lizzie was grateful that her friend was the sweetest person on the earth especially as she had never been a morning person…

JD, her big eyes now like saucers, turned to Chrissie and Lizzie (she was the type of person that went directly to the source of the rumours), "Have you heard what's going on? Do you know something for definite, but I can't believe you'd make this one up, Liz, even your imagination isn't that active, oh it must be true. But there are the most fantastic rumours going round."

"Aye, so fantastic they're true! Chris heard West knocking Toots for six over it, if she's not careful he's gonna blow soon."

Chrissie chipped in "Oh I predict in about thirty seconds, he was swearing under his breath when he left the staffroom"

JD gasped, Mr West's temper was infamous, "Oh no, are you sure? And he's got the year 8's next, I saw them outside the classroom. We should do something right, help them out, you know what he gets like? You wanted to see him anyway didn't you Lizzie?"

"I'm hardly likely to forget.. yeah I'll see him. Come on lets do the good deed then. Maybe we'll come back with more details." With that the crowd parted to let them pass.

Again Lizzie thanked the stars that JD was as patient as a saint and knew exactly what to say to save a situation or in this case the majority of the year 8's right hands. It was not all down to JD, mind, the few witty comments that Lizzie put in made it very hard for Mr West not to come round. It seemed to him that there was some hope left for teachers to be recognised as humans. In fact after their meeting, he even became curious about meeting the oh-so-wonderful director (he couldn't think for the life of him what film he had done mind), over his cold dead body would he admit this to Toots though. He didn't even know for definite if he would meet Barnsley yet… But then what's life without a few curiosities?